Ok gents, for those of you going through a similar situation. Just wanted to lay out some things you should expect. Some background, I work a standard 40 hour work week, I make around 140k annually. I earn 6 hours of leave per bi weekly pay period. My ex makes approximately the same, but works a hybrid schedule with 'unlimited leave.' As a caveat, this is for men that are in the midst, or have fought for and won shared custody. If this is something you are pursuing, know that there are stigma, and difficulties in doing so.

These aren't complaints by any means, but if you're doing it for any other reason other than to raise your children, please pay the lady and move on. No judgement.

  1. Starting off, as previously stated, if you plan to pursue - children are your purpose. If it's not your primary purpose, please be introspective enough to realize it, it's a heavy undertaking, and you're not looked upon the same as a 'single, working, independent mother.'

  2. That being said, and this goes for all single working parents. The western world, especially the US is built, and incentives nuclear / coupled people. Economically, it's the backbone. Period. The world still generally operates 9-5, so if you have to leave early for a kids doctor's appointment, you will have no partner to support it. Every hour you take will likely be spent to care for the child, or keep yourself healthy.

  3. You'll get bananas comments that you have to let roll off. School drop offs. 'Oh, he's dressed so handsome, did mommy buy you some new clothes?' No bitch. I managed to dress myself, and my child this morning. And I'll crush you with my wallet, probably just my privilege. I digress.

  4. Ignore the noise, it's ok to be 'fun dad.' This is somehow a common criticism, but somebody has to be having fun. Most of all, your kids. Don't download adult bullshit onto them. Make it fun, damn the rest. Get their needs cared for, and bond. Video games for 4 hours on Saturday and you're a straight A student? Hell ya we're doing that. For some reason, dads playing with their kids is seen as childish post divorce. Ignore it, kids aren't robots, hug them, play with them. They're people, not possessions or pawns.

  5. Drop the resentment, take care of yourself. You're no good to anyone if you don't focus on it. Drop the drugs or alcohol, whatever it is. Find a focus. Nature, meditation, counseling. Doesn't matter. But don't sit alone just waiting for your kids to come back next week to be whole. Use that time to think about you, as hard as that may be. It's not your job to make anyone else happy.

  6. You're not superman, you're going to have bad weeks of fast food and lazy parenting. Forgive yourself. This is super important if you're a bit of a perfectionist like I am. Just stay in the moment.

Stay salty gentlemen, feel free to add to the list.