This complaint by a woman is strange to the brink of being incomprehensible; did she ever even give a thought to the possibility of there being invisible men?

SpanishM · 2021-11-28T15:21:51+00:00

And apparently, she's married. WTF.

Read My Stuff (I Get Paid Per View!)

Yeah, too often is all about clicks. If people didn't get paid for writing stupid things, we would see way less garbage.

Aside "attention economy", there should be a name for this garbage content made for money.

Algoresball · 2021-11-28T15:11:19+00:00

I often have to scream and yell for it.

I think I found the problem

TeamAwesome4 · 2021-11-28T15:17:16+00:00

In her defense, nowhere does it seem as though she implies the same thing doesn't happen with men, but reading through it, it seems so similar to the experience many men have with the same issue. From my own perspective, it seems as though men who experience this and vocalize their frustration are much more likely to be demonized than comforted by society as a whole. Generally women who choose to ignore romance are seen as strong and independent, while men are seen as whiney. The movement, MGTOW, is the prime example of this. Of course, there's plenty of exceptions, where men, if they're successful enough, are seen more like visionaries that ignore romance because of other priorities, or in reverse, women are the "crazy cat lady" or "man haters", but that's an exception from my perspective.

What seals the deal for me about this though, is that the writer doesn't even mention the "invisible men" despite it being a well known phenomenon, even outside of men's advocacy spheres, making them even more invisible, and Plenty of those men who read this articles could get angry that they,, once again,, are overlooked. It has the same tone as "women are 30% of the homeless population, we need to help them!" just about a less dire situation. Obviously, it's a situation that we should try to address, but labeling women as the only or the primary victims is something to be avoided.

Maephia · 2021-11-28T13:49:19+00:00

You have to remember that when men and women complain about the other gender in a dating/sexual context, 100% of the time they have the ATTRACTIVE members of the other gender in mind. like the top %s. Nobody cares about the rest.

She isnt complaining she is invisible to men, they are invisible to her too. She is complaining she is not getting romanced by guys who are probably way attractive than her

Carkudo · 2021-11-28T22:56:29+00:00

Most of the important topics have already been covered by others here, so I'll add my own personal angle.

For me this article also resonates with another problem I have being one of those invisible men - a lack of online spaces where I can talk about my experiences and feelings. Women like the author, who receive plenty of attention and lament that it comes from men who are beneath her, are plenty. As one of those 'beneath' men I can't really go to communities like r/foreveralone or pretty much any other mainstream community for people who struggle with loneliness - I can't pretend that it's not damaging for me to hear women expressing genuine distress at being courted by men like me. I can't share a space with those women and feel safe. So I'd like a space where there are no such women... but all those spaces have been eradicated. The incel forum is the last bastion left and even they won't have me because in the ~40 years of my life I've had one relationship.

It's not that us less attractive men are invisibile. We're rendered voiceless too.

WhenIsItOkayToHate · 2021-11-28T18:25:48+00:00

Men, collectively, have two possible states in society: 1) invisibility; 2) monster.

A man, individually, can find a third state; however his ability to be perceived as something other than invisible or a monster is contingent upon his productivity.

Zinziberruderalis · 2021-11-29T06:15:53+00:00

men generally don’t seem to want to contribute to a relationship and seem fine with hurting women if it benefits them

Seems a bit misandrous.

Googling her name she elsewhere describes herself as

working in porn
non-binary
a vampire
a fetish model

From her images she appears to be significantly over-weight.

Possibly these characteristics reduce her attractiveness as a long-term partner for many men.

In her defence, she has acknowledged that men also face problems dating.

lorarc · 2021-11-28T15:23:06+00:00

Well, I can't really say this article is awful, it seems to lack some kind of message but the observations are okay. She doesn't deny struggles of men, she just doesn't make the connection.

Ausiwandilaz · 2021-11-28T14:11:55+00:00

Depends on maturity

galacticdude7 · 2021-11-28T17:28:12+00:00

Honestly the only thing wrong with this article is that it is gendered. We are living in an age of profound loneliness and it cuts both ways and there are tons of men and women who are practically invisible to the opposite sex. Sure there are differences as to why this is the case for each gender given the ingrained cultural belief that men must be the pursuers and women must be the pursued, but the end result is the same, tons of lonely bitter people who despite their best efforts are alone, and that is not good for society.

And the worst part of it is that I have absolutely no idea on how to fix it. Like the article rightly notes, attraction cannot be negotiated, so the invisible men and the invisible women aren't likely going to start seeing each other any time soon, and frankly any solution that involves hoping that everyone will be better people isn't a practical solution.

tittltattl · 2021-11-28T20:39:56+00:00

I somehow doubt that women abhor guys who are genuinely nice. Your last paragraph is definitely a bit suspect.

I think this article gives us a valuable window into the fact that there are women struggling in similar situations of loneliness to men. And that maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with our society that causes us to be isolated from one another. I think capitalism and the drive to put work over family and community plays a big part in how isolated many of us are.

BloomingBrains · 2021-11-29T07:18:05+00:00

I totally agree with you that its self inflicted problem. However, (and maybe I'm just a sucker for admitting this) but I still feel bad for women who have this problem. For one, I'd be a hypocrite not to. Even if the reasons and situations are different, the emotions themselves seem very similar. In fact, I think in some ways its better to be a virgin than someone that only gets used for a ONS but isn't deemed worthy to actually date.

For two, you have to consider the social factors. What we see in popular media and movies, etc. I can only imagine how much worse its going to be for girls growing up now. Obviously the demonization of nice guys has had roots in other things for a while, but now we're literally in the full swing of "nice guys" literally meaning "not nice guys". Its like Orwellian mind control.

Title	This complaint by a woman is strange to the brink of being incomprehensible; did she ever even give a thought to the possibility of there being invisible men?
Author	Blauwpetje
Upvotes	119
Comments	91
Date	November 28, 2021 1:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/r4427k/this_complaint_by_a_woman_is_strange_to_the_brink/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/this-complaint-by-a-woman-is-strange-to-the-brink.1086122 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086122

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