Texas pending divorce, told wife I wouldn’t file as she is the one who wants it and had the affair. Now talking to her friends she wants me to leave the house and thinks the court will make her the primary care? I’m the bread winner she is a teacher (college degree and multiple banking certs)

CrazySanta7 · 2023-08-01T12:13:22+00:00

I'm in Texas and had a similar situation. Go file. She cheated, but I did ALL the divorce legwork, but it sums up our marriage. Get an attorney today. Do not leave the house. Cheating won't matter in Texas, unfortunately. I got 50/50 custody of 2 kids, and my oldest decided to live with me 100% a few years ago (she did not contest it). My ex-wife wanted to stay married 12 more years until our kids turned 18 while she's out F%%%ing other dudes. Haha. No FN thanks. Good luck.

ViolentTakeByForce · 2023-08-01T12:24:47+00:00

Do NOT leave the house.

Bodycam/audio record yourself at all times be ready for a false allegation.

Bodycam: create a badge you wear stating she is being recorded providing “consent” to her if you are in a 2 party recording state. Anytime she flips out remind her of the badge and tell her she’s being recorded orally.

Voice recorder: just keep it on your person and never stop recording. Silence is power and silence can save your ass, because when she starts making up dates/times of abuse, you have proof.

Throughout the day, ask Siri for date/time so you have timestamps.

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE

You should file.

tragicaddiction · 2023-08-01T12:08:28+00:00

i hear your pain

you don't really want to end the relationship even though your wife cheated and she wants to divorce. But, it's over.

If she wants a divorce and wants the house etc. it wont be long before her friends will convince her that you were the narcissistic/ abuser... or maybe they already have or she already believes it as a justification for what she did.

you are better off filing first than having her conjure up a case/reasons to get you kicked out of the house.. right now the only reason she isn't filing is because she is building the case against you behind your back.

you watch porn - well maybe you are a porn addict

you drink ever? - well maybe you are an alcoholic

you ever raise your voice - oh definitely abusive / threat to her and her children.

one day when you least expect it you will be thrown in jail and evicted from your house because she will claim some BS that she is afraid of you and will show video/audio to the police of you being loud / drunk / threatening in any matter

and that's it.. out on the street, you will be allowed to get some personal items from your house under police escort and then after that you are on your own

except you also have to pay half of the house mortage/insurance/child support from that day forward

and forget about getting divorce settled, can't while you have charges pending so that can take months to clear and cost $$$ to lawyers.. all the while most of your assets (your house) is out of reach.. so unless you have a lot of dollars in your own account and or have people you can borrow from or place to stay you go into debt.

yeah.. this may seem extreme, but this is what happens a lot.

Flogginga_dead_horse · 2023-08-01T11:57:03+00:00

Give it time. She will file a domestic violence claim and the police will escort you out of the house. She will then live in the house - that you continue to pay for.

It happened to me. Took me two years to get her out of the house.

File first.

prepend · 2023-08-01T11:48:53+00:00

Don’t leave. Get a lawyer.

Do you want to divorce? If so, file. It doesn’t matter much who files and if you file you can get it started.

Aim for 50/50 custody. If you’re the bread winner, you’ll likely pay alimony and child support.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-08-01T12:34:07+00:00

You need to file and go on the offensive. You’re in a Cold War right now sitting on your hands just waiting to get nuked. She had an affair - she will start smearing the shit out of you to make you look as bad as possible to deflect blame from herself.

Don’t listen to or believe a single word she says. File and get a court order to get her out of the house.

Or just sit there and let her screw you over. Your choice.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2023-08-01T13:21:32+00:00

The person who files first is the person who controls the pace of the divorce.

Do you want her answering to your lawyer? Or do you want your lawyer answering to hers?

Start interviewing lawyers today. File on her as quick as you can. Make sure she knows you are done with her shit.

And you absolutely must start recording everything. Video is best. And make sure you upload the footage to a safe space in the cloud. Store everything even if nothing happened that day. Those video/audio tapes might be the only thing that will prove nothing happened on that day after she files domestic abuse charges on you.

Stay strong brother.

2023-08-01T12:41:48+00:00

I am in Texas.

It is reasonable that you get 50/50, that should be expectation, demand, fight for it, be tenacious

It is reasonable that you get to stay in the house. However, one of both of you can fight for temporary orders to remove the other person. Typically the man gets removed because he is intrinsically seen as more capable.

Don’t make a stink about the cheating stuff. Texas does not care, the judges who hear this crap all day long do not care. No one cares. What matters is the kid(s)

As far as child support that is for the kid(s). If you are the breadwinner then you need to take care of your kids.

Do not leave the house unless forced to. Do not accept less time with your kids.

As far as domestic abuse allegations. Don’t give her any room to try that. Plant seeds with people that she is going to try that. Send and email to the police, and the local DA. You want to get it in writing up front the circumstances going on and that she is planning this. Hopefully they dispatch someone to talk to her and that will likely prevent her from trying it. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense.

No judge is going to take a DV seriously where the accused person has gone to lengths to let everyone know that she was going to this. In the end it will make her look bad

dadplup · 2023-08-01T16:34:19+00:00

Consult a lawyer, retain one because chances are you will need it, and document everything

I live in Texas, and my divorce from my now ex-wife was finalized last year. She didn't have a lot of income either so my concern was what I was gonna have to pay to get out, although technically the word alimony doesn't exist in the legal sense it is replaced by spousal support, if she meets the necessary requirements which can be met , if she can prove that she can't earn enough on her own, which can last for years depending on how long you were married ,but with her degree that might make a difference, Texas is a no fault state, so the affair won't really matter but it won't look good either My exes affairs were never brought up in court

More than likely, you will get joint custody that's standard, 50/50, but the real question is who gets physical custody, that will determine everything , child support, visitations, etc,I was able to get custody because it was determined that she couldn't take care of our daughter with her limited income and her medical issues, she tried to use those to her advantage but it backfired

Being in the same house with someone that wants to divorce you it's a dangerous game, she could claim that you're abusive to her or the kids and the police will believe her, she could hit herself and put bruises on herself and then you're on the hook, (my ex tried that with me and had my stepson arrested under false claims), it would be better for either one of you to move out, but only you know your spouse so that's up to you but if you stop paying on the house she can use that too,in the end the house is joint property so something will have to be done about might have to sell it or you might have to buy her out.

it is tricky to travel this alone and uninformed so get some help, consult a lawyer, because again chances are you will need one, the system can be ineffective to some but can certainly hurt other badly also, good luck to you

Seemedlikefun · 2023-08-02T01:35:39+00:00

File tomorrow and don't leave the house unless you have a signed custody agreement. What are you waiting for? The false domestic violence charges, and being taken to jail? By the time you bond out, she'll have a temporary restraining order put on you, then you'll have to leave the house. Wake up cupcake!

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-08-01T14:00:52+00:00

File !! Body Cam ! Safe Room with a Lock on . No Beer, Drugs or .. unusual porn that could be misconstrued. Keep Notes.

silmarp · 2023-08-01T15:23:08+00:00

Let me tell you something. If you let her have all the choices then you will be uber screwed whatever state you are in.

If she files she is gonna have the first talk. She wants full custody and the house? If you let her file she will probably have it.

"Ohh but I earn more". That means you will pay more in child support and alimony if you let her file firs. Nothing more.

You might be expecting some Disney Movie justice where she will come to her senses and "do the right thing?". I'm sorry to tell you but that's not how things work in real life. In real life you have to make the ducking choices that defend your interests because if you don't she will make the choices befitting her interests instead.

She already wants you to leave the house and you think this is unreasonable. I tell you, if you don't wake up and file with the best attorney you can find you will discover that this is only the first unreasonable demand and she will take you to the cleaners. Learn one thing about women. Once you cater to one demand there will be an infinite list of demands and if a demand is unreasonable all other demands will be more and more unreasonable.

By not filing first you are letting her speak first to the judicial system. Once she speak first she might accuse you of something or tell bad things about you. At this point it might cease being a separation case to being a judgement against you. How do you avoid it? You file first so you are the first to speak in court should your case go that far.

She has shown you time and time that she is unreasonable and a cheat. You better believe her unless you want to be screwed in divorce courts.

About the house, don't leave it. Once you leave she might claim abandonment and you can say bye bye to it and then she will move her affair partner there and redecorate everything to suit the dude's tastes and she will do it using the hard earned money you provide to them through alimony and child support. That happens a lot to people who don't believe their women whey they show their faults to them.

Just file dude. Fight for your interests. If you don't want to hurt her because you are too soft think that you can always start from scratch after the divorce(tip, you will wake up from your trance before this).

Also, it's only a matter of time she is "convinced by her friends" that you are abusive and that means she will file a restraining order against you and make you leave the house. Have cameras as per your lawyer instruction. Hidden ones if possible.

Spodee5 · 2023-08-02T09:03:33+00:00

Having a great defense is fun in sports and a poor decision in the family law courts.

Have a great offense, don’t put yourself in the position of having to defend yourself; put her in that position.

rsmiley77 · 2023-08-01T13:41:51+00:00

Never listen to what your stbx thinks about your potential divorce terms. Many on here say filing is best anyways. I disagree there but the difference is minor. If you file you pay all fees to get process started in court. You also go first if it comes to having to testify in court.

Clean_Fly_3748 · 2023-08-01T14:23:36+00:00

Go file and don’t leave the house. RhTs how they get leverage and the upper hand. With that, keep under control and don’t let her provoke you to do something stupid

2023-08-01T14:57:19+00:00

Don't move out she can tell you what she wants to but don't leave the house she could change the locks but it's your house also they would tell her she can't do that so don't leave fet a lawyer

2023-08-01T20:53:20+00:00

Lawyer up. Don’t leave the house. Cheating won’t matter much if any.

Just go for 50-50 no child support. If she doesn’t want to do that tell her you will take her to court and subpoena her side piece and force him to testify.

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