Been with my wife for 11 years. Married 1 year, and just had our first child.

I will admit that I have beta backslid in some areas (I work from home, don’t go out much, don’t lead as much sometimes and probably fail some shit tests) But I also lift weights, don’t back down from her, and call out anything disrespectful.

It has been a couple years now that sex has mostly been starfish-like for her, but it had been frequent enough until the baby came (once a week ish.) Still, even then, she would initiate by asking for a massage or i would begin to massage her to initiate. It was too predictable. Also, she stopped even giving handjobs or blowjobs.

Now, post-baby, things have come to a head. She has admitted to having sex with my to make me happy, that it is painful post-baby, that she knows when I want it. In the past I had pretty much implied to her that I expect it because I can get other women.

It’s gotten even worse lately. She lays there, we argue afterwards and she is in a bad mood, etc

I feel like for a long time I caused this by massaging her and using toys on her etc. while she did the bare minimum and just spread her legs for me.

Most recently she did something disrespectful during sex and i stormed off a bit butthurt telling her so. I told her she starfishes and basically implied that i’m not about that.

So now i’m implementing dread game, trying to be more of a leader, and withdrawing attention and presence. Looking out for shit tests too.

My birthday is coming up. I think she’ll want to have sex. I won’t treat it like a reward. But what should I do? Deny or proceed and be dominant?

What is my best course of action, in simple terms? Dread, leadership, SMV, keep lifting, remove emotion and attention from her for now?