Are the qualities required to attract a person the same ones needed to be successful in a relationship?

Intrepid_Place5390 · 2022-01-18T13:44:10+00:00

For casual sex/ONS, its mostly physical attraction. So, generally women want the most (attractive) guy they can get. Many men, just want sex, so they are willing to be a lot more flexible on physical attraction.

For LTR, it's a lot more than that, both sides are the same there.

sarkington · 2022-01-18T18:29:41+00:00

For functional people, yes

Swans-r-cunts · 2022-01-18T18:38:57+00:00

I think so.

I love men flirting with me and it's important to my relationship satisfaction for that flirtation to continue.

Likewise, evidently my flirty personality keeps men happy and validated.

iamthemovie1992 · 2022-01-18T14:22:01+00:00

For casual sex the only thing you need is physical attraction and a basic understanding of how to not act like an autist. Despite what many say, an attractive guy can fuck up his chances by his personality, it’s just that being attractive is what is needed to even qualify. For women, they want the hottest guy they can get and is DTF (which let’s face it, most men are), so their casual sex threshold is much higher than what may be for an LTR partner.

LTR meanwhile does require attraction, but the threshold is lower. So, a man can have other qualities that make a good partner which might make her interested. You mentioned most of them, but I’d add self-actualized and independence to a certain extent. She should compliment your life, even make it more enjoyable, but she should never complete your life, and she never will. This allows you to state your opinion and put your foot down when necessary and feel the relationship is a partnership. Never be a doormat for her, but you don’t need to be a selfish asshole either. It’s a balancing act that comes with time and experience

CFinCanada · 2022-01-18T17:01:16+00:00

My bf used to get very frustrated because he could get sex easily but not a relationship which is what he really wanted.

The problem is that you can be attractive and still not what someone is looking for long-term. One example that comes to mind with my bf is this Ukranian ex-model he dated who wouldn't date him seriously because she only wanted to marry a Russian or Ukrainian guy, preferably rich.

Some people will use people for their bodies but write them off long-term for being the "wrong" ethnicity. It happens.

So I would say, ideally the lists coincide, but they don't always.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-01-18T14:06:32+00:00

No because there are short term options and long term options. The problem is the way women react to both kinds of men.

Short term? Here’s easier/faster sex because this is for fun so everything is ramped up. We’ll still have “dates” and hang out and fuck until its run it’s course.

Long term? We have all the time down the road to fuck so let’s wait and go on dates and get to know each other first.

Which side sounds more appealing to you?

Now compare that to what men do.

Short term? I’m really attracted to you and want to fuck you. We can hang out and have fun on occasion too.

Long term? I’m really attracted to you and want to fuck you immediately and I also want to go out with you and give you the world on a silver platter.

Men treat their short and long term prospects similarly. Women don’t.

Mark_Freed · 2022-01-18T17:05:19+00:00

these two lists to coincide? Why don’t they?

Relationships are a modern construct while attraction is an ancient construct which we evolved our senses for. If we wait a few thousand years and only people in successful relationships procreate then they will start to coincide again.

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-01-18T13:33:37+00:00

Physical attraction gets your foot in the door with me. However, the traits you listed for a good LTR, I do look for them in the person I’m dating before committing to a relationship.

wtknight · 2022-01-18T13:43:33+00:00

Wouldn’t it make more sense for these two lists to coincide? Why don’t they?

No. Because the traits that makes one a good sexual catch are the ones that will also make one’s offspring a good sexual catch, as the idea is to perpetuate one’s genes down the generations.

The traits that make one a good relationship partner are often about ensuring the survival of current offspring.

They are two different sets of traits, and historically they did not need to come from the same man (dual mating strategy).

And, since they are different sets of traits, historically given men could specialize in given traits to ensure his offspring survive. One man could have many offspring with many different women and care for none of them. Some of them might survive. Some might not. Another man might produce just a small number of offspring with one woman and heavily provide for them, with those offspring more likely to survive.

A lot of this doesn’t apply to the present day as much, but it applied to us prehistorically for a long time, and still persists in our sexual and relationship behavior. Maybe someday after many many generations men will have almost equal alpha and beta traits and women won’t have to worry about some men being sexually appealing but bad providers, or some men being nice men who could support her and her child well, but who are not sexually appealing.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-01-18T15:43:16+00:00

Depends. If we're talking about just sex, all he needs to do is be physically attractive and look worth my time. For a relationship, he needs that plus two or three dozen other things (including kindness).

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PPDdebater9000 · 2022-01-18T13:40:06+00:00

As a man you need to be submissive and make lots of compromises. You are basically required to comply with anything or be replaced. If gf wants to get married you can't just go to gym and use some game on her. If you don't comply she's going to find someone else who will.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2022-01-18T13:44:50+00:00

You only really need to be attractive to the person and reasonably charming to get a fuck. Relationships require more than just that, such as similar life goals, compatibility on multiple levels and to enjoy each other's company enough to want to spend considerable amounts of time with them.

I didn't consider a fair amount of the women I've slept with to be compatible with me for a relationship, even though I was attracted to them and enjoyed their company (barring a few for the latter...)

divingrose77101 · 2022-01-18T13:54:26+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AquaChip · 2022-01-18T14:11:21+00:00

No, you need different qualities to be able to maintain a healthy long term relationship.

whrdiditgowrong · 2022-01-18T14:21:58+00:00

Not at all

EstablishmentKooky50 · 2022-01-18T15:06:17+00:00

There's a lot of discussion about both topics though. Just yesterday there was an OP asking Red Pillers, what qualities are they looking for in regards of LTR.

To answer your question, i think those qualities are definitely needed, but not enough. Being attractive is good enough to get you trough the door but to stay, you need more, and even more if you want to be in a fulfilling, happy relationship.

pubgmisc · 2022-01-18T18:17:16+00:00

Men see a woman and will decide if she’s relationship attention or sex attention yes

PaidByPutinBot123 · 2022-01-18T18:23:33+00:00

yes. Do you want to marry a virgin guy? How about a guy without the traits needed for casual fun when younger, but when women age and want to get relationships more (not serial monogamy with Chads pretending its dating), they dont want men without experience.

Simply put, women dont like dating younger men, and dont like marrying young. Therefore many men that are "husband material" go through 20s with less experience of relationships, leading to low quality marriage partners.

schoolpolicestation · 2022-01-18T18:54:31+00:00

AF/BB. What makes a man's genes succesful in a competitive world do not coincide with the traits best fit for a LTR or raising a child. That's why women privatize hook-ups and socialize relationships.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-01-18T21:51:12+00:00

It's a sad irony. Like, the qualities advantageous to winning a revolution are rarely the qualities advantageous for responsibly governing a country. But if you don't do the former, you don't get a shot at the latter, so many revolutions go the way of bloodthirsty dictators.

ogsimpology · 2022-01-18T22:09:16+00:00

If you want a successful, long term, monogamous relationship, this is what you need:

mutual physical attraction (it's best to keep physically fit, that the man is taller than the woman, that the man acts masculine when necessary, and woman acts feminine)
same or very correlating world views (views on homosexuality, views on religion or lack there of, views on children, views on [insert critical value]
similar level of education (rappers, athletesz business men with wives they basically neglect aren't happy relationships, usually it's best to keep it equal, so the two can talk to each other, possibly better if the man is more educated because women find it sexually arousing)
willing to go above and beyond for this person (learn that from your personal sacrifice, there can come joy for both you and your partner)
good relationship with each others family and friends
healthy amount of jealousy (allow your partner freedom, but don't be stupid, going solo with the boys or the girls to a club and getting piss drunk and dancing with other people is risky and unnecessary)
willing to implement them into your life (making time for them and understanding their needs)
sexual compatibility (accept their fetishes and set healty boundaries)
some prior sexual experience, but not too much (keep sex as something special between you, that illusion makes your bond stronger)

M3taBuster · 2022-01-18T22:17:28+00:00

kind, having good communication skills, affectionate, affirming, emotionally mature, helpful, generous, and enthusiastic.

Wouldn’t it make more sense for these two lists to coincide?

I think the reason nobody brings those traits up is just because they are so incredibly obvious that they aren't even worth mentioning.

It's not because they are associated with LTRs rather than casual sex and the two are being separated, because there are already traits on the list you provided that only matter when it comes to LTRs. Nobody cares about wealth, body count, marital status, or kids when it comes to casual sex. Hell, they might not even care about extroversion if they meet in a way that bypasses the need for it.

Yet PPD does harp on those traits because they are seen as things that people in mainstream society neglect the importance of.

Whynotbebetter · 2022-01-18T23:52:35+00:00

I think the answer is..... Somewhat.

LotBuilder · 2022-01-19T04:29:43+00:00

One of the biggest things needed to be successful is HOW you fight. Everyone fights but HOW you fight is key. Fighting without being disrespectful and going for the jugular and being able to move on quickly is key. I have had a few girlfriends that I knew there was no future after our first fight.

bonjarno65 · 2022-01-19T07:43:06+00:00

The lists doing coincide cause short term and long term mating strategies are aka are different ways to make more babies. So necessarily the two lists might not overlap.

You can actually give people the big 5 personality test (validated scientifically accepted) to find out al the traits that people good in LTR.

Broadly speaking, you want someone who is low the neuroticism score (so they are emotionally stable), high in conscientious-ness score (so they work hard at the relationship), and high in agreeableness (so they aren’t overly argumentative).

LateralThinker13 · 2022-01-19T20:31:52+00:00

Wouldn’t it make more sense for these two lists to coincide? Why don’t they?

They have some overlap, but there are some in the first set of attractiveness that most definitely do NOT work for LTRs. Commonly, those are the dark triad traits. Women find these very attractive, and they're death for LTRs. And they aren't the only traits like this: brooding is 'sexy' but useless for LTRs, for example.

If you aren't familiar with AFBB, go look it up. It answers your question.

Vtridolla · 2022-01-18T15:11:04+00:00

Lmao fuck no. Getting a partner and keeping a partner are two very different fucking things lol 😂

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-01-18T15:22:50+00:00

Physical attraction definitely gets your foot in the door, and Yes you want to see the person as sexually desirable on the daily, however personality , agreeable personality in comparison to yours is very important!! Who the hell wants to clash personality wise especially from the beginning. How exhausting. Think it's important that the individual that you're potentially in a LTR with has a decent job, and is able to take care of themselves to where you're not having to take care of them financially or emotionally like a child. Does that mean 6 figure salary ? No , most realistic adults know that the majority of individuals in the United States of America are not making a six- figure salary. Almost every blue collared job in America that men primarily hold do not pay over $100,000 a year. Myself , do not live in an urban metropolitan area , I am surrounded more by men who are employed with blue collared type jobs. Think demographics is a big influence too .

Title	Are the qualities required to attract a person the same ones needed to be successful in a relationship?
Author	divingrose77101
Upvotes	18
Comments	111
Date	January 18, 2022 1:26 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/s6xhww/are_the_qualities_required_to_attract_a_person/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-the-qualities-required-to-attract-a-person-the.1096905 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096905

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