Ladies, how would you feel if a guy you were dating ended up giving you his grandmother's engagement/wedding band as a purposal?

a_popful_mail · 2022-10-27T05:14:52+00:00

If my partner proposed to me with something that carried that much personal value, I mean.. I'd be ecstatic. So long of course we'd been on the same page for when to marry before that moment. How I view it is.. sure an expensive ring is something and all, its got value in the material sense. But something that personal speaks volume to the amount of trust, faith and soul going into that gesture. That's not something you can take back. That's a symbol that speaks so deep in volumes its really impossible to put into words. There isn't more than one of those with the same amount of personal value in the world. That's it. The only one. And your partner chose you for it. Get what I mean?

As for knowing what your partner wants from a proposal and a ring and whatever.. that's all stuff honestly that should likely have been talked about before. It could have been months before, maybe even a year before or something, but really having a deep conversation is important before pushing for a step like that. You have to be on the same page. What kind of marriage would you have otherwise?

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-10-27T05:03:26+00:00

I would not like to have an engagement proposal be a surprise, let alone spring a ring that I should be wearing for the rest of my life on me without a discussion first.

I'd prefer to get my own ring and let the women in grandmas family take that ring since it has sentimental value to them and not me.

It makes little sense for the family to pass it on to a guy that then passes it on to a woman that has no emotional relationship with that ring. The daughters and granddaughters should be the ones getting that ring, not the grandson.

literaryhogwartian · 2022-10-27T07:01:13+00:00

My husband did that and I was honoured. We have another ring for daily use though, I'd never forgive myself if I lost or damaged it!

wintergreen233 · 2022-10-27T04:52:05+00:00

Usually, long before one proposes, you and your partner should have talked about the idea of getting married to make sure you’re on the same page. During that discussion, it’s a fine time to ask a partner things like what kind of ring they want, and whether they’d find an heirloom meaningful or want something new. The proposal itself can still be a surprise, but it’s good to have these discussions in advance.

AngelxEyez · 2022-10-27T04:58:44+00:00

I personally can't imagine being ready to get engaged to someone if we hadn't already talked about this. There shouldn't be any guessing. (and you should already know what their answer will be)

If he has a family ring he imagined giving to his future wife, thats something that would be talked about at some point well before popping the question. If it doesn't fit the idea she has in her head that is something that will be talked about. maybe they reset the stones in a dif ring, maybe they save the ring to pass down to first son, maybe its a deal breaker... that should realistically be talked about beforehand

(I'm 25f and my 24m bf and i have talked about this, wedding size preferences, last name, parenting styles etc) We have a timeline for aprox when we want to get engaged.. 2-3 years from now.. because we talked about it and agree that we want the engagement period to be the wedding planning and no longer. we bother prefer shorter engagements..

If you are marrying this person you realistically should be talking about these things well before it comes up ! Edit* my engagement will still be a surprise!

Lost-Zebra6453 · 2022-10-27T07:34:18+00:00

I would rather a ring that I chose - I work in jewellery though so know value/ styles I like

A common thing I see with antique engagement rings that have been passed down is it can be too worn(thin) and may be weak, the stones might be scratched or chipped, and most importantly a wedding band may not fit next to it neatly which leaves many women having to wear them seperate/on a different finger which is usually a hard thing to come around to. Having a ring made to fit unique shapes of engagement rings can cost 3-4K without even having many diamonds in the band.

A lot of older styles also sit quite high which can be a personal thing if you like or not.

I think get her a ring in a style she likes. Give grandmas ring as a 10 or 20 year anniversary present.

Haunting_Afternoon62 · 2022-10-27T06:29:49+00:00

Depends if I like the ring and if her marriage was successful, how I like his family, and if I think hes just being lazy or super cool and old fashioned. My sister can insult me and I crack up. My other sister can't get away with it because I dont like her much. So I think her reaction is a reflection on her feelings towards him.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-10-27T05:10:59+00:00

Certainly a bit sad that our time together is ending as I don't want to get married and am very clear about it. So this gift of an engagement ring accompanied by a proposal would be a breakup.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-10-27T06:37:45+00:00

Theoretically you would have talked about marriage and weddings before a proposal.

So you'd know whether you're getting a new ring or an heirloom. I knew that I'd be picking my own one out.

Lots of people I know designed their own engagement rings or hinted at the type they like. the when and how the proposal was happening was a surprise but not that there would be a proposal itself.

thelajestic · 2022-10-27T08:40:25+00:00

Also how exactly would a guy ask her if she wants it if he wanted it to be a surprise proposal or does he just do it and hope?

It should never be that much of a surprise, since you should have both talked about it beforehand and have an agreement on what you want (do you both want to get married, is a proposal even needed, is a ring wanted etc).

Anyway as to the actual question - I would find it a bit odd tbh. My gran on my dad's side had her jewellery divvied up amongst the women in the family, and on my mum's side it all went to my mum. It's a lot more precious and meaningful to go to the people that knew and were close to her, rather than someone being brought into the family who may never have met the gran.

Besides which, you're going to wear your ring for the rest of your life - it should be something you like. Just as I wouldn't have given my husband my grandpa's chunky yellow gold wedding ring as it isn't his style, I wouldn't necessarily like his gran's ring.

pinktuliplover · 2022-10-27T09:16:19+00:00

Unless he was bffs with his grandma and the ring really held value to him, I’d think he was just being cheap tbh. Also that he was being lazy and not wanting to put effort into picking out something for me. I want my own ring and in a style that I’d be more likely to actually like.

And people usually discuss marriage before the proposal. It’s just a surprise because she doesn’t know when he’s proposing (if you actually do a good job). In your marriage, goals, future type discussions just mention it. Ask how she’d feel about a vintage/sentimental ring or just does she have certain ring styles she really wants.

WillfulGrapefruit · 2022-10-27T10:18:29+00:00

I've always found "surprise" proposals incredibly weird. Getting married is something two people need to actually discuss. It's not a decision that should be sprung on someone out of the blue...in a situation that gives them only a handful of seconds to decide.

I feel similarly about engagement rings. Unless you know someone SO well that you know for certain what they want, why leave that up to chance? It's too much pressure to expect someone to get that perfect... especially for something they're supposed to be wearing for a really long time.

I can understand why people find these surprises romantic, but it's so hugely impractical that it can't be worth the surprise...in either of these cases.

TATA456alawaife · 2022-10-27T10:39:58+00:00

As a dude I just don’t think that’s a wise idea anymore. Risk of divorce is too high and she could easily pawn that for quick cash. Why risk something so sentimental?

bunnakay · 2022-10-27T05:21:40+00:00

As long as I like the ring, that's fine. So having it be a surprise would be a big no-no.

punk_baby333 · 2022-10-27T05:28:17+00:00

It really depends. In the situation with my bf, I've given him full reign to get me whatever ring he wants. We went and looked at some and he knows my style. He told me he wanted to pick it out himself and I'm fine with that.

If he had an heirloom ring and he genuinely thought it was perfect for me and decided to go with it because of that, I'd be happy with it. I'd expect him to have it professionally cleaned and repaired before proposing with it ofc. I wouldn't mind it as a suprise because we've already discussed that he gets to pick the ring.

If I were to find out he only used the ring due to either family reasons or because it would be cheaper, and not because he thought it was something that I would actually like to wear, I might be a bit bothered. Especially if the ring was one I genuinely didn't like. Nonetheless I'd be excited to get engaged. If I really hated the ring I would probably just suggest we go and shop for a different one together (idc if it's insensitive, I'm not gonna walk around with a piece of jewelry I hate for the rest of my life)

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-10-27T05:47:45+00:00

I’d think it was very sweet. He can bring up a ‘friend’ who proposed that way and see her reaction

monkymonkk · 2022-10-27T13:26:59+00:00

More of a princess diamond cut type of girl myself so ehh…

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EulenWatcher · 2022-10-27T06:48:17+00:00

Really depends on the ring. I'd value it more than store-bought if it was close to my style and preferences, but if it wasn't, I'd have hard time trying to explain it and not offending him. Also no surprise proposals for me, things like this should be discussed.

PlatypusPolka · 2022-10-27T08:32:28+00:00

I wouldn’t mind being proposed to with a Ring Pop if it was the right man. His grandmother’s ring is a family heirloom and has sentimental value beyond just the engagement, and I could pass it down to our future child sone day, should we have any. On the other hand I would probably be paranoid about losing it so I might just wear it on special occasions.

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-10-27T08:36:38+00:00

As long as it fits; i don t care

januaryphilosopher · 2022-10-27T08:57:24+00:00

That'd be very sweet, unless I really didn't like the kind of ring. I like things that have history and emotional value to them and I don't really want a flashy new ring. A proposal should never be a complete surprise though. You should both already know that the other is ready for marriage and, if you're proposing with a ring, you should get an idea of what they like. For me, I knew that my partner wanted me to choose one, but he doesn't usually wear rings, so I had quite a few questions although the actual event and ring will be a surprise. Another way to go about it is to propose without and sort it out after.

ririsbaby · 2022-10-27T09:32:42+00:00

I wouldn’t like it

ashpr0ulx · 2022-10-27T09:45:40+00:00

i’d find it sweet. my partner is very close to his family.

mlo9109 · 2022-10-27T11:00:18+00:00

I'm sorry, but I'd want my own ring. My mom wants me to wear her wedding dress and quite frankly, I have no desire to. Her relationship with Dad was a shit show until they split.

It has too much bad juju. Unless the grandparents were truly happily married until death did them part, I'd imagine the ring would be the same.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-10-27T11:32:47+00:00

If it's a nice ring and his grandmother had a happy marriage, I'd love it. I think that's really special and I love vintage stuff.

If the ring wasn't to my tastes I might want to just use the stones and have them re-set. My friend's fiancee (now wife) did this with the stones from his grandmother's ring and it turned out really nice.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-10-27T11:41:01+00:00

I would love it! I'd hate if my boyfriend spent a ridiculous amount of money on an engagement ring.

Personally, I'd also want a proposal to be a total surprise (of course, you both have to be on the same page about wanting to get married, but the timing and the ring should be unknown)

yohanya · 2022-10-27T15:21:21+00:00

That is what my husband did and I love it!! Left it at a gas station bathroom once though and my soul left my body until we got it back. I usually don't wear it unless I'm dressing up, I'm too scared to lose it

MistyMaisel · 2022-10-27T15:25:19+00:00

Sounds cute.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-10-27T15:52:10+00:00

I think it's really cute and shows a bond between him and his grandmother. It's just a ring. Unless it's hugely impractical who cares.

tharkyllinus · 2022-10-27T16:09:55+00:00

Heck the older ring could be worth more. You know inflation and all.

hostility_kitty · 2022-10-27T19:12:06+00:00

Depends on if it’s ugly or not

Unlikely-Guitar8161 · 2022-10-28T10:38:53+00:00

Ide think that's very sweet.

Sophiatab · 2022-10-28T17:57:02+00:00

It would depend on his relationship with his grandmother and the relationship the grandmother had with her spouse. If he loved and cherished his grandmother and his grandparents had a good marriage, I would enjoy being part of the family tradition. However, in my late husband's family there was a ring set that everyone finally decided was cursed. The large diamond originally belonged to a great-grandmother whose marriage had been very bad and very violent. The diamond was reset in a wedding ring for a cousin. The couple had a stormy marriage with a lot of violence and divorced after two years. Their son sold the ring to a friend. That marriage ended even quicker with multiple arrests for domestic violence. I don't know where that stone is now, but if I would investigated any diamond I ever bought or wore to be sure of it wasn't that one.

Egibson89 · 2022-10-29T13:15:27+00:00

That’s really rare and special. Lots of women would kill for that

Title	Ladies, how would you feel if a guy you were dating ended up giving you his grandmother's engagement/wedding band as a purposal?
Author	Thats_pretty_gnarly
Upvotes	15
Comments	56
Date	October 27, 2022 4:27 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yeifb3/ladies_how_would_you_feel_if_a_guy_you_were/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/ladies-how-would-you-feel-if-a-guy-you-were-dating.1137181 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137181

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