I can get hard but as soon as I try to insert my penis it immediately goes soft this is seriously destroying my self esteem can someone please give me advice

Thin_Protection5616 · 2022-05-03T14:05:03+00:00

Psychological issues and ruin a hard on, and worried about your hard on is the easiest ways to ensure you don't get one. Focus on your breath.

I also have to ask. Are you actually attracted to the women youre banging?

RepC · 2022-05-03T14:15:27+00:00

Stop watching porn

jrkoff1013 · 2022-05-03T13:58:02+00:00

Viagra or stop masturbating maybe?

meadplz · 2022-05-03T13:52:00+00:00

Slow the pace down? It's about the build up.

Uesugi_Kenshin · 2022-05-03T14:22:26+00:00

stop watching porn, stop masturbating. Porn forever, masturbation for at least weeks - months.

poly_nerdy_panda · 2022-05-03T14:46:20+00:00

sounds like performance anxiety! I would say image her naked when you do masturbate... don't look up porn. I really disagree to not masturbating... for me, it had the opposite effect I couldn't get hard when i didn't clean out the pipes every 3-5 days but still don't look up porn! When you masturbate use LUBE!! that is huge

second more foreplay for me I could only get hard if I go down on a girl if she goes down on me sometimes but for me, I get super hard eating pussy... don't be scared of the condom taste it's a lot better than having babies trust me.

yeah but generally sounds like you want to fuck her like a porn star, but the fact is even porn stars lose boner if you fuck her for awhile.. maybe take CBD or smoke weed before you fuck can also work but can also have the opposite effect too .. find what turns you on and focus on that

EnvironmentalRule525 · 2022-05-03T14:20:27+00:00

Get your testosterone levels checked
Stop watching porn and masturbation (easier said than done). Bare minimum stop with the porn.
Take cialis

3 is a bandaid. I would be more worried about testosterone levels.

AgileDoughnut555 · 2022-05-03T13:47:29+00:00

Could be the condom?

Demonarke · 2022-05-03T15:25:01+00:00

Bro I understand how you feel, I have the same problem, except one time a girl got so offended I couldn't get it up she said to her friends I had raped her, completely traumatized me and now I sorta avoid sex altogether.

myloteller · 2022-05-03T14:14:51+00:00

Sounds like boner anxiety, go to your doctor and get a viagra prescription

FakeSafeWord · 2022-05-03T15:18:38+00:00

stop smoking - especially cigarettes

Anything that fuck with respiratory fucks with boners.

Run more to improve respiratory too.

Stop masturbating.

Let her do more work and be on top see what happens.

medications can fuck with it, especially anti-depressants and ADHD meds

nervousness and anxiety put you into a minor flight or fight response which kills boners (so you can run and fight)

talk to a urologist to get T levels checked.

iamnewgais · 2022-05-03T14:09:08+00:00

Focus more on foreplay first. Build chemistry and connection with your significant other.

ProbablyAutisticMe · 2022-05-03T13:54:02+00:00

Is it anxiety?

Live-Ad-6309 · 2022-05-03T14:48:57+00:00

Defo psychological. I'd suspect performance anxiety. No idea how to fix it tbh. I used to struggle like this, but it just sort of went away on its own.

tropicsGold · 2022-05-03T14:56:35+00:00

Since you can get hard, I doubt it is related to masturbation or testosterone levels. Inserting your penis into a woman is a rather large step psychologically, I suspect you have some form of fear, trauma, something in your subconscious programming that is causing it.

First, it probably helps to recognize that this is extremely common so you can lighten the pressure on yourself. I suspect all men have it at some point. Second, a therapist might be able to help. Third, time heals all, it may pass after a couple of weeks. Maybe get extra rest and reduce your stress. It will work out just fine.

Idol7490 · 2022-05-03T14:56:39+00:00

Try to practice alone but not masturbating. For example, when you're alone at home, put on a condom and rap the comforter in a way around your penis on the bed (meshinary position) and try to fuck the comforter. Sounds lame but works perfect because you clearly don't have a medical problem, it's only psychological which is fine for a 17 years old. Best advice is: this is solvable, it's just a confidence thing. Another thing, during sex don't even think about proving to her that your the man and stuff like that, this is the wort thing ever for anxiety especially as a non experience young man. While sex just focus on one thing, she's hot and I wanna tap that ass even if you come in 2 seconds. After that you will work on timing your cuming. Worst advice is: take medication, please try not to take med unless provided by a doctor and even then I'll be skeptical

Dm me if you need to discuss more. Side note, it happens to lots of young men so don't worry

Charge36 · 2022-05-03T15:30:20+00:00

If you watch porn cut back or stop. It trains your body to get excited in non realistic situations.

Maybe try viagra

MA940 · 2022-05-03T14:21:48+00:00

I have gone through bouts of this issue, especially in my younger years. Especially if I got a case of whiskey dick and panicked about it.

It's easy to get stuck in a vicious cycle because worrying about it almost traps you in this as the more you try to urge yourself to get it up, the more problematic.

I found that if you just relax and try not to rush it, maybe even mention to the girl to be patient with you until you're ready. By talking about it and eradicating the internal pressure I have found this to be a pretty helpful technique.

KapitalistBey · 2022-05-03T15:17:08+00:00

you said you stopped porn but effects dont disappear that quick. also work on yout confidence. try to feel like you are in control

TriumphantxMinds · 2022-05-03T15:22:38+00:00

I (28M) had this exact same issue for a long time so I know exactly what you are going through. It really sucks and I'm sorry you're going through it. What worked for me... I stopped watching porn, started doing alot of meditation which allowed me to shut the voice in my head up and kept me in the moment, started working out alot, quit smoking, even took viagra for a while this one is embarrassing (at least to me but it worked). Started doing alot of personal development work. After doing all of this I realized the reason it was happening because of that little voice in my head telling me I wasn't good enough on top of anxiety of not being good enough instead of staying present and in the moment. You can change this OP I believe in you.

Along this journey I also realized that I'm demisexual and I believe I've been so my entire life.

Lmond17 · 2022-05-03T15:26:44+00:00

Slow down on smoking if you do, I use to smoke weed and cigarettes throughout the day and be feeling just like you do right now and that shit sucked. Slowed down on my smoking and started going running a few times a week along with a few push-ups now and then and boom back at it lol. Slow down smoking (if you do) exercise and water my guy you’ll be back in no time.

RoadyCoder · 2022-05-03T15:30:48+00:00

I have experience of this.

This isn’t a seduction issue. This is a legitimate medical problem that you’re dealing with brother. Go and see a doctor asap. I can tell you from experience that this kind of thing is easily treatable with professional support and small lifestyle changes.

fuckingalvarez · 2022-05-03T15:36:32+00:00

Going through the same thing right now and I’m only 20, stopped watching porn I can get it in now and go for a considerably long time, that’s not a brag I have never came during intercouse if someone does have a full proof solution this guy and myself need you

RSNK10 · 2022-05-03T15:43:50+00:00

Don’t want to make too many assumptions, but how experienced are you? How long has this been going on for you?

Kronuk · 2022-05-03T15:48:57+00:00

One of the biggest factors in maintaining is your state of mind. You need to be relaxed enough to keep what you have going, so it will be mental most of the time. Try focusing on meditation, read the power of now, you need to be enjoying each step of the experience and where you seem to be having trouble is the moment right when things should be heightening furthest. Sounds like a fear is taking hold of you. You need to lessen that fear.

Pumpkineer · 2022-05-03T16:15:57+00:00

If you can already get hard and assuming an otherwise healthy cardiovascular system and no sexual trauma, it sounds like a matter of nervous tension stored in the body.

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Still with your eyes closed, focus on the areas in your groin with the largest amount of nerves; that is, start focusing on relaxing your btthole (hear me out), proceed to do the same with the flesh and muscles between the btthole and genitals, then proceed to testicles and sack, then to penis. Focus on one part at a time, becoming more aware of each part, relaxing the muscles and flesh as you go.

I know it sounds a bit out there but give it a try, it costs you nothing.

Best of luck mate.

didsomebodysaymyname · 2022-05-03T17:10:46+00:00

What's going through your head when you get hard and then when you insert?

Can you stay hard with a flesh light or when masturbating or do you have the same problem?

psean1977 · 2022-05-03T17:46:24+00:00

exercising regularly for a couple of weeks ( Mixture of Aerobics and basic weight training), eating healthy (Spinach, nuts and eggs in plenty) and cutting down/stopping cigarettes will solve this a 100 percent. Also lots of foreplay and enjoying eating her out would defo help. Good luck!

Wowoknowellmaybeyes · 2022-05-04T01:18:45+00:00

I been there 10 years ago. It’s in ya head. Don’t watch porn. Picture yourself having sex with her. Avoid touching yourself

Feeling_Difference_8 · 2022-05-03T14:12:22+00:00

You may be engaging with the wrong gender maybe? Or maybe you’re too stressed out about performance?

nathan_drake_0077 · 2022-05-03T14:32:49+00:00

Eat a lot of dark chocolate. It'll help!

Key-Butterscotch2732 · 2022-05-03T14:23:21+00:00

Let mee knowww what solution works for youu plewsee

FlatDistance5 · 2022-05-03T15:03:40+00:00

There’s more questions that need to be asked are you in-shape? Visible abs?

Is she fat or unnattractive

Do you smoke drink, watch porn, jack off?

Lot of things it could be

-maybe you don’t find her attractive, despite what you say

-stop masturbating

-start working out

-change your diet

-stop rawdogging

Bold_Exotic_ · 2022-05-03T14:23:48+00:00

Get a BJ first, have her keep rubbing it, make you comfortable and into the mood, then try insert! Just find ways to keep you relaxed and confident that you’ll satisfy her :) it helps more if your partner is very outgoing and tries to help get you going.

hjras · 2022-05-03T15:15:19+00:00

Have you had covid-19 at any point in the last 2 years? Covid-19 is known to cause erectile dysfunction

Some resources:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34931145/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33988001/

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41443-022-00540-0

Johnny_Kilroy · 2022-05-03T15:26:30+00:00

I don't think you have to give up porn and masturbating. There are literally hundreds of millions of guys fucking women out there. You think none of them masturbate?

One way that works is to rub your penis against the outside of her vagina. Gets you rock hard again quick.

EmersonBloom · 2022-05-03T15:35:46+00:00

It's a confidence issue. Start lifting weights and eating right.

dracomatic · 2022-05-03T14:27:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DawgWild00 · 2022-05-03T14:57:35+00:00

Get testosterone checked, no porn, and work on getting out of your own head and that last one is the most important!

babbegrl · 2022-05-03T14:57:35+00:00

Ive had this problem with a guy i used to hook up with, the first few times he kept losing his boner because he was too anxious. But to be honest I thought I was something wrong with me, if ur dating this girl I really would just talk to her a bit, it’s scary but normal

Dumir · 2022-05-03T15:50:14+00:00

Alright young bucks listen up. This happened to me a couple of times in my life and it is always anxiety and comfort related.

First time was when I lost my V card. No shit.

Solution after that was pretty simple - you are going to need a couple of no pressure “sessions”. Spend time with your partner touching and caressing each other, foreplay is a big one here. You are going to have to communicate a lot so that the pressure is off.

They might be worrying you don’t find them attractive, so make sure you have a good chat and be honest. Make it a problem you can solve together.

When it actually gets time for the PIV my advice is to not jackhammer away, take it slow and stop when you feel like you might be losing power and swap to another activity. Try again when it’s looking good.

Build the confidence and it will be groovy in no time.

bobloco76 · 2022-05-03T15:29:58+00:00

Dude, quit trying to chalk up numbers and quit banging girls that you don't like.

rico1V1 · 2022-05-03T15:53:05+00:00

Mayby you like men more then women.

The-Bull89 · 2022-05-03T15:00:54+00:00

At 17 you shouldn't be having any problems maintaining an erection.

Have you always had this problem with girls?

Perhaps your sexual orientation isn't what you thought.

unknown_68 · 2022-05-03T14:33:03+00:00

How does the girl react when this happens cause I had this same issue before?

PalmersGreek · 2022-05-03T14:41:27+00:00

Get on a plane and take a weekend off somewhere abroad. Somewhere relaxing. Cleanse yourself of the stresses from home. Go back and all will be cured.

indrid_cold · 2022-05-03T14:45:34+00:00

Look up some basic relaxation and meditation exercises to combat your anxiety. Just as with physical exercise it has to become a regular practice and you'll get better at it.

There's nothing wrong with you, stuff like this happens to everyone at some point.

DeliberatelyInsane · 2022-05-03T14:53:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Itchy_Cartographer78 · 2022-05-03T14:56:47+00:00

start going to therapy. You'd be surprised :)

delusionalubermensch · 2022-05-03T14:58:08+00:00

Read up on sexual performance anxiety. Very common and plenty of ways to work on it. The basic idea is to make sure you have built enough comfort and trust with the person so you can relax. Erections are arousal and relaxation. If you’re aroused but nervous it ain’t going to work well.

OutcastByChoice · 2022-05-03T15:10:44+00:00

Nervousness did this to me on my first time. 😒 Luckily she was very forgiving lol

Mysterious-Change642 · 2022-05-03T15:15:44+00:00

Go to gym and squat every day. And try yoga

nuc1earwessels · 2022-05-03T15:17:41+00:00

I had this problem too. Especially with someone new. If the person you are with is a little faster paced than you, ask her to slow down. Sometimes girls forget that it can take guys a minuite to get warmed up.

Ask her to give you head while you lie down, and just take some deep breaths and enjoy. I realized that for the longest time I was afraid of experiencing my sexual pleasure with someone else. Kiss for a bit, grab her breast or ass and maybe just talk, dirty talk or even just shoot the shit.

mgardner4 · 2022-05-03T15:19:29+00:00

Try a vegetarian diet for 24hrs before

StereoFood · 2022-05-03T15:27:37+00:00

How is it destroying your self esteem jeez dude it’s not big deal

777MK777 · 2022-05-03T15:28:41+00:00

Listen to this

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/huberman-lab/id1545953110?i=1000551013442

Specifically the last 20-30mins Addresses hormonal component of arousal vs copulation.

WizKhalifasRoach · 2022-05-03T15:30:05+00:00

stop watching porn. i was struggling with that too. meditation and exercise will help too

DonMacorli · 2022-05-03T15:31:38+00:00

I have the same issue dude. And believe it's hard on the self esteem.

Now I read somewhere that when putting a condom on (I'm assuming you use them and you're having safe sex) you break the momentum with the girl (you're both so horny and then you have to stop to put the thing). So when you try to put it you're rushing cause you don't want to make her wait and that put subconsciously some pressure on yourself, ergo you lose the erection.

So you may try to practice yourself putting condoms alone, that way you learn to control your erection and to be less nervous when putting it when you're with a girl.

Hope it can help.

MrBlack__ · 2022-05-03T15:34:53+00:00

Not being funny but erectile dysfunction is a rare side effect of having covid… how do I know, it happened to me… you can Google it. It’s not permanent so nothing to worry about but this might be it

sexsex69420irl · 2022-05-03T15:36:06+00:00

Go to a doctor & psychologist instead of posting this shit here.

devolve79 · 2022-05-03T15:51:41+00:00

Don't watch porn. Don't Jack off.

Doctor0z · 2022-05-03T15:59:21+00:00

Do you take any depression medication? I see that you have stopped masturbating and are very attracted to the woman. It doesn’t make sense to me that you can get hard but it goes soft when you insert it. This tells me it is in your head at a subconscious level. Something is holding you back.

Are you straight? And how many women have you had intercourse with? You had the same reaction all the time?

Anuspilot · 2022-05-03T16:01:10+00:00

I had this when I was your age. It's most likely anxiety. Stop listening to these morons saying you should get your testosterone checked or pop pills.

Deep breaths and know that it can happen. Just wait a few mins and try to get hard again. The more you stress over it the more it happens. If it happens just slow down and do something for her.

PresidentGanker · 2022-05-03T16:03:15+00:00

You need more foreplay. Sick on them titties, get her to suck on your nips. Sick each other off a little bit. From first kiss to insertion there should be like 20 minutes at least. You should be hard for a while before insertion not right after it gets hard.

Title	I can get hard but as soon as I try to insert my penis it immediately goes soft this is seriously destroying my self esteem can someone please give me advice
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	67
Comments	127
Date	May 3, 2022 1:31 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/uhg6hb/i_can_get_hard_but_as_soon_as_i_try_to_insert_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-can-get-hard-but-as-soon-as-i-try-to-insert-my.1260572 https://theredarchive.com/post/1260572

Comments

3 is a bandaid. I would be more worried about testosterone levels.