Division of Labor at home?

philomexa · 2018-12-22T16:27:31+00:00

My husband cooks and takes care of the aquariums, I do laundry and life/home administration. Everything else is flexible and dependent on availability or inclination.

I have a steady career in advertising, my husband is a musician that works gigs on the weekends.

I don't understand why there is any drama or negotiation surrounding division of labor, we just do what we're good at/what we want to do and play the rest by ear.

poppy_blu · 2018-12-22T16:27:44+00:00

When I was a SAHM: I did mostly everything

As a working mom: pretty even split on child care and household “stuff,” we pay people to clean and take care of the yard. Income does not factor.

goatismycopilot · 2018-12-22T16:20:54+00:00

Maybe the women you are telling this to do not understand why you are telling them that.

LeaneGenova · 2018-12-22T17:12:52+00:00

My fiancee does 80% of the household chores. He cooks, cleans, and does most of the errands. He does the car maintenance, makes appointments, and plans life around my schedule.

I do the laundry for both of us (most of the time) and cook meals 1-2 times a week. I also tidy up, since his and my definition of clean are different.

We've figured out this split over the years. It works and we're both happy with it. I consider that the most important thing.

lefactorybebe · 2018-12-22T16:16:32+00:00

I do most of the housework cause I'm in school full-time and only work part time. I bring in less money, and I'm also just at the house more. I do the majority of the cleaning. Making dinner is more like 60/40 with me doing the 60. I often work late (like getting home at 10:30/11) so on those nights he usually cooks.

I think a fair amount of it comes from what you saw growing up. My mom was a SAHM, but my dad always helped out (he'd do the dishes after dinner and the grilling himself, big projects were shared between the two of them) so that's what I expect.

His family is very different, they expect his mom to do everything like seriously, every holiday (and normal days too) she is expected to do everything, all the cooking, and all the cleanup. It was so shocking the first time I saw it, and still hurts me when I see it, after dinner the entire family goes and watches TV while his mom cleans up all the dishes and leftovers for like seven people. In my house everyone helped out with the cooking and cleaning, it seems so rude to just leave it all to mom.

red__aaron · 2018-12-22T17:37:28+00:00

I would say it’s better to divide household labor by hours worked (including commute). For example, a nurse might work more hours than a software developer, but won’t earn as much money. It doesn’t make sense to have an exhausted nurse do all the housework.

Also, I think people should clean up after themselves, clean their own dishes etc.

reluctantly_red · 2018-12-22T16:21:37+00:00

Always thought having the guy take care of the outside of the house and vehicles as well as repairs wherever and the woman takes care of the inside works just fine.

TheSuperStink · 2018-12-22T16:29:34+00:00

We do what we can do, there is no breakdown. She makes about 50% more than me.

I do my laundry. She does hers. She cooks and I do dishes. We both clean when we clean.

Willow-girl · 2018-12-22T18:44:43+00:00

I think every couple has to come up with their own compromise. Around here, I clean things and he fixes things. Works for us!

PennnyLame · 2018-12-22T15:44:12+00:00

I have never heard any BP person say the division of labor is based on income. That’s weird RP, scorekeeping nonsense.

We run our house based on time available and outsource when needed. I work from home when I am not traveling and my husband has a long ass commute so I do quite a bit of the housework just because I have more time there. It’s not really a point of contention. We just hire a cleaning service if we’re both strapped for time.

yasee · 2018-12-22T15:29:24+00:00

expect their man to "pull their weight" in the house if the woman is working. Like if they both work then they expect their man to have an equal division of labor

More or less this. Fair's fair ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The other way might be traditional, but even older women have observed and been impacted by the loosening of female gender roles

Alth12 · 2018-12-22T15:45:40+00:00

We usually just do it that first person home cooks the food. It wasn't agreed it was just something we fell into. It works out well with our schedules as who is first changes based on our work schedules. The person who didn't cook cleans up.

For cleaning in general we haven't had to focus on that yet as we're in Asia and live in a serviced apartment. But knowing her as I have for years, and knowing my own liking for a clean space we'd both just pitch in. Even just to blitz it all once a week together.

LittleMissAfrodite · 2018-12-22T15:58:19+00:00

I do what I consider to be a fair share. Both work so it's fair. You'd have to be somewhat mean to have a partner who works all day and then not pitch in.

She does things somewhat differently to me though, in other words she has higher standards of cleanliness. I don't make up the difference there, so we have some friction. I don't see why I should do a bunch of extra jobs that I don't see the need for. She's come to accept it.

[deleted] · 2018-12-22T17:43:15+00:00

I think couples where both are working who can afford maid service, should get maid service--particularly if they are arguing over division of labor.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2018-12-23T00:59:34+00:00

I’ve always done all the cooking, because my husband sucks at it, and almost all of the cleaning because he doesn’t notice shit. He does laundry and dishes. He is actually really great at laundry I must say.

It was like this when we both worked. For a long while he worked and I didn’t, and I did everything.

The only times it has ever been an issue is when I have worked more than he did. No, he didn’t learn how to cook or clean, lol. I like to cook, at the time I wished he would have cleaned more.

LittleMissAfrodite · 2018-12-23T03:01:53+00:00

we have a good division of labor that results in talents being used and minimal time with one person sitting around with their thumb up their ass while the other is on domestic duty

fairness works for us. no resentment build up.

dividing by income seems silly. daycare workers make crap money but their jobs are infinitely more taxing than the job of a software engineer. so the daycare worker does most of the domestic duties after a day of screaming kids while the software engineer runs a vacuum once a month and/or takes out the trash after sitting on their ass all day?

sounds like a recipie for divorce to me. who in the world says that?

we were able to work out the division of labor by being adults that communicate and care about the other's well being

Eartherry · 2018-12-22T15:44:38+00:00

Why do I get weird looks when I tell some women I do all the house work?

I understand how they feel. You took the shit deal. At a time when you're free to do better, you take the shit deal. It's the shit deal no matter how you look at it. It's very odd.

Barely-moral · 2018-12-22T19:47:08+00:00

I pay for everything, my partner stays at home and we are childfree. That is the context.

I clean after every mess I make because I am not an asshole. Other thant that almost all of the labor at home is done by my partner. I do everything that requires heavy lifting. There is an ammount of money that she can spend on hiring help if she doesn't feel like doing any chores, she can use it to hire people or she can keep it to herself or spend it in any way she sees fit, I don't really care as long as the house is not a disaster. (That ammount of money is on top of what she already has to spend in any way she wants)

Cooking is a different deal. Either she cooks or we both cook. I care a lot about food. Food made by loving hands for the consumption and benefit of loved ones is something that really matters to me and I refuse to live without it. Sure we order something or eat outside from time to time but is not usual.

ateot · 2018-12-22T15:55:00+00:00

My husband financially supports me while I spend all day taking care of our baby, and we split the childcare when he's off work fifty/fifty. (Honestly, probably more like 70/30-- he likes babies more than I do.)

When we had a kid and talked about me being a stay-at-home dad, I explained to my husband that not even medical residents and soldiers are on call 24/7.

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i_have_a_semicolon · 2018-12-22T21:03:06+00:00

I watch SAHMs clean on YouTube and come up with grand ideas while he hooks up the lights with home automation. Once in a while we clean the house. I tend to focus on bathrooms while he on dishes. We don't have a regular schedule except he always does garbage and when it's nice he always does lawn too. I always do toilets and the shower. He vacuums and I mop. He executes and I plan. He used to do more but then I stepped up bc my mom, grandma, and aunts shamed me for being slobby / lazy and relying on him doing all the work. Though at the time since I did most of the cooking I thought it was a fair split , I got on top of cleaning and brought a woman's touch to our routine. Meanwhile he steps up more than ever while cooking and puts in at times over half of the work in a meal.

shoup88 · 2018-12-23T00:41:36+00:00

I do all the cooking and most of the grocery shopping. He does the daily cleaning (dishes, kitchen) and most of the other cleaning, too. I ask him to assign me chores as needed, like vacuuming or dusting.

I hate cleaning and I don’t really see when things are dirty until they’re really gross. He has much higher cleanliness standards. Also, I just like grocery shopping and cooking, and he really likes what I make.

We both work full time, so it makes sense to me that we’d basically split the household duties. Personally I don’t really get splitting it by who makes more money if you both work similar hours. His boss may consider his time more valuable than my boss considers mine, but at a personal level both of us value our free time the same amount.

a-WaltzingMatilda · 2018-12-23T03:00:51+00:00

You make it, you fix it.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2018-12-23T04:06:26+00:00

My girlfriend and I split 50/50 as much as possible. We generally do everything together. We cook together, clean the house together, do laundry together. It's fun. I tend to cook a little bit more and she tends to do s little bit more housework.

We are both professionals.

IlluminatedElf · 2018-12-23T08:28:02+00:00

I grew up in a family where my mum did all the housework and my dad did all the yardwork, car maintenance, appliance maintenance, etc.

When my dad died, I took up all the other stuff because my mum just wasn't good at it; she would spend hours trying to get something simple done and would often spend way too much on unnecessary parts or get ripped off by tradies.

The reason my mum chose to do more was based on the tradition of career improvement; my mum encouraged me to focus more on our studies than housework so that I could achieve more and get a competitive edge against someone else. She had the same attitude with my dad; on the other hand, she was happy with where she was in her career and wasn't looking to further anything.

I don't get why housework is such a massive fuss... just do what you have to do...?

decoy88 · 2018-12-23T12:50:12+00:00

Why would decide based on income and not time available?

And if you’re rich why not just hire someone?

TriadFamilyTimes · 2018-12-23T17:47:31+00:00

We divide labor in my house based on aptitude, preference, etc and try to come out with the same amount of time spent on being productive.

I hate dishes. I am bad at them. My ADHD mind misses things in that kind of a detail oriented task and I end up getting bitched at for some of them still being dirty, and making sure they aren't takes me twice as much time as my girlfriend. But she hates cleaning floors. Hates sweeping, hates mopping, hates vaccuming. I care not at all about all three of those so I do those and she does the dishes. That's basically how we divide things up. She handles more household chores and I handle more childcare tbh. I eagerly trade being the one responsible for the kid for getting out of cleaning.

PuleaSpataru69 · 2018-12-22T15:27:53+00:00

Blue pill people are feminists which by definition DONT want equality. They want all the benefits without any of consequences.

They want a richer man yet at the same time they want that man to come from work and start cooking and cleaning.

Equality would mean both vacuum half a carpet, one eats a sandwich the other steak, one goes to holiday to Florida while the other goes to France. One buys clothes from goodwill and the other from Armani. That's true equality.

But of course, the feminists want to bring less money to the table and also do only half the work at home.

Feminists declare themselves strong independent women while I am honest and say I want a man of means. So that makes me a lazy golddigger leech while they are saints.

Guess what, I have a full time job and do all the cooking and cleaning. Why? Because my husband makes much more money than me and it wouldnt be FAIR to him.

Title	Division of Labor at home?
Author	LittleMissAfrodite
Upvotes	1
Comments	233
Date	December 22, 2018 3:20 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a8lkox/division_of_labor_at_home/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/division-of-labor-at-home.258411 https://theredarchive.com/post/258411

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