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[–][deleted] 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Travis_Varga 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That might be true, but it still means you were sufficiently attractive enough for them, not that that means anything really depending on their standards.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]ace_qk 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You see what you’re saying right now ‘THAT’ is your problem.
You think you’re a loser, so girls think you’re a loser.
You could be the most attractive guy physically in the world, with the mindset of nobody finds me attractive, ooh it could be any other guy.
You will always fail, find your balls.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FiftyNereids 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m in the same boat as you brother. Had a couple hookups but been single for 10 years.
Been rejected/ghosted by chicks on dating apps probably more than 800 times over the course of 8 years. Dating apps have made me more misogynistic.
[–]Canadian-Seductioner 20 points21 points22 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Bro the issue is not your physical appearance, it's your confidence (or lack thereof) and the way you carry yourself. That's what turns girls off.
[–]Khryn_Tzu-TTV 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the right answer.
Or your hygiene. Because OP isn't ugly. It's gotta be something off putting about their personality - Confidence? or they have something like massive body odor.
[–]GripIsEverything2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Please give some tips on improving that. I've worked on every area of my life, but my confidence doesn't seem to grow exponentially.
[–]Silver-Variation8903 4 years ago [recovered] (19 children) | Copy Link
Just do what you said in your post. Go to a mall an hour away and start practicing approaching women.
You know what you have to do, you just said it.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]Elegant_Weasel 4 years ago [recovered] (17 children) | Copy Link
that's like the best age for it lol. stop talking yourself out of it.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]5_7pickup 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Then do night game. Night game is more congruent with cold approach because people are looking to socialize.
[–]5_7pickup 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
You can do street game but bars and clubs are best ROI.
If you really cant do night game then just do day game.
Or dont and keep being miserable 🤷🏻♂️
I was extremely unhappy with where my dating life was 8-9 months ago. So i took massive action. This weekend I slept with two hot girls. One was an actress. Life is LIT.
[–]d0pey911 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You’d be surprised by the results you get by showing some initiative. Women like that shit.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]d0pey9111 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
With that mentality it may well be, but there’s only one way to find out right? The reality of it is if you approach 50 you’ll likely get 10 numbers, 7 of which won’t respond to your message and 3 of which you have a chance with. But you’re overthinking the game before even playing. Just get out there man.
[–]kanyesbathroommirror 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Start small. Don't try to get their number, just practice asking for directions or asking for the time.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]quickhandstan 4 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Dude dating apps have fucked up your self esteem. I’m guilty of it as well. Been doing apps exclusively for a few months and just felt horrible about myself and my perceived “options” in the dating pool. I went out with some friends last weekend to a bar and just went up and talked to women. Literally just go up and start a conversation and you will be surprised at how many people you meet and get numbers and just flirt with even if you don’t close with one it feels great to just be putting yourself out there. We are social creatures. I’m thinking of deleting the apps for good because as an introvert I’ve been using it as a crutch.
I love watching Social Animal videos on YouTube where he is all about just challenging people to go out of their comfort zone and talk to people. No cheesy pick up stuff just genuinely being interested in other people and getting to know them. It’s been inspiring for myself.
[–]quickhandstan 4 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Bars aren’t really my scene either I only ever go with my friends when they’re in town which is why I have primary been using my phone. What kind of women are you interested in? If you like women who are into art for example maybe you go to a local art show or pop-up and just meet some women.
[–]Impressive_Sport_713 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Youre an above average guy. You clearly lack a lot of confidence to think otherwise. And you need to build that up and start putting yourself out there. Dont wait for girls to come to you
[–]Impressive_Sport_713 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well approaching girls is tough. And only like 1% of guys take on that challenge. And even if you were to approach. The success for that is always minimal. You would need about 100 or so approaches to date. And then after, most will cut you off
Those are real expectations for average and above average guys starting
[–]Impressive_Sport_713 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
100 approaches
15 numbers. 50% real
7 numbers, a lot flake
You will probably get a date off that. But may it be possible they all flake!? Yep... youre now over 100 approaches dateless
[–]BangaiiWatchman 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You’re a good looking dude. You should take some solace in that at least.
[–]Separate_Plastic_830 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
As a young woman, you’re really good looking dude.
[–]Separate_Plastic_830 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Truthfully, after Covid, I think it’s hard for most people to function normally, let alone successfully. Just go up to women, introduce yourself, and be you. Not every woman is going to dig it, but I would guarantee you there are plenty that would. You just have to figure it out. I know myself personally, I don’t typically approach men because when I like someone, that’s the one person I focus on. Nothing wrong with other cute guys, but typically, that’s just how my brain functions. I can’t speak for other women, but I’m sure if you’re respectful in your approach, and can take “no” for an answer by some women, you’ll have mostly smooth sailing.
[–]Separate_Plastic_830 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I love older men. Love them, it’s not creepy, as long as you don’t make it that way. A guy approached me in the mall, told me I was beautiful, asked for my name and number. Gave him my name, politely declined the number, but it made my day and I didn’t think he was a creep. Biggest thing is when I told him no, he was respectful. I think that’s when most men cross the line from normal to creepy/rude. It can also be creepy if you comment about something sexual. However, the guy at the mall approaching me was incredibly endearing, I just had my sights on someone else.
[–]Separate_Plastic_830 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just chilling on a bench, waiting for my friend to be done in a store.
[–]SadBox4529 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
“Never had a woman show attraction”
Most likely you missed the social cues the girls were sending. Do you have any friends,co workers or associates good with women?
[–]SadBox4529 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How old are you?(im genuinely asking)
I wouldn’t recommend going to a mall. I use online dating a lot and get some pretty good feedback. You might want to invest in getting good pics and a good bio for more matches.
[–]3pinephrine 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You definitely look above average in those first 2 pics dude.
Whatever the issue is, it’s not physical.
[–]nopenotmedude 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
you are very likely oblivious to women's signs of attraction. you are a good looking dude, and should have no issues. there are endless youtube videos outlining how women show interest.
[–]nopenotmedude 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
do you have a big friend group?
[–]nopenotmedude 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
sounds like you spend too much time alone and are inside your own head. go do some social stuff with people. all of the pickup places you have mentioned are isolated endeavors.
[–]StereoFood 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Brah it’s all about the pics you take for Your tinder profile. Create the illusion that you’re interesting and no selfies. A funny bio will go a long way.
[–]HowToStud 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
FACTS
[–]cynics88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
How do you do no selfies if you barely have any friends?
[–]5_7pickup -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
A professional photographer.
Like come on guys. These aren’t complicated problems. Lets put some effort into improving our dating lives instead of asking low effort questions.
[–]cynics88 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It wasn't meant to be low effort. I thought the original comment was implying having different groups of friends in your pictures, but I guess not.
[–]StereoFood 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It does, you should have at least 1-2 of them with friends casually or something. others are like decent portraits and 1-2 good portraits. Youll be fine but as far as getting those friends...honestly just go to a bar and ask around. Maybe a group will pretend for you or youll make friends
[–]5_7pickup 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Im not hating on you. Thats just a really common problem I see with men and why they struggle with dating.
Majority of men are so fucking lazy when it comes to improving their dating lives. Extremely low effort.
[–]GripIsEverything1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
It's better to not use Tinder at all and kill one's self esteem like OP. The supply and demand equation is flawed there, and you're rated way below what you should be deserving.
[–]passengerpigeon20 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What is your height, and do you live in Scandinavia?
[–]angrypuppy35 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Limb lengthening surgery—look into it
[–]passengerpigeon20 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh, well that’s almost as bad as Scandinavia. Don’t write the prospect of running game off, but don’t get your hopes up either.
[–]5_7pickup 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Youre not unattractive. I could see you doing well with cold approach.
Im fairly certain youre better looking and taller than me and I do well with cold approach.
Go read my FRs and see for yourself.
[–]dingleburry_joe 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro you good looking as fuck. Modern dating environment and women's entitlement is insane. Stay sexy king
[–]MO_drps_knwldg -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If you keep over planning and worrying, you’re not going to have success.
Go to a cafe, the mall, a high end grocery store, a bookstore, Target, a park— your vibe is more important than anything.
If you’re social and don’t have a creepy, nervous energy you’ll be fine. Stop making excuses and have fun
I feel like this post is self pity circle jerk
[–]MO_drps_knwldg 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
You’re too shy and too much of a nice guy. That has to change if you ever want to have success.
Being shy is the biggest hurdle to being successful with women. It’s not height or looks.
[–]Travis_Varga 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
What can I do if I simply don't attract any women/am not attractive enough physically?
What are your dating goals? You’re physically attractive enough to find a serious romance. You’re at least a decent looking guy. You could post on r/amihot or whatever and check if you want. For finding a serious romance, I’d recommend Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson
I've thought about just going to a mall an hour or so away and trying just practicing approaching women and talking with them but I feel like it would be a disaster because I just dont seem to be anyone's type
You can develop yourself into someone’s type if you’re not already, but hitting on women in a mall, when you don’t visit the mall for fun yourself, isn’t a particularly good way of finding a woman for a serious romance. It’s a fairly desperate way.
And no I'm not trolling, I legit have never had a woman show attraction or interest in me in person
What you’re expecting out of what sort of women in what social context?
[–]5_7pickup -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
100% of my approaches are without IOIs. You dont need IOIs.
IOI is a made up concept for insecure dudes with fragile egos. Just do the approach.
Ive pulled so many girls and made out with even more in the last 8-9 months since I started pickup. All without IOI.
Not with that attitude.
Youre here making this post hoping someone could give you a easy way to success. There are no easy methods. If you want it then be ready to work for it.
[–]Travis_Varga 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I want a girlfriend, that's it. I don't really care for sleeping around or anything like that
That’s good. I think that’s objectively moral ie necessary for man to live and pursue happiness.
I read Models but to be honest it didn't really help me much, because all it said was "approach" ultimately, but I cant approach because no one ever looks interested
Under what conditions are you talking about? What’s a real life, personal example?
Idk, any signs of interest, eye contact with a smile, Ive legit never had that from a woman I was interested in
How well do these women who you’re attracted to know you? Under what contexts do you meet them? Men generally should initiate because of the greater control they have to during sex due to the biological difference between men and women. Culturally, men are expected to be the initiators as well.
[–]Travis_Varga 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Is that your main or only way of looking for a girlfriend?
[–]Joshd_47 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Look like snake from metal gear solid
[–]BonsaiDiver 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You're not a bad looking guy; in fact you have kind of a Jon Hamm vibe going on in the first two pics.
[–]nopenotmedude 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
then next time you go out, just pretend to be him. see how that works. speak how he speaks, reply how he would.
[–]Prestigious_Pause_45 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It's because you're thinking about it in terms of 'approach'.
Men think like this and it drives me fucking nuts.
Just act like you're meeting a friend for the first time ever. Friendly conversation. That's all you have to do.
Stop putting expectations on talking to another human. You're thinking from a scarcity mindset and it's probably causing you to come off as desperate because you think every woman you meet might be the last one. Best thing you can do is make friends with lots of women and literally just keep it that way. IF you do that then you'll actually get the results you're looking for.
Be a damn friend first. CHOOSE to be a friend above all else first. If they're interested, they'll leave you a way to contact them again or meet them somewhere else for a 'hangout' or they'll make suggestions.
Do this.
Much love brotha.
[–]GEEZUS_956 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As the kid with the skin condition, I can assure you looks matter a lot. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t win. From experience (sometimes I have a terrible personality coming off as distant and bitter, sometimes I don’t coming off as eh) I notice when people are attracted and repelled. I definitely repel when I’m being lazy or uncreative and stay quiet.
There was this coworker and we were just coworkers with a hi every now and again. One time, I had an anxiety attack in front of her (random, unprovoked). The following day I explained the dizzy steps, the silence, the confused walking with an ending compliment of “just wanted to explain myself in case you were thinking, ‘did my eyes really distract him that much?’” She herself gave me her number and is a lot more energetic when seeing me.
Typing way too much, but anyways, your looks will help a lot, but your mouth will finish the job. Even if your looks can’t do it, your mouth can start as well. There’s this other coworker; we didn’t know each other at all. One day, I asked her name with a joke of “… I don’t want to call you the chick with the bangs.” and now she is much more friendly.
Still typing way more than is worth, or I need to, but look for girls you consistently see as opposed to randomly like the mall.
[–]what-diddy-what-what 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro, the problem is your confidence, not your looks. As a straight dude, I can tell you that you are a good looking guy. Work on your inner game, your posture, your approach style, etc. People lacking confidence tend to walk with their heads down, roll their shoulders forward, avoid eye contact, say little or say things awkwardly, etc. Do the opposite of all of that. If it doesn't come natural, fake it till you make it. Stand up straight, roll your shoulders back and push your chest out a bit. Look people in the eye, Greet people you interact with - Hey, how's it going, wow you guys are busy today, etc. You will get there.
[–]Neo-Rio 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Which women are you talking to?I bet if you start approaching older women, you're going to find things a lot easier.
Good looks aren't everything with women. Most of what turns them on happens between their ears, and in particular, what you say to them. More importantly how you listen to them, as they will often tell you what turns them on if you ask, and then all you have to do is get them to imagine that it's already happening - and that it's on.
Being decent looking can also work against you. Women can self-sabotage themselves in the way that men can around a smoking-hot model. You may end up intimidating more women that you realize simply because of how you look. Their first thought is going to be "I can't hook up with this guy because he's almost surely going to ditch me afterwards!", and any attempt you make to reject that notion is going to hit resistance. In many cases you will end up filtering out women who aren't confident in themselves enough to even talk to you, or even cop an outright rejection because the woman is scared. Or worse... end up in the friend zone simply because the woman lacks confidence to go any further. You may often find yourself having to tell the woman you are interested in that her appearance is good enough, you note that you get along really well, and how dare she tell you what you should find attractive? :)
Another issue is her feeling of safety. In many cases, you will have to let the woman "reject" you with token resistance so you can show her how you are going to react when it happens (just laugh it off). If you aren't phased by her token resistance and "rejection" she will trust you a lot more. Never take a woman's first response as set in stone. It is all subject to her change in mood and timing (and if you have your hand/mouth down her pants).
You will have to listen carefully to how the woman is responding and adapt. Work more on creating a sense of trust and connection before barreling into anything sexually charged. On the positive side, you should be able to barrel through most female resistance if you simply persist.
Anyway I'm just rambling here. Hope some of this matches your situation and helps.
[–]Chinksta 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't blame yourself. Blame the system.
There are many flaws to the online dating platform in which can be solved in real life (as in finding a girlfriend in real life).
[–]LimitlessHarmony 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Re: pics. You are attractive man.
However I understand. It's hard to talk to women.
Sometimes conversations seem so "superficial" or "fake"
People don't know how to have real conversations any more.
And, you have to learn how to talk in a man-to-woman way.
When you are attractive and women still don't "hook" it's like standing outside the cake shop and looking through the window salivating. It's frustrating.
That was how a client of mine described his experience to me.
So, best advice is to learn how to talk to women in an attractive and comfortable way.
Resources are in my bio since you have nothing physically stopping you from success.
[–]PondScum420 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You look better than me dude
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