Throwaway account because it's personal...
I met my boyfriend in 2018. There was so much I loved about him - I have whole journal entries that discuss the kind, thoughtful guy he was and how I thought he was the one for me. He was in law school and I was working, and in his free time, he watched motivational, educational, sports, or vacation content. Honestly, even that really attracted me to him.
Now, 4 years later, the top of his youtube is Fresh and Fit related content, and a lot of videos interviewing what women at the club think of themselves. It's what he listens to any time he has free time and wants to relax. He knows that their content bothers me a lot (we've argued about this quite a bit the past year), and his conclusion was that we shouldn't discuss it and that I can't ask him about what he listens to. But the more it bothers me, the more it seems to sharpen his resolve.
I've seen enough of their content. I don't think everything they say about men and women is false, and I think their financial/fitness content is fine. My boyfriend maintains that this a men's empowerment channel, when I think it actually goes further to be rude/degrading to a lot of young girls and calling it men's empowerment. Sure some women on there say crazy stuff that I don't agree with, but on the whole I think they're trying to re-cultivating a world where men are on top and run things. I mean anyone who disagrees with something they say gets mocked or labeled simp/beta. Any woman making six figures in a job (me) would be deemed as likely to have masculine qualities. And men have to be leaders and women have to followers in a relationship. And when I bring it up that it bothers me - my boyfriend tells me I'm argumentative.
And now it feels like everything is gendered and our relationship feels like a scoreboard, even when I try to let it go. If we watch a show with men and women in it, it's now a whole thing about gender. If I point out something that he does that bothers me that I don't do to him, it's "men and women are different." Now, dresses that I wore on dates with him I can't wear with my girlfriends (I don't wear very revealing outfits period and my instagram is mostly food-related) and I don't go out clubbing very much either. Yesterday, I disagreed that Fresh and Fit was a true men's empowerment channel - I don't think at the end of the day they're trying to make better men, but just try to get guys laid more and put them in a position of power where a woman's dissenting opinion will never have to matter to them. It got to the point where my boyfriend said I was sexist and misandrist (SO ironic given how he seems to think nothing on the show can be misogynist).
Honestly, I'm on the brink of walking away from the relationship. I have supported this man in many situations, gave him my best years, and moved with him to multiple cities (including in the middle of nowhere). Moreover, we do almost everything 50-50, and I've paid for more expensive things (his furniture, basketball tickets, nice dates, takeout) because I was making more than him this whole time while he built his career - now in a couple years he'll finally make more than me. I've never been the kind of woman who just expects guys to pay for me, and I just want mutual love and respect.
Somehow, he has no clue that I'm this close to leaving...but I don't feel I can tell him because he's just going to think it's stupid to leave for this reason. But to me, our inability to work through this is a sign of incompatibility and after a year of trying to reason with him, he just doesn't care anymore and just prefers not to talk about it. I can't picture my life where I constantly feel miserable knowing what he thinks of women and how he judges women, and then imparting that to our kids?! No. I don't feel I'm in a loving relationship anymore. It feels vindictive and like I will feel like I can never get through to him. Even though the prospect of having to re-enter the dating pool at age 28 feels scary, I've concluded that feeling miserable everyday in a relationship and having my kids grow up with that ideology will be devastating for me.
I want to be able to say I gave it my best effort before I leave. Is there anything I can do to undo this mindset? I just feel like logic and reason fail because people that follow this have a set of beliefs that doesn't actually follow science/reason, but it just makes them feel good somehow.
[–]softnmushy 57 points58 points59 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fluffylittlemango 42 points43 points44 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShitFacedSteve 6 points7 points8 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]fluffylittlemango 8 points9 points10 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShitFacedSteve 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fluffylittlemango 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]No_Evening388 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JonF1 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]partyorca 29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]imhereforthemeta 46 points47 points48 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]vcreativ 17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dongtouch 16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]shaunstudies 27 points28 points29 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]alexbrove 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Snoo52682 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]verhine 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Altruistic_Gate4447 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mammajess 10 points11 points12 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Fufi44 4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]mammajess 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Altruistic_Gate4447 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]medicalquackery 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kblkbl165 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]whatdaheckk98 13 points14 points15 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]FullWoodpecker6115 -1 points0 points1 point (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]whatdaheckk98 3 points4 points5 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]FullWoodpecker6115 -1 points0 points1 point (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]whatdaheckk98 2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]FullWoodpecker6115 -1 points0 points1 point (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]whatdaheckk98 3 points4 points5 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]whatdaheckk98 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FullWoodpecker6115 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]alexbrove 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GWENEVlEVE 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]merrickdeville 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Curious_Jury_5181 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModerator[M] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MetaCognitio 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]3xAmazing 25 points26 points27 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]panita3894[S] 13 points14 points15 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]3v3ryR0s3HasItsTh0rn 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 16 points17 points18 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]tallmemory645 10 points11 points12 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]tallmemory645 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pomeranian111 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Fufi44 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]porkchop_47 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]capricorndyke 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]doom_child 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LastFlow 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Far_Vermicelli3705 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yulemguysmmoja 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]notsafeforpoo 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShitFacedSteve 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Gaddammitkyle 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShitFacedSteve 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Vast_Eye1633 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HarpoonTheBlueWhale 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Snoo-4920 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]katasock 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]princessbubbbles 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]katasock -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]magic_damage 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Redbull6735 -2 points-1 points0 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]KingKunta2-D 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PrincessTiaraLove 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]xvszero 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]xvszero 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Randomamigo 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mh882130 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FullWoodpecker6115 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jolly-Incident6629 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RepresentativeBody50 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Krisp808 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Arose1316 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Altruistic_Gate4447 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AE86_Finesse 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kinglukeperry 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ViV_No_CaP 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Adventurous_Bug9079 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]KuroMort 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mqk99966 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link