Men still do more emotional labor than women in a relationship

caobozo · 2023-06-19T13:53:43+00:00

When women get angry for dreaming the guy was cheating

is the woman in question sixteen by any chance

sansan6 · 2023-06-19T15:49:56+00:00

Bro I’m just gonna start spamming this on every one of these. WE CAN NOT QUANTIFY SHIT LIKE THIS. MEN AND WOMEN DEPENDING ON WHO THEY ARE DATING AND THE CIRCUMSTANCE OF THEIR LIFE WILL DICTATE THIS. MEN AND WOMEN ARE STILL BOTH HUMANS WHO BELIVE IT OR NOT ARE ALL NOT A MONOLITH.

sexualdeskfan · 2023-06-19T16:53:39+00:00

Man these posts that excessively focus on your own burdens while minimising the burdens of the opposite sex are pretty tiresome.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-06-19T14:00:59+00:00

When she is pregnant and the baby is hurting her, the guy is there, doing all he can to help her.

Yes, everyone knows the real burden of pregnancy is borne by men.

When she is depressed needs to go to therapist, the guy just drives her there, no judgement.

Lol what? Your emotional support is not judging her for getting help? That's really that difficult for you?

dyngladfel · 2023-06-19T17:42:40+00:00

I agree that not cheating isn't emotional labour, but I also don't think driving and being in the room as she gives birth are either. The former is domestic labour and the latter is what we call "the bare fucking minimum".

NakedStreets · 2023-06-19T13:59:58+00:00

Anger is an emotion, and a lot of men have trouble managing it.

I know a lot more men who throw tantrums while driving than women upset about their dreams.

EulenWatcher · 2023-06-19T14:03:56+00:00

First of all, emotional labor is a rather poor term as it's supposed to include not just caring for your partner's emotions, but also managing and micromanaging the household and your relationship. It isn't just about being there for your spouse, it's also about being the one who has to remember the deadlines, who reminds other household members about their appointments, pills, their chores/homework/work tasks/other people's birthdays etc.

Secondly, the idea that men are "just stay stoic and chill her up" is common in manosphere, but I'm not sure it's common in reality. Generally people of both genders are shitty at managing even their own emotions, let alone emotions of other people. From what I've seen, a lot of men either a) shut down and distance themselves from their struggling partner, b) get angry with their partner for their struggles and turn it into "you cause me problems", c) offer solutions in attempt to solve the issue but not hear out their partner. And then we also have men who do some/all of it, but get upset when their partner reacts in the same way to their emotions and worries. Men generally...aren't stoic. They have the tendency to bottle everything up more than women do, but few have proper emotional management and they burst out sooner or later causing more problems and damage than it was necessarily. It also might surprise you, but men can get upset over little things too. They can pout, give silent treatment, "fuck your brains", neg etc.

I'd guess it isn't that different from shitty women's reactions. Being a woman and having a good social circle, I have more positive experience with women than men though, but I get that my sample is probably the reason here. Women do more emotional labor mostly because they more often have to manage and micromanage their households, but not necessarily because they have better social or emotional management skills.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-06-19T18:25:05+00:00

More often or not it's a female friend or family member who'll do those things for women. (Or, in the case of something like periods, nobody will do anything for them.) While her partner will also rely on primarily to exclusively women for support. It all adds up. Being exhausted by having to be everything for everyone doesn't mean you don't love them, but it might be hard for men to understand this as they usually don't get to that point and may think it's the epitome of support to tell some jokes if a loved one is sad. (Also, do you just happen to know a lot of mentally ill women or are you perhaps stereotyping?)

Safinated · 2023-06-19T14:52:16+00:00

All men do those things, eh?

KayRay1994 · 2023-06-19T14:34:30+00:00

I agree with you that the phrasing “emotional labor” is the wrong way to describe a positive emotional relationship and often is symptomatic of a one sided relationship - though what i take issue with is phrasing it in the sense that men do more emotional labour and the very weird tangent about how she’s likely damaged goods and that she won’t really love you - I also don’t like your general phrasing and framing of the situation as you’re making it sound a lot like you’d be begrudgingly comforting her, supporting her, etc because its your “job” to - without the realization that the foundation of a good relationship is mutual emotional support.

zyex12 · 2023-06-19T14:52:33+00:00

I mean emotional labor really just depends on the people. Also for most of the points you listed for men it’s just being a normal good boyfriend it’s not emotional labor it’s literally just being a good person. Except for the dream part but that’s like a cliche and if it does happen hopefully ur girl isn’t immature and can laugh it off with you I’ve had it happen just like that before. Being there and being faithful I mean the same can be said for men also that’s just two parts that are needed in a relationship there’s so much more and through more experience I think you’ll realize that

MistyMaisel · 2023-06-19T16:32:54+00:00

It sounds to me like you've got no idea what women in relationships do and the best you can guess is stand there and not fuck other men. I also love that even sex is apparently not something women have to lift a finger to engage in.

The amount of emotional support I provide my boyfriend is intense, sometimes difficult, often self-sacrificing, and a lot more than just my loyalty and existence (although, given how men here talk, you'd think my loyalty is actually pretty difficult given how many other men would love to take me).

My boyfriend provides me with plenty of emotional support, although, I cannot say he's ever had to handle me being upset because of something I dreamed about him doing. His handling of my hormones is not at all consistent, compared to how often I listen to him bitch about work which is daily, my hormones act up maybe once a month if that and usually I have it in hand. And he doesn't buy me food or make me laugh to fix it, because we aren't fucking 12. He mostly just raises an eyebrow and makes a note not to do the thing that pissed me off ever again and waits for the apology that yes, I despise the thing he was doing, but no, I shouldn't have reacted like that. And then he pets my head and accepts the apology. As for the pregnancy one....she's pregnant so they can have a kid. This is his contribution to the kid existing, to keep her relatively cared for and stable given her debilitation. If he cannot do that, he shouldn't have fucked her or asked to have a kid knowing how much it takes from women. And the therapist one is just a joke as someone who has been supportive of emotionally unhealthy people. I wish it was a drive to an office and not making any judgemental faces.

This is also such a charming portrait of men. My experience of male emotional support until my boyfriend and my best friend was them sitting like lumps and grunting any time I mentioned having a problem, followed down the road by them throwing that problem in my face. My experience of male emotional support is them treating me like I'm hysterical or crazy or annoying or dramatic, assuming they were even listening in the first place. That is still largely my experience of them. Women may not be perfect by any means, but I've always felt even the worst woman was emotionally supportive beyond sitting there and grunting.

Paragonne · 2023-06-20T01:53:38+00:00

ROTFLMAO

I'm autistic, so, according to some autism-researchers, am more male-brained than normal guys.

Here is an objective standard reference, for the difference between female-brain vs male-brain people:

When a woman has been wronged at work, and she goes and hangs-out with her best friend ( another woman ), they commisserate.

Not problem-solve: commisserate.

When a guy has been wronged at work, and he goes and hangs-out with his buddy, they problem-solve, not commisserate.

Both modes/normals get it wrong.

The correct-for-human-worth mode is to mix both.

Autism, is, from all I've been able to learn, the epigenetic destruction of social-process-circuitry from our brains.

Women have too much social-process circuitry, and normal-men have too little.

When a woman is in relationship with a man, she is in relationship with somebody who is relationship-disabled.

This is why guys are so much more sex-oriented: because we simply are mind-blind to relationship-process, too much!

As I finally get old enough to rewire my brain in ways that make it work the way that I want, and find more & more broken/defective/contemptuous/aggressively-ignorant the ways that male media depicts women, AND the learned-helplessness that is too-visible in the eyes of too many women,

I find it incomprehensible that anybody could be so goddamn crass as male-culture is, about whether women even have any worth, whereas the proper perspective is that women & men are worth, but working on earning their own personal self-conquering/self-realizations.

Do you understand how exhausting it is for somebody to try to remain in relationship with somebody who is brain-incompetent at an entire human-dimension you're wired-for?

Can you understand how exhausting it is for us autistics to try to be in family among people who rabidly reject rationality?

Can you understand how exhausting it is for women to try to be in family among people who cannot feel/be/understand how relationship is its own entire-world/entire-reality?

WHEN one sees that women are objectivity-disabled ( and I'm pointing at Angela Duckworth's "Grit" for 1 piece of evidence on that point: mothers are incapable of objectivity about their body-property, their kids, which is why not-mom-but-external-teacher is required to get a kid to have a correct growing-up ),

AND one sees that guys, let alone us autistic guys, are relationship-process disabled ( read Thomas Armstrong's "7 Kinds of Smart", and notice that IQ was systematically formulated to leave-out the kinds of intelligence that girls/women are categorically better at ),

AND one sees that each kind of disability has its own cost,

THEN one becomes more competent in seeing what's actually going on..

geometersbane · 2023-06-19T15:15:04+00:00

Men DO more of everything. Women... demand more I guess?

H8beingmale · 2023-06-19T23:16:39+00:00

yup because even after the relationship is formed, the burden of leadership still falls on the mans shoulders

AutoModerator · 2023-06-19T13:52:09+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Former_Molasses_7073 · 2023-06-19T14:34:36+00:00

The solution to women’s emotional distress is feeling sexually desired. She had a dream you were cheating ? Make her feel you can’t resist her and tell her no other woman turns you on as much as she does.

Ainsleygz · 2023-06-19T15:46:11+00:00

Uber solves those problems

SierraMistSoda · 2023-06-19T17:45:46+00:00

Women do the emotional labor once the kids come

Title	Men still do more emotional labor than women in a relationship
Author	Rude_Macaron2021
Upvotes	4
Comments	117
Date	June 19, 2023 1:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14df9uz/men_still_do_more_emotional_labor_than_women_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-still-do-more-emotional-labor-than-women-in-a.1222930 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222930

Comments