What are your thoughts on love languages?

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-07-01T21:01:56+00:00

They're based on nonsense and don't apply to most people. They are limited in their scope and the authors have no formal accreditation in any related capacity. It has as much use as horoscopes.

That being said, if those concepts help someone, great! Problem is when they meet someone who does not either fit into any of those categories, or does not subscribe to that philosophy, it can then create issues if one person is expecting them to fit in a little category that they just don't.

The science is lacking

There's been basically no evidence published to date to support the idea that people generally prefer to express and receive love in one of these five ways, or exploring how these love languages influence relationships and some to the opposite.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/pere.12182

Shows that love language compatibility shows no increased relationship satisfaction in those couples.

It's categorized as Christian literature and the author's background consists of no relevant or very little relevant academic or other knowledge of romance and relationships. Their education is in seminary and bible school and they have almost no experience in dating.

The author also advises against divorce even in cases of abuse. He has children. If you let your children stay in an abusive environment where there is violence happening to them or to another family member they can be removed from the home permanently due to neglect and abuse of a child/creating a bad environment for a minor.

Even not knowing this it's a zodiac substitute at best except it would be as though it left out months May through December.

saraimarsena · 2023-07-01T21:05:25+00:00

it may not be a science but i do think it reasonably makes sense that some people prefer to show and receive love in different categories of ways. all of them matter, and i think hitting all 5 leads to the happiest relationship, but i think some languages carry more weight to certain people than others.

mines physical touch, and then quality time. spending a fun day w my man makes me feel connected to him. a deep pressure hug makes me feel connected to him. these things go a lot farther for me than a random gift might.

Ainsleygz · 2023-07-01T21:26:22+00:00

I think they’re useful for building an understanding of what your partner likes and wants. Don’t have to use it as rules but it can provide insight to making your relationship a good fit

Mine is touch (giving and receiving)

Wattehfok · 2023-07-01T22:16:47+00:00

They’re completely non-scientific; but that doesn’t mean they don’t have some value. They’re just an easy guideline for thinking about giving your partner what they need, and asking for what you need.

It’s only a problem when people treat it like some immutable aspect of character.

Lovers691 · 2023-07-01T20:25:49+00:00

I think it is nonsense

bad_nerves · 2023-07-01T21:00:28+00:00

i think love languages are another form of useless categorization but i do recognize that people do place more/less importance of certain things. that being said i think the systemization is largely useless because people will largely filter themselves in terms of relationships (sans opinions on gift-giving)

dishonouronmycow · 2023-07-01T21:44:14+00:00

I think it has some truth to it, most people enjoy a mix of all of them but prefer more than others. I love giving gifts and really enjoy thinking and planning about what to get people, but that doesn’t mean the other things don’t matter to me too

TransportationIcy896 · 2023-07-01T21:47:12+00:00

I think it's a useful starting point to understand to increase some self awareness of how people feel validation/ affirmation.

The point of the test isn't the end all be all of these are the only ways people feel affection/ affirmation. Just one of many guides/ tools to increasing the communication between partners to reduce misunderstandings or simply to feel closer with one another.

1amtheSpoon · 2023-07-01T21:58:46+00:00

It's just more trending bullshit.

GlasgaAccentfurYanks · 2023-07-01T22:39:21+00:00

A load of nonsense but if people want to create entire ecosystems of affection categorisation have a good time, in fact have a great time, you make that list of "my love languages" put it on the fridge, the journal, get it as a tattoo. If it makes you...happy.

So my love language is nod and smile.

El_Don_94 · 2023-07-01T20:41:22+00:00

It was not come up by a scientist. I don't think that there is any science behind it.

aslfingerspell · 2023-07-01T20:24:40+00:00

They absolutely exist.

I cannot get by without physical affection and contact of some kind. Gifts are always nice, of course, but I really love something that doesn't require money and doesn't create a sense of guilting obligation in return.

I.e. a hug or kiss is inherently mutual to me, whereas if I got a $100 gift a part of me would think "Ugh, what could they want that costs that much?"

Windmill_flowers · 2023-07-01T23:54:15+00:00

It's so generic that there's some truth in it. It's why a lot of people try to claim more than one love language. Who doesn't like acts of service?

I find it to be similar to astrology in that sense. Plus, since it's about love and relationships - it's a great way to sell a book

AdOpen432 · 2023-07-01T20:33:51+00:00

Men who say their love language is touch means it's basically code for "I really want to have sex" to them.

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Intelligent-Cat9136 · 2023-07-01T20:25:26+00:00

Are you a woman ?

I am a man and my love language will be weird to describe.

If I receive a sincere poem from a woman, I will be more happy than receiving any type of hugs.

Another thing will be details for me.

She knows I like X thing, so she buys one for me.

This will be my love language.

Now if it is on my end, like how I express it, it will be the same.

basedmama21 · 2023-07-01T23:02:23+00:00

I think they’re silly.

Zabadoodude · 2023-07-01T23:04:40+00:00

The concept of clear distinct love languages doesn't seem to have good scientific evidence behind it, but different people do appreciate love more in some ways than others, so its important to explore that with a paetner. Just dont get too hung up on the specific categories. The men who feel loved through sex, but not through non-sexual touch is actually a good example of the issue: people might value some aspects of a love language but not others.

As an example, I really value physical touch from a romantic partner (both sexual and not), but I dislike it in my platonic relationships. I appreciate small, routine presents, but don't like big gifts - what is my love language?

wtknight · 2023-07-01T23:24:05+00:00

Yeah sure. People have different ways of expressing their love. My wife and I have different ways of expressing our love and we had to get used to that.

towerofcheeeeza · 2023-07-01T23:32:27+00:00

I think they're kind of dumb because frankly my love language is all of the above

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-07-01T23:57:53+00:00

I joke that my love language is spreadsheets.

Obviously I take it about as seriously as I take most prescriptive concepts around human behavior. :D

wuchjazz2 · 2023-07-02T00:52:50+00:00

Fk them, they're just cope.

ThrowAwayHuman122333 · 2023-07-02T02:15:53+00:00

It's like the MBTI for emotional expression. Naturally, women will automatically give it more consideration than it deserves.

MistyMaisel · 2023-07-02T03:10:26+00:00

It can be a useful tool to understand how people receive love broadly speaking and even what they think is the most moving way to receive love.

I don't think there's much science to it, but you know. It can still be a useful lense through which to examine yourself and other people around you.

veloron2008 · 2023-07-02T03:13:55+00:00

The "love languages" sound gimmicky, but there's truth behind the theory. My wife and I married in our 20s, well before I ever heard of the concept. Because she often seemed "cold" I wondered if she really loved me. It made me feel like we weren't clicking/vibing, and we had our share of difficulties.

Like many if not most men, my primary ways of expressing affection are physical touch and verbal. I have always initiated intimacy with my wife. In fact, she has only ever said "I love you" in response to me saying it first.

Her preferred love languages are acts of service and quality time together. I figured that out over time, partially from watching her family interacting. She is exactly like them. I realized that she actually loves me very much, by her actions.

Now in our early 50s, I am perfectly fine with forever being the physical and verbal initiator in our relationship. I find that when we try to meet somewhere in the middle (speaking each other's love language) our relationship is at its strongest.

I think being "multilingual" in terms of love languages is very healthy, and helps us to grow as partners. I wouldn't have it any other way.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2023-07-02T11:53:56+00:00

I think they can be a useful tool to understand how your partner chooses to express that they care. Often times if people don’t know what to look for they can end up feeling like their partner doesn’t really care, or they can feel like they’re not being appreciated because their partner doesn’t know their love language. My love language is acts of service.

bone_photographer · 2023-07-02T12:28:42+00:00

Regarding words of affirmation and why they aren't for everyone -

Would you rather a partner who tells you "I love you" 5 times a day, they're saying it after every phone call and every night before bed.

Their behaviour says different though. They don't do any acts of service, quality time etc. I for one would start to get fed up hearing their words of affirmation. They wouldn't be compatible for me

Safinated · 2023-07-02T21:45:36+00:00

It’s a pseudo argument from authority for people too cowardly to ask things of their partner, or too cowardly to break up with a partner who doesn’t care about what what they want

StockHamster12 · 2023-07-01T21:01:39+00:00

Yes, I believe in it. I adapt my way of showing love based on the person, even though it loses some of its sincerity since it's not totally natural for me. Generally, the love you naturally give is the one you like to receive, so it's just a matter of copying what the person naturally does...

Before knowing this, it used to frustrate me to explain that I found compliments, gifts, or hugs to show affection extremely shallow/useless. I preferred someone who helps/accompanies me and spends time with me, and despite that, the person would ignore my requests.
But now, I understand. I still consider them selfish, but they are not malicious, just wired differently. They can't imagine that someone may not appreciate affection the same way they do. But it taught me too to appreciate other forms of affection.

And non-sexual and sexual intimacy are two different things.

Title	What are your thoughts on love languages?
Author	DutifulRye696
Upvotes	3
Comments	61
Date	July 1, 2023 8:12 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14o4g78/what_are_your_thoughts_on_love_languages/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-your-thoughts-on-love-languages.1224009 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224009

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