Do women want guys to be confident or what?

caption291 · 2022-08-21T14:55:38+00:00

When people say women like confident men they are talking about men that are extroverted, socially savy, know game, are kind of dominant, who dont make a fool of themselves, know when to talk and how to be respected when talking, know what they want and how to get it, dont bend over for others etc

What you are talking about is standards in dating apps which bear no relation to any of that. What redpill says about having options is that if a man have options its a signal indicating he is a high value man. But no one besides you and the metadata of the company know how many right swipes you did, so it has no bearings here

So "be confident" doesnt mean dont settle for less than a model, thats a very passive view of things, confidence as standards for selection, maybe it works for women. But men have to be active in the dating game, and "be confident" mean ACT confident

Also I cant relate anything you said with the mentor stuff

Alburg9000 · 2022-08-21T15:06:48+00:00

Theres a thin line between confidence and delusion, this sub cries about it often when women do it

TotalTravesty · 2022-08-21T14:20:02+00:00

Wanting a model isn’t confidence. That’s just wanting. Carrying yourself like you should be attracting models every day is confidence—and it involves a lot more action than swiping on an app.

Sad_Entertainer6312 · 2022-08-21T14:26:14+00:00

Some men want a woman shaped container and lots of women don't want to be the container.

We hear all the time that men do not care about the following: your job, your hobbies, your interests, your personality, your accomplishments, etc. So, many women can tell some guy is with her temporarily because she is all they can " get " and the ones with decent self esteem nope out and the ones with crappy self esteem make up little fairy tales in their head and get their feelings hurt.

sarkington · 2022-08-21T14:33:06+00:00

I don’t see how wanting something directly relates to confidence

social_mule · 2022-08-21T14:43:18+00:00

Oh ffs, just stop listening to what women say they want and visually observe what they actually respond positively to. How many times can this be stated?

Passionfruit-loop · 2022-08-21T14:51:15+00:00

I want males to be confident in themselves, their skills, their friendships, their homes/hobbies/ and their capacity for enjoyment in the human experience of life. I tell my brothers to never let a relationship with a woman define their inner sanctuary and that includes me and our mother.

All of my brothers have had maybe 1 sort of not good relationship, but mostly they’ve never been taken advantage of, never been sexually assaulted (as far as I know) never been bullied by either males or women.

So, yes. I want all males to be confident, to be willing to walk away, to be honest with those around them and to themselves. To go for what they want and also, wash yourself.

attendquoi · 2022-08-21T16:03:17+00:00

Your issue isn't confidence. Your issue is your inability to choose being single over being with someone you don't actually want.

2022-08-21T18:40:35+00:00

Women want men to "be confident" because they use the mien of men they encounter to try to determine how desirable they truly are. If a man acts like he has value, women assume it must be true, even if they can't see evidence of it otherwise.

That's why women hate (like hate!) the idea of "fake it till you make it." Doing so screws up their "radar" for men's value. A lot of women claim they can tell if a man is not really valuable and is just "faking it." These are usually the same women complaining about how they got suckered by their last hookup partner into thinking that he was really in love with them <insert eye roll>.

Professional_Ad705 · 2022-08-21T21:49:40+00:00

I’ve met plenty of confident ugly guys who get no girls tho lol. Really the only thing great matters is looks and playing hard to get/being an asshole.

Ylduts · 2022-08-21T14:21:17+00:00

In my experience confidence is the most valuable yet underrated variable when it comes to dating. Whenever I see a ‘mismatch’ between a guy and a girl that guy has always been confident. Period.

Bekiala · 2022-08-21T14:33:40+00:00

The positive aspects of confidence seems to develop with time; I don't see it as something that you can just choose. Also often confidence seems more like arrogance and a certainty of one's own perspective rather than something really positive.

Maybe someone here has a better definition.

Magnito-was-right · 2022-08-21T15:35:51+00:00

Carrying yourself with confidence and like you respect yourself while also being humble is what I like, not sure about other women.

AquaChip · 2022-08-21T14:42:48+00:00

Yes, the only people who want to be with someone who is perpetually insecure are people who are also perpetually insecure or abusers.

vorter · 2022-08-21T16:55:10+00:00

Maybe it would help if you reframe it as non-neediness. You should read Models by Mark Manson, it’ll explain it to you much better.

corporatesandry · 2022-08-21T18:19:35+00:00

The issue is that SO MANY MEN think confidence = being a jerk, demanding, bravado, etc. For some reason a lot of you see it that way

Oli_love90 · 2022-08-21T18:29:22+00:00

Your definition of confidence is a little skewed. Confidence is just being comfortable with yourself flaws and all. Not the bravado to bag tons of girls.

In terms of swiping, as a woman getting matches doesn’t perpetuate your existence nor does it boost your confidence. It’s assumed by this point that guys are swiping right on anything and they actually don’t really like you at all.

By saying you haven’t been picky, that’s even worse for you I think. By just arbitrarily picking a girl you don’t like because you can’t get what you want is the worst way to live and incredibly shitty and transparent to the women you’re choosing.

Building confidence is a lonely journey that requires a lot of self reflection. You have to be prepared to stop your flawed way of dating and be single for a bit. Which really isn’t the end of the world.

Kentucky_Supreme · 2022-08-21T22:38:55+00:00

They only want guys that they find physically attractive to be confident and approach them. If anyone else does it, they're "creepy weirdos".

Also, I think only the bottom guys swipe right on every woman's profile. The majority of them only swipe right on about 50% of women if I remember correctly.

But it's definitely the delusionally picky women and the extremely desperate guys that perpetuate the cycle and ruin it for everyone.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-08-21T14:42:44+00:00

Every single guy I have met who struggles with women (including myself when I was young) has the same thought running through their head.

"I'm a great guy, I do so many things for women, I have a good job and I am clean and well groomed, why are women not attracted to me? They should be. Why are they attracted to these other jerks?"

So you have this entitlement which can be good in the right context but not here. The problem is that you think you should be attractive to women because you are trying to play by the rules that your mom taught you, which are be nice to girls, have a good job and a strong 401K and you will find someone right for you. But none of this works in real life. You are doing things that YOU THINK women WANT and not what WOMEN actually WANT.

Sorry that you haven't figured it out yet.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-08-21T15:05:56+00:00

“Confidence” doesn’t mean thinking you deserve a model.

It means you’re going to be yourself. Without shame. You’re confident, so when you go on a date you aren’t going to put on this “suave debonair” persona and try to impress the woman. You’re not going to play games (like negging, pretending to be something you’re not, etc.).

Too many guys follow a script on dates. Too many guys act how they think a ladies man would act and then say “oh that doesn’t work.” Of course it doesn’t work. People see right through the persona. And the fact that you have a persona makes you seem insecure, not confident.

Being confident just means you’re not ashamed of yourself. You aren’t hiding yourself. You aren’t trying to be someone you’re not.

Eval-conundrum · 2022-08-21T14:56:00+00:00

I hear a gripe that 90% of guys think they deserve a model etc a lot.

Women claim this, but they must be on cooler websites than me, as I've never seen or read or heard anything by a man saying they "deserve" a model, although I have seen, read, and heard a near infinite number of women being told or saying, "I deserve my king! I deserve a HVM!"

I think it should be well known by everyone at this point that most guys swipe right on most everyone but most women definitely do not do that.

Men want women, women don't want men. Men have few choices, women have an infinite number of choices. Why women swipe on anyone I don't know, as it seems unnecessary. If you listen to women's claims, they're harassed by men hitting on them 50,000,000,000,000 a day, as well as being so terrified by having to reject men they fear being murdered every 15 minutes.

As long as guys swipe right on everyone women are gonna be really picky.

This isn't because they have 50 bazillion choices, they'll still rank 3 guys as well, and reject all of them if they don't match the 50 demands and requirements.

Sure, if a plane crashes on a tropical island, the rejection or acceptance will be based on "biggest" and who can get the most resources, but that's about it. Suddenly "men who aren't afraid to cry" will take second place to "man who can steal everyone else's coconuts".

It is what it is. We're animals and act like them.

And as long as women are picky guys are gonna swipe right on everyone.

Men want easy sex, women do not want easy sex. This isn't a circle. Men not being gregarious isn't going to stop women from being hypergamous.

Again, it is what it is.

I’ve thrown my standards out the window and gotten with anyone I could in the past. Because it seemed like the truth was that’s all I could do.

If your goal is, no offense, and escape from loneliness, then, yes, throwing "standards" out the window works. Much like women shipwrecked on an island. Their standards will be, "guy who can protect me and beat other men", and yours will be "woman who doesn't kick me in the nuts because I couldn't start a fire".

People tend to respond to that by telling me I should be more confident

That's a standard cop out to reject you without saying you're short and ugly. If I reject you for saying you're short and ugly, I'm the bad person. If you're rejected because you aren't confident, then it's meaningless and places all the rejection as being your fault, not me having preferences that your'e short, ugly, poor, etc. I'm socially protected, and you're rejected.

Again, it is what it is.

That’s all well and good but I’m pretty sure being more confident would mean I never get with anyone.

Confidence, as I stated, means nothing. It's just a filler word for "short", "poor", "I'm just not attracted to you and don't want to have anyone know I'm shallow".

"Confident" has one additional encoded meaning. "Rich". "Confident", is like continual "success". It means rich. That's all it means. Do you think women want short ugly fat neck beards being confident around them and shooting their shot? No, no they don't. Unless they're rich of course, then it's "big dick energy".

But whatever. Then people accuse me as a man of thinking I deserve to get with models and that’s why I struggle.

It's because that is just rejecting you for being ugly and unattractive. You really need to stop listening to people. You think they're telling you the truth? Of course not. Much better to listen to random people on reddit.

Should guys be more confident or should they get real?

They should be tall, rich, and successful.

Also, don't be unattractive. Women hate that. But will never admit it. And the rare times when they do admit it, they'll blame you too, such as "What are you new? Of course women want someone they're attracted to, you must be stupid."

Because one must always be putting the blame on you. In fact, the more people tell you these things the better, because it shows how shallow they are and living in fear of it being found out, so you're dodging toxic people left and right.

Capable-Resolve-2001 · 2022-08-21T18:11:12+00:00

Women want men to have confidence that is appropriate for them. No one wants or expects an average height, average looking, average dick man to have the confidence of a tall, good-looking, big dick man. In fact, people -particularly women- hate it when someone possess unwarranted confidence.

Don't let your behavior write a cheque that your SMV can't cash.

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FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-08-21T14:48:18+00:00

Guys should be genuinely confident.

Lisavela · 2022-08-21T17:13:30+00:00

There is delusion and confidence, people need to learn the difference

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-08-21T18:01:27+00:00

This has nothing to do with confidence.

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2022-08-22T03:34:03+00:00

Yes. The more the better. So much so you come off as a narcissist. But not in an insecure manner. In a cocky manner.

EasternToe3824 · 2022-08-22T04:03:08+00:00

What people want is not consistent but you can be consistent in what you want, so someone is gonna get walked over and cry about it. Don‘t let it be you.

BruddaMSK · 2022-08-22T08:53:52+00:00

The guys whom women want usually happen to be confident.

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-08-22T23:10:59+00:00

There is confidence and there is arrogance. People need to learn the difference

Title	Do women want guys to be confident or what?
Author	cynical_dude-
Upvotes	23
Comments	102
Date	August 21, 2022 2:14 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wu0mcr/do_women_want_guys_to_be_confident_or_what/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-women-want-guys-to-be-confident-or-what.1128594 https://theredarchive.com/post/1128594

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