I dated J for two months and found we were not as great a match as we thought. We split on good terms and remained friends. 8 weeks later I confirmed I was pregnant. I am pro choice. I had planned on not keeping the pregnancy but after a doctor's visit and revaluation of my life, decided to see if J would be interested in raising a child with me. Reasons I decided to pursue keeping the child. 1. I'm 35. I have a decent job and can support a child reasonably. 2. While I was on birth control, I took antibotics the month before and forgot they would affect the effectiveness. I chose to have an abortion 10 years ago due to an unstable life, partner and money issues. All those issues were not applicable here and I started to consider the option of keeping it. 3. J is a nice man, with great grown children. We had discussed having children in our future if we made it that far. He was definitely for it in the future as was I.

I contacted J and let him know I was pregnant and was interested in his opinion/thoughts on the matter. Would he be willing to raise a child with me? Would he want to be financially and emotionally supportive to a child? I did tell him that his support was needed for me to continue with the pregnancy as I did not think I would be able to raise a child alone and give a child the best life possible. He made it clear he did not believe abortion was an option as it went against his beliefs. He stated he was on board to be a father. For the next two months, we talked weekly, and made plans. We even went and bought a crib for his house.

Then he stops responding to all emails, texts and phone calls for three months. At the beginning of my 7th month after I sent him an email asking for his medical history he states that he does not want to be a father again. He financially cannot afford it and he never asked for this. He wants to sign over his paternal rights and doesn't want to pay financial support. I offered to not pursue ANY financial support as long he was involved in her life on whatever level he could handle. I offered to wait until he was more financially stable and then we could work out an agreement. He declined.

Now, I'm so angry. I'm so upset. Financially throughout the pregnancy, I have doing my best to cut my budget, set money aside as I don't get paid for maternity leave. I work for a government agency where layoffs start next week and after mandatory furloughs for the last 6 months will be reinstated in July. I am looking at 3 months all together of no salary this year. I had been budgeting for day care, and my insurance rising with the baby but now I have not cushion of money for emergencies for the first time of my child's life.

He's told me straight out he will not pay financial support. He does not want to be involved in the child's life on ANY level.

I'm upset over his decision to be involved in her life. I know the statistics on girls raised without their fathers, and I know many a woman who do not know their father and I feel like it's such a handicap to start her life with. Not to mention how financial unstable the next year will be. I have no margin for error financially and that stresses me so much I can't sleep at night.

Not to mention the amount of rage of feel for being lied to and abandoned. I now have to be mother and father to this child, I have to do everything alone - all the sleepless nights, the care, the financial support, I don't know how I'm going to manage all of this alone.

All my friends (who are women) say file for financial support! He needs to take responsibility, you need it! If he's so broke then it's not like I'll get much and there will ALWAYS be conflict and drama trying to collect. I don't want to make an enemy out of him. I also have major contradictory feelings about letting him be a part of her life now. I don't want him to teach her it's ok to shirk your responsibilites, walk away from a child and expect to be let back in whenever he feels he can (through custody order).

So, thanks to my pregnancy hormones I want to two different things. I want him to man up and be a father even without financial support and I don't want him ever to influence and teach her that it's absolutely ok to walk away from your responsibilities. Revelant facts: He's 46 with two grown children. I'm 35. He has a union job that works about 10 months out of the year, I can't confirm if he actually is not doing well financially. I don't know what caused the major about face on being involved. In Texas, you can surrender parental rights but you still have to provide financial support UNLESS someone else is there to adopt the child as their own and assume financial support if needed. If I use any government agency assistance, they will go after the father for repayment regardless of my actions.

AND What do I tell my unborn daughter about her father?

TL; DR Initially supportive of our unplanned pregnancy now at 7 months the father has decided he doesn't want to be involved at all. I don't know how to swing the first year financially without some support from him and I certainly am stressed out and overwhelmed by the thought of raising this child alone forever. And for the record, had he said he didn't want to be a father again in the beginning, I would have had an abortion.

*EDIT: Thank you for all the opinions, advice and feedback. Your questions and accusations helped me get really clear on what the important issues are here. *

1. Dad has decided he does not want to be involved with our unborn. Not as a father or on a financial level either. If he is the type of person to consider this a viable option to treat other people then I don't want him around us to teach these kinds of morals to our child. I will honor his request as best I can. *2. If I can financially get through the first four months when my paycheck will be compromised due to maternity leave and furloughs, then I will be able to financially support this child fairly. I was very stressed about this fact and after the advice of a redditor, I contacted a family member and arranged for a long term loan. I will not have file financial support from him or the government to survive. *3. I was on the fence about honoring his wish to remain out of our lives permanently as he has already shown he changes his mind and could feasibly come to realize in the future he made a mistake and wants to participate in her life. Now, taking into consideration point #1 and assuming he will be just as bitter as ReluctantNihilist, I will honor his wishes to the letter and make sure his rights are permanently terminated and he cannot re-enter our lives if his conscience grows back. I will have a great close friend adopt her on paper and he has no rights anymore. Many thanks to everyone, ReluctantNihilist included, as he is the very example of what I don't want in our life if I forced financial support based on my own set of principles and made a bitter enemy out of the would be father. *TL:DR - I'd rather be drama free and broke with my child and raise her alone.**

UPDATE I gave birth to a beautiful child three months ago. I made it through my unpaid maternity leave by the skin of my teeth and my generous family and back at work. The father requested a DNA test after her birth which proved his paternity to 99%. We are drawing up the paperwork to have his rights permanently severed also at his request. I have not asked or received any financial support from him or any contact other than legal issues. My kid is awesome and will be just fine without him in her life. We may be broke but we are both happy and well supported and loved by my friends and family. Thank you again for all your advice, it really changed my perspective when I needed it the most.