Ever since I came out as an MRA I've been getting trouble at work.

oneiorosgrip · 2012-06-14T13:30:11+00:00

Get a copy of your company's employee handbook. Find the section on the company's anti-harassment and/or anti-discrimination policy, and read it thoroughly. Then, become proactive. Document, prepare, and then take your complaint to HR.

At the same time, you might want to start looking for another job now. Finding one does not mean you have to take it and leave your current job, but it will give you an out in case your employer deals poorly with this situation.

Some companies have those policies for no other reason than so that they can present them to government agencies and in court as a shield against allegations. (As in, "No, your honor, cutting the employee's hours, transferring him to a remote location, suddenly dropping from excellent employee reviews to on-the-job probation, giving him crap duty, and verbal abuse does not constitute harassment, because we have a magic anti-discrimination policy that erases all bad behavior!) However, by arming yourself with knowledge and facts, you can make the company follow their policy. You just have to be ready to be tenacious, comprehensive, and diligent in your effort to secure for yourself a safer and more acceptable (comfortably impersonal) work environment.

funnyfaceking · 2012-06-14T12:02:35+00:00

get as much help as possible

record everything

you're not paranoid if they really are out to get you

2012-06-14T12:10:53+00:00

Lean the language and behaviors of workplace bulling.

http://www.bullyonline.org/

And you won't have any problem communicating whats going on to hr, record everything as others have said and always leave your office door open when she is in your office.

The_Patriarchy · 2012-06-14T12:28:49+00:00

You need to go to HR now...before it escalates. In some states, it's illegal to fire someone for their political affiliation...but it's not illegal in most states, so do some research first and be careful what you say. If you ARE in a state where it's illegal to fire you for political affiliation, then be sure to tell them EVERYTHING, including the bit about her knowing you're an MRA.

2012-06-14T12:25:58+00:00

From your description, I think you are being harassed.

rightsbot · 2012-06-14T12:02:17+00:00

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2012-06-14T12:23:20+00:00

Start making a detailed list of every bullying incident you experience, recording time and darte etc.

Sadiebb · 2012-06-14T14:10:47+00:00

I have been in this situation (I'm female, and it was a male doing the harassing btw). I personally would not get HR involved at this point, but that's your call. The steps I took were

Confront the behavior in a semi public setting, so there are witnesses if something untoward occurs. Don't raise your voice, don't look angry, but don't equivocate either. None of this 'sliding away' thing. Say something like 'I'm not discussing personal issues with you.' or whatever it is she's doing that time. Whatever you say, picture her complaining about it 'wah wah suicidebanana says he doesn't want to talk about personal issues with me' is not going fly with HR if things go so far. Don't hang around to hear her arguments - unless she apologizes, but she won't. It's essential you keep your cool, and that's the hardest part.
Should this fail, send an email to your supervisor documenting the behavior and continue to document. Don't copy the woman,but keep a copy for yourself. Tell him you don't want to be alone with her. I wouldn't mention your fears of a harassment complaint, however well grounded people will look at you and think 'oh you wish'. Your position is that this woman has a personal dislike of you and is interfering with your ability to work. Keep it focused on work. Needless to say don't discuss political topics around her or give her any opening.
If this fails (sometimes your boss is hostile too, but usually if #2 fails he just doesn't like conflict even though that's his job.) then it's HR time bring your documentation!

Worked for me, hopefully it will work for you.

AlexFeiton · 2012-06-14T17:00:10+00:00

Why do people keep "coming out" as MRA's? Seriously. You can get the facts out and make your arguments without putting that label on yourself. It draws unnecessary controversy and prevents people from hearing you out. I think it's wrong that it's so controversial, but it's not going to stop being controversial until we start making our arguments before we stick these big masculist stickers on them.

Talking about men's issues isn't weird as long as you don't talk about talking about men's issues.

All this controversy that people run into with their colleagues, classmates, and coworkers or whatever, all has to do with labels. If you call yourself a men's rights activist, you're gonna get a lot of hate. If you point out that father's are treated unfairly by family courts, that circumcision is male genital mutilation, that 80% of people who lost their jobs in the recession were men, or that men are objectified as success objects just as much as women are objectified as sex objects, you'll be fine! Just make the arguments!

Don't bother with this prelude, "Hey everybody, I'm not sure if you've heard, but I think women's rights organizations A, B, and C are terrible, and I would actually call myself a men's rights activist." It's like a fucking product warning label. This guy thinks it's fun to tease women's rights activist by calling himself a men's rights activist! The shame! It doesn't matter what arguments you were about to say, they're not gonna let you get another word out of your mouth.

2012-06-14T14:38:19+00:00

Document everything. The more paper trail you have, the better. The argumentative-ness in itself is a bad sign. Not just the risk of an escalation.

2012-06-14T16:50:17+00:00

A bit similar experience, but not as serious as yours: one of my Facebook friends observed me discuss a topic in a MRA-ish fashion. After that, she attacked me on every turn, negatively commenting on pretty much every one of my posts.

This kept going on until another friend of mine pointed out her weird behavior and asked what exactly is wrong. She stopped and never said anything again.

funnyfaceking · 2012-06-14T17:24:37+00:00

Talking politics at work? Stop it.

2012-06-14T12:15:20+00:00

"What is bullying?

How do you know if you're being bullied? Bullying differs from harassment and assault in that the latter can result from a single incident or small number of incidents - which everybody recognises as harassment or assault - whereas bullying tends to be an accumulation of many small incidents over a long period of time. Each incident tends to be trivial, and on its own and out of context does not constitute an offence or grounds for disciplinary or grievance action. So, ...

constant nit-picking, fault-finding and criticism of a trivial nature - the triviality, regularity and frequency betray bullying; often there is a grain of truth (but only a grain) in the criticism to fool you into believing the criticism has validity, which it does not; often, the criticism is based on distortion, misrepresentation or fabrication simultaneous with the criticism, a constant refusal to acknowledge you and your contributions and achievements or to recognise your existence and value constant attempts to undermine you and your position, status, worth, value and potential where you are in a group (eg at work), being singled out and treated differently; for instance, everyone else can get away with murder but the moment you put a foot wrong - however trivial - action is taken against you being isolated and separated from colleagues, excluded from what's going on, marginalized, overruled, ignored, sidelined, frozen out, sent to Coventry, being belittled, demeaned and patronised, especially in front of others being humiliated, shouted at and threatened, often in front of others, being overloaded with work, or having all your work taken away and replaced with either menial tasks (filing, photocopying, minute taking) or with no work at all, finding that your work - and the credit for it - is stolen and plagiarised, having your responsibility increased but your authority taken away, having annual leave, sickness leave, and - especially - compassionate leave refused, being denied training necessary for you to fulfil your duties, having unrealistic goals set, which change as you approach them, ditto deadlines which are changed at short notice - or no notice - and without you being informed until it's too late, finding that everything you say and do is twisted, distorted and misrepresented being subjected to disciplinary procedures with verbal or written warnings imposed for trivial or fabricated reasons and without proper investigation, being coerced into leaving through no fault of your own, constructive dismissal, early or ill-health retirement, etc"

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/amibeing.htm

ignatiusloyola · 2012-06-14T12:59:20+00:00

I don't think that "sexual harassment" is a term to describe a person who argues with you because you are male.

All you can do is document what happens and keep the records. Avoid talking to people who cannot treat you civilly unless you absolutely have to. If they start a confrontation, just say "I don't want to talk about it. Have a nice day." By always being polite, you will be protecting yourself and your job.

mazzyTuff · 2012-06-14T14:16:22+00:00

When coming out as a MRA, it's easier just to say one is a egalitarian than actually just refer to MRA at all ever.

eggilicious · 2012-06-14T15:10:12+00:00

also let someone outside of work know you are being harrassed. If you are visiting a doctor or psychologist they would be good to have on your side if it does blow up further down the line

2012-06-15T03:49:08+00:00

Stop speaking with her about non-work related issues. If she brings issues up, document it, but don't engage.

2012-06-14T14:29:49+00:00

It's come to a point where coming out as gay may upset some people but they will keep it to themselves, come put as an atheist and a few people will be hostile bit chances are someone else will have your back. Come out as an MRA and you're screwed.

Funcuz · 2012-06-14T16:12:43+00:00

Tape recorder . Turn it on whenever you're in a room alone with her .

furbywurby · 2012-06-14T16:19:22+00:00

HR are generally more interested in avoiding lawsuits rather than settling disputes. You need to sort it out with her and you supervisor before you get them involved because otherwise they will just see you as a trouble maker

2012-06-14T16:48:35+00:00

To everyone saying you should record her: Make sure one-party consent recording is legal in your state. Recording her without her knowledge could be against the law.

And I know it's too late, but honestly, it's best just to keep religion/sex/politics out of the workplace.

mikesteane · 2012-06-15T08:44:47+00:00

Maybe we should call ourselves feminists, then argue for equality, meaning men have a great deal of catching up to do. The irony will be lost on those who hate men who want a fair deal.

McFeely_Smackup · 2012-06-14T22:08:38+00:00

If you think this is something you can smooth over, you're fooling yourself.

If you feel hostility from this, or any other person...you need to contact HR IMMEDIATELY. Once a complaint is filed against you, it's way too late.

bigstoney · 2012-06-14T18:40:27+00:00

This sounds massively like a troll post

TheAlphaRanger · 2012-06-14T13:33:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Deacon · 2012-06-14T17:07:10+00:00

Could you explain a bit more about what happened (in general, and with this colleague in particular) since it became common knowledge? What have you said, what has she said? Are you starting any debates or anything like that (if you are, you should probably stop).

Why do you fear a sexual harassment claim? You only need to be scared of one of those if you've actually been sexually harassin'.

eggilicious · 2012-06-14T12:36:17+00:00

Send her an email calling her out on her behaviour. Dont focus in on the MRA aspect of it, just outline her behaviour and how you feel about it and CC the HR department. It avoids escalating it too much but HR will still be aware of it and it will help you if the shit hits the fan later

Title	Ever since I came out as an MRA I've been getting trouble at work.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	95
Comments	100
Date	June 14, 2012 12:01 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/v1j1a/ever_since_i_came_out_as_an_mra_ive_been_getting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/ever-since-i-came-out-as-an-mra-ive-been-getting.1019817 https://theredarchive.com/post/1019817

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