My marriage was over long before I knew it

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-12-21T10:04:26+00:00

That is exactly the kind of behavior of a married woman who was cheating.

She wanted you to hate her.

CrazySanta7 · 2022-12-21T14:05:39+00:00

I'm 47. No long term relationships, no co-habiation, and absolutely no marriage for me. I'm not losing half again or i'll never retire. My dad married 4 times and still working at 67. You can't build generational wealth with multiple divorces.

arcasul · 2022-12-21T07:55:11+00:00

I finally see i was not the only one to not be able to transfer simple ideas. This was one of my main reasons of feeling sad in the relationship. How can you go forward if you cannot actually communicate with her? I do not see any reason to stay with such a person, even if there are children. That would be a horrendous life. After she kicked me out, i finally understood it was over no matter what. Now she is struggling, and actually i cared about her wellbeing, but after all the threats and extremely toxic words she addressed me(e.g. I am sorry I told the baby that you exist; you are a devil; monster; i will make sure you will support me along with our baby - even though we were not married; i hope you will die alone and that the baby will spit on you etc.), i won’t intervene in her life anymore.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2022-12-21T14:06:53+00:00

Does your wife have a personality disorder? (The description you wrote is consistent with the characteristics of someone with BPD).

AproposWuin · 2022-12-21T12:37:15+00:00

I feel you! When marriage councelling was ever mentioned she claimed she would rather a divorce.

Funny she wanted councelling then....

Be strong. Her gaslighting arguments is not your fault

2022-12-21T12:37:57+00:00

How long has it been like that, and when did it become like that? I think it's probably a behavior common to all women that have checked out. I'm not sure, but it seems like there's no coming back from that.

Everything you say - even simple facts - will be twisted to portray you in the worst possible light, and they will always assume the worst.

funk205 · 2022-12-21T12:41:25+00:00

Me ex used to always get mad at me because our friends didn’t talk to her enough when we all got together. You can’t win with some of these people.

RippedOffFather · 2022-12-21T14:11:50+00:00

Correct. They also take everything as a personal attack on themselves.

For example, if I’m with you and I notice your breath is smelling but we’re about to be around other people, I would let you know I smell it and I have some mints or whatever in the vehicle (this happened with a friend of mine). The friend thanked me and we moved on.

If it was the kidnapper who stole my child and left the state (my wife), she’d get defensive, go on the attack, smell her breath afterwards and still refuse to take a mint because it would be admitting I was correct.

Like others have said, it’s mental illness. I know it is because this lady admitted depression to me several times. Courts don’t care.

Janus_is_Magus · 2022-12-21T15:45:58+00:00

Half wrong. Men are not wierd. Women are wierd.

Men suicide rates... Whatever % it is... Half of it is caused by capitalism and the society that comes with it... And the other half of it is caused by women being absolute bitch pieces of shit to men.

questionoffitness · 2022-12-21T17:13:54+00:00

Oh boy.. sounds familiar. In one our first marriage counseling sessions she said we were in different books.. let alone different pages. Communication was a large issue for us. .. one of many. . and I was blamed for most of it, of course. I accepted fault for my part in many of our issues, ways that I could have done better or improved upon.... she never apologized or acknowledged fault for anything.

deuceice · 2022-12-21T17:16:22+00:00

Speak on it. One of the major issues is that MOST women will blame before taking any part of responsibility. We have to raise our daughters not to be princesses, but partners for their future husbands.

exo-XO · 2022-12-21T20:11:59+00:00

Did she start out that way, or did she get that way after the document was signed? Today, marriage is a legal business contract, if you’re the breadwinner, you’re vowing to take care of that person financially. Unfortunately, some bad eggs abuse that system to catch a free ride.

If your lady was always that way, I’m sorry to say friend, you chose the wrong one. I see a lot of men marry a woman who controls them and holds the power and I don’t understand why.. is it because they think it’s too hard to start over or maybe they don’t have the looks/skill to get more women?

Anyway.. in today’s world the only reason you should get married is if you’re looking for tax breaks, inheritance, and power of attorney in case something happens to you.

There are only 2 marriages that last. One is where you both make equal money and understand balance and partnership. The other is where the woman is submissive and understands you are the head of the household, you make the decisions (within reason) and they view a traditional patriarchy as the standard. This doesn’t mean that the man should treat her like crap, but there is just an understanding he his the provider, protector and can make the hard decisions.

Getting legally married today is the dumbest thing a man can do. If a woman truly loves you, then you can have your own wedding ceremony and devote yourselves to one another, without signing the legal document. If this upsets the girl and she sees it as you don’t trust her, then RUN. However, if you’re the breadwinner, then you should reward her for not signing the document.

My 2nd marriage, still in it, is non legal, my deal with her is she only has to contribute up to 20% of her earnings to bills. I opened a brokerage account where I put $300 monthly into it and goes into ETFs, any time she wants out, it’s all hers. I also cover the extra cost food, travel, and so on. So whatever she saves she can blow it or save it. At each 5 year increment, her monthly brokerage contribution doubles. I treat it like a divorce insurance premium, where she doesn’t come after my 401k and she’s not left empty handed. This method would show a true representation of value earned from time spent. Any house we buy or business I open, rental I own, house we buy, going forward, she gets up to 49%-50% silent ownership. Any kids we have I will pay her what I can afford to stay home and raise the children.

My last divorce cost me $25,000 and we were married just over 1 year. A ten year marriage would cost me a fortune. I love my wife, but I’ll be damned if one day she got a wild hair and cheated, then takes half, and let’s some guy bang her in my bed after kicking me out.. nope.. My wife now however is one of a kind. I’ve evaluated all red flags and tested her reactions, she’s just a kind, good soul. It’s still just not financially logical to legally marry at this time.

That-Potential-5684 · 2022-12-21T19:51:18+00:00

They bitch with beta and please the alpha. If relationship is a hard work you're doing sth terribly wrong.

Chance_Refrigerator7 · 2022-12-21T14:14:21+00:00

Wait, how old is your wife??

designerutah · 2022-12-21T16:33:30+00:00

Trust is a hard one, communication too. But don't accept all the blame for failing in the communication game. It takes both partners trying and willing to make changes to make it work.

For a bit of humor. https://youtube.com/shorts/5l-li2PoWPA?feature=share

Objective-Apple-7830 · 2022-12-22T02:36:30+00:00

"If we went out with her friends , she was angry I didn't talk enough" - this brought back memories. 😒

SaulBrewster · 2022-12-22T02:54:14+00:00

Couldn’t empathize more. I use the sky is blue example all the time. Turns out she was cheating, ugh. She’s been done for over 2 years, I had no idea. Brutal. You’re not alone

samk002001 · 2022-12-22T06:38:30+00:00

She’s riding another dick and needing you to hate her! The guilty pleasure that they’re playing in their head. Best of all, women have no accountability for doing what they’re doing now! Fatherless children, soft men, and broken families are all part of this selfish behavior

No_Analyst_5235 · 2022-12-23T13:28:23+00:00

There is just a coldness and betrayal in women that I see a lot and don’t see as much in men. Men could be jerks too but they get called out for it . Women cheat and it’s the man’s fault. 8O% of divorces are initiated by women because they are treated like super heroes by society . You go girl . The courts and the law rapes the man.

The worst part is that most actively plan on leaving a year or so before . Lying to your face day in and day out as they plot what will be devastating to someone they have claimed to love. They coach each other on how to do it and applaud with giddiness the more devastating it is to the guy . It’s all out there in their blogs and chats . It’s one thing to fall out of love with someone but to take the next step and betray them at that level changes you. I lived it. And I’ll never remarry.

The best advice is … if it flys , fucks or floats , it’s cheaper to rent .

No matter what a woman says now , how she acts , how much she loves you and says she loves you , that will change . You will never be safe . You might think you’re in it for life after 20 years but I felt the same way … it’s win -win for them and lose - lose for you and I’m not playing that game again

Title	My marriage was over long before I knew it
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	50
Comments	33
Date	December 21, 2022 7:17 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zrddxj/my_marriage_was_over_long_before_i_knew_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/my-marriage-was-over-long-before-i-knew-it.1208012 https://theredarchive.com/post/1208012

Comments