Boyfriend has gotten into Fresh and Fit the past year... can this be undone?

softnmushy · 2022-05-23T14:54:37+00:00

I don’t think your situation is salvageable. You should move on before you waste more time with this guy. Like you said, you’ve already given him some of the best years of your life.

And you have already given the relationship your best effort. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to salvage the relationship. You have repeatedly told him why you don’t like him watching this content. And he has totally blown you off.

People sometimes grow apart as they get older. It is pretty clear he has changed from the guy you first met. Or, maybe he just never revealed that side to you until now. Regardless, it is clear you are no longer compatible.

fluffylittlemango · 2022-05-23T15:03:42+00:00

I had to get out of mine. We were together over a year and he started doing RP tactics - eg Dread on me for no fucking reason. Saying I couldn't wear certain outfits if he wasn't with me. Stonewalling me if I disagreed with him on something.

I learned he was getting into the red pill.

We broke up a few months ago and he's still trying to hurt me.

partyorca · 2022-05-23T16:20:54+00:00

It is not your responsibility to clean up his toxicity.

imhereforthemeta · 2022-05-23T15:23:00+00:00

"Even though the prospect of having to re-enter the dating pool at age 28 feels scary"

JUST CONFIRMING your best days are far from behind you. 28 is a great time to date, and you'll meet a lot of guys who are at mature places in their lives.

vcreativ · 2022-05-23T16:18:10+00:00

Sorry, many words. TLDR: It's ok to leave. You sound great, go out be great without another's weight. Find someone that's uplifting, even if that's "just" you.

I had so many citations and things of him showing flags, but there are so many. If you'd like to hear my opinion in detail, feel free to ask. But wow, it just keeps going.

The key one to me is that you're in a committed relationship and he (a) cares what girls at the club think, (b) not at all what hurts you, and (c) the more you ask him to stop the more he does it.

That to me appears to indicate that the girls at the club pique his interest more than you. Especially (c) points at despise. You'd have to hate yourself to stay.

gaslighting.

Honestly, I'm on the brink of walking away from the relationship. Somehow, he has no clue that I'm this close to leaving...but I don't feel I can tell him because he's just going to think it's stupid to leave for this reason.

Seems healthy. It doesn't matter what he thinks about it. Look up dark-triad and tell me that's not him.

gave him my best years

Interesting, I see a bunch of posts with this sort of speech. But it pre-supposes that your best years are behind you, which is negativistic, you couldn't possibly know, and considering you've spent them with this muppet (no offense) likely not even true. Good men exist, it pays to go out and look for them at any age.

Even though the prospect of having to re-enter the dating pool at age 28 feels scary, I've concluded that feeling miserable everyday in a relationship and having my kids grow up with that ideology will be devastating for me.

You already know what to do. Yes, dating is difficult. Finding a good partner is difficult. The journey to the self is difficult. This one isn't a good partner. That makes him trivially replaceable. Being alone isn't the end of the world, being with whatever this is will be hell.

Is there anything I can do to undo this mindset?

Nope, not really. Besides, that's his responsibility. You cannot fix him. It's not your fault. You tried, fair enough. But it's time to leave.

but it just makes them feel good somehow.

They're addicts. It's substance abuse. At the core lies insecurity and they're having it validated which means every day he's moving further away from healing. That's assuming he's not just dark-triad, in which case he's just unfixable. Either way, he's a time bomb in my eyes.

Ask youself this, if you'd hear this story, would you judge the woman for leaving? Then ask yourself if your judgement should really matter to her.

dongtouch · 2022-05-23T18:22:00+00:00

I found the man of my dreams at 30, married at 34. 30s are a fantastic time for us women - careers are going, we know who we are and what we want. Don’t waste that on someone who will suck up your energy and only return disrespect.

shaunstudies · 2022-05-23T18:12:15+00:00

You make money, you have sense and no kids. Why stay? Your best years are yet to come.

Snoo52682 · 2022-05-23T20:10:24+00:00

He will always think it is stupid for you to leave. You will never have a reason "good enough" for him.

You will never have anything "good enough" for him.

verhine · 2022-05-23T22:03:09+00:00

You have a difference in values. I used to think values were do you want kids and to be married, but values are what you think is normal. And by staying, you’re saying that his unwillingness to budge is what you accept as normal behavior.

mammajess · 2022-05-24T04:33:54+00:00

My ex went crazy during the gamer gate thing and the nu atheist, anti-SJW thing, which was a massive misogynistic out pouring online where suddenly men became incensed by basically everything women do. After that he started watching what I now realise was neo-nazi content. He became misogynistic and horribly racist. But it happened so slowly it was like the frog in slowly boiling water. Some of the content he listened to seemed even like just history content but if you paid attention it was all about how "women destroy civilisations" or some crap. He started learning survivalist skills after his father died, and wanted me to leave my perfectly good house to sleep outside with him every night.

And it all started with gender stuff via gamer gate. This shit can stir up old traumas in a very unhelpful way. Kind of tells men they can control their trauma by controlling a woman.

Once he was just hating on me daily for being a woman it fucked with my internalised misogyny and it kicked off some self hatred so bad I experienced gender dysphoria! Moving away from him cured that instantly.

Misogyny is infectious and many men have no defenses for it. It can ruin the whole man if he has significant life trauma perhaps related to his mum or girls at school. My ex had both. I wanted to feel sorry for him but in the end he was doing horrible things like calling me "barren" in front of his mother, for not having the kids he didn't even want 😞

I left a 15 year relationship I invested everything into because he became basically a gamer gate anti-SJW who hated women and compulsively said the n-word at me for no reason. I think Red Pill is a much more strategic and more insidious version of the same hatred promotion.

kblkbl165 · 2022-05-23T20:16:49+00:00

I'm sorry but he's already deep into the rabbit hole, the only reason he's moderate about it is because he has to put an act in front of you.

Men are supposed to grow out of this angst rhetoric FF disseminates, if he's doing the opposite you really don't want to be anywhere close when he decides to come out of the closet.

whatdaheckk98 · 2022-05-23T17:04:12+00:00

Yeah, my ex and I went through the same thing. Finally after a year of begging him, he unfollowed them and says he'll stop watching them, of course, if I sleep with him more often lol

I dont think there's any hope. Hes just gonna go into an echo chamber and have this cognitive dissonance that will never get fixed.

alexbrove · 2022-05-23T20:46:33+00:00

You were in a relationship with him but I wouldn't consider those the best years of your life, unless you're planning to have a terrible life ahead of you.

The content that he's watching has already turned him into a user and eventually he's going to turn into a full blown abuser, and unfortunately abuse always starts off so subtly that it's hard to see it until you're fully experiencing it or maybe until you're finally out of it and this may take years, if you stay.

OP, your future will be brighter without him even if you have to be single for a while. Save yourself from a lifetime of heartache and look for someone who deserves your love.

GWENEVlEVE · 2022-05-23T16:27:20+00:00

Ah, this post sounds so similar to what happened to me 5 years ago. I empathize with you because I also gave some of my best years to a man who had disgusting views about women — and for the longest time I believed he didn’t think about me that way. We went 50-50 on everything and I adjusted my work schedule around his crazy unpredictable work schedule.

I ended up leaving the relationship and have been with someone who understands male empowerment but does not feed on content from red pill channels. He lets me live my life (as long as I do so safely) and doesn’t stonewall or restrict me from wearing anything as long as it’s appropriate for the occasion. If I show up with a problem, we solve it appropriately and he never makes me feel small or unheard. We still do mostly 50-50 but we both treat each other often.

I’m really really really glad I left that relationship. It led me down a rabbit hole of red pill content that completely altered who I was and how I would behave and react and it took years to unlearn and become myself again.

I think I agree with the other comments and that it’s time for you to leave.

2022-05-23T21:37:37+00:00

51F here. At 28 you have your entire adult life ahead of you. Don’t waste it with this guy who isn’t happy with the amazing woman he already has. You deserve so much better and it’s out there for you. Go have fun and live the life you want to live.

merrickdeville · 2022-05-24T03:23:01+00:00

I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty for - you’re watching your partner get radicalized into being a sexist right in front of you and he’s resisting all your attempts to bring him back. He’s controlling over your clothes??

This is deeply unhealthy territory. I’m someone who archives F&F and started learning about evolutionary psychology and biological essentialism BECAUSE of their channel - everything they preach is false and most of it is deeply rooted in misogyny. I cannot stress enough how absolutely toxic they and their influence are.

The fact you feel guilty or unsure about wanting to walk away from a man because in front of your very eyes he’s decided to be taken in by sexist propaganda (that uses the same biologically essentialist narratives, reasoning and relies on data from literal “race realists” btw - and I would be happy to go into detail into one of the very few studies Myron has ever concretely mentioned and how the person who authored it is alt-right lol) that denigrates you and dismisses aspects of your mind and humanity is telling that you’re being manipulated and not listened to or respected in your relationship.

Would you tell your friend to sit there and stay with a man who respected her so little he decided he was gonna consume and let himself be swayed by men who think your friend is literally inferior to men? I have clips from these F&F guys that would make your skin crawl.

Run, don’t walk. You deserve to have a partner that thinks you’re an equal, not one who regularly listens to and respects a man who once spoke on an MRA panel about how women need to be trained like dogs

AutoModerator · 2022-05-23T18:22:44+00:00

Leave before he radicalizes into something dangerous

MetaCognitio · 2022-05-24T10:49:33+00:00

When he is in the room watch a video of Aba and Preach roasting Fresh and Fit. They did not come out of that looking good.

3xAmazing · 2022-05-23T14:33:08+00:00

I’m sorry.

The hardest thing about being a woman who loves men is dealing with the inherent patriarchy men will bring to the relationship. The second hardest thing is knowing when it’s worth staying and when it’s time to leave. It sounds like you already know the second thing…

I’m lucky my wife stayed with me despite my shitty maleness, so that I could become a better man. It took a devastating fracture in our relationship, which I caused, for me to get my head out of my ass. I guess she’s lucky I was truly willing to do the work? Otherwise it would have been a waste of more time.

My gut says it’s time for you to go. He isn’t willing to hear you out, he almost certainly isn’t willing to do the hard work of grappling with internalized misogyny. People tend to stay in relationships out of fear, but if you stay your entire life will be soured by this. Dating is crappy and scary, but dating can also mean finding true love.

Try talking to him. See if he’ll try couples therapy. Maybe this can be salvaged. But if you have to go you have to go.

porkchop_47 · 2022-05-24T00:16:41+00:00

If he doesn’t have issues with these lines of thinking, it’s not your job to save him. I know it’s hard to leave a situation that you’ve gotten used to, but it’s better for you in the long run to leave. Maybe he’ll see the error in his thinking, but it’s not your responsibility. If he was a loving partner he would be willing to have an open discussion about it with you-but no. He has closed himself off from you. The fact that he sees that it bothers you and disregards that, tells a lot about his character. I hope you find the strength to leave this difficult situation.

2022-05-24T02:55:15+00:00

why the fuck would he get into fresh and fit when he already has a girlfriend who seems to genuinely care about him? I’m sorry but your bf clearly doesn’t make rational/good decisions.

Leave him before he ruins you. You’ll be alright, better away from him at least.

capricorndyke · 2022-05-23T19:41:19+00:00

Yeah F&F is a really awful channel. I like to think two people together are a team and they work together. They decide amongst themselves how they want to do life and make changes based on seasons of life. It's funny how F&F criticizes women for being sexual beings while simultaneously encouraging them to do so. At the end of the day it is your choice if you stay with him or not. Not sure if F&F for him is a phase or something for life. Perhaps couples counselling may help if you are both open to it. Best of luck to you.

doom_child · 2022-05-24T00:16:56+00:00

Put some effort into rewriting your beliefs about your age, the dating pool, your best years being behind you, etc. You are entirely too young to be burdened with these beliefs. Get detailed. Look into every nook and cranny of your feelings and beliefs to find these tendencies and squash them with contrary evidence for each one. Why might it be better to find a partner at your age then before? What knowledge of yourself has this situation given you? Find many pieces of evidence and use them repeatedly, whenever you have a thought or feeling that brings you down. You don’t deserve to be burdened with that belief.

LastFlow · 2022-05-24T12:29:48+00:00

It is starting to worry me how far the reach of that podcast is getting. i used to watch some of their clips regularly but it got too intellectually dishonest for me.

Far_Vermicelli3705 · 2022-07-17T22:41:45+00:00

I am going through the exact same issue. Met the guy I am dating, everything was going amazing until he slowly introduced me to the Fresh & Fit podcast and all the concepts behind it. He states that men with high value can mess around with multiple women while women can’t. And he claims he doesn’t do that himself, he just doesn’t see anything wrong with the ideology. Other things as well - claims that women should get their ultimate happiness from their children while men succeed in their careers. A lot of things I agree with as I am a strong woman yet would want an equally strong parter alongside me. But it has become apparent to me that many (or most) men who watch these podcast have overly extreme views on gender to the point it is diminishing relationships. I am in the same boat as you. I feel like walking away at this point. You should as well. This topic is no minor topic to disagree with in a relationship. If he cannot reason with you or see it from your perspective, I hate to say it but things might not work out. These podcasts speak nothing of how to genuinely succeed in a relationship. It’s tragic. Good luck to you!

yulemguysmmoja · 2022-05-24T08:20:28+00:00

I’m sorry there is nothing you can do until he comes to the realization himself.

2022-05-24T14:03:28+00:00

My ex started getting into RP podcasts deeper into the relationship. He turned everything into a gender war debate. With the difference in values, it’s best to move on.

notsafeforpoo · 2022-06-16T04:47:36+00:00

I won’t be redundant as there’s been so many comments on this with good advice, but I wanted to say you sound like a wonderful person and I wholeheartedly believe you can find better. 28 is in no way too old. In 5 years you’ll look back and thank yourself I guarantee it. Give us an update!!

ShitFacedSteve · 2022-05-24T04:49:26+00:00

Show him the clip of Fresh and Fit saying “Who gives a fuck about a woman’s orgasm? It’s useless” then pause it, look him in the eye, and say “I give a fuck about a woman’s orgasm”

If that doesn’t make him realize how dumb he’s being then perhaps nothing will.

On a more serious note, I think the only thing you may be able to do is tell him seriously how you love compassionate men, and how his compassion is your most cherished quality of his.

Fresh and Fit are big on being these indomitable macho men who never cry in front of “their women” because, supposedly, women hate it when men show any weakness or vulnerability.

If you can show him your journal entries and explain to him that you’re scared of losing the loving compassionate man that you fell in love with, maybe it could convince him to seriously move on from that kind of advice.

But if he still digs his heels in then, yeah, he might not be willing to stop taking in such ideas.

Vast_Eye1633 · 2024-03-17T12:00:14+00:00

no way u went to Reddit to ask for advice. the entire Reddit community hates fresh and fit, your relationship was wraps the moment you did lmao. You nagged your man so much instead of trying to understand. Dude has his foot down about being able to watch whatever he wants to watch and you hate on him for it? Classic. Yeah dating while being 28? Good luck finding something long term with children

HarpoonTheBlueWhale · 2024-04-02T04:26:17+00:00

I can't believe any guys over 18 actually watch that shit. Those dudes are bad news and they are delusional themselves. It all seems like a giant cope about them not being able to please or make a woman happy. Anything change?

Snoo-4920 · 2024-04-24T12:38:20+00:00

He’s such a good guy because he watch’s fnf

katasock · 2022-05-23T23:01:50+00:00

Is this a race thing?

magic_damage · 2022-05-24T04:11:05+00:00

Maybe you should talk with him,i think you could do something before let it go. Try to talk about the topics of fresh and fit that dont apply to his life because he is not living the Way that fresh and fit are promoting. He is not going out clubing, is not going on dates with foodie callers and he is not a Chad who have many options. He should be commited to the relationship and should be gratefull to have a Gf who shares 50/50 or even more. Like they say you must get if you want to live the fresh and fit style... He is not a HVM, he is just acting like a Jerk.

Redpill could be addicted but there is a wayback from RP, thats because the subforum name.

Look this is other advice you could check in r/redpillwomen. How they are her relationships and change something in your relationship. Like I will not pay for that, you should provide. Etc. Play his game better than him. Im not saying to you change your lifestyle, im just saying there you could get advices to make his game harder.

Redbull6735 · 2022-05-23T17:47:32+00:00

Yeah I watch Fresh and Fit but more so because it’s entertaining. The content is geared towards men dating in Miami, NYC, LA where dating is about winning and losing.

But your BF is not following what they’re saying on the podcast. You were supporting him for some time so it’s stupid for him to even attempt to change the dynamics of your relationship. You met when you were young so he should be treating you like an equal since he wouldn’t be in his position without you.

What will most likely happen is you will breakup and find someone to treat you better. The BF will quickly realize there is nothing out there on the dating market for him and he will have serious regret.

If you were with him when you two had nothing and now he’s starting to switch things up now that he is starting to make money then he is a POS. I don’t agree with most people on this subreddit but I agree with the comments others have made on your post.

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KingKunta2-D · 2022-05-24T01:58:10+00:00

Stay as long as you need. Definitely leave if he starts trying to preach this nonsense to you. Your respect not worth the sex, the convenience, or the comfort you already have

PrincessTiaraLove · 2022-05-24T02:37:30+00:00

A lot of the time it not worth it to try and convince these males not to follow this junk because they just love to argue with women and try to get us all up in arms. The best thing to do is let him think he knows best and quietly move tf on.

xvszero · 2022-05-24T05:24:48+00:00

Is he a conservative?

Randomamigo · 2022-05-25T23:06:12+00:00

Nope, you have no rights to tell him what or what not to do

Mh882130 · 2022-05-25T23:46:39+00:00

If your bf watches cult like content view his behaviour as a result of the cult and not the result of him.

In fact look at the content and behaviour as a drug that is making him sick.

Write a list of pros and cons of you leaving for yourself and also a list of cause and effect.

If you do leave, craft your exit strategy do you can safely remove yourself from the situation.

Ask questions like,

What’s my plan to leave.

Once I leave how will I stay left?

Try to do worst case scenario and work backwards.

If you stay do the same.

Though you may feel you are in the right monitoring; canceling and controlling others behaviours and giving out ultimatums is a sure fire way to end anything.It may have to be done but ask yourself if you are willing to pay the worst case scenario if it happens.

Like any cult/drug it’s not the actual content itself that destroys people but the dosage and the mindset when injected.

I watch to content all the time and it does not bother me and I can maintain my healthy views but I’m also training in psychology and have been doing inversion content consuming (looking at others views regardless how toxic it is) since I can remember.

Bottom line your boyfriend is ill, suffering from what if call and hope to put in the DSM-V a cult personality disorder.

I wish you both the best.

FullWoodpecker6115 · 2022-06-13T10:15:07+00:00

From this post it just Sounds like he is watching content and isnt offensive to you. It sounds more like u are trying to control what he is allowed to do and not do. Ofcource any reasonable man would find that behavior irritating and call it ”argumentative”. Then it seems for you like he starts to rely om the content and benig cold when in reality he is just sick of you trying to control his youtube videos of choice. Make him a favor and either break up with him or stop complaining at what he watches.

Jolly-Incident6629 · 2022-07-03T06:42:15+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jWu3WXGlPA Watch this video youll understand youre not the only one

RepresentativeBody50 · 2022-07-19T05:43:55+00:00

Ur Fckn stupid .. I wouldn’t even want to hear u If I was ur man & thank god I’m not so don’t say, I could never get u .. next lost dumb girl

Krisp808 · 2022-07-26T00:03:49+00:00

"I just feel like logic and reason fail because people that follow this have a set of beliefs that doesn't actually follow science/reason, but it just makes them feel good somehow."

Ironic.

Arose1316 · 2022-07-31T21:41:37+00:00

Late to this, but my fiancée just ended our engagement 4 months prior to our wedding. I attribute a lot of it to his rabbit hole obsession with fresh and fit, Kevin samuels, mediocre tutorials and reviews. I didn't even recognize him the last few months of our relationship. It fed into his narcissism and spread like wildfire. He even made it known that he was "exercising his options" with other women.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. It sucks. I'm in so much pain. Look up Sandra Browns book, "women who love psychopaths". It's these guys to the letter.

Altruistic_Gate4447 · 2023-04-10T12:32:14+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with him watching the show and adapting due to learning new information but I would say, there is something wrong with him starting to disrespect you, hurt you and not treat you right. I myself watch the show and most of the stuff they say I agree but learning all that made me a better man. As long as he’s still taking care of you and the family, shows love to you and doesn’t change his behaviour towards you then you shouldn’t worry about anything.

Also give him a chance, since you were the bread maker before he got his job, he likely had this type of mindset before he started watching the show. The show only strongly implemented and stuck in his mind more as he was he knew he had to change and make more money but not just for himself but also you, so you can look up to him. Men want to be looked up to, like role models. We want to be the best version of ourselves so he have others looking up to us and following us in our steps. This goes to kids, women and other men. Give him a chance, see how it goes, if it completely changes him and he starts disrespecting you then leave but if it motivates him to become a better man for you and your future kids then it doesn’t hurt. Let me be honest, a lot of the stuff they say on the show is true but you need to understand they talk about the 1% of men. Not the majority of men. When they talk about exercising their options, they talk about the 1% as they busted their ass off to get to the top. When they talk about polyamorous relationships they talk about the 1% as they have the vast amount of riches to take care of their multiple partners. Even though it’s in our biology, only the 1% can execute this. So even if he does leave, he needs to understand that it’s not just about the money, it’s also about the status and adaptation skills.

AE86_Finesse · 2023-10-19T12:46:21+00:00

First off what he is listening to shouldn’t bother you at all, you are the problem for that. Why would you take away something that makes him happy in his free time when it doesn’t affect you? It sounds like he’s just laughing at the night show. You being a high income earner doesn’t automatically make you a masculine woman. What’s inferred, is that successful people have certain qualities or traits that are masculine, good for making money, but not good for relationships. Just because you have those traits doesn’t mean you have to act on them like you are now with a YouTube video? Recultivate? Men have been on top and running things since the beginning of time, everything you see around you was built by men. I could also say the same for women, every single person you seen came from a woman. Men build the world and women propagate the world. The losers get labeled betas and simps because that’s what they are, not because they disagree. You are argumentative, you don’t want him to listen something on YouTube because of how it makes you feel even though you aren’t listening or watching it. You gave him your all, and you have been a good woman why would you walk away over him listening to a podcast? He doesn’t want to argue with you and cause even more issues that’s why he doesn’t want to discuss it. You won’t drop it or compromise and he doesn’t want to stop listening to a podcast. The podcast could’ve helped him with his career, health, etc and you want to take that away because of how you feel? You don’t feel loved because he listens to a podcast you don’t like? It seems like this is really the only thing, leave the man and the podcast alone. Now that you’ve helped him get to where he is wanting to go you should reap the rewards of being a good woman. Stick with him, let the podcast go and keep being a good woman. You’ll find your happiness with your family and kids.

You are a woman and truly don’t understand what the male experience is like. How he views women and whores are two different things. Let me ask you this: Is a virgin and a prostitute the same?

Kinglukeperry · 2023-10-25T16:12:03+00:00

The problem is you. You want a traditional man but refuse to be a traditional woman. Any woman who leads a relationship will lead it off a cliff. Come crawling back to him and apologize. At your age with kids u are post wall

ViV_No_CaP · 2023-11-18T11:10:08+00:00

Sounds like he did himself a favor.

Adventurous_Bug9079 · 2023-11-19T03:40:28+00:00

Accept it step up be the woman your man wants you to be if you think you can move on that easy you never loved your man in the first place !!!

KuroMort · 2024-01-02T05:47:39+00:00

Wow, you're right. That is a dumb reason, must not love him as much as you think you do. Might have to do with your subconscious resentment, for buying him toys and the more expensive things he owns. If only your man was actually following FNF. He'd be on top of his shit and not stressing you out being low intellect, and skill-less. Useless and unwanted by any gender.

mqk99966 · 2024-02-03T09:28:35+00:00

Looks like he has starting to impose boundaries.. good for him

Title	Boyfriend has gotten into Fresh and Fit the past year... can this be undone?
Author	panita3894
Upvotes	105
Comments	101
Date	May 23, 2022 2:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/uw14ai/boyfriend_has_gotten_into_fresh_and_fit_the_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/boyfriend-has-gotten-into-fresh-and-fit-the-past.1118854 https://theredarchive.com/post/1118854

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