Discussion post, for men and women.

Inspired by this thread and exchange.

I have a very specific set of questions for both men and women at the end of the post. But let me set this up as best I can.

Exchanges between a man and woman usually start online. Or they start in person and then after that, much of them take place online. You get to know each other. You like what you see/hear/read so far. He suggests a meeting. She agrees. So, they're going to have a first date.

Now here's where we get down into who is willing to do what and what it means to the man and woman.

In the linked thread, the questions from the woman are: why do men balk at buying dinner on a first date? Don't you give a fuck about this woman you've asked out? Haven't you built a rapport by the time you meet? We buy dinners for our friends, or relatives, or even homeless people. But men aren't wanting to buy a first date dinner for a woman he's interested in? What gives?

The rejoinder from me was: Yes, there's a rapport but that's not the same as giving a fuck. At this point, I'm just interested. I don't know if I care about or like her yet. I don't want to spend lots of money or time until I know that I like her, and I know that she likes me. There's no reason for me to care until I know she likes me and that she shows me she likes me, and that's through sex. Not necessarily a one night stand; but sex at some point very soon, by date 3. My spending lots of money immediately isn't going to make her like me if she doesn't already. Her vagina and my asking her out don't entitle her to a meal on my dime on the first date.

Questions for discussion:

For men: What are you expecting from a woman at a first date? What do you expect to find out that you don't already know?

When you ask her out, are you just "interested", or do you have more or deeper thoughts or feelings about her before the date happens? Do you "give a fuck" about her? Like her? Care about her?

At the first date, if you already like her/care about her/give a fuck before you've met her, does that make you more willing to buy her dinner? Do you think your liking/caring about/giving a fuck about her makes it more likely you'll get to sex eventually?

For women: After the online interactions and the man asks you out to a first date, what does his asking you out mean to you? What does it signify in your mind? Do you think it means he cares about you or likes you? Do you think it means more than just "interest"?

When you agree to the date, are you more than "interested"? Do you like/care about/give a fuck about him?

If you think he likes/cares/gives a fuck about you before the date happens, does that make it more likely you'll have sex with him, whether that night or soon after?

Do you expect him to purchase a meal for you at the first date? Do you get offended if he suggests drinks or a less expensive activity? Why do you think he has suggested something less than a meal, when that happens?

Discuss.