i feel really bad for my GF after swallowing the pill

InfraredPillpusher · 2014-02-19T09:23:52+00:00

im not looking for a family or kids

She really really wants a family/marriage and knows her clock is ticking

I feel like im wasting the last of her good fertile years, with no plan to marry/baby.

You are. End it for both of your benefit.

projectself · 2014-02-19T11:55:52+00:00

It is not your job to save her. It is your job to be honest with her. It is your job to lead, to set the tone of your relationship. To be set in your convictions, goals, and be unshakable in your pursuit. It is your job to be her emotional rock, not altered by her emotions. Be caring when you care, be loving when you want, but never give into her from neediness. It sounds like you mostly get this.

All the go chase pussy is mostly from men who do not have enough pussy in their life. All the chase love here is mostly from men who do not have enough love in their life. I do not know what situation you are in, but I do know wherever you are will affect your decision.

Just tell her the truth, be honest. you know, communicate. Then give her a hug and slap her on the ass swiftly and firmly. Take it from there.

mrust · 2014-02-19T15:58:30+00:00

This is the male equivalent of the cock carousel. Instead of a woman taking advantage of easy access to sex, it's the man taking advantage of easy access to a relationship.

[deleted] · 2014-02-19T10:02:29+00:00

If you don't think you can go without having sex with other people for the rest of your life, then that's your strongest decision-maker.

You won't be able to have both (with her, at least). You don't want to pull her through your mind-changing, flip-flopping back & forth - she doesn't deserve that.

You don't sound terribly in love with her, just very comfortable.

This should be fairly easy for you. Don't waste your years being stuck in a relationship you don't want 100%. You can't get time back once it's gone.

RedPill_Rorschach · 2014-02-19T11:56:43+00:00

As a guy who will have a vasectomy in 2 months, I have an opinion on this as I know your situation will happen to me. I don't want to get married and don't want kids ( or rather, I'd be ok with kids, but I'd rather not have them than risking losing them or everything I have to see them). I decided my freedom was my number 1 priority.

I think you do love the girl, but you have an inner conflict between two different futures you could choose from. I'd say at least you need to tell your girl that deep down you don't want to marry anyone and don't want kids, ever. Tell her it will never happen.

Don't suggest breaking up. Maybe she loves you enough and would rather be with you than risking losing you for marriage and children. Either way, it's win-win for both of you regardless of outcome.

kingofpoplives · 2014-02-19T12:03:16+00:00

Break it off with her ASAP. The longer you wait it's only going to get worse.

I was in a similar position. Before I became fully red pill adjusted I started dating a woman 4 years older than myself. Sex was awesome. She has her issues, but overall is a good person. At a certain point I realized the whole thing was a huge mistake, but the relationship carried on for 4 years. Once you wake up to red pill truth, it becomes clear that dating an older woman is just a shit deal for a man. You'd be a fool to commit to her. Let her free so she can find another man (hopefully an older one) to give her what she wants.

Sandkasten · 2014-02-19T09:40:18+00:00

It is just a matter of time until her family plans becomes an issue in your relationship. Act right now.

[deleted] · 2014-02-19T17:45:02+00:00

If you're like me, you treat the women you care about like daughters you've taken under your wing. My girlfriend and I have been together since 2005, we're monogamous and seem to get along well as she is not a feminist bitch at the slightest. She doesn't give me any bullshit, doesn't nag me, and does whatever is best to get along with me. We're both fairly low maintenance and are both equal in intelligence. We discuss these red pill topics and she adds her own ideas to the table. Regardless, she tries to make me happy. And that's more than what 90% of women in America do in their LTRs.

I think this dynamic works perfectly for me. My only concern is that she changes as time goes on, and starts wanting other men. I've had my share of relationships with women, not as many as some of you guys on here, but I've had enough experiences to satiate my appetite for the foreseeable future. It also helps that I don't respect modern women, even enough to fuck them. I find them unfuckable, to even hate fuck. So my situation is valued to me at the moment. Now, my GF may get fed up with me and seek out other men. At that point I believe she and I can discuss this without any harsh feelings and move on. I love her, but I don't buy into the idealistic lofty thoughts of soul mates.

OP, if you still have the urge to have sex with many women, then that's what you need to consider. Will you be driven to cheat in the future if you do not act now? If you think that could be possible, then do her a favor and break it off with her. Can you see her be driven to cheat on you because you don't want to have children? If the answer is yes, then break it off. But if money isn't a problem, and you're both happy, and she's good to you, then you need to cautiously consider your future with her. Good high value women like that are rare out there, so keep that in mind.

esco_ · 2014-02-19T10:28:28+00:00

Are you dissatisfied with your relationship? If so, why? If not, don't worry about it.

Shit's fucked up nowadays. Your chances of finding someone else with such a low cock-notch count are extremely low (unless you're dumpster diving in the bottom half of the SMV chart) and I doubt you would have mentioned it if it was entirely irrelevant to you.

Be totally honest about your lack of marriage/baby plans. Then the ball is in her court. If she decides to ditch you over it, then whatever, you're not helpless (anymore?) and if she's willing to stay with you anyway then you presumably don't have a problem.

tomega · 2014-02-19T13:50:20+00:00

Been there. I wasted a time of my ex when I was sure I would not marry her, at times I thought this is not a big deal. Eventually we separated, I met a younger girl and married her. My ex is still single. She was a decent and caring girl for me. I still regret I wasted some of her time. If i did it again, I would make my decision to separate as early as possible. Believe me that is less painful.

sadshark · 2014-02-19T18:44:22+00:00

You already know what to do.

But put it this way: If you love her you let her go.

I've read some of your comments and it's obvious that you love her, which is normal and understandable after 3 years, but right now you're threading on thin ice. If you don't do it NOW you will sink more and more into the relationship up to the point of no return and will take the decision to marry her because you already spent 5-7 years together.

As time passes it will be harder and harder to split, and breaking up is definitely the best decision for the both of you.

You say that you swallowed the pill. Then show it and act on it. Be a man, break up, no hesitation, start plate-spinning. Also, the golden 2 rules: cut contact, hit the gym.

j4q · 2014-02-19T14:17:20+00:00

OP, I don't know when swallowing the red pill meant you can't have kids. We should be raising the next generation, not trying to correct them when they go to college and find Reddit. If you're 26 and unsure about kids, then you very well may want kids one day. I wasn't really sure until my son was born, not 100% anyway. I don't think any man is 100% until their kid is born. But if you trust your gut and work hard, things usually work out well.

Talk to her, tell her you're apprehensive about marriage, explain why, and tell her you're not sure whether you want kids. That's all honest, right? Then tell her you want to stay together but she shouldn't assume that you're going to change your mind. If she wants to leave, Ok. But she may stick it out with you. So why break it off? She's a mature, professional adult, with a doctorate and a real job, probably making good money - and doing it on her own. This isn't some daddy's girl tramp you found drunk under a table at a local dive bar. She can decide for herself if you're wasting her time. She doesn't need you deciding that for her. Just be honest with her so that she can make an informed decision.

[deleted] · 2014-02-19T13:24:54+00:00

After reading everything you put up there, I could only see one reason why you should continue to stay with her:

At the same time, she looks after me well and im not 100% sure i want to break with her.

Translation: you are staying with her out of fear and dependence. I also took the red pill while with a girlfriend, and I thought I was on the path until the relationship ended - then my own emotional storm made me understand one thing: one can never really a powerful RP mindset/frame until he breaks out of that dependence, removes that buffer that protects us from rejection (see The Rational Male), becomes OK with loneliness, being single yet not needing anyone, then experiencing rejection after rejection from approaching women. For me it was like round two of red pill treatment all over again.

On the other hand, you list a whole lot of reasons why you should end it (including my analysis above). Had this been a woman who rode the carousel during her 20s, I personally wouldn't give a fuck at all. But she isn't. She has a low partner count, which means that she has a pretty good chance of finding a guy to marry, and that guy wouldn't be getting the pick of the litter (if you ignore the age), or some used up ho.

My take on it: you have got to set this one free. It's either that, or living with the guilt you are feeling right now: you know the relationship has ran its course and you are essentially using her to satisfy your needs, while at the same time ruining her chance of having on a family. Now OK, I realize this is a societal construct, the whole moral compass thing.

I recently had a discussion with a few RP folks about this (using people), and there really isn't a consensus. Depending on who you ask, it's neither good or bad. Personally I hold on to my moral compass, and I avoid doing anything that causes me to feel guilt later (things like lying, cheating etc - instead I'm open about seeing other people). So ultimately YOU have to define whether staying with her is good or bad, whether you are going to have a moral compass or not. But be careful. It makes a huge difference where you come from. Is it out of neediness and fear of removing that buffer that I talked about (fear of going out to face rejection/loneliness/etc)? Or is it for another reason? Either way, if you stay with her, you should be spinning plates and (maybe) letting her know; there really isn't any point to your monogamy. That's for people who are seeking marriage, and you're not one of them.

To help make your decision: is staying with her ultimately going to enhance your development or hinder it?

Good luck.

DanG3 · 2014-02-19T14:01:42+00:00

'Studies show, if it happened over three months ago, it has little impact on your happiness.'

View at about 3 minutes in: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTO_dZUvbJA&sns=em

Nintendew · 2014-02-19T14:03:37+00:00

Cardinal rule: always leave em better than when you found em.

_Fony_ · 2014-02-19T15:05:01+00:00

the 30's are different for men and women, dumper her right now. don't waste any more of her life.

aaron_the_just · 2014-02-19T18:40:27+00:00

her best interests are not your responsibility. believe me, your best interests probably aren't hers.

you should decide if you want to keep her around. if I were you, I would.

brokor21 · 2014-02-19T16:38:21+00:00

As long as her family plans are not a pressing issue yet dont do anything.

You dont have to anticipate the changes in her wants.

Is she happy with you NOW? Are you happy NOW? Go on as usual.

Does she express anxiety about her clock and making a family? Answer that you are not ready. If she values your company over children she will stay, if not it is all for the best.

You don't need to be proactive about it. Just dont lie and be honest about what you want.

I am in another situation, not so similar. I am in an LTR (5 months so far) with a great girl which I love, and we used to be friends before. As friends, she had expressed her will to marry and make kids young, as in straight out of college. We are both in our last year of college so if she stuck to her plan she should be breaking up with me now and starting to make a new life. I talked to her about it, since her previous relationships were older men that might suit this plan so I wanted to know what she wanted. She just started BCP for a 1year cycle so she wants to be with me it seems, and so do I.

I decided, along with her, that we don't need to fuss about the future. We invest most in ourselves, not on the relationship. I am having the greatest time of my life, and so is she. Why worry about the future of incompatibilities? I am sure i dont want kids for 7-10 years. a year ago she said she wanted kids by 2 years. Either she is gonna compromise or we are gonna split up, no big deal.

You are not depriving her of anything, just providing her with a great time.

Just dont promise anything you cant keep. She will make her own decisions.

[deleted] · 2014-02-19T18:44:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

[deleted] · 2014-02-19T13:56:23+00:00

I'm in the same situation as you, same age difference, same backstory. She had only 2 previous LTR, no one night stands. I've literally told her that we should end it for our incompatible life goals. She assures me that she wants to be with me NOW, that if she doesn't get to have children it's her fault for her bad decisions, but that she would love to have my children. On top of that she is truly conservative on gender aspects, she wants to cook better for me, to take care of me, let's me have my own personal space, respects my choices.

I feel the same way, but it's true, it's not my fault, and if I listen to her words well... what it matters is that she's happy with me now, and I'm happy with her now. I'm not to held responsable for the choices that she makes in her life.

krystyin · 2014-02-19T15:55:18+00:00

Do your self a favor and read this - ask what red pill life you want -

http://marriedmansexlife.com/2010/01/pua-game-vs-married-game/

What ever path you take do not lose the knowledge you gain here - it is why your girl is loving you more than you feel you do her - you feel that your value is higher and would like to trade up. Many here like to blame the women - they are not red pill - the true red pill is realizing you are in control of your destiny and how others treat you including women.

bama79rolltide · 2014-02-19T16:37:54+00:00

She will take it hard. However, she will recover. Everyone usually does.

If you can't proved her the kids and family she wants, just end it quick. Make sure you look her in the eye and tell her that there is ZERO chance of this working because you do not have that same desire.

Also, you want out because you want other bitches. Have at it man.

esco_ · 2014-02-20T03:24:04+00:00

Fuck's sake either commit or quit. I can't take a lot of guys seriously when they call women "craaaazy broads" when they engage in behavior that's every bit as cruel and vicious.

If I were in your situation? I'd commit. She might not be a unicorn, but she's still pretty fucking close. It's normal to think that maybe there's greener pastures to be found, but that's just the societal PA system. It doesn't want you to settle down and be happy for the same reason the 6 PM news doesn't tell you about all the people who didn't die today. Instead of asking, "can I find someone better? Can I have some more fun?" sometimes you need to ask, "How inconvenienced am I by committing to my relationship and building something that lasts over whatever last bits of my youth I can squeeze out?" If your answer is, "SEX AND ALCOHOL DOG!" you may need to take a step back and make sure you're not missing the forest for the trees. 30 years from now your drunk debauchery as a 20-something might make you smile, but an actual equitable relationship you've spent decades working on? That's something else entirely.

....word of advice though? Prenump. And for fuck's sake don't screw around, spend the money to get a lawyer involved or else it ain't worth shit. Regardless of what you end up doing though? Do something. The only thing worse than making a dumb / bad decision is not making one at all (which despite the phrasing, is making a choice in itself- the coward's choice). Guess what'll haunt you more? Don't be a coward. If you won't commit, and you're too much of a pansy to quit her, then do the bare minimum and at least tell her the fucking truth. Seriously, Genie from Aladdin had some fucking brilliant advice.

But that's just my ten cents. Sometimes the best question isn't "what'll make me happy" so much as, "what do I think will keep me up at night with regret ten years after the fact?"

PepeLePill · 2014-02-19T10:03:44+00:00

You know her plans are immediate. If you can't give her those plans then you are wasting her time.

Stop hamstering a way to keep someone you don't need before she gets desperate and steals your seed and keeps you on the hook for far longer than you want. Next the bitch, take the short term pain, and bury your sorrows in a [couple of] fresh plate[s].

redpilldude · 2014-02-19T15:16:59+00:00

You're dating a 30 year old woman who is 4 years older than you? WTF? She's literally at the wall, dude. If I were you, I wouldn't even talk to her. Also, you need to remember that women like her are very career focused because she has a PhD. Her career will always be her first priority, and you and the kids will always come second. You really don't want to deal with that shit, trust me.

If you're trying to get married at your age (which I wouldn't recommend now anyways because of society's shitty divorce laws), then you should try to marry a woman who is 18-23 years old.

Idontlikekarmawhores · 2014-02-19T13:46:02+00:00

You know whats up, SO just go ahead and break it to her. Also this post is NOT needed you are not contributing to anything but give a BAD idea to people who might have come here for the first time.

Blake55 · 2014-02-19T12:09:13+00:00

I broke up with my gf earlier this year because I couldn't see it progressing as far as I thought she did. I still feel bad about it. But similar boat to you, 20s + medicine, not really wanting to settle. I would have felt worse if I'd kept her longer and wasted her time, or stayed with her and eventually have it fall apart.

vozkhan · 2014-02-19T12:20:53+00:00

Love is when you don't have doubts. You clearly have doubts, you know the decision you want to make, which is to break up with her. Except it comes with guilt because she has done nothing wrong to you, we are not like women, a woman would easily leave the relationship without any guilt if she found someone better who was willing to start a family/marriage.

If you continue to stay with her you will always have that "what if i-" feeling inside your heart that will torment you every day.

VictorFIreFish · 2014-02-19T13:21:54+00:00

Just went trough almost the exact same thing - I loved her, but she loved me more and we didn't want the same things. it was hard, but better in the long run!

mrgrizzlor · 2014-02-19T13:40:54+00:00

End it.

SgtSplacker · 2014-02-19T14:37:52+00:00

Just do what makes you happy man...

[deleted] · 2014-02-19T15:19:25+00:00

Be a man. End it. Good luck, OP.

HeadingRed · 2014-02-19T15:37:47+00:00

Feel bad for her if you keep it going knowing you are bailing. This is a case where being "the nice guy" is really being the bad guy. If she feels her clock is ticking and you keep it going just because you don't want to cause her distress this month (because somehow it will not be as bad when you do it 2-3-6 months from now) then you not being nice.

Being a man means making tough choices and dealing with the consequences.

pro_skub · 2014-02-19T16:36:47+00:00

I know most of the comments are saying "be honest, you should tell her your intentions, etc" but I would consider the following.

Part of the reason she is staying with you is because she wants to stay with you or because you are the right person to have kids with? If it's the first then you should be honest, if it's the second (the most likely one) it seems a bit lopsided to be honest on your part. She stays with you because she wants children, you stay with her because you're happy but you want some other pussy. Why should you be the only one that comes clear about their intentions? One might argue she should break up with you because she is being extra nice just to have you in the hook.

TL;DR: do whatever the fuck you want and makes you happy in the short and long term, you have no moral obligations.

positiveeagle · 2014-02-19T17:42:21+00:00

Generally, I interpret anyone going into the psychology field as having problems of their own they want to try and fix. I hope you know what you are getting into.

binrobinro · 2014-02-19T18:42:57+00:00

Tell her exactly what you told us. No point in doing otherwise. She may stay - She may go.

Redpillc0re · 2014-02-19T21:37:31+00:00

It will only get worse the following years, as more and more of her friends are getting married. It seems to me that women get a huge femboner on the idea that they will tell their girlfriends and post to their facebook that they are getting married, even more than the actual desire to have kids and family.

Anyways, if you're not yet 100% sure, be.

Hughtub · 2014-02-20T01:13:52+00:00

Sounds like you have a great girl, but want to go the extinction route. Seriously, what's the point of all of this "game" if not to increase our chances of spreading our genes? Not having kids is just a loser's life. Plain and simple.

esco_ · 2014-02-20T02:27:00+00:00

This is the kind of thing where brutal honesty is the best policy.

Doomsday_ · 2014-02-20T03:05:13+00:00

You've been together for 3 years, so shit or get off the pot.

The purpose of an exclusive LTR of that length is to make babies.

Either knock her up, or break up.

[deleted] · 2014-02-20T07:21:46+00:00

Only 3 years?

Yeah, you're fine to break up. Just move on. Don't go into the opportunity cost fallacy - Just cut your losses instead of trying to make up for what you've lost out on.

Last thing you want to be is another poor schmuck on /r/relationships who has no idea why his girlfriend is suddenly pregnant with his kid.

esco_ · 2014-02-20T09:43:20+00:00

She's an adult, she made her own choices (or her emotions made them for her). If she's a licensed therapist, she'll do fine in terms of supporting herself, and have exposure to some beta bucks types in her social circle who will love her.

You need to understand that when a girl says she "really really wants marriage / kids" and she's busy riding the cock of someone who is clearly not thinking LTR / marriage, then she DOESN'T actually "really really want marriage". She wants it, but she doesn't want it bad, she doesn't want it more than she wants to party and get dick / validation.

It's like me saying "I WANT to make millions of dollars so badly, but I spend all day getting high." My actions reveal what I 'really really want'.

Don't feel bad for a postwall chick, she made her decisions - she chose what she wanted.

[deleted] · 2014-02-20T18:05:12+00:00

If it was just a matter of her wanting kids & marriage sooner than you then I'd suggest being honest with her, staying in the relationship and see how it plays out. It may just be a timing concern. However, it appears that you want to see what else is out there. You mentioned you are improving your RP ways and interest in spinning plates. That's a whole other issue.

She has been honest with you and you should have the decency to be honest with her, at the very least, about kids & marriage. Right now you're not being fair at all. You say she loves you more but she appears to respect you more too.

You should do her a favor & break up with her because if you stay you'll always wonder "what if" and possibly grow to resent her, doing greater damage later. Don't let fear dictate your decisions. You're afraid the grass may not be greener on the other side so why risk what you have. The thing is that's a pretty crappy reason to stay with someone.

[deleted] · 2014-02-21T07:53:55+00:00

I wouldn't end it with her. But that's me. If she looks after you like you say, I wouldn't bother with other women.

I know this might sound like me shaming you. But, think about it. You need to at least, think about what other women will be like. Better for you that, I shame you, than other women.

But maybe I'm saying this because I want a woman like the one you have, so I can eventually get married.

fasterfind · 2014-02-22T14:38:24+00:00

Be straight honest with her that you aren't ready for family/kids. It's time to make a decision.

It isn't about who loves the other one more. It's about if you love her ENOUGH.

From reading the post, I get the vibe you're not into her, or you don't have enough experience to tell. I'd suggest moving on, but being brutally honest about everything. Don't burn a bridge.

[deleted] · 2014-02-23T21:48:43+00:00

You should get someone younger, she will hit the wall soon and blame you for everything.

hashtagpound2point2 · 2014-02-19T10:48:36+00:00

Let her go, man. Holding onto her now may feel great, but you're gonna feel like a real asshole when you don't provide with what she wants.

She's obviously treating you so well because she expects you to wife her. Don't be selfish on this one. Let her know that you're not looking to settle down and that she's wasting her time on you. Otherwise she'll figure that out herself later and be much more upset about it than she will be today.

DanG3 · 2014-02-19T13:05:52+00:00

You need to honestly inform her of your disposition regarding children!

"She really really wants a family/marriage and knows her clock is ticking." vs "im not looking for a family or kids"

If you don't do this you are disrespecting and misleading her and it WILL become a distructive resentment issue in a LTR (marriage?) with her. Give her the truthful information, then you both can honestly work through what is to come.

ETA: Yes, be sure you are using condoms so she doesn't trap you with a child.

monsieurhire2 · 2014-02-19T21:39:22+00:00

Dude, if you don't want a family or kids with her, end it NOW. It's bad enough that she pissed away 27-30 with you, but don't waste any more of her time. What do you think her prospects will be now? There are plenty of women of all ages who don't want families; go with them.

JohnGalt316 · 2014-02-19T13:29:11+00:00

she can leave you to find a beta provider any time she wants

she just doesn't want to

veyron1001 · 2014-02-19T11:16:13+00:00

End it and end it quickly. She might trap you with a child if it takes too long.

Grimmov · 2014-02-19T23:13:19+00:00

Why not go for a one-sided open relationship? Tell her that you want to be free to spin plates and even bring women home for threesomes. Be up-front that this arrangement is one-sided, and although many people might consider it "unfair," there are fundamental differences between males and females that mean that men can sleep around without ruining their relationship at home. If she doesn't go for it then no loss; break up and you'll be free. If she does go for it, it will only strengthen your relationship and make you happier being with her.

trpirate · 2014-02-19T17:44:34+00:00

i feel really bad for my GF after swallowing the pill

...because now that I'm not a pussy I'm going to start slamming her vagina nightly

FortunateBum · 2014-02-19T21:15:00+00:00

Just cheat. You'll be able to find lots of 18-year-olds willing to be your mistress. Just make sure they know their place and don't know where you live or work. Or you real name for that matter.

General_Fear · 2014-02-19T22:44:41+00:00

I have no problem wasting a woman's fertile years. Because women have no problem destroying man's life. Cry me a river. They take a vow "till death do us part." Then when the marriage is a little boring they file for divorce and take a man for everything they got.

Am I an asshole for using a woman in her fertile year? Yes. I am. But don't women like assholes? So act like one.

Women use men. Men use women. This is reality. Live with it.

[deleted] · 2014-02-20T07:04:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

esco_ · 2014-02-19T09:18:53+00:00

If you didn't want your rejection of reality to affect your life, you shouldn't have rejected reality.

Title	i feel really bad for my GF after swallowing the pill
Author	esco_
Upvotes	75
Comments	156
Date	February 19, 2014 9:10 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1ybvhn/i_feel_really_bad_for_my_gf_after_swallowing_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/i-feel-really-bad-for-my-gf-after-swallowing-the.11542 https://theredarchive.com/post/11542

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