She claims not to be in depression, but come on, she fucking is. I am tired of pretending she is not because she claims otherwise.

Her reason this morning is that she has too much insecurity, and that she now realized that I am the focus point of all of that insecurity.

Fair enough... except that...

The house we are renting is falling apart. She threatened divorce if we didn't find a way to break the lease.

She searched for a new house to rent while I negotiated with the landlord. Lots of insecurity there caused by me (at her request).

I got the permission to break the lease, and negotiate a new lease with the house she wanted.

THERE. Insecurity solved! BAM. I killed it!

BUT now we have to move. And that's MASSIVE insecurity, so right before signing the lease, she decided, after EVERYTHING WAS NEGOTIATED, to just, "No let's stay here and risk it", with our adult child going "If we stay here, I might as well unalive myself. Don't you recall that it's all MY stuff that got flooded? That it's me who got most of the problems?

So now, it's my fault that our child is stressed because my wife changed her mind about moving. So she decided to sign, to reduce that stress, that insecurity.

But then, she is stressed because I have too much stuff. "What will you do if we move to a smaller place?" , but she is threatening to divorce me NON-STOP.

My stuff is causing her stress... Stuff like books and board games, but also TOOLS. Which I bought because SHE wanted to own a house, and I needed to do repairs. And she wanted a pool so I built on, and she wanted an irrigation system so I built one, and she wanted the basement done, and I helped do it. I still have those tools. I paid over $3000 of tools, am I going to just throw them away?

But it causes her insecurity that I don't. That I don't throw almost brand-new tools, which usually just sit in my office closet which she doesn't see, but is STRESSES her that it's full. My closet. In my office. In the house that I pay over 70% of the rent for.

And then I have stress at my job, which STRESSES HER. My job. Stresses HER.

So I tried to stop telling her about it, but we work from home so he actively listens to the meetings I have from the corridor to add more stress to her life about my job.

Remember, I am the one causing the stress and the insecurity...

And she had stress at her job, and sometimes I help her. With delicate emails, or with a technical issue with her laptop, or even with some programming tasks. So, she sees stress at HER job as being linked to ME, instead of seeing my help as a way to reduce her insecurity (which is my goal in helping her).

And if I tell her that I will stop helping her, she just says that she DOESN'T WANT the job, but then, she wants to get divorced, so how will be live other than with a short-term pension? (we don't make enough money I think for a long-term one).

A friend of our child is unemployed. I hired him to help with moving, and she heard me tell him that it should be easy.

NOW, she stresses because I think that the moving will be easy.

Nevermind that the conversation was between HIM and ME, NERVERMIND that I was telling him to not scare him. NEVERMIND that I told him that it would be easy ONLY if we did good work early on to motivate him.

Because I think it will be easy, she wants a divorce.

ALSO.

Two houses ago, we repainted every wall because the colors stressed her. Sorry, I repainted all of the wall. She helped, but I did most of the work.

It took me 6 FUCKING days, which completely wrecked the move plans.

I kept telling her, and each time I proposed to skip a room, or to postpone one, it increased her insecurity.

So I shut up, and painted. Even did a good job.

Once done, she didn't mind if it was painted or not.

Wait, so I am seeing a pattern. She is insecure AND ungrateful.

No, not ungrateful, that's not it.

She wants something because she is insecure, I help her get it, which causes more insecurity due to the transition. It's too much, she doesn't want it anymore, even if all the pieces are in movement. If I give up, she will be insecure again. If I don't give up, she will move on the next insecurity.

And now, she has over a decade of memories of me CAUSING insecurity.

So, it looks like we are at the point of no return.

UPDATE: And the reason I mentioned the painting, is that this morning, she BOTH wants to leave the new house ASAP, and have me repaint it all.