As a woman, I've noticed some things. Why do (some) men do this?

learnbyrepetition · 2022-10-05T02:12:21+00:00

I think that happens because deciding what you want with someone you don’t know much is delusional, you really never know what you want until things start happening between you two.

my_coding_account · 2022-10-05T02:32:57+00:00

Sometimes men sleep with a woman and then they feel much more emotionally safe to talk about their emotions and things, where before they didn't. So sex might change their mind.

Global-Bridge-6787 · 2022-10-05T03:02:21+00:00

[deleted]

zapadz · 2022-10-05T01:58:00+00:00

Potentially they are worried about being put in a “provider” category, basically the idea that women will sleep with “lovers” for fun and expect nothing in return, but will get a “provider” guy who they get to invest in her before doing anything. So perhaps they fear if they lead with romance and wanting a relationship, they are actually sabotaging things and they’d be treated more like a boring provider who has to pay for everything then gets a passionless relationship while her “lovers” got passion and sex easily with no expectations.

Or, at first they actually only wanted sex, but after having sex they developed a bond through release of oxytocin but are afraid if they try and get romantic now she will feel they are too clingy and ditch them.

Rastaman143 · 2022-10-05T04:27:32+00:00

Movies lied to you, men aren’t as heartless as we’re made to believe. Very few men are able to become true players, have sex with a girl and toss her aside etc etc. Especially the men of this generation. Most men are having a extremely tough time having casual sex with MULTIPLE partners. Women think that since they themselves get lots of attention from men and are able to have sex with them if they wanted, men are the same way but we are not. Most guys would love to have multiple relationships with women if given the chance but they can’t hence they have to settle. Relationships are perfect because no now don’t get me wrong he does have feelings for you but constant sex is another factor of a relationship. Guys catch feelings with sex just like girls do most of us don’t have a game plan before sex and end up sticking with it. Lots of fwbs end up in relationships. Start looking at men as actual fucking people and maybe you’ll answer your own questions. Women do the same shit be logical something women never seem to do.

Lukezoftherapture777 · 2022-10-05T03:20:36+00:00

Situationships lol thats toxic waters in my opinion. I think its best to be forward and not waste too much time. Especially when both parties are flakey

an8822mar · 2022-10-05T03:17:41+00:00

Its not romance its affection. Us men need it too but we wish it didn't bind us exclusively to one person because we dont fantasize with family or couple responsibilities that much...

great_account · 2022-10-05T03:30:43+00:00

Men say they want sex until they realize that you're just ok with it. They expect women to want a relationship and are surprised when she is ok with just boning. It takes real maturity to know what you want and to say what you mean.

bandsupjay · 2022-10-05T05:52:33+00:00

Just take it as men not knowing what they want. Maybe they like you who knows

creativedave73 · 2022-10-05T06:22:13+00:00

It's because they don't know what they want in a relationship. I'm almost 49 and I'm just starting to figure relationship stuff out for myself.

This year I've had a paradigm shift in my thinking, where I've stopped thinking marriage is the ultimate goal and now see the potential for having different types of sexual/romantic relationships with women, all equally good and important.

The important thing is to be upfront with her about what's happening, so we're on the same page. I'm not about hurting or confusing women.

UrFavPlayerIsBack · 2022-10-05T01:45:17+00:00

They’re not “testing the waters”, ma dear

They’re playing the game to get the box

The rest is on you. Yet you’re failing the game, thinking that sex itself if well enough to get them into commitment.

Nope. When u give real serious value, u get such serious gf treatment. Otherwise - giving away just sexual value, dont expect anything else in return.

InstructionAbject763 · 2022-10-05T01:17:38+00:00

[removed]

rochre · 2022-10-05T05:42:51+00:00

Cause women will shit in your soul if you aren't careful.

No-Historian-6391 · 2022-10-05T02:30:55+00:00

Idk seems like desperation and validation seeking.

yo_saturnalia · 2022-10-05T06:22:33+00:00

You treat men like you treat a dildo - use and put away . Men have feelings too- if you don’t realize that don’t have sex with them if you aren’t ready for the consequences. It is better for everyone if you spent your energy on procuring a magic wand vibrator instead.

psychedelicbatman88 · 2022-10-05T04:59:44+00:00

Priorities are all fucked up, heavily reinforced by how hard we can cum... And how sporadic the opportunity can arise to do so... Until we get our priorities in order.

And also communication can be tricky if it wasn't initially the modus operandi.

Neo-Rio · 2022-10-05T05:23:53+00:00

Do you want to have kids with the guy? Get married? Start a family?

If not, who cares?

montanalombardy · 2022-10-05T08:15:23+00:00

Men like romance and emotions. But they are unaware of it or ashamed of it for various reasons.

Men aren't raised wit much emotional awareness, most of us aren't aware of what we really want and like
Culturally it is considered unmasculine to seek deep emotional connections and be vulnerable
There is this expectation that romantic relationships are supposed to be long term while purely sexual relationships can be short term. Men don't want to be tied down to a long term relationship quickly

Your average man grew up on porn and his brian is on "i want fuck" mode. But once he gets sex, he realizes he actually really likes the intimacy and starts tentqtively seeking a romantic relationship with that woman (if he likes her).

Or a more emotionally aware man might realize that he wants emotional intimacy. But doesn't want to get tied down with the first woman who will have him. Or maybe came across some women who gets turned off from getting too attached too soon (there are women with attachment issues AND also women who propagate toxic masculinity by shaming men who become emotionally invested). So he pretends to be a casual dater lookong for only sex.

Baawsen · 2022-10-05T08:30:03+00:00

Its all manipulation. Its only done to keep you there for the sex.

BlueberryObvious · 2022-10-05T11:10:45+00:00

Most likely he thinks that what you want so does it to continue the sex. Whereas he doesn’t really want a relationship just sex. I’m a man so I know

mishaxz · 2022-10-05T12:01:48+00:00

people are people. things can change over time.

_FIRECRACKER_JINX · 2022-10-05T12:25:53+00:00

What's the point of unintentional dating? Like I'd you want a relationship, why go through s*x to get it when both parties agreed to only sex and how it's super rude to push through emotional boundaries just to test the romance waters??

I've had relationshiops like this and it's because they enjoy the chase. When a guy can't have you, and you actually mean it by actually being disinterested in a romantic relationship they see it as a challenge and it makes them want you more.

It's happened to me once. Luckily, when things ended, it only took like a month to get over him. I really wasn't interested in anything romantic, and I'm still not. He's still a really good friend.

itsamatterofattitude · 2022-10-05T13:07:26+00:00

I'm going to offer a different point of view I haven't quite seen addressed yet on this thread...

When a man approaches a woman and says "I just want a sexual relationship", in his mind, he believes he'll be able to create this type of relationship with multiple women and have a variety of options to play with.

If he's said this to 10 women, maybe 2 of them agreed to it.

Of those two, you're the one who didn't ghost him after the first time sleeping together.

Now he sees that his options are limited, but since you stuck around, he would rather have one woman he can have sex with than go back to none.

So he tries to establish a relationship with you.

Additionally, it could also be a case where he started off just interested in sex and later came to realize that you are a great person and perhaps have a lot to offer in a relationship, and those sexual feelings turned romantic and intimate.

Some here suggest it's manipulation, but (and depending on age), that's very unlikely. Most men operate in the reverse, agreeing to a relationship just to get sex, and not using sex as a bridge to a relationship.

It's also entirely possible that you just blew his mind and made him fall for you. The men who start off a dynamic saying they just want sex typically don't have much sexual experience. If you came into the bedroom and gave him a pornstar level performance, he may just think it's the best he's ever had or as good as it can be, and now feels like he needs to hold onto you.

Complex-Peak · 2022-10-05T01:49:52+00:00

Men are romantic by nature, (women inherently are not) they cant help expressing romance.

cobraCL · 2022-10-05T06:24:18+00:00

The world would be a better place if people knew what they wanted, and were overt about it.

This behaviour is basically "Have your cake and eat it too" - The man in question in this scenario estanlishes the leeway of being able to shut down any conversation about feelings (if it comes from you), but wants to game the boundary he established for 2 possible reasons. A) He changed his mind and actually wants something deeper after accidentally forming a bond with you, or B) He understands the efficacy of pushing and pulling, and may feel validated by the deepening level of interest from his Fwb. By keeping his Fwb curious about or even longing for 'more', he is typically able to extend the duration of his casual sexual relationship. His Fwb may then become more loyal and start offering relationship benefits like emotional support, favours, close companionship - all while exclusivity, commitment or actual feelings are ambiguous at best.

Sometimes people fall in love by accident, other times folks are just playing the game.

Only way to avoid "situationships" is to be very clear about what you want and to ditch an arrangement if there is any violation of integrity on your part or his.

TheBlindBard16 · 2022-10-05T05:43:48+00:00

It’s called PTSD but still holding onto a sliver of hope

blizzardboy · 2022-10-05T05:45:34+00:00

People should not have relationships only because of sex that’s like bribery. Romantic attachment happens sometimes,but not all the time even if it’s practical. Also look at your own expectation that may be more productive. Are you happy or unhappy with these people ? How can you change you behaviors/belief expectations to get what you want?

2022-10-05T06:35:23+00:00

Dudes change their mind all the time.

nalik95 · 2022-10-05T06:37:05+00:00

Maybe you regularly make hem fall in love with the way to have sex?

micahbevans88 · 2022-10-05T08:04:49+00:00

I find honesty to be the best approach in any relationship. If you're having these thoughts, why not say something like 'it seems like lately you're thinking about having more than just sex between us' or something.

chessset5 · 2022-10-05T08:08:35+00:00

Cause men are stupid and sex makes happy thoughts which leads to a change in mindset. Every heard of the "Post Nut Clarity"?

CanUnusual8729 · 2022-10-05T08:15:51+00:00

Oh man I can’t wait to unpack this when I get home

overpoweringweakness · 2022-10-05T08:24:00+00:00

Because men tend to bond and grow towards love through intimacy. So they are serious when they go into it saying just sex. But, good sex to men starts to create a bond, bond starts to create affection, affection starts to create love.

ryandiy · 2022-10-05T09:01:25+00:00

Men would rather not waste their romantic efforts on a woman if it's not going to lead to sex. Especially in this age of "foodie calls."

If you start with the sex, then that is no longer a concern. You've proven your interest in a authentic way, the man has experienced those post-coital bonding hormones, and he decides he wants to deepen the relationship.

mrpthrowa · 2022-10-05T09:45:21+00:00

My experience is that a lot of girls make a run as soon as they see a hint of emotional investment from me. They are all too happy to be regularly pounded but get scared of someone getting attached to them. And from that experience I grew a pretty detached facade.

Does it get results? for sure it does.

Felix1178 · 2022-10-05T11:48:01+00:00

Reading most of your response here OP u/InstructionAbject763 i think that you encounter just the classical case of needy and clingy boys that with manipulative ways are trying to get into a relationship using the sex as gate..

Run away from that kind of people

SoumarRu · 2022-10-05T12:09:48+00:00

Because when men say they want a romantic relationship they seem desperate and women are going to friend-zone them or feel pressured and ghost them. It never worked for me.

ICUpoop · 2022-10-05T12:51:37+00:00

Because we don’t know if we’ll like you until after sex.

TheGuitto · 2022-10-05T13:05:54+00:00

It's called game

bundabuster69 · 2022-10-05T13:42:15+00:00

It is due to two main reasons, we men don't always know what we want and secondly we have learned from past experiences to never wear our heart on our sleeves.

Siwandco · 2022-10-05T14:07:52+00:00

Doesn’t seem remotely confusing to me, he most likely meant what he said re just sex then caught feelings during / afterwards. Both sexes do that. The only thing he could do better is communicate exactly what he wants and you should do the same

Title	As a woman, I've noticed some things. Why do (some) men do this?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	70
Comments	101
Date	October 5, 2022 1:08 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xvwcbo/as_a_woman_ive_noticed_some_things_why_do_some/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/as-a-woman-ive-noticed-some-things-why-do-some-men.1248903 https://theredarchive.com/post/1248903

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