Really struggling with interactions

david10277 · 2022-12-14T08:44:05+00:00

Your ex wife is gaslighting you and manipulating you. It's not a game and it's not something you should not be tolerating. Shes discarding you l

I also have kids with share custody. . But I have boundaries set.

You allow her to sms you about useless shit stop it You allow her to speak to you a certain way and you allow it .stop it

Grow some balls and tell her. " Unless its regarding picking up your daughter or an emergency." Your not interested is the conversation. She can go kick rocks . Dont let her use your daughter as some kind of reason you have to tolerate this kind of interaction. You get 50/50 as a default so shes not doing you any favors.

She is being disrespectful. She will continue to treat you like shit and disrespect you in front of your dAughter to make you look like the bad guy.

Put her in her place, just because shes the mother of your child doesn't mean you have to tolerate her bullshit.

UnlockingDegree · 2022-12-14T07:53:26+00:00

Your ex wife sounds extremely toxic. My guess is that she is still dealing with unresolved pain related to your divorce, and she is taking it out on you. It's not fair, and you do not deserve to be treated this way. Your focus should be on your girls and being the best father you can be, not on what their mother thinks. Don't let her words get you down

Mynewadventures · 2022-12-14T11:26:26+00:00

Sit back, close your eyes, and imagine if you were still married to her.......

There, feel better now?

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-12-14T09:37:52+00:00

She is still finding ways to treat you like you are married. I would make some flash cards that say suck a fat one you miserable bitch and hand it to her everytime she criticizes you

Gattsama · 2022-12-14T09:44:03+00:00

Let me make a different suggestion, this is more inlined with stoic philosophy. The ex is who she is and what she is. She is going to complain, ridicule and attack. This is her nature. Nothing you can do will change this. Know this is what she is, like a hurricane she's going to leave destruction in her wake. But only if you live in that path. And you choose to live there. She occupies only as much mental space as you choose to allow her too.

Yes, tell her unless it involves the kids don't contact me. But then she will just have more negative things to say that do involve the kids. Accept her for what she is, and then say 'I truly do not care what this person says or thinks of me.'

Don't let her rent space (for free) in your head. There's always the chance that if you never allow her to upset you, she will decrease the attacks. Her goal is to hurt you, and she's succeeding. You can't change her, but you can control and change your reaction to her.

Be safe out there...

jakeup58874 · 2022-12-14T13:14:49+00:00

When my ex was doing this I ignored the crap out of her. By advice of a women therapist. She lost her shit. It was quite entertaining actually. She'll start to wonder what's happened and get confused. Try suddenly going mia, not responding to anything she says, showing no reaction. If she trues to discuss in person say send me a message about it I'd be happy to discuss at a later time or we can talk Bout that another time.

Women hate it when they fail to get our attention and a reaction from us. Try it.

Enjoy

toooldforthisnonsens · 2022-12-14T11:48:36+00:00

Grey rock method. Google it. Ignore anything she does or says that is not directly related to parenting.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-12-14T08:38:34+00:00

Stop caring what she thinks.

Stop looking to her for validation.

Flogginga_dead_horse · 2022-12-14T21:11:43+00:00

Mine does the same. I just ignore her :-)

And yes, she was also a repeat cheater ....

FunkyTownMascot · 2022-12-14T07:58:12+00:00

It's not like changing the oil is a complicated task. Unscrew the drain plug, catch the oil, removed and replace the filter, and refill.

captainchippsixx · 2022-12-14T16:01:29+00:00

You have to change the way you react, because it’s not working. Don’t ever do her any favors. If it’s for the kids than okay.

Tell her enough with the bullshit like that example of your daughter is with you when she says she’s crying.
don’t respond to her texts if you don’t need 2
don’t answer her calls either. Voicemail

Her behavior has a price and you will not communicate with her on this bull shit. If she has another currency you can affect, you can alter the approach.

RideATX · 2022-12-14T16:59:04+00:00

Projection. If she doesn't paint you as the failure/bag guy in her mind then she would have to face the consequences of her poor decisions and take responsibility for her actions. All you can do is accept that it is what it is and evict her from your head space. Turn up your DNGAF meter. Sucks, but it sounds like your kids are approaching the age where they will be independent and you can full on ignore her. Good Luck Brother.

Sashaband · 2022-12-14T18:40:49+00:00

gaslighting fucking shit head. Is she BPD or Bipolar?

playerknowmore · 2022-12-14T20:45:31+00:00

Your only answer should be "Well, I guess that's why you divorced me."

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-12-14T15:48:13+00:00

Yes I dealt with these narcissitic traits from the ex. They derive their existence on drama. What I had to learn to do was ignore. I literally ignored/didn't respond to anything from here unless it was a must.

Oh, you're making another false accusation? Ignore.

Oh you're belittling me again? Ignore.

She's now learnt to STFU as she knows she will not get her dose of drama from me.

derelictherds · 2022-12-14T16:38:41+00:00

She just wants a reaction from you so don't take the bait. You will be able to cut (most) ties with the ex once your girls are out on their own. In the meantime stay the course and make the most of the remaining time you have with your children. You do not get that time back.

funrunner1977 · 2022-12-14T18:13:11+00:00

Well, shit, OP. Everything you just said is how my wife is currently. Every single opportunity she can, she tries to belittle me or say I’m doing things wrong. I’ve put up with it for a while, but a few months ago, I’d finally had it. Now, every time she tries this shit I either stop her or simply walk away. Our “relationship” has never been worse…because she’s learning that I’m over putting up with her bullshit. I’ve ran the numbers, I’ll be fine and can get a large enough house for each of the kids to have their own bedroom. Fuck her.

Classic_Dill · 2022-12-14T19:13:16+00:00

She sounds like a classic cheater?

Am i right?

thinkpink2005 · 2022-12-15T01:55:26+00:00

Hey. 🤦🏻‍♀️

azsb23 · 2022-12-15T02:11:11+00:00

My ex did the same thing to me. I ignored her and didn’t acknowledge what she was saying. She eventually stopped. Show her you have moved on and the 3 years has made you stronger (even if you don’t feel it, make her believe it) this also is good for your kids to see their mother bashing you and you not saying anything back. It will get better bud I promise. Soon as the kids are past 18 block her ass and never speak to her again

Title	Really struggling with interactions
Author	jjeeddyy
Upvotes	21
Comments	56
Date	December 14, 2022 7:43 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zlkxqr/really_struggling_with_interactions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/really-struggling-with-interactions.1143933 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143933

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