Do you guys lie to have sex? how do you handle the guilt?

cobraCL · 2022-04-24T16:25:04+00:00

Be honest with her. The first time someone has sex does really impact their view on relationships. If you screw this girl over it may be a small deal for you but it will probably screw up her dating life for the foreseeable future (if not the rest of her life)

Be honest, don’t use her naivety to take advantage

If a situation feels wrong or you feel guilty you probably should not be doing it

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2022-04-24T17:45:00+00:00

No, I'm ridiculously honest about my dating status and intentions. I don't EVER want anyone leaving my bed with regrets.

I miss out on some sex occasionally, but I sleep guilt-free and I still get plenty of action.

cobraCL · 2022-04-24T16:32:54+00:00

Perhaps listen to the part of you that wants to be ethical. "Toughing up" against guilt when you hurt and use people will render you a callous and bitter person in the end. You will not see good intent in others anymore because you will destroy it in yourself.

The choice is yours.

Top10_Bad_Ideas · 2022-04-24T15:54:59+00:00

Big yikes. It’s better if you tell her the truth. Lying to get laid doesn’t make you a good person nor a strong willed one. You would feel better off if you tell her the truth now, so you both would move on quicker.

ChutiyaChutney420 · 2022-04-24T16:26:19+00:00

So she did mention relationship in her profile and you still went ahead ? Welp best you can do is tell her this directly and let her decide.

CaptainClitorisIV · 2022-04-24T17:17:43+00:00

Yeah, I wouldn't recommend sleeping with her if she's overly invested.

You said it yourself that she isn't really your type physically, so how much would you really gain out of this? You get mediocre sex with a chick who's probably expecting a relationship. (IF it's even mediocre... she has no experience? She'll probably be shit in bed.)

I couldn't sleep with someone I didn't think was hot in some way. The sex would feel very mechanical and not at all immersive.

nuc1earwessels · 2022-04-24T16:38:02+00:00

Lying will come back to bite you. This girl asked if she was my girlfriend right before we had sex and I said yes just to get laid. She eventually caught on to that fact and broke up with me. We didn't last very long, like 2 months. I wonder if I could have had her as a longer fwb if I had been honest, because the sex was good but I didn't feel romantic about her. She tried really hard to be a good girlfriend and I still feel a little shitty about what I did. I haven't done it again and my life is better for it.

The truth will set you free, my friend.

iamamoa · 2022-04-24T18:16:21+00:00

If you are not feeling her physically then don’t do it. Once your after nut clarity kicks in your are going to feel even more guilty and will probably want to avoid her. Which will make her feel even worst.

2seeyousmile · 2022-04-24T18:38:10+00:00

So, you went on a date with her despite knowing she was looking for a relationship and knowing she was chubby. When you aren’t interested in that body type and aren’t looking for a relationship… That’s pretty fucked up and rather selfish of you OP.

If you’re just gonna tell her you’re not looking for something serious and just want a FWB type situation then you better admit to her that you don’t like her body type either. She deserves to know that you’re literally just looking to use her.

furtivespork · 2022-04-24T18:31:02+00:00

If you can only have sex by lying about who you are and what you want, you are a shitty person who will only hurt people while bringing nothing of value to their lives. Just break things off. You don't even have to tell her the truth, just don't go out again.

alphaonthecomeup · 2022-04-24T17:31:08+00:00

I once met a virgin at a party. We were hooking up and I said let’s get out of here. She told me she was a virgin, I told her straight up I couldn’t love her. She said she wasn’t looking for love. I said bet.

Go on your date and treat her well. When the time comes to take her home and shit, just be honest with her throughout. Treat her well, whatever. Have sex and establish that you’re seeing each other casually. Taking it slow. Relationships are serious, no need to rush right into that, it could take months before your both ready to lock it up. You might grow to like this girl. Encourage her to date other people as well until she finds the right one, but continue to learn through you for now. Being a virgin is pressure. Once she loses it, she might be open to more casual things.

The virgin I hooked up with used sex with me to open her eyes. Now she can go off and catch more bodies without the pressure of being a virgin. Just guide her and show her the way. She’ll appreciate and love you forever but she’ll find more guys to learn from as well

Hunterhunt14 · 2022-04-24T17:41:46+00:00

In my experience short term relationship basically means FWB. Most people won’t admit it but a lot of guys tell little white lies to get laid since being direct with women (contrary to popular belief) just doesn’t work unless she already likes you.

don_roachy87 · 2022-04-24T18:55:32+00:00

Just be honest. Tell her straight up. She’s going to get hurt for sure but at least u didn’t lie.

griddigus · 2022-04-24T19:08:40+00:00

The fact that she’s a virgin would make it so much more heinous to lie to her. Don’t do it, there are plenty of other fish and also your hand

hookedonfonicsmunky · 2022-04-24T19:20:16+00:00

I say send it, honestly you'll just be a grain in an hourglass within the next 10 years of her sex life

TheFifthEspada679 · 2022-04-24T19:22:34+00:00

I totally get your internal struggle. Tell her.

Especially an issue in this case with her being a virgin. Our Penis’s don’t understand abstract, long term concepts like Karma (real life Karma)… But console yourself with that you really are doing a good thing by being honest…hopefully the universe will reward you with some good pussy at some point down the road 😇

yariny13 · 2022-04-24T19:52:56+00:00

Women put make up , a man should not feel guilty for exaggerating in order to have sex.

kyle_fall · 2022-04-24T19:56:29+00:00

Most guys in the game(and in general really) are trauma-filled and use short-term coping mechanisms(lying to get laid) to deal with life. This will only lead to lowering your own self-esteem internally and developing even more coping mechanisms to deal with that!

I wouldn't suggest doing this. Be honest and authentic. Tell her you want someone to have a casual sex-based relationship with. If that doesn't work for her great, don't scam her into losing her virginity; that's literally what leads to men hating feminists.

Also I wouldn't recommend investing multiple dates into someone you're not attracted to. If you're drunk at a party and it happens then great it is what it is but since this is based off of online dating I'd say bite the bullet, be honest and find a girl youre genuinely attracted to that will also be into a casual fbuddy relationship.

great_account · 2022-04-24T20:01:54+00:00

Don't lie to people. Especially to manipulate them. You should always strive to leave people better than how you found them. You will miss out on some pussy, but you'll sleep better.

Fackyoshiet · 2022-04-24T20:14:21+00:00

Don't do this to a virgin. Her first time shouldn't be with someone she never sees again.

Plenty of other girls to pump and dump.

What dating app was this on?

skaag · 2022-04-24T20:22:41+00:00

If you tell her you prefer a fit body, she may leave you but at least you were honest about it, ideally before you have sex with her. I will tell you though that some of the best sex I’ve ever had was with chubby women, and I’d take great sex over a fit body any day.

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-04-24T18:16:08+00:00

Don’t take advantage of someone that might be a virgin and who’s looking for a committed relationship. Tell her specifically what you’re interested in and that’s sex. Be honest and upfront and tell her that a LTR is unlikely. If she’s ok with that ,then you can proceed without guilt.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-04-24T16:25:12+00:00

Ugh, if you don't have the balls to be honest with women do me a favor and don't date them. You are the creep/asshole women complain about making it harder for the next guy to get them in bed.

phuketawl · 2022-04-24T18:52:11+00:00

Knowingly and deliberately lying to someone in order to have sex with them is coersion and manipulation. In some cases, it makes the sex you're having, rape, because they aren't able to give informed consent. In all cases though, it makes you an asshole. Don't do it.

WanyCaleb · 2022-04-24T18:50:06+00:00

Lie, that comes with the whole being a guy part. We get a lot of bad rep anyways.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-04-27T00:11:17+00:00

1

I had a date yesterday and based on how it went I'm sure to have sex on the 2nd one. Lots of making out and such. Problem is she's chubby and isn't really my type physically.

Then you need to have a serious talk with yourself about why you would be so desperate as to compromise your standards and sleep with someone that you don't actually find attractive.

2

I was initially just looking for an easy lay but after she told me I was her first kiss and first ever date I felt a pang of guilt.

I think it's safe to say that you approached her because you didn't find her attractive and so you weren't psyching yourself out.

This is a bit ironic because if you got a group of people into a room, and ask them who their 10s are, you wouldn't get consensus. One person's 10 would be another person's 7 or 6.

It's subjective.

As for the guilt, that is understandable considering that you've realized on some level that you are basically taking advantage of someone who probably wants something different than you do.

3

I had told this girl I was looking for a short term relationship when she said if I wanted a hookup because she mentioned relationship on her profile.

Humans are often a sad lot. You chose her even though she's not what you want. And she's choosing you even though you're not what she wants.

If you go through with it, you will both suffer. It will likely be pathetic because she's only going along with it hoping she can convert you into a relationship. And you're going along with it because you need validation that badly.

For you to say that you wanted a short-term relationship, was definitely deceptive, because you threw the word relationship in there, when the real focus was short-term or fling.

4

Now if I have sex and tell her I'm just looking for a casual friend with benefits type situations I know I'll end up hurting her.

Here's the deal: many of us here have been or are either lonely or desperate for validation.

And that leads many of us to do things like what you're doing. It will make you feel even worse if you continue.

5

There's no magic solution here. You are better off cutting things off with her but you're understandably unlikely to, because you have a need that's driving you.

You're not going to solve things by toughening her up. She wants what she wants, and that's a relationship. She's been clear about that, even if she's been too weak willed to enforce her own boundary.

The problem is that someone fitting her profile is likely to engage in a lot of indirect and manipulative behavior in an attempt to get what she wants even as you're attempting to get the short-term sex you want.

And that indirect and manipulative stuff could fuck with you a bit. In addition to the fact that you're contemplating sticking your dick in someone you're not even attracted to, you could screw yourself up.

So just take a little extra care. I would recommend hanging out with close friends right now, more than hanging out with this girl.

SpinCity07 · 2022-04-24T18:51:05+00:00

A study showed being callous and having no remorse made you more attractive to women.

Erikasq · 2022-04-24T18:48:47+00:00

Kudos to you for having that awareness that you could potentially hurt her.

Be honest with her since you already know that she’s not your type and you guys aren’t looking for the same thing.

Blackmagician · 2022-04-24T20:12:39+00:00

Be honest. If you’re the type of person to feel guilty over a lie then stick with your integrity as that’s ultimately more important than a one night lay. It’s part of the game and society to at least act like the possibility may be there of something more.

I’d maneuver as usual and if sex is about to happen I’d stop and tell her that I’m not looking for anything too serious and I don’t want to let her down. She may be so horny herself that she doesn’t care and any consequences thereafter is her burden to deal with.

However if you’re her first kiss and first ever date(she’s a virgin)then there’s a real chance that she’s going to get her heart broken. Most women are looking for a bit more than casual flings so this is something you’re going to run into a lot. If you’re flat out telling girls you’re just looking to fuck only you’re shooting yourself in the foot as a lot of people will disqualify you off rip. Play the game do the dance, you don’t owe anyone commitment and you’re not doing anything wrong as long as you’re not leading people to believe you’re specifically looking for a relationship. Dating is a test run so as long as you’re not leading people to believe they’re going to have an exclusive relationship with you you’re good to go.

hunterfest · 2022-04-24T20:31:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Contango6969 · 2022-04-24T17:42:36+00:00

I feel entitled to tell some lies. Women are liars to their core so it’s just evening the odds if you allow yourself.

yoitsappy · 2022-04-24T18:09:37+00:00

Girls like fuckboys so go ahead

Protocol_Apollo · 2022-04-24T16:25:45+00:00

Acceptable losses.

Real weakness is feeling tied to a moral code that isn’t your own.

You were brainwashed to be noble. To do the right thing. To serve someone else’s interests instead of yours (women’s).

Men are told to do the right thing. Women are told to do the right thing for them.

What’s the right thing for you? What do you want to do?

BL4CK_AXE · 2022-04-24T18:49:35+00:00

Toughening up would be exercising common decency in this case…

Noddy0 · 2022-04-24T17:50:01+00:00

I'm prepared to get downvoted but my advice is to lie. Lie through your teeth to get what you want and once you've got it enjoy it. Then keep going to get it just make sure she don't get pregnant bro.

You never know, you might even realise that you really like this girls personality as you get to know her more even though at the start you are saying she is not your type. You're only saying that probably because she's chubby because that's the first thing you bought up.

Keep doing what you're doing. Don't worry about lying.

EstablishmentLimp477 · 2022-04-24T16:24:54+00:00

Truth is that people lie and manipulate others all the time in this world. To get a job, get out of pre established plans, avoid telling others harsh truths etc. Or like in your situation to get a quick lay. But at the end of the day it all comes from the same place. Not being real with yourself instead using lying as a crutch. It's true lying is 100% the best way to get laid in the short run, you could say the cheat code. But in the long run it cause lot's of psychological damage not just to the person being lied to but yourself. I could go into a club say I am a doctor and wear shoe lifts to say I am 6+ and where fake jewelry/high fashion brand clothes hell put on a French accent. Sure percentage of lay's would triple over night, and all I had to do was lie. But what does it matter if those girls did not fuck me they fucked a different guy. The real guy was to much of a insecure man child that has no confidence in himself, does not want to improve just sit there and manipulate. What you doing is saying that you are not enough and there for have to lie. This is the reality of those that lie for cheap sex but in the long term it only destroys the original person.

BigTBoneDog · 2022-04-24T18:26:06+00:00

I wouldn't do anything with her. It is not gonna get easier if you sleep with her.

Popular_Rush · 2022-04-24T18:56:44+00:00

Go masturbate and clear your head man. Your logical head will be the only thing left then

AnxiousAd5759 · 2022-04-24T19:01:49+00:00

If your always honest then you won’t feel guilt. Even a white lie can hurt the people around you. If you can’t get what you want out of this life with being completely truthful then that wasn’t the path the higher power intended you to go down.

joos11 · 2022-04-24T19:12:30+00:00

Be honest with her man. I’m about ten years older than you. And totally regret misleading girls to have sex. The guilt only amplifies. There are so many people out there who are looking for what you’re looking for and honesty is the way to find them !

LandscapeClear1630 · 2022-04-24T19:14:28+00:00

What guilt?

trendafili_i_zi · 2022-04-24T19:31:15+00:00

No I do not lie, to be a good liar you need good memory and I don't have that lmao

dfromc · 2022-04-24T19:31:26+00:00

Man. Don’t do that. She deserves some one really like her but not you just use her.

malibubellajames · 2022-04-24T19:35:45+00:00

Don’t be a dick.

simbuah · 2022-04-24T19:53:20+00:00

Just say you just want to have sex, act your heart

Hdgallagher · 2022-04-24T19:59:53+00:00

sip fearless smell future plants squealing bake engine spoon psychotic

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

hunterfest · 2022-04-24T20:03:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ResponsibilityKey427 · 2022-04-24T20:07:39+00:00

Why are you hanging out with girls that aren’t you type?

MrDownhillRacer · 2022-04-24T20:18:57+00:00

Problem is she's chubby and isn't really my type physically.

Imagine lying to trick into bed somebody you're not even attracted to.

That sounds like desperation and low self-esteem on your part, mate. Like you honestly think this might be your only chance to get any, like you may never get the chance to get laid again any time soon, so you'll settle for a chubby person you're not attracted to, and you'll lie to her because you think she'll turn you down if you're honest.

I think you need to work on yourself to the point where you don't have such a scarcity mindset. The point where you feel like the pool of women whom you're attracted to and who want to sleep with you just as much as you want to sleep with them is large and accessible enough that you don't have to dive into the bargain bin, and then swindle the clerk out of the item anyway despite the fact that it's already on bargain.

Do you lift?

rwalsh138 · 2022-04-24T20:37:26+00:00

Tell her you would like to continue dating her, but you also want to date other people.

Title	Do you guys lie to have sex? how do you handle the guilt?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	74
Comments	144
Date	April 24, 2022 3:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/uaxnh7/do_you_guys_lie_to_have_sex_how_do_you_handle_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/do-you-guys-lie-to-have-sex-how-do-you-handle-the.1261277 https://theredarchive.com/post/1261277

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