Having low confidence is by far the least attractive trait a guy can have: how can I get rid of that?

Starscape91 · 2023-07-17T07:45:48+00:00

Hey man, I'm going to be real honest. With low confidence your whole life, it sounds like you're probably still struggling with some residual trauma from the past or childhood that for whichever reason, you decided not to explain in detail, which is understandable. That stuff is serious, and more than likely, your brain developed certain patterns of thinking to protect itself as an adult, which in the practical world, is harmful and self-defeating for where you want to be at in life.

What I highly recommend is getting advice from a therapist while you financially are still able to, like the other comment suggested.

I can't state enough how serious this trauma stuff is. Look up "Complex PTSD", which is something that people who get seen for certain types of childhood trauma can get diagnosed with. Not saying you have it, but it will just give you an idea of how trauma affects people and kind of a vantage point to base your perspective off of.

Lay back on the "gym bro" type advice for now that's going to state simple stuff like dress better, eat better, lift weights, fake it till you make it etc... because it neglects the root cause and is emotionally damaging when it comes to trauma. If you're coming from the perspective of someone who is emotionally well, and not traumatized, then that advice works just fine. In your case, from what I can tell, because I went through the same thing, it's going to hurt you if you just do all the gym bro self improvement stuff without taking care of yourself emotionally first.

So yeah man. To me it sounds like you are hiding some trauma which happens a lot to us guys and you want to take care of that first before moving on to the gym bro stuff. Keep working out and all that but acknowledge the real issue here. Otherwise you are going to be lifting weights forever wondering why you feel the same way. Now is your chance while you're still living with your parents. Best of luck.

Edit: I greatly appreciate everyone's attention to this in the comment section! I know someone mentioned the OP may have meant SA/Social Anxiety rather than Sexual Assault, which is what I assumed. But, I'm just happy that this comment was able to help someone, even if it may not have applied to the OP. All of this stuff I learned from going to therapy myself. I highly recommend it for anyone considering. It helps heal the wounds that lifting weights and buying things can't. Thanks again for the upvotes and award!

battleborncold · 2023-07-17T08:50:00+00:00

I grew up with a Dad that was a complete douche, always acting like I'm a disappointment or some shit. Said stuff like he couldn't ever remember a good time with me. Shit like that will fuck you up. Took me quite a lot of years to get to where I'm at now, confidence is not an issue. I also never wanted to become over-confident, where I'm some sort of arrogant douchebag, so that makes the journey a little more difficult, when it feels like a balancing act of too little or too much. There were a few major turning points I had that helped me get here.

1) my girlfriend at the time was watching a movie called A Lot Like Love. It has Ashton Kutcher in it. His character is very unconfident, and you can really see from an outsider's perspective how unattractive it is. If it can make Ashton Kutcher look like a person you'd avoid being around, imagine how much that would affect the average guy. So I vowed to never let those kind of mannerisms exist in my actions ever again.

2) eventually you really gotta deal with how much you give a fuck about anyone/everyone accepting you, approving, or thinking you're cool. You can't never give a fuck, because it's important to validate when your personality is working or not with different people or situations, but you also gotta realize many times, it's not you, it's them. They could be having a bad day or they just don't care rn to be courteous or maybe they're just an asshole. You just assess and learn what you can, and move on. Most people aren't judging you much, they're just in their own little world, worrying about their daily drama. And more recently, I read that we should really only give a fuck about things we can control the outcome. Things like being honest, or strategic, or fun-loving, playful. Things you can't control nearly as much are how cool any given person thinks you are, so fuck worrying about it. Just be like the people you like being around.

3) what really was the nail in the coffin for me was the word "confidence". If you even think about the word, it makes you overly self-conscious, which is not the state of mind you want to be in to succeed around others. So I abolished it. All I ever ask myself is if I'm sure. You damn right I'm sure. Alright, enough said, do what you wanna do, kick ass doing it.

So yeah, in the end confidence isn't an issue for me anymore. I've had a gf for the last 4 years and life is good on all fronts. Hope some of this works for you, people shouldn't have to live unfruitful lives due to unconfidence.

Aristox · 2023-07-17T10:26:46+00:00

The best way to build confidence is to have a long list of undeniable accomplishments, such that it's unreasonable for you not to be confident.

Go do some hard stuff. Get muscular, get stamina, create a good style and get cool clothes, learn a musical instrument, learn a martial art, learn a new language. Clean your room and redesign it. Create a career plan for yourself. Make an inspiring vision board. Do some stuff that actually makes you impressed by yourself. Then you'll be confident.

IntrovertDatingCoach · 2023-07-17T14:49:29+00:00

I'll tell you what honestly worked for me. And yes, going to the gym, creating goals, blah blah blah all that stuff can help...

...BUT, it starts with your mentality. Most people have a negative commentary going on in their heads all the time, so YOU are your first line of defense against your low confidence, and you have to be mindful of the things you're thinking about yourself and fight them tooth and nail.

Here's what I did: At the point I realized I was always putting my own self down, I made the conscious effort to replace every negative thoughts with 5 to 7 positive ones, in the moment I realized it was happening.

So, for example: if I thought to myself, "ugh, no girls will want you 'cause you don't look all that great," I'd combat it with thoughts like "I'm great, I'm wonderful, I'm talented at ____, my friends think the world of me, I'm intelligent." And I would do this EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

The results? After about a year, I noticed I had way more positive thoughts about myself than negative ones, and my self esteem started to rise.

Lastly, I'll leave you with this: always be mindful that your view of yourself is ONE view, and it's not always the correct one. Example: you saying "I'm only 5'10 so I'm not tall" as if to say "and therefore women won't want you" is one view point. And yet, the majority of men are that height and plenty of them get women - heck, I went to school with a couple of guys who are 5'6 and got married to a couple of tall baddies. What's the difference between them and you? CONFIDENCE, and the realization that if you show up as the best version of yourself, people WILL want you.

Hope this helps!

nocturnalanimal69 · 2023-07-17T05:31:59+00:00

Considering you probably don’t pay any rent, it sounds like you should invest in some therapy. Low self esteem isn’t generally something that will just disappear, especially if you’ve struggled with it your whole life. You might even want to keep an open mind about trying anti anxiety medication.

oiamo123 · 2023-07-17T08:04:17+00:00

Hey man, I got problems with my confidence too. But I've gone from having anxiety when talking to strangers to having no anxiety when talking to strangers.

I started going out to bars and other social events alone and I'd do a little bit of magic mushrooms lmao. Magic mushrooms have pro-social effects to them, so when you go out you'll find it super easy to connect with people. I'm talking like a quarter to half gram. They've been proven to reduce social anxiety and are used for other therapeutic uses. Nontheless after doing it 5-6 times, it's carried over into my sober life.

Going out alone also was a massive stepping stone for me, cause now I get to go out and do the things I've always wanted to and don't rely on someone to come with me. Definitely feel a lot more comfortable with myself.

Mrduckboss · 2023-07-17T05:56:07+00:00

Look dude, I’m just some fuck wit on the internet and I can offer 0 help with your past traumas.

But if you want you face to look better? try losing weight, should help show those cheek bones and jaw line.

Want confidence? Become good at something and consistent at something. Could be the gym, could be martial arts, fuck dude it could be fishing. But being good at something will make you feel far better about yourself and will give you something to talk about. Passionate people are interesting people.

peelinchilis · 2023-07-17T08:48:43+00:00

Dude, I'm 7 inches shorter than you. Yes SEVEN. And I worry about these things WAY LESS than you. All of that mind energy you're putting to work thinking about this stuff is the very thing that you need to redirect and find a sense of control over. Stop worrying about those things and start focusing that energy on doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Just get the ball rolling in that direction and don't stop. Eventually you won't think about the old you anymore because all of your time is shifted to the new, more confident, carefree, badass you.

Easier said than done, I know. But you have to find the will to turn things in a direction that YOU want them to.

Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

dankmantis17 · 2023-07-17T09:34:13+00:00

dude you aren’t short you’re literally above average. i’m 6’2 and people are taller than me all the fucking time. i also fumble girls constantly because of flaws in my personality. i think just focusing on your own world and what gives you confidence is what will help you the most, for me that was finding my own personal style and expressing myself through that. i now get girls from just dressing weird but they like that it shows how confident i am. also i wouldn’t use the sa acronym for social anxiety it typically means sexual assault, unless that’s what you meant

PondScum420 · 2023-07-17T15:13:22+00:00

I think a lot of the time when we talk about "confidence" we could more so use the word "security", as in the opposite of "insecurity".

I think confidence translates in a lot of people's minds as peacocking, or being very extroverted and cocky even. I think the real underlying quality is self esteem and being secure in oneself.

Even quiet guys can have the juice if they're just really comfortable in themselves, think Boomhauer from king of the hill as an archetype of that.

Gerald00 · 2023-07-17T11:52:35+00:00

Try this, Works for me most of the time. Talk slow, loud amd clear, so you're Heard the First time and have time tô think while talking, look at people in the eye and carry with you a little smile at all times, these 3 tips should roll you into the right Path

Dandys3107 · 2023-07-17T08:50:44+00:00

Apart from exercising, you should get proper diet, start socialising more with people, meditate, spend some money on yourself, surround yourself with happy, successful and supportive people, get some small wins. You need to feel your value and believe you deserve these girls. Focus on and multiply your advantages. You may be just the right type for a girl, but you need to enhance and expose it. Don't follow vague traits and pixel beauty, it's always the essence that is the most attractive.

cSharp5Head · 2023-07-17T09:08:17+00:00

also try mma or boxing and go to the gym

Evanisnotmyname · 2023-07-17T18:32:31+00:00

I find microdosing has really kickstarted my journey of self-healing and self-discovery. It’s helped me realize that as “broken” as I feel, I’m not, and I’m just working through things. So are you.

We are perfect in our imperfection. We can choose to look at ourselves as damaged, weak individuals, or as people who have grown up in a broken place and are learning to overcome our weaknesses.

There’s a road of recovery, just hold out a little sliver of hope and do something to improve every day. Find things that you love to do and do them. Get a therapist, but don’t get caught up in the “I need to be fixed” mentality.

You don’t need to be fixed. You ARE fixing yourself. You ARE healing. Simply by posting this and looking for the right answers, you’re on your way. Believe it. Learn to love yourself in all of your imperfection. I do that by realizing that as shitty as my situation has been/still can be at times, I’ve come a long way from who I used to be.

We are all exactly where we need to be. We may not love where we are all the time, but that’s what pushes us to grow and develop into what we WANT to be. So stop looking at your past as something that’s destroyed you and start looking at it as an opportunity to overcome weakness.

You are an amazing person just the way you are. Write it down, hang it on a mirror, look at it every day. Internalize positive mindset and develop love for yourself, wherever you are in the process.

I love you man, do you, be real, be vulnerable, develop yourself into who you dream to be.

Healthy_Compote1195 · 2023-07-17T12:37:14+00:00

You can check out the programme Identity By Design by Hypnotist David Snyder. It's a 20 hour programme which helps overcome past trauma and install confidence. Can easily be pirated if you want.

NoOrganization1400 · 2023-07-17T23:49:48+00:00

I can somewhat relate to this post. I also get consumed with what I see. Guys dating and having plenty of success and sex with tons of attractive women, guys who are more financially stable than I am, guys who have “purpose” in life, etc. I struggle with it hard. Sometimes I think rationally and logically. Sometimes I don’t. So this is my rational way of putting it. A lot of these people genuinely don’t have the happiness you and I think they do. Especially all of these “influencers” who try and spew nonsense bullshit about having to be “masculine” and “masculinity” , instead of just talking about being a GOOD , WHOLESOME, person. You don’t hear them talking about doing good things for others, giving back and being a part of the community, and helping those in need. We (myself included) chase all of these things that in the grand scheme of things really don’t matter. If I had sex with 100 of the hottest women, the way my brain works id feel like it wasn’t enough. That’s a personal problem. The best advice I can give you In which I have to take myself is to do good for others , stop surrounding yourself with cheap-thrill people that are chasing material and lust , and stop thinking about seduction and take some time to learn more about yourself as a person. Try new activities, be kinder to yourself , go for a hike , see more and do more. This post really hurt me inside because I know exactly how you feel. We are in this together brother

paper_slayer · 2023-07-19T05:35:22+00:00

Someone told me confidence isnt you throwing hollow compliments at the mirror. Confidence is having a stack of undeniable evidence of you are who u say u are Outwork your self doubt.

For me i was the most nervous loser out there but when i started art n i got good at it. I changed.

So id recommend u do something that gives u the credibility to claim what u think you as u you.

It's a long process but u have to start somewhere.

heartless_monk · 2023-07-17T09:39:07+00:00

fake it til you make it.

yup.

just pretend that you’re this confident beast (even though you’re timid as fuck deep down), and soon enough, you will actually be that guy.

HarpertFredje · 2023-07-17T11:42:17+00:00

179cm is pretty average in Europe/North America and quite tall in Asia/South America. You shouldn't consider that to be a weak point. You compare yourself too much with fake standards from TV/the internet. If you constantly think "I'm not as hot as Brad Pitt" or course you get depressed.

bejadreams2reality · 2023-07-17T11:52:28+00:00

Yes man. You need to go all the way back to where the insecurities started. Most likely during childhood. When you didnt have enough resources so you just hid them under the carpet, you need to go back to it and deal with them in a mature way dont run away from them. Question your self limiting beliefs. And from then on find your true value. Psychotherapist is great in helping you with this. Just learning game and dressing better it is not going to help you. You, (We) need to fix our childhood lacks. Whatever insecurities you have from your childhood is going to make you needy, so now you are going to want other people to validate you, to approve you. So when you go all the way back and question those traumas you can yourself approve of yourself and validate yourself so it will reduce your need for external validation. It is a process. So be patient and humble. Best.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-07-17T12:42:02+00:00

Check out The Untethered Soul. Your mind is an exquisite tool for things like mathematics and music. But most of the churn going on is self-harm. If you stop bothering yourself all the time, many of your biggest problems just disappear

montanalombardy · 2023-07-18T01:01:28+00:00

I believe "skill confidence" and "social confidence" are completely different things.

That's why some utter lsoers have amazing confidence when talking to people. And some extremely talented overachievers are the most awkward unconfident people you'll meet.

To have a good dating life you need social confidence.

To build social confidence, go out and socialize. Meet people, make friends, talk to strangers, learn social skills.

Diddlerontheroof420 · 2023-07-19T00:43:02+00:00

1st off, you don't go online and expect someone to give a magical 1 step answer. You need to go outside and just live life man, confidence comes with both experience and not giving a shit. Those are your options

jiva_maya · 2023-07-17T12:18:47+00:00

best thing i learned from any "PUA" people was from "RealSocialDynamics". If you don't feel confident, and you feel depressed, but you still feel desperate for validation, and/or horny: be congruent in thoughts, feelings, actions, There is one thing that trumps confidence and charisma and that is complete and total unbridled honesty. It may not lead to you landing dimes on a regular basis but an intelligent woman will see you, and there is nothing greater than being seen. It's kind of hard to fully convey what I'm attempting to convey, but if you have questions we can start a dialogue that may provide clarity.

Left4dinner2 · 2023-07-17T12:49:05+00:00

For what it's worth, being 5'10 is still pretty good in height. So don't let that get to you. Additionally, I wouldn't worry about things like still being in college or living with your parents. Living with your parents during college is fairly normal. While I don't exactly have any extravagant advice to give beyond what I already said, I would suggest trying to hit the gym to at least you know tone up a bit and if you're not much of a Smiler than work on a smile. I swear to God, smiles are like super effective. Obviously they won't fix anything, but having a good smile definitely gives a better positive vibe.

Rambo5Team · 2023-07-17T14:04:09+00:00

I am working on this. Metta meditation, gratitude, saying i love myself. Affirmations in the mirror (really feel like the statements are true) : I am attractive, beautiful women desire me. This is helping me, but I got to stay consistent for it to work. Stop watching porn(Easy peasy method), eat well

Some of the things that are working for me

https://www.highexistence.com/my-radical-realization-about-self-love

https://www.amazon.com/Love-Yourself-Like-Your-Depends/dp/0062968726

https://youtu.be/-d_AA9H4z9U

https://youtu.be/5ePEgCUJkU0

Look into Cory Skyy's Magnetic Mindset program

narutoaerowindy · 2023-07-17T14:08:00+00:00

Quick way to improve is to use Omegle.com and greet every person Connected with you regardless who he is. Talk 2min and cut it off.

Be confident.

I'm not promoter.

gornad96 · 2023-07-17T15:10:36+00:00

The most important thing is to be patient. A few years ago at your age I was extremely unconfident. I didn’t do anything specific to work on it. I did (and still do) therapy because it’s healthy. I try to do things that I enjoy. I try to get out more and maybe meet new people. With time and age, you will see your confidence rise. The more you put yourself in new situations, the more you learn about yourself and about life, the more comfortable you become.

Take it easy and take it one step at a time. Focus on living the life you want to live. The rest will come.

LifesAMitch · 2023-07-17T15:56:43+00:00

Go to therapy, it's awesome. Realize that you're still very young and let that relax you. Live a fun life full of things you enjoy, stay busy. Have 1-3 personal goals you're working on at a time, and no more than that. Lastly, don't expect yourself to be 100% confident because no one is, everyone has insecurities they can't always hide and that's okay. We're all a work in progress.

Bekeexx · 2023-07-17T16:18:06+00:00

Stop caring what other people think of you, everyone is too busy with their own shit. People that see u on the street will forget anything about you after 5 seconds. People say learn to love yourself but you have to also like yourself. Regular Exercise helps increase feel good hormones. Just take it day by day, and work on yourself.

Kyrie180 · 2023-07-17T16:23:22+00:00

Serious question , have you ever tried psychedelics? I’d recommend it if you haven’t

l8rpig · 2023-07-17T16:38:18+00:00

Dude, let me be real with you. You’re smart, tall and young with a promising future career.

You’re gonna be just fine. Just enjoy your youth while you can, don’t worry about finding someone just yet. They will find you.

Only1MikeBingo · 2023-07-17T16:41:58+00:00

It's not lack of confidence, it's fear of rejection.Level up, face your fears and you'll stop giving a shit.

coachmelloweyes · 2023-07-17T17:32:09+00:00

Earn it. Do the things you find hard.

Ancient-Position-696 · 2023-07-18T02:33:12+00:00

Try your best lines on the ugliest women.

warbloggled · 2023-07-18T06:36:43+00:00

As someone else commented. Small wins.

Also, stay in your lane, as in - make a list of things you’re knowledgeable about.

Which one of those things are generally interesting? Talk about those things. Learn how to steer conversations in those directions, then you’ll feel more in your nature.

Forgot3n_King · 2023-07-17T15:20:07+00:00

Fake it....then practice.....then Fake it some more .....then practice. What you'll find is some things come easier than you thoughts and others require a lil more skills.

You get the skills by experimenting, learning, and adapting.

Comparison is natural, but don't dwell on it. Accept your height, your looks, your build, your place in life is what it is currently. You make a plan to improve what you can, and maximize what you're already good at. But in all of this, charisma and confidence will get you further with women than anything else. Staying in the gym helps from a visual perspective

Wazzock_PP · 2023-07-20T18:37:57+00:00

Your issue isn’t what you think it is, and you are most likely so stuck in your ways my guidance will land on deaf ears. But even if you don’t listen others who pass this post with similar less severe cases can may be helped.

Confidence is a MYTH in this regard, an idea created by those that don’t understand the ways of things to fill the gaps where they lack knowledge of what they are actually seeing in others.

There are many things the illusion of confidence can be mistaken with, the two big ones are self respect, and arrogance.

Those with self respect are mindful of their differences but look at them not as attractive or unattractive, they are just what they are. Those with self respect don’t work out because they want to fit a mold, they work out because they value their health and want to live long to enjoy life. It takes the form of not spending time with untrustworthy, negative, or manipulative people. It is understanding that you ARE some ones type and focusing your attention onto others instead of inward like you are doing and recognizing the subtle signs of attraction. These people date around not because they are successful, they are dating around because they haven’t found what they are looking for yet, and those that have, well you don’t see them because they form strong relationships.

Arrogance is bloated self worth, they believe their time and their person are worth more than every one else. They give the appearance of attractive by taking action to constantly try to prove to themself what they are projecting onto the world. They are in a constant state of competition and stress. These people date around because their relationships constantly fail. Their suitors either come to the realization the so called “confidence” was fake, or the person themself cripples to jealousy from being in a constant mindset competition.

Like attracts like, so think hard about what you actually want and choose a path. If you want to date to find some one that compliments your life style work on your self respect. If you want to just rotate through with low value insecure people to “get off” then inflate your ego and become arrogant. If you want neither continue with your self loathing.

ASG77 · 2023-07-17T09:39:56+00:00

Start setting small but challenging goals for yourself. Things that stretch you but are achievable. As you begin to stack small wins, your confidence and self esteem will begin to improve. Also work on healing your trauma etc, as stated already.

HungDaddyNYC · 2023-07-17T23:38:37+00:00

I think the best answer to this is, “let go”.

Lots of things revolving around this is based on thinking you’re important. That the center of the universe is whatever outcome did or didn’t happen; good or bad. Something didn’t work out? Get over it and think about what led you there and if there is something you can change. Then change it if you can.

Confident_Opposite43 · 2023-07-18T14:33:29+00:00

work out, you dont have to work out to be muscular but just running everyday will massively boost your confidence, potentially throw in a bit if strength training with it (you can do this from home with situps, push ups and burpees etc!). Exercising is the number 1 confidence giver imo

InitialMarket2899 · 2023-07-17T12:32:29+00:00

My brother in christ, 8 years of bulling means your should've dropped an RC car with milk jug of HCL+AL with a battery and a sparkplug guided with Ai directly to their lower vertebrae.

EggsistentialDreadz · 2023-07-17T11:02:16+00:00

No, least attractive are lack of life goals, ambition and money.

MrBlack__ · 2023-07-17T08:00:41+00:00

Fake it till you make it

Lanky_Remote_9042 · 2023-07-17T09:52:12+00:00

You're either born with it or you're not. Ive tried for years

CRISPR73 · 2023-07-17T10:36:03+00:00

You need to be successful in life and confidence comes automatically.

Dry_Emu_8842 · 2023-07-17T10:37:26+00:00

Find a wingman and learn off him Grasshopper. Failing that get a paid coach.

Jasonhardon · 2023-07-17T11:50:02+00:00

Practice and experience

Sonicblue123 · 2023-07-17T12:01:48+00:00

You could do therapy for decades and potentially see moderate changes, or you could do a guided session of ayahuasca and fix it in a day.

Gshine05 · 2023-07-17T12:43:14+00:00

Winners keep winning and it makes it easier to win

ZakariusMMA · 2023-07-17T12:51:13+00:00

Get rejected a shit ton of times so that you just don't care, do it in front of your mates as well so they take the piss and you take it as a joke

DaygameCode · 2023-07-17T13:30:33+00:00

I started going to the gym 2 years ago, I like my body but I "hate" the way my face looks, I think I'm genuinely unattractive.

Confidence isn’t about liking yourself because you are perfect, flawless, or superior to others, it’s about accepting yourself with your flaws, and not taking your flaws as if that was a reflection of everything that you are, but instead knowing well what the good things are about yourself that you are proud of.

I'm only 5'10 (179 cm) so I'm not tall either.

That’s not short neither. That’s average in most countries and just slightly below average in the “tallest” countries. Making peace with your height because it can be changed and it’s not a definite factor towards getting laid or anything.

Even if I had a decent amount of success in the past 2 years with girls.

You should take that as proof that girls can like you the way you are. Should constantly remind yourself that despite what you consider to be flaws girls were willing to give you attention, affection, etc.

When I go outside or on social media and see guys who are more handsome, taller, richer than me, and having much more success than me it starts making me feel kinda worthless.

Like i said feeling valuable and confident is not about you being better than others. That would be arrogance and ego. There will always be people who have seemingly better qualities, but the comparison we all make is not with them but with our past selfs. Who were we in the past, and who are we now, how much have we improved.

That’s what drives confidence, the belief that no matter the circumstances you can always take charge of your life and make improvements in certain areas that are in your control.

So to conclude: You need to practice self-compassion, put more focus on comparing yourself with your past self than with others, remind yourself of past successes and how you succeeded despite the odds, silence your ego and practice humility.

Web-splorer · 2023-07-17T14:10:31+00:00

fake being confident the rest of your life like the rest of us. Secretly admit you were never confident in your will. That’s my plan.

liloozy · 2023-07-17T14:12:21+00:00

Can’t really speak on developing proper mechanisms that can help you deal with the past because ultimately it’s only you that can solve your problems, although I find these YouTube videos really helpful, just pop in a headphone and listen, I listen as go to sleep as well, good luck man

https://youtu.be/JGU02iYAPrA

freddymerckx · 2023-07-17T14:37:38+00:00

Too much confidence then they call you an arrogant as whole. You need to strike the balance for the situation young grasshopper

gangweedsavedme · 2023-07-17T15:15:14+00:00

Meditate. Delete social media. Challenge yourself. Easy.

lampnode · 2023-07-17T15:43:34+00:00

By turning off ur brain when talking to someone

if u ever run into a awkward moment because of this just look at ur surroundings and call out some random building name idk breaks the awkwardness in the air and starts more convo most of the time

cryptosis420 · 2023-07-17T15:46:49+00:00

Ahh mate most guys are losers. There is not enough men who seriously take out the time to learn and practice how to make a girl smile and laugh and do them a huge favor by saving them from said losers.

That being said by you putting in the time and energy into cultivating a positive, fun, playful personality, you Are Already the most attractive man there could possibly be! Your doing all this for her which is very sweet and romantic. compared that to her Loser Bf who doesn't.

Inferno456 · 2023-07-17T16:09:50+00:00

I’m kinda similar to you. For me i got a little bit more interested in fashion so I could dress better. That + gym made me feel better in public. If you look good, you feel good

Cnnlgns · 2023-07-17T16:17:24+00:00

If someone you are interested in comments about your face in a way that you dislike, make it into a joke and run with it.

Yeah, it is from face sitting. I offered my face as a seat and it didn't go according to plan. Nearly smothered me to death. I was tapping out but there was no referee to call the match. I saw my life flash before my eyes and thought, am I going to go out like this? Needless to say that ride has closed down unless you are interested in a private tour.

I had someone comment about my gray facial hair. I said it was from eating grannies. Quick wit has its advantages.

LordRio123 · 2023-07-17T16:24:21+00:00

you're looking at validation from women WAY too much it sounds like.

pittburgh_zero · 2023-07-17T16:30:10+00:00

Fake it til you make it. Belief in yourself is kind of a habit. Like playing a sport you have to practice.

You should long term focus on your mental health and accepting yourself. It’s experience, acceptance and understanding that allows for that inner natural confidence.

I use boundaries, I set them and enforce them, and the control and consistency allows me to be confident. It’s when things go anywhere, and ability to accept anything and turn it into positive is where having a flexible mentality and natural confidence will be key.

Vachid · 2023-07-17T17:00:12+00:00

Lift

Flintstrikah · 2023-07-17T17:16:58+00:00

Genuine confidence comes from authentic pride. Feeling bonito is the result of achievement acquired through consistent discipline and self-care. If you're already working out, cooking your own food, solving your own problems and being useful in your community, you need to work on making a habit of acknowledging it to yourself with observations and affirmations, both as achievements are earned and as a daily morning and evening ritual of gratitude.

Our society mainly teaches hyper logical, hyper critical, objective, and coldy remote analytical mentality. You need to make the effort to change that mindset to a warmer subjective one that understands that self-respect and love are essential to your confidence and your survival and require a constant habit of validating your achievements as they occur. Instead of constantly tearing yourself apart.

Self-esteem is like a garden, and you have to tend it regularly. Nourish and protect your mind. No flower and fruit are gonna grow well if you go out and stomp on your garden every day instead of watering it.

The first thing you gotta do is find all the weeds and pull em. (Find the negative thoughts and self-harm and stop them) Then you gotta plant your pretty and useful plants. (Institute positive thoughts and habits) Then you gotta find a way to maintain and improve that a lil each and every day.

secmaster420 · 2023-07-17T18:19:54+00:00

Act. Make like you’re in a live play playing a character that has high confidence. It’s worked for me my whole life. It also helped that my wife was the same way. 😉

BlackGhost_13 · 2023-07-17T20:16:21+00:00

I believe True Confidence comes from actually being good at something, maybe you are skilled at your work, or maybe your body is well and fit. Maybe you are good in gaining money. The point is, seek strength, whatever it is. Once you truly start to become good at something, you will feel that you are capable of adding value to other people's life. This is really how to geniuly be confident, it is strength that allows you to be really useful. In my case, it was being good at my job as a Software Engineer.

InfamousDuckMan · 2023-07-17T22:19:49+00:00

Pretend until it's real.

Scary-Camera-9311 · 2023-07-18T02:41:34+00:00

I did not get past your second sentence, in which you mention that you still live with your parents. So, the only piece of advice right now is to move out of Mom and Pop's place.

KingKekJr · 2023-07-18T03:34:03+00:00

Well if by SA you mean sexual assault then brother you have not addressed your trauma. This is not a case of you simply lacking confidence. You need to tackle that first and foremost. Go see a therapist and if you can talk openly about it to your family/friends. Good luck!

Sendmeloveletters · 2023-07-18T05:36:46+00:00

Fake it til you make it

bethatsocialguy · 2023-07-18T07:15:05+00:00

The biggest thing that you can do that you can start today is fitness. You don't have to build a lot of muscle but enough to look defined

cheeralisa · 2023-07-18T08:25:51+00:00

The best way to gain confidence is to lose it completely! Having lost it you will realize what you actually miss by how you are treated by the society. Then you will automatically assume that you don’t attract people based on how you look but on how you think!

K4ntazel · 2023-07-18T10:49:23+00:00

How did you got rid of social anxiety ? Cuz I can't speak with randoms at all and I can't even look at girls just not to make an eye contact

Original-Reaction-94 · 2023-07-18T11:48:37+00:00

Hey, just dress nice, you’ll always feel confident in a fresh ass fit! Girls usually compliment that a lot, boosting your ego

Captain_w00t · 2023-07-18T12:01:07+00:00

I would throw some thoughts in random order:

confidence: you gain it with time and experience. I’m not confident with mechanical engineering because I’ve never touched that topic, but you should because you’re getting a master in it. Same happens with other contexts: the more you’re into it, the better you’ll improve. Not easy, but possible, just like your master in mechanical engineering.
being introverted is not an handicap: it just means it requires more energies to interact with the outside world. So, it’s a matter of knowing it and act accordingly, also including training your “social stamina” by increasing exposure to the outside.
look matters? Yes to some extent, also depending by age: older people cares more about personality, while younger ones are more focused on plain look. But genetic traits can’t be changed, so it’s better to focus on the ones you can work on, it will repay you in the long run.
stop comparing yourself with other people, especially on social networks: people will only show the best part (sometimes it’s even a fake) of their lives while hiding the rest. Also, you’ll always find someone which is/has more/less than you, we’re 8+ billions people in the world. Accept what you are/have, improve it whenever possible, and go for your path to the best possible outcome you can achieve, without forgetting to have fun during the ride. That’s how life works.

Good luck.

bubliman · 2023-07-18T15:28:50+00:00

SA = sexual assault... not social anxiety

mYsTeEx · 2023-07-18T16:37:29+00:00

Are you confident about having low confidence?

Extra_Competition715 · 2023-07-28T01:21:34+00:00

Ok man, I did troll on your posts (sorry don't mean to be creepy) but wanted context. In your pics you are hot AF!!! As another person shared. It's seems you still have some residual trauma from your younger years. Possibly even a some body dysmorphia too. Which can definitely be triggered by previous trauma. I can confidently say there are a hell of a lot of guys that see you as that dream they covet!!

iamliamjm · 2023-08-24T14:06:16+00:00

Broooooo! You’re going to be an engineer! Guys who are richer than you? If you play your cards right you’re gonna be in the top of wage earners and have a comfortable life. Height? I’d trade 5 inches to be as handsome as you. Doesn’t matter what the comments say you’re going to have to somehow internalize that you ARE uniquely beautiful and desirable. I hope mine, and others’ comments become your internal mantra at some point.

scmitr · 2023-10-29T16:06:54+00:00

Know more about stuff. Read articles, books, get into hobbies, learn something new. Experiencing life boosts confidence.

Title	Having low confidence is by far the least attractive trait a guy can have: how can I get rid of that?
Author	mangusta123
Upvotes	538
Comments	132
Date	July 17, 2023 5:11 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/151sdqi/having_low_confidence_is_by_far_the_least/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/having-low-confidence-is-by-far-the-least.1428496 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428496

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