What is the problem with "just be yourself"?

CompetitionFair7686 · 2021-08-18T22:24:02+00:00

Because it assumes that everything about you is already attractive and fine which often isn’t the case.

If you are an asshole an idiot needy insecure being yourself isn’t good

HolidayWhile · 2021-08-18T22:15:38+00:00

Because it's a cliche that only works for people who are already attractive.

BeASimpleWinner · 2021-08-18T22:33:39+00:00

It can work if you're already good with women. It's usually just extremely frustrating to hear that advice if you're not good with women, because it doesn't give any practical steps to follow.

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2021-08-19T00:37:30+00:00

A lot of people think that "just be yourself" means to be the worst version of themselves with women. Of course that doesn't work. That wouldn't work with anyone. It wouldn't work with your friends because nobody wants to hang out with someone that hasn't showered for three days and smells like shit. It wouldn't work at work because nobody wants a coworker that constantly blows snot rockets.

The truth is that you should be yourself with women. It's just the best version of yourself. Women can tell if you're being fake, and even when they can't, being fake to attract a woman feels unsatisfying.

Just like with all other human interactions (especially first impressions), people aren't going to want to be around you if you're a piece of shit.

NateHate1402 · 2021-08-18T23:16:10+00:00

Because sometimes a person being themselves isn’t good enough and they need to improve.

borderline_autistic1 · 2021-08-19T14:29:48+00:00

Because it is pretty useless advice.

Because being myself is literally what caused me to be a virgin until I was 22. If all I did was be myself I would just sit at home all weekend getting high as fuck and playing video games. Myself is not interested in meeting new people. I would literally never meet a woman or put myself out there if I just be myself

RealHumanBeing2020 · 2021-08-19T00:47:09+00:00

Because we can never stop self-improving and sometimes certain aspects of our current “self” isn’t that good.

EAZYJ_8 · 2021-08-19T08:02:59+00:00

Just change it to be your best self

pasteglory · 2021-08-19T15:34:19+00:00

I think there is a lot of merit to this phrase. A lot of people that struggle with dating are afraid to be themselves. Potential partners also value authenticity. You can be yourself and try to improve yourself at the same time.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-08-18T22:35:19+00:00

What's the problem with that statement?

Because it's not 1950 and it no longer works.

It's like the blind leading the blind.

WeakEmu8 · 2021-08-18T22:59:44+00:00

If being yourself worked, would people be here?

kittybrehbreh · 2021-08-19T03:58:29+00:00

Because it promotes complacency

Narcan9 · 2021-08-19T08:41:44+00:00

It's absolutely fine to be yourself if you're a normal, successful, socially competent man.

However if your life is a mess, and things aren't working the way you want, then why would you continue on the same path?

whatisthisaboutagain · 2021-08-19T12:40:31+00:00

Because "just being yourself" is easier said than done and I think a lot of people misunderstand what it means, plus, it's not enough, you still need to have good social skills and an interesting personality to really make it work. What I mean by easier said than done is that even when you think you're being yourself, you're still trying to fit in to some social standards, you're still subconsciously thinking about some things that you say and ways that you act, being your true self is a lot harder than it seems, but it really helps if you have a lot going on in your life and if you have a lot of confidence, it really all comes down to confidence and your social skills of presenting your personality to other people.

Mshalopd1 · 2021-08-19T13:31:23+00:00

Most of us don't know how to truly be ourselves. Too wrapped up in bullshit. What this phrase really means is let go of the bullshit and actually be ourselves. A lot of people hear this and just lean into their ego.

socialanimal_us · 2021-08-19T10:52:43+00:00

I think it’s Because “be yourself” put people in a mental impasse. How can you possible be something else than yourself? The real challenge is in expressing yourself - when you want to say something and you don’t - you are still yourself, but you are your anxious self, you need to express whats within so that the world can see you, that’s the challenge.

OgScz · 2021-08-19T11:11:53+00:00

"Being yourself" isn't a bad tip. Its just context dependant. "Being yourself" assumes you have hobbies, are taking care of yourself, and can atleast have a convo with strangers. "Being yourself" is NOT being a shut in lard ass who dosn't do anything. In the context of the latter, be someone else.

TheGravotz · 2021-08-19T16:16:41+00:00

Because it is a somewhat useless phrase. If someone gave me that advice about how to meet women I would be no better off.

More useful advice would be action based: Start doing this. Give this a try. Put yourself in situations where you can interact with women who like the same stuff you like. Fix this about your appearance.

the-me-an · 2021-08-19T17:24:12+00:00

Well, it is not often understood that if you act like somebody you are not, you'll get an incompatible partner. If you are a nice guy that acts like a bad boy, then sure, you might get a number or even get laid but if what you want is emotional connection and intimacy, you can't get it by faking your personality. There are a lot of people who will be attracted to your sincere personality and your own traits, this is not to say your insecurities. These are not part of your real self and that's why it's so important to develop self love and confidence to "be attractive", which at the end of the day it's just another term for being your true self. If the other person doesn't like the true you, it's not your place.

kaleog3 · 2021-08-19T08:22:38+00:00

Nothing if you're flirtatious by nature. Otherwise you're just not going into it with the right energy.

That's about the only thing that's wrong with "just being yourself". When it comes to attracting someone you have to create excitement.

It doesn't mean you pretend to be someone you're not. But if you're not flirtatious all the time chances are being yourself means having boring small talk with you or having some endearing jokes that put you right in the friend category though...

hse7148 · 2021-08-19T13:32:07+00:00

I think this phrase is interpreted differently by people. I believe the people who dislike it take it to mean not to change yourself. That guys don’t need to improve their appearance, social skills, etc. to be successful with women. However, when people say be yourself, they mean to be your authentic self. Don’t be someone you aren’t just to get laid. If you don’t like ice cream, and a girl says “I like ice cream,” don’t say you like ice cream just to agree with her. If you like anime, and a chick thinks anime is dumb, don’t stop watching it and agreeing with her just because you think she’ll lose interest if you do enjoy it. Of course if your personality is trash, you won’t be successful, and you should improve that. But don’t sell yourself out for the ladies.

DakiAge · 2021-08-19T09:38:08+00:00

Losers of this sub have problems with that because they are insecure.

Sadly, our sub has confident men AND losers both.

Remarkable-Cup-4040 · 2021-08-19T10:13:33+00:00

Think about it for a moment ... if being yourself really works then why ask for other people's advice in the first place? The answer is simple - it doesn't work! Lol. People who say just be yourself don't think hard enough about the advice they give.

Einstein said, we cannot solve problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

This is why being yourself won't work. If you want to solve it, you have to think differently. You can't just be yourself. You have to think outside the box and experience paradigm shift.

rs-tk · 2021-08-19T11:58:13+00:00

If "being yourself" includes being a weirdo, its not ok

AelfredRex · 2021-08-19T12:01:01+00:00

Who else are you gonna be?

Ducharbaine · 2021-08-19T14:11:08+00:00

It is not at all clear what it means in practice.

mrmayyhem · 2021-08-19T16:54:40+00:00

If someone is genuinely asking for advice on a job interview and you say just be yourself it kind of falls flat. If they are looking for advice then they want specific things that the interviewee is looking for like to dress sharp and to have questions about the company ready.

Vladimir_Poontang24 · 2021-08-19T20:27:29+00:00

Should be probably be changed to "be the best version of yourself"

Dondechulapo · 2021-08-20T01:13:52+00:00

Social cues and etiquette are skills that need practice. If youre looking for one night stands then be whoever fits that moment but if you want real connections dont play a role youre not comfortable with. A knob belongs on a door, not a wall. Dont find yourself in a relationship where youre the knob on a wall. Its a waste of time.

Title	What is the problem with "just be yourself"?
Author	Personal_goal21
Upvotes	13
Comments	80
Date	August 18, 2021 10:09 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/p71gp4/what_is_the_problem_with_just_be_yourself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-is-the-problem-with-just-be-yourself.1277998 https://theredarchive.com/post/1277998

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