Hi all, I’m (24) F and my boyfriend is (29) M. We started seeing each other last summer after we met at a friends grad party. For our first date he put together a fun camping trip, went above and beyond to impress me and it really worked, I was instantly hooked and very impressed to have met this gentlemen. (I’ve never been on a date planned that was executed so perfectly, he made me feel like a princess).

After a few week of dating, it was clear he wanted a relationship. He even spoke marriage the second time we linked up, talked about how he’s ready to settle down and this is when the intense questions began. It started with, “Do you believe in marriage”, “Do you want kids?” , normal questions which make sense for a man his age (even though it was the second date) I responded with these questions with “of course”, we have very similar lifestyles, we both grew up in church, we both have strong family values, and we come from a two parent household and we are both college educated.

To 24 year old me, this is a dream come true as I always pictured my husband to have these qualities. However, as time has passed I have noticed he consumes a lot of red pill commentary. He would bring up these Red pill men like , Andrew Tate and Kevin Samuels and defend their ideologies. He makes disparaging comments about women ALL the time. From weight, to looks, to age. I constantly have to check him and let him know that these ideologies paint a one-sided story, that women aren’t the villains and we aren’t the reasons marriages are falling apart. He constantly points out that “Women file for divorces more often because majority of women aren’t loyal and leave once the money dries up and hop to the next d***” It infuriates me when he says things like this, because, it feels like he thinks deep down inside every woman is wired like this. (He was used, financially by most of his exes).

It’s super clear he regrets wasting thousands of dollars on his exes because he got nothing in return and believes all his exes were gold diggers. Because of this, I have to get the short end of the stick. He’s always questioning me with questions like, “If I got in an accident years into marriage and could no longer provide, would you leave me ?” I hate this question so much. It’s like I constantly have to prove myself to him. He reassures me all the time when he bashes women, he “isn’t talking about me, and that’s why he chose me because im not like other women.” But it doesn’t feel that way /: I honestly feel like I’m on trial a lot of times.

Another example is him constantly questioning me about my body count, we had this discussion and for some reason it made him uncomfortable and he began to question if I was lying to him because “My stories, don’t add up to my body count and I seem a lot more experienced.” Dude?? As if I didn’t have any sexual experiences before you. Get real. He claims he wants honesty but when I open up about my sexual past he gets tight about it. Almost like he’s jealous I had sex with men before him. Last night we even got into an argument because he asked me if I was the biggest he had (“P- Size”).

I struggled so much to answer this question because who tf asks that? I’ve had 2 relationships before him and neither one of them ever asked me about my sexual past so this is new to me. When I proceeded to tell him the truth, which he wanted, (I said no, he wasn’t the biggest, he even had me rank him in size, smh). I lied a little bit to make him feel good but it wasn’t enough. He proceeded to say “This is why men don’t take women with high body counts serious, you mean to tell me women can have sex with other men, have a city girl phase, and we’re supposed to think they have value? Or are worth marrying? I was so confused and pissed off. Was he talking about me? Does he not value me because I had sex with other men before him.

He assured me he’s not talking about me and he’s with me for a reason because he sees a future yada, yada. I call bullshit, something in my spirit tells me he’s extremely insecure. Which I don’t understand why, he’s successful , has several businesses, makes good money day trading, is a really attractive and fit man, yet he’s so insecure and projects his insecurities onto me. I told him yesterday these talks are ruining our relationship and he said he’ll stop, but he has said this before, and proceeded to talk about it again.

I almost feel like I’m being put on trial everyday just because his exes did him wrong. I just don’t know what to do! He’s everything I want in a husband , caring, providing, sweet, a gentlemen, but he has his triggers and he has said some things out of anger that I’ll forever have programmed in my brain. Help !