I’m falling back into the red pill due to being jaded that I have to do all the approaching

thetruthishere_ · 2022-09-29T14:31:27+00:00

Stop managing the conversation. They dont reciprocate unmatch, they are not interested. Id do the same thing if I was using an app and the guy did not reciprocate.

You dont need a pill for this, its just dating.

honey-bundy-88 · 2022-09-29T15:33:02+00:00

The red pill in this case isn’t helping you, it’s validating your lived experiences by giving you the excuse “the game is rigged against me”. Treating people like shit (like TRP often suggests) will not remedy your situation. Reevaluating your priorities will. It sounds like you’re already getting matches, choose to focus only on the ones who reciprocate your interest. Anything less and they’re not for you. There are plenty of women who don’t mind making the first move. Maybe try Bumble, so the woman has to message you first.

Curt_doggy_dog · 2022-09-29T18:22:12+00:00

Women don't experience online dating the same way men do. I don't think normal women enjoy being harassed by "nice guys," getting "negged" or having unsolicited dick pics sent their way. It's not that I think you are doing this OP, it's because this is the norm for women on there. Also, for every woman who is seeking an LTR online there exist multiple men who will simply lie about wanting one too to get sex. The result is women feeling less safe and becoming less approachable on these apps/sites than men.

By promoting misogynistic attitudes and behaviors in men, TRP contributes to the same modalities that have caused allot of women to feel unsafe around them. Aspects of TRP might be true and might be beneficial to some, but those are just "kernels of truth" that PUAs and other grifters with ulterior motives use as bait. They have created a false narrative for the purpose of gaining influence, money, power.

avotoastisgreat · 2022-09-29T16:50:26+00:00

Dating sucks, period. TRP loves to make it a men vs. women problem when in reality it's just a shitty people problem. There are a lot of shitty people in the world and weeding through them is exhausting.

I'm not going to tell you to quit dating, but try to not make it your main priority. If someone doesn't match your effort level then just let it go and move on. They clearly aren't for you. Join Bumble where women need to make the first move. Take breaks when you're feeling emotionally drained. Focus on taking care of yourself and investing in your interests and goals. The right person will eventually come along.

spiraldinosaur · 2022-09-29T14:28:34+00:00

If you're doing most of the work then you're talking to the wrong women. I've never felt that in dating. Sure, I've messaged women who didn't seem to make the effort in the conversation. Then I just unmatch with them and go and find someone who actually wants to have a conversation and is interested.

You might still be expected to make the first move, I think that's mostly down to dated ideas that have made women feel like making the first move makes them look desperate. But once that conversation starts I would expect things to be 50/50, and in my experience they usually are. The same goes in relationships; I don't know about this idea of women doing most of the labor - that doesn't sound right or true to me at all, it sounds unhealthy.

RedPillDetox · 2022-09-29T18:08:46+00:00

How is falling to red pill going to help you? You'll still have to do most of the work.

Guys always have to do most of the work, and in dating apps it's even worse. Dating kinda sucks a lot, for preety much everybody, going to red pill ain't going to change any of that.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2022-09-29T14:16:41+00:00

Women doing most of the labor is in a relationship, not in dating, lol. Ok, but how is falling into RP going to help you with this? How is RP going to reduce your dating labor? The abusive stuff aside, why is RP the rational response?

SweelFor- · 2022-09-29T18:10:14+00:00

You're not expected to do most of the leg work. If that is what you do, then the person is probably incompatible with you and you should move on.

If you don't like dating apps then don't use them

Meat_Vegetable · 2022-09-29T13:56:34+00:00

Don't use dating sites, literally just be a person and eventually you'll find someone

possessorofgreatness · 2022-09-29T20:20:40+00:00

Read models by Mark manson, rejection is not a curae but a blessing, currently your emotions narrowing your view to negativity but if you consider life as a 60-70year journey you'll understand it's a part where you actually been able to get away from someone who is not meant to be with you, ive been with girls just because I was alone on that particular time and it doesn't worth the time spent with someone who isn't perfect fit of your particular puzzle, also remember there is only 1 you, no human is same, you born under a certain genetic finger print with each decision you and your parents took made you a different person, red pill is nothing but heard of bitter people, don't join them, embrace your unique qualities, work on good values mentioned in subtle art of not giving a fuck and dont get bitter.

LGBTVanguard · 2022-09-30T03:20:16+00:00

The red pill is toxic. Been trying to warn people for years

OddPreparation3247 · 2022-09-29T19:40:39+00:00

I get a lot of matches on dating apps but I have to manage the entire conversation.

No reason to mix redpill into this. Perhaps you simply don't like texting? How about proposing a meetup in person as quick as possible (e.g. after 3 texts)? You can tell her honestly that texting is not your thing and you prefer to talk IRL. If she is not up for it, then she will ghost or decline and you both save yourselves some time. You should also verify your profile and not present as "too good to be true" :) Sometimes overdoing it gets you needlessly long text convos bc she is looking for some kind of trick in the persona you are presenting. And when you are on a date conversation is more likely to flow, esp. if you smell good and can use tone of voice and facial expression to communicate better. Honestly, texting is the worst.

On the other hand, if you are not willing even to talk to women in person, then I can't help you :) Maybe you don't really want to date? Nothing wrong with that, ya know :)

As for the labor thing, I don't think it means labor in dating. To be frank, if you are the one doing all the leg work in the middle of the first date then don't go to a second one - she is not reciprocating and you are justified to move on and save both of your time. Second thing, perhaps you are doing work that is not really required, but assumed? Why not go to a date and, for example, ask her if she knows a nice place you can go to for a coffee or sth? It is perfectly ok, and you can say that you simply like trying new things and new places. Many women will be glad to go to a pub/coffee place they know and feel good at. If you won't treat this as a failure and won't let it stump you, then you are ok. Just try to spend a good time with her, not be her manager :)

rhymeswithgarlic · 2022-09-29T20:30:10+00:00

In online dating, conduct yourself with integrity and grace. Be candid and direct. And let go of your focus on results and let the results be what they will. Take a break if you feel burned out or jaded. That's really the only approach that I've found that allows me to stay sane. I tend to be very results-focused which is an asset in most endeavors but a liability in online dating where so much is beyond our control. Focus on what you can control, which is your own profile and your own conduct.

Online dating is strewn with broken souls. Don't let them get you down or suck you into their vortex of brokenness.

Nightchanger · 2022-09-29T20:31:50+00:00

Did you try something else aside from dating apps?

ScrappleSandwiches · 2022-09-29T20:41:55+00:00

IMO online dating is garbage. Find activities that you like to do out of the house and meet people in person. If you want to date a beach volleyball player, play beach volleyball. Volunteer on a political campaign, bartend once a week, garden in your front yard and talk to your neighbors, just get yourself out there. When you're doing your own thing, you'll find other people who are also into that thing, and conversation is more natural from there.

Smithersink · 2022-09-29T22:48:18+00:00

That’s honestly why I don’t do dating apps and I think most men shouldn’t. Too much work for too little payout. Meeting women in person is better imo—less competition. You still have to make the first move most of the time, but just ask questions and if they don’t eventually start to reciprocate, they’re not worth your time.

At the end of the day, yes, there are plenty of things that suck about being a man. One way to keep that from making you bitter? Remember that there are plenty of things that suck about being a woman, too. Gender fucks us all over.

Fickle_Turn_5456 · 2022-09-29T17:26:55+00:00

Bunch of sad people in ere lol

blockboii190 · 2022-09-29T23:47:31+00:00

Bro imagine if woman talked to guys first rape would sky rocket

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-09-30T05:53:43+00:00

Your mistake is that you assume online dating is real life. Men outnumber women 4 to 1 on online dating and are far more active. So of course online dating is going to be insanely difficult for you. You have to meet women in real life too.

zapadz · 2022-09-30T19:02:26+00:00

Try this video on how to date and text with less effort

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuvK9BjSO6o

Egibson89 · 2022-10-29T11:03:04+00:00

I am considered an attractive woman. I competed in Miss California for reference.

think it would help you to know as a woman I matched with a lot of men over dating apps that I had to initiate and chase. Absolutely every single one I met was SO FLAKY and it was frustrating af.

I totally understand your frustration. I think it would be a lot better to work on yourself and the man you find high value and meet women in the real world.

The apps are an uphill battle with 1% pay off.

Title	I’m falling back into the red pill due to being jaded that I have to do all the approaching
Author	Luciansleep
Upvotes	15
Comments	117
Date	September 29, 2022 1:36 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/xr82e6/im_falling_back_into_the_red_pill_due_to_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/im-falling-back-into-the-red-pill-due-to-being.1133484 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133484

Comments