Quicktips I find Important

testmypatience · 2012-04-11T04:04:01+00:00

Continued from main post...

Date many people. When you find the right girl you will click. It will be like she is your best friend but one that you enjoy fucking and being around. Things won't always be perfect but it will just click. You cannot force a relationship. The girls that you feel you would have to force a relationship with, you want to just friendzone them. The girls that would date you and that you would date but you feel it would fuck your friendship and you dont want to lose it, those are the girls you make your woman. After the blaze of emotions are gone, you want the friendship to remain. The calm but deep rooted love is the best kind. The blaze of glory love that is shallow and quick will fade away. The love that is with a person you are the best of friends with will remain strong even through dumb dumb shit. It will click. You will end up with a ton of legitimate friends that you actually fuck before you find that girl you are going to spend your life with. This is completely OK. When it happens and there are fights, don't freak out because if you stay calm and so does the other person and you can work it out, those will be the best relationships of your life.
You cannot force love. Ever. Love is a force of attraction of two personalities. It stays because of rationality and compatibility of two partners. (unless you are into polymory but the basic structure is two)
Desensitization is a great thing. We all have fears. A great way to get over them is to expose yourself to those things a lot until the sting goes away or lessens. Exposure therapy is great. A huge part of why we react badly to things is because we haven't had time to figure out how to react properly to those situations yet. So give yourself the experience and understand you will fail before you succeed. Hit up those women. Date again after you get dumped. Continue living and you will get better at it. If you stop trying you will lose permanently.
Make sure to stay physicaly active. It helps you feel good. The body adapts to your patterns. If you sit all the time it will adapt to that situation and assume you are going to stay with that and change your energy output abilities. If you make sure to include exercise in your routine you will continue to keep the energy. You will feel better than being sluggish all the time.
Posture when you walk and sit is important to your overal feeling. Force the body, the mind will follow.
Smiling or frowning becomes a habit. Yes it takes practice to smile more often than frowning if you have been sad most your life. Shit happens. Practice smiling at people, they like it and so will you.
Take care of yourself, nobody wants to be with someone who doesn't because they feel that you can't care about them either.
Kino / touching others - it is important to have physical contact with people. Touching the light of a womans back, patting a buddy on the back or throwing your arm around them to chat to them about girls or whatever is great. Hugging female friends, chest bumping, dancing and rubbing, etc. are important parts of the human experience. It conveys intimate subcommunications and confidence as well as other things. This is important to learn about and to emplore. It will not just make others like you but you yourself will enjoy yourself more. It is a good thing.
Social proof - people are social creatures. Be social, others will notice and see that you are friendly and capable of human interaction. The more human interaction they witness the more they feel you are capable of with just one person. It shows how much value you can convey. It is a subconsious thing. Don't be a dick to people even if you don't like them. It is important to show stability and awesomeness of who you really are. An unwavering ability to be unaffected by shitty situations or people.
To get a realistic smile you can think of someone attractive naked.

I will add more when I think of them. Have a kick ass week boys.

Other guides I did write:

[Wit & Teasing] (http://redd.it/vd4u3)
Friendzone / Sexzone - a comprehensive guide

PyouA · 2012-04-11T03:31:44+00:00

Confidence is not about being right but assuming you are until otherwise proven. Don't second guess yourself unless you absolutely should...

This is something I see people fuck up all the time. Take two different people who are think the same thing but in different ways.

Person #1 - "A killer whale isn't a whale, I know this because I am smart."

Person #2 - "I am smart. I think a killer whale isn't really a whale."

Person 1 is the asshole who jumps all over you because he is grounding who he is outside of himself (specifically, in the facts that he knows). In his world he isn't smart if you are right, so just the fact that you don't think the same thing as him is an attack on his intelligence. The result is that he is going to dismiss and attack your perspective because he HAS TO BE RIGHT in order to be smart. "No you are wrong! Don't you know that blah blah blah..." When you do this you are being rude and insecure - don't do it.

Person #2 would probably smile and say something like, "haha, you think so huh?" in his world he is a smart guy and sure of himself. But being right or wrong about the classification of a killer whale (or whatever) isn't going to have an affect on that belief one way or another. This is real confidence.

WiteOut · 2012-04-11T03:50:58+00:00

This deserves a spot on the sidebar.

TBXF · 2012-04-11T04:03:46+00:00

Glad to see a more relationship-oriented post. It's a nice change up from all the straight pick up posts.

PublicStranger · 2012-04-11T16:31:50+00:00

I'm female, and I'd say most of this is really good.

I do have one major quibble, though:

Girls don't get romantically involved with safe guys who are not exciting to them. (classic nice guy syndrome)

Basically, I like "safe" guys. I am a "safe" girl. I like a guy who is like me: calm, introverted, doesn't get bored, isn't impulsive or unpredictable, etc. Guys who aren't this way stress me out and overstimulate me. I have never felt bored since I was a child; I don't need a guy to keep my life exciting, because I have an extremely low threshold for excitement and tend to get too much of it already.

It goes the other way, of course. Lots of men find me painfully boring because I'll happily drone on for hours about some esoteric topic. But other men tend to find me unusually fascinating because I'll happily drone on for hours about some esoteric topic.

In my experience, introverted/easily-overstimulated people are better matched with other introverted/easily-overstimulated people. If you're not an exciting guy and find it tires you out to try, don't force yourself to do it; instead, find a girl who's like you. This is an underexploited niche.

KiwiBuckle · 2012-04-11T03:10:25+00:00

This is quite possibly one of the most introspective posts I have ever read on Seddit. Congrats on having lots of things starting to click!

CampConcentration · 2012-04-11T03:57:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

lastnoob · 2012-04-11T02:18:27+00:00

If she is a little upset and not wildly upset, let her get over it. You don't have to get in on every single emotion she has. That just creates problems.

If your woman is upset and you know you didn't do anything you can usually cheer her up by telling her you care, giving her a hug, making funny faces at her, changing the subject all together to something she must dwell on in order to properly converse. Transfer the energy from her shitty thoughts to good thoughts.

This is so important to having a good relationship, and in dating in general. Once I learned that guys generate state from within, and girls kind of leech it from their environment, that helped me to frame my interactions with women much better.

LadyNerd · 2012-04-11T05:40:18+00:00

I find that I'm golden late at night, for casual encounters.

But during the day, when I have chance encounters with folks on the bus, cafe, or train, after 30 minutes of being a charming fuck... I get winded. I just feel a natural lull coming on, and then BAM... awkward lull in conversation hits. I've generally timed myself, so that I can get the girl's digits before then and then abandon the situation.

Anyone have advice for conquering these types of situations?

EDIT: I also find that about 40% of the folks I meet don't participate that well in the convo. Even when I prompt them to divulge an interesting opinion or tease them.

DesignMyself · 2012-04-11T14:21:30+00:00

Make your first priority to enjoy yourself. Make the outcome of fucking the girl an optional goal, not the primary goal. Be outcome independant.

This really simplified something that is easy to forget and has been difficult to explain. Having fun = Outcome Independence. Thanks.

Your points about teasing are spot on and not talked about enough.

I still don't know about which girls should be friends and which should be more. Maybe I've missed some good opportunities in the past.

hosway · 2012-04-11T05:14:09+00:00

After this weekend my confidence in my pick up had fallen a lot. I have been having a lot of trouble lately and seemed to be making little to no progress as I have been earlier in the year when I first discovered this subreddit. This post has inspired me again and I am suddenly feeling a lot more confident already. Can't wait for the weekend. Great post!

TurningItIntoASnake · 2012-04-11T07:23:03+00:00

I love you man. Great post. I look forward to your guides :)

uthben · 2012-04-11T14:34:36+00:00

Correction. * Fake insults can still hurt her feelings if she is insecure about it, because girls are sensitive. * You can be witty and cute, and still be stuck in the friend zone for the rest of your life.

symphonix · 2012-04-11T15:08:18+00:00

Seriously, going from an AFC in my late teens to early 20s and now being successful with women I cannot repeat enough how simple it is:

Be confident. Fake it till you make it if you aren't. Just don't be cocky. Cockiness works on immature 18 year old girls.
Hit the gym. This will improve your confidence and mood nearly instantly if you are working out and eating right. Take your vitamins and fish oils.
Kino. Kino. Kino. When I meet a girl I always kino. Shake her hand and lean for a kiss on the cheek. This works like a charm. I am European so we are born doing this. When out with a girl or a group of girls don't be affraid to lead them. Grab them by their hand in a crowded place. Even if you barely know them. Lead the way. Open door for them and put your hand on their waist to show them the way. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TOUCH WOMEN (appropriately of course). Sometimes I'll slap em on the ass, but only if I already built attraction and rapport and we are messing around in a club or bar.
Flirt (tease, joke) while kinoing a girl. Always keep the conversation light. Don't be afraid to make fun of yourself because women eat it up. Talk about sex.
Social proof is probably the most important thing that can help you. Has helped me tremendously and a bunch of other people I know. When I go out, I always see people that I know. They say hi to me and the girl always say "you know everyone in this town!"
Spin your plates. You don't have to disclose anything to anyone unless you are starting to get serious with someone and they ask. Only settle for someone who you feel can be your best friend and someone who is up to your standards. Me personally I go for 8s and 9s, but won't date one just because of her looks.

I know these points are repeated over and over, but that's because it is true. It's really is that simple. Practice makes perfect though. You can't build it all in one day, but with a little effort these pieces will come together eventually.

AwesomeusPrime · 2012-04-11T21:15:37+00:00

Could you define 'exciting'?

2012-04-11T03:14:22+00:00

This is great, a must-read for newcomers

Balloons_lol · 2012-04-11T04:31:19+00:00

When you are drunk you are saying and doing things you want to say or do. Have the confidence to say and do those things when you are sober.

I've thought about this a lot and it's not necessarily true. Getting drunk removes your inhibitions, but doesn't always reflect what you want. If you don't express your desires often, then it will likely reveal what you want to say or do. But if you're an average, confident guy, this could mean you just turn into a douche because you feel like you can say anything.

zephirumgita · 2012-04-11T14:44:55+00:00

Confirming, this is a Verified GoodPost.

2012-04-11T15:00:48+00:00

Hella Sidebar

policeandthieves · 2012-04-11T17:16:27+00:00

Could you explain how introverts and extroverts are equally capable of being alpha?

EvolutionTheory · 2012-04-11T17:39:25+00:00

Nice, excellent advice Test.

testmypatience · 2012-04-11T10:54:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

that-freakin-guy · 2012-04-11T10:26:45+00:00

Bravo, sir.

Listen to this man. Everything he has written up is entirely true, and as someone who has experienced both ends of the spectrum (socially awkward to socially awesome), I can surely say that his advice rings especially true.

My girlfriend and I, we have a great relationship. I tease her all the time. All the time. But I never mean it, and I try my hardest to go above and beyond her expectations in a boyfriend. Being boring doesn't cut it. I taught her how to drive stick, took her canyoning on the Mulholland hills, showed her electronic music and took her to her first Above & Beyond concert, taught her about the Big Bang theory and evolution (she went to a Catholic high school and is a graphic design major so she has very little biological and evolutionary experience), feed her with random facts, etc. I try to be unique, but mostly myself. I never really tried to impress her, I just liked being who I always like to be.

Granted, there are times I must be serious with her, and teasing just won't do. One time I am never serious is arguments, however. I figure that arguing simply causes aggravation, where as comedy causes laughter. No good comes from frustration, and as such I try to ensure that she's smiling more than she is frowning.

Good write up once again, absolutely fantastically well written.

roxxe · 2012-04-11T07:22:08+00:00

girls don't do this, girls don't do that, girls only do ... when you ...

get out of this fucking mindset, girls are not a game of nintendo

Balloons_lol · 2012-04-11T04:33:18+00:00

Your further explanation link didn't work.

itsjaay · 2012-04-11T05:37:46+00:00

Wow, gave me lots of pointers to apply and review in my life. Thanks!

Iam_alwaysRIGHT · 2012-04-11T05:47:33+00:00

Excellent Guide.

WerkinAndDerpin · 2012-04-11T06:43:24+00:00

Example of the 'When a girl says something fucked up...' bit?

Dorman010 · 2012-04-11T08:31:13+00:00

Absolutely solid advice here. Someone, add this to the sidebar!

Ljungan · 2012-04-11T09:24:59+00:00

Realise you get to live once and when that chance is gone you are dead. This should enable you to enjoy life and what it allows you to do. Life is the ultimate sandbox game. You get to do whatever it is you want and it is set on the hardest level possible. Rock that shit. Good chance you won't die from a conversation with your date.

This is great advice and great motivation to live and have fun. I love it.

ineedtousespaces · 2012-04-11T11:34:33+00:00

Time to take your advice and put it to use!

Pyrelord · 2012-04-11T11:43:34+00:00

life saved.

cmcm77 · 2012-04-11T12:08:39+00:00

GRACIAS!!

bouapha · 2012-04-11T14:02:58+00:00

When you are drunk you are saying and doing things you want to say or do. Have the confidence to say and do those things when you are sober.

Makes so much sense when you put it that way. Great write up, I'll save this one for sure for a freshman like me.

IthinktherforeIthink · 2012-04-11T14:34:33+00:00

When girls say let's just be friends, they are not really asking to be your friend most of the time. This is their way of saying goodbye. I honestly enjoy having female friends but when they say it, it generally doesn't really mean they want to be friends.

I've had a situation when a girl said that and she was just testing how bad I wanted it. So I stayed friends until she came after me.

kiss_imak · 2012-04-11T15:41:20+00:00

Spot on. Thanks for the information.

StraightCougar · 2012-04-12T09:25:31+00:00

Great read, thanks brody

rawr-ree · 2012-04-12T10:56:20+00:00

Awesome post brah - very comprehensive. Please follow through with your other guides.

Mr_Smile · 2012-04-20T13:16:14+00:00

Great post. TY.

Dogfight1 · 2012-05-09T19:31:06+00:00

I just gotta point out, it's one to read this stuff stuff, sure it's inspiring and all that, but it's another thing to actually BE it. To be fun, interesting, confident, etc. HOW can I get to that level?

I'll assume that a positive attitude is always core?

Savylols · 2012-08-31T09:35:21+00:00

THIS: Life is the ultimate sandbox game. You get to do whatever it is you want and it is set on the hardest level possible. Rock that shit. I love me some games!

2012-04-11T04:29:36+00:00

You are a god amongst men.

testmypatience · 2012-04-11T17:56:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Iron-Charioteer · 2012-04-11T12:08:59+00:00

Hesitant to take advice from someone who refers to his SO as "my woman."

Title	Quicktips I find Important
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	839
Comments	114
Date	April 11, 2012 1:24 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/s3kgi/quicktips_i_find_important/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/quicktips-i-find-important.1331186 https://theredarchive.com/post/1331186

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