FDS Unite: Young girls need us!

Delilahh12345 · 2021-11-28T19:55:38+00:00

Girls really really need to be told that their value does not come from how many or which men desire them sexually. That message is POUNDED into their heads by our culture and it's so toxic and damaging. It took me years to deprogram that belief out of my head. Also, women who believe this are inevitably pick mes who perpetuate sexism and misbehavior by men.

staywiththecrown · 2021-11-28T20:35:11+00:00

I want girls to prioritize their own happiness and goals over making hypothetical boys in their life happy. They're taught to be merchandise on display in the off chance that they catch a boy's eye, but their own dreams and talents gather dust. I don't want girls to put their lives on hold for useless boys.

They need to only entertain relationships that ADD to their lives and don't subtract from their health, self esteem, happiness, ambitions, safety, and other relationships.

WestAtmosphere · 2021-11-28T22:09:44+00:00

Huge lesson:
DO NOT send nudes. EVER. or racy sexualized pics etc.

You can very well assume that in a lot of cases the guy you are talking to will either stash them on his phone for an eternity, share them in the group chat with friends and potentially leak them/use them as threat later on. Just don't do it.

discoveringliberty · 2021-11-28T20:40:44+00:00

We need to destroy this concept of 'sex' that girls are currently sold, i.e. being used as a masturbatory aid. They need to be taught the importance of the female orgasm, and that 'foreplay' is actually the main event for a lot of women since many women don't orgasm from penetrative sex.

It's also so vital that they understand the reality of the BDSM/porn movement. And that liberal feminism is a men's enjoyment movement, not a women's rights movement.

Also extremely important and something that I'm sad I've only just learnt in my twenties: dating and sex should be fun and enjoyable. It should not be stressful, it should not make them uncomfortable, it should not make them anxious. We need to drill into all girls that they should listen to their gut. That their safety and happiness is more important than men's feelings.

Edit: for very young teen girls perhaps deconstructing the farce that is liberal feminism is too developed. I would stick to the key points that dating and sex should be enjoyable and fun, and that when they start having sex it should be pleasurable for them.

HereForTheFreeFoodOk · 2021-11-28T22:46:17+00:00

I have printed out the "Rules of Misogyny" on a shiny postcard.

In fact -it is this exact design from FDS when it was posted here. ( It's a great graphic because it makes girls intrigued - and indicates that is isn't religious paraphernalia)

I keep some in my handbag/car and I hand it out to girls hanging out after school in groups. Often there are 1 or 2 dudes in their company.

Inversely, boys hang out the front of a chicken shop - and there is always a couple of girls in that circle.

I hand out the cards to the girls "here you go ladies".

Generally the boys are "WhAT Is It CaN I HaVE OnE?!?!"

And I am like "No! Girls only!"

Which makes the girls even more intrigued.

As I walk away - you can here the girls are like "haha WTF" in that way that we would all mildly sneer at adults when we were teens.

I look back and the girls are glued - GLUED - to reading the postcard. Often they are standing in a circle ( Which they subconsciously form) and all read it silently together. Sometimes I see them photographing it for social media.

I don't hang around to get any feedback - but the intensity of which they are reading the rules of misogyny warms my heart.

At the very least, they will stash it somewhere in their bedroom. Even if they think its trash - I know I have planted a seed.

And that makes me happy

It gives them a language and a cheat sheet to recognise shitty behaviours so they can at least name it instead of glossing over it in their life.

Golden_Lavender · 2021-11-28T18:53:06+00:00

No is a complete answer and you do not owe an explanation.

Snugglyy · 2021-11-28T20:40:38+00:00

Sex work is still the blind leading the blind. The work will not empower you. Money and and having options empowers you. Getting that rush of “empowerment” is not exclusive to sex work despite what sex workers would like you to believe. Focus on a vocation, your education, art, traveling, passive income, entrepreneurship before selling access to your body at 18

scorchedsouI · 2021-11-28T22:37:48+00:00

My mother warned me about manipulative and coercive strategies used by males before I was even a teen. She also taught me that pity wasn't a sentiment women were meant to feel for men.

First time I heard the sentence "But you love me, so you'll do this for me" I knew what the little scrote was up to. I was 14, but I got mad as fuck and didn't fall for it.

Platipus6 · 2021-11-28T22:06:44+00:00

If I had any artistic talent I'd write books for parents "How to talk to your kids about ..." and leave them all over, at like salons and barbers so moms and dads could either read it in there or take it home as a bedtime story.

Bodily Autonomy:

You have the right to say No when you don't want to be touched. You don't have to accept a kiss from grandma. You don't have to hug your uncle.

Other people have the right to bodily autonomy. You don't get to touch whoever you want.

Boundaries:

You have the right to say No to things you don't want to do and things that make you uncomfortable (unless it's your parent asking you to do age-appropriate chores 😛)

Other people have the right to say No to things they don't want to do and things that make them uncomfortable. Just because you like something doesn't mean everyone likes the same thing.

Consent:

People should be asking if you want to do something, or if they can touch you. They should wait for the answer and gracefully accept it if you say No.

You should also ask other people for permission to touch them or if they want to do something. They also have the right to say No. You must accept the rejection gracefully.

Just because you want something, doesn't mean you're going to get it.

Informed consent:

People must tell you the important parts of what they're asking you to agree to, otherwise it's deception. Lying to get someone to agree is wrong.

Enthusiastic consent:

If you say No and they keep asking or badgering, that is coercion. If you keep asking someone after they've said no, that is wrong.

Withdrawing consent:

Just because you agreed to something with someone doesn't mean you have to follow through. You can change your mind and ask someone to stop at any time.

If someone changes their mind, they have the right to ask you to stop.

Don't let someone guilt you into finishing something you're uncomfortable with by calling you names or saying that "you promised, you're a liar, you're going back on your word".

Having integrity and following through on tasks and actions you said you would is important. You're allowed to change your mind and stop doing things with someone.

lolmemberberries · 2021-11-28T22:41:18+00:00

-Number one for any girl or woman: prioritize yourself, your plans, your dreams and your life before romance, dating or relationships. The only relationship you will have forever is the one you have with yourself.

-If you don't know, the answer is no. This is a two-way street. If someone likes you, you will know. If they don't, you will be confused. The same applies to how you feel about someone and whether you're ready for a deeper commitment or to engage in anything sexual, up to and including sex.

-No is a complete sentence. You don't need to explain or justify why you say it.

-Relationships should add positive things to your life. Dating is supposed to be fun. It is not worth staying in a relationship if it adds pain, stress or strife. It is not worth it if you really don't like the person you're with or if you're not enjoying yourself.

-If you pay attention to a person's actions, you'll never be fooled by their words. Also, to piggy back on this, people have patterns. Don't ignore a pattern of behavior because that person showed a glimmer of "potential" one time.

-Male attention is cheap--easy to get, easy to lose and means little.

-Trust your intuition.

tuberosetears · 2021-11-28T18:48:05+00:00

I have been considering writing a post about deconstructing virginity (virginity as a social construct and concept, what it is/isn't, determining if it's real or not for you, etc.) for girls who want to wait until marriage to have sex. I would discuss the harmful nature of purity culture and give a toned-down overview of the Madonna/Whore dichotomy, especially for girls struggling growing up in religious communities.

I feel like there's a lack of guidance regarding this because it's rare to find people who choose total abstinence WITHOUT being all weird and religious. There are so many women (myself included) pressured to do "everything but" because if they're firm about waiting their boyfriends get angry and want a BJ or something else overtly sexual. "But you'd still be a virgin, I don't get why you can't just do XYZ for me" I said NO, that's why.

I got through it on my own but I still wish I had known about women like myself when I was younger.

PrettyAlien · 2021-11-29T02:59:54+00:00

Safe ways to deal with catcalling and old men ogling, and what their attraction really means. It is around the age where sexual harassment and catcalling starts.

Topics about relationships with boys their age, school, and self development are important, but let's not forget pedos and ePhEbOpHiLeS will be approaching those girls at every opportunity, and their parents probably didn't say anything further than don't talk to strangers.

Young girls need to know the harassment is not their developing bodies' fault, and how to stay safe, and to not ever give an age gap guy a chance.

Bonds_Girl · 2021-11-29T02:01:00+00:00

Young girls need to be super careful if they drink or use drugs!!!

They can wind up in situations that are super dangerous.

Even relying on their friends to look out for them is a big risk.

Better to abstain but if that’s not practical, please tell a trusted adult where you’re going and what you’re planning on doing!

aquietsword · 2021-11-29T01:49:33+00:00

Literally sit down and think through and WRITE out your boundaries. Then, in any given situation, stop the situation at the boundary before your actual boundary. This way, if people refuse to listen to you saying no, you aren't emotionally harmed yet since your actual boundary hasn't been crossed, and now you know you're dealing with a garbage human.

Also, I think strong female representation in media is so important. We acknowledge this about racial representation but women are so fucking often background characters that exists just to show how awesome/risk taking/genius some man is. That's not reflective of reality in the slightest. It's like so much of media is one big scrote fantasy.

jomofomo · 2021-11-29T05:55:26+00:00

Yes please we need this! My cousin is 16 and her mom (my moms 1st cousin) is sooo strict and doesn’t talk about anything with her and she feels super in the dark. A few years ago I had some alone time with her and told her she could ask me anything because I felt protective and know how hard it is for girls her age right now. Now she Snapchats me questions whenever something comes up and not too long ago she lost her virginity. She told me every time she had sex with this high school boy she would bleed and after some awkward questions I found out it was because they would make out for like 3 minutes and then have intercourse. I desperately tried to find videos, articles, anything to demonstrate healthy sex suitable for a teen and obviously nothing came up so I had to explain as best I could but tbh I felt a little lost since she’s so young. It really boils my blood thinking about the state of girlhood right now — constantly inundated with the WORST messages. I’m gonna follow this thread bc I hope we can all do something

sourcircus · 2021-11-29T01:54:43+00:00

Maybe an additional safe book reading list would be nice. Be it fiction or otherwise!

Beauty sick by Renee Engeln is nice. Telling about the cultural obsession with how women look and how it affects us disproportionately. Filled with interviews from women younger and older with statistics and studies to back up.

Especially since kids are now born into a social media society, it’s important that they shouldn’t let it be the focal point of their lives and waste too much time being obsessed with looks, when they could spend the time studying, pursuing hobbies, etc.

Being beauty sick has cost me a lot education and prospects wise. So I would like them to be more equipped at that age.

europoor24 · 2021-11-28T19:16:12+00:00

Learn to say no in other aspects of your life and this will translate to enforcing sexual boundaries. Learn to become your own person and love yourself before dating.

ariadn3-268 · 2021-11-29T13:37:38+00:00

Focus on school more than everything - no matter what subject or extracurricular it is you like the most, work hard at it. Never give up your education for ANYTHING, especially not a boy.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-11-28T22:25:48+00:00

Ignore men completely until you're 30. Ignore their half-assed attempts at 'romance', their opinions about everything (especially yourself), their 'compliments' and their entire existence. You're not gonna age out, it's a fear tactic spread by desperate men who know they can't get a woman without resorting to manipulation tactics and lying.

Men have nothing to offer you, they will only take away your time, energy, opportunity, money and run you out of your mind. You're not missing anything by avoiding them until they're more established. A guy in his 20's can offer you nothing anyways. Guys in their 20's and 30's are mostly still building, don't do it alongside them

Altowhovian93 · 2021-11-29T14:34:50+00:00

A lesson on how teenage boys will be awful no matter what you wear but at the same time you don’t need to dress like a stripper to get anyones approval. You are only 13 once and that is absolutely the time for sparkles and way too much blue eyeshadow!

MelatoninNightmares · 2021-11-29T21:27:48+00:00

A personal story, about the power of saying no.

I was at a dance, I was maybe 14 or 15. I was dancing with a guy I kind of knew. He was an acquaintance, a friend of a friend.

He groped my boobs. I assumed it was an accident, maybe he'd been shoved on the crowded dance floor, and moved his hands.

He moved his hands back. I moved his hands, and said, "No, don't do that."

He looked me in the eyes and deliberately put his hands back on my boobs.

I stepped back, cranked up, and slapped him across the face so hard you could hear it over the music. The whole dance floor turned to see what had happened. He had a bruise for days. He never spoke to me again.

And the world didn't end. It was a topic of conversation for a week or two. He didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it. When people asked, I was clear - he groped me, I told him to stop, he did it again. It wasn't some dramatic story or salacious bit of gossip, so nobody cared that much. I did get a bit of a reputation - don't get handsy with Mel or she'll slap you. Which was great, actually. Boys were still willing to dance with me, they just tended to keep their hands to themselves. I never had to hit anybody again. Not while I was in high school, at least. The worst thing that happened was that if I was dating somebody, people would occasionally tease us with references to the story. ("Be careful trying to get to second base with that one, hahaha" type stuff.)

The first moral of this story is: The stronger your NO, the more people will respect it. Women tend to think that if they make their no's gentle and accommodating, let people down easy, let them save face, everything will go over much better and people will respect you for your gentleness and compassion. The world doesn't work that way. Say no. Say it loud, say it clear, say it strong - and back it up with force if you need to.

The second moral of this story is: You are absolutely allowed to slap someone who is touching you without your consent. Slap them really, really hard. Slap them so hard that people still make jokes about it three years later.

MelatoninNightmares · 2021-11-29T20:59:58+00:00

Someday, you're going to realize that You're Ready. For your first kiss, for your first sexual experience, etc. My best advice is to identify this feeling in the cold light of day - not when some guy already has his hand up your shirt. Then you'll know when you're actually ready, and you might remember the experience more fondly. It's hard to describe what that feels like, but it's when you think about the experience and it stops seeming quite so terrifying. The thought will probably still give you some anxiety, but you'll feel more excited for it, or maybe even just a sense of being Over It. Like it's not even worth worrying about anymore. Until you feel this feeling, you're not ready. Say no. Practice saying no. Remember you have the right to say no, in any situation, for any reason, no matter what. Remember that you have the right to do whatever you need to do to get a boy to respect that no - up to and including physical violence.

I think very few women look back on their first experiences fondly. The guys weren't worth the honor they were given. Frankly, almost no guy is in their teens. Which means that your first experiences will probably have more to do with whether or not you're ready than anything else. And that's okay. As long as you feel safe, your boundaries are being respected, and you trust your partner, it's okay if he's not the love of your life. And it's okay if you look back on it in 2, 5, 15 years and cringe that you had such a momentous experience with such an obnoxious little dickhead. All guys are obnoxious little dickheads in their teens. If your first experience is fully consensual, fully safe, when you are fully ready, with someone who treats you respectfully, you're doing all right.

iacint · 2021-11-29T15:11:50+00:00

I am a teacher, current i have 1 girl and rest boys i want to say that in my case i see future as bright and good and feminist as it can be possible, even when boys are only by themselves they behave good. I had also 6 classes of 7 grades and god i had trouble to explain them that is sexism cause every example was refuted as being silliest thing on earth, they know what women and men can drove cars both good, boys in their essays where describing their household duties and my fav "i don't see a problem to wash one more pan (used regionalism for pan no literature)". Girls where writing about wanting to fulfill their potential, work, support their families. future girls are fine, i feel like my generation was the fk up one.

purasangria · 2021-11-29T03:12:19+00:00

At age 12, they've already seen p*rn. They can see the handbook.

queeninprogress · 2021-12-05T05:32:35+00:00

Yes please. I think I'm probably one of the younger members and I'd appreciate this a lot

Title	FDS Unite: Young girls need us!
Author	ArugulaIsAwesome
Upvotes	423
Comments	46
Date	November 28, 2021 6:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/r4b1dr/fds_unite_young_girls_need_us/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-unite-young-girls-need-us.1086082 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086082

Comments