My (28M) wife (24F) won’t stop bringing up the past. Any help?

henrysmyagent · 2023-11-29T15:23:19+00:00

This Christmas, you should wrap a plunger and put it under the Christmas tree for your wife. Clearly, she loves to bring up old shit.

Seriously, guilt tripping is a toxic manipulation tactic.

Either she goes to couples counseling so you both can learn to model better communication techniques, or divorce her now.

Because women who do this only get better at it as time goes on.

Let this go, and in a few years, your wife will become a professional travel agent of guilt trips!

latamluv · 2023-11-29T14:59:21+00:00

I mean, we can only take OPs story at face value so “glancing at a (pretty) woman” is something ever man has is and will do. This is not overstep or disrespecting. I would rather be divorced than live like this.

willlovescruises · 2023-11-29T15:27:13+00:00

I would never put up with that shit. You can look at whoever you want. If that makes her insecure then that is her issue and she needs to deal with it. In the long run it’s going to wear you down, you will start to resent her and actually start looking at other women for real.

hwiegob · 2023-11-29T14:36:22+00:00

This is the kind of thing to work through in therapy. She probably has some sort of issue that causes this, and you are unlikely to be able to unwind it in a way that makes things better.

Be ready for this to be an issue that gets worse and worse until it's resolved.

ABBucsfan · 2023-11-29T15:38:50+00:00

Every time I got into an argument she'd go over the long list of everything I ever did to offend her over the last several years. I put up with that shit for 10 years and it never got any better. She even brought up soemthing when we were just dating about the fact I didn't confront someone that didn't invite her to their birthday.

Marriage flat out can't work without forgiveness. This is definitely a her issue and needs to talk someone about it. Can't be holding grudges for years ins. Marriage. Heck it's not healthy for the person holding the grudged. It's literally detrimental to their physical health over time

gnackered · 2023-11-29T15:54:57+00:00

JraigCones · 2023-11-29T14:29:45+00:00

What do you mean you looked at females? On social media, porn, in person? Either way, it's stupid that she's bringing it up constantly. She seems very insecure. Are you supposed to go your whole life without looking at anyone? This is something she needs to work on

ballzdeepinbacon · 2023-11-29T16:42:39+00:00

You need to have a serious and frank discussion with your wife. What you did is normal. How you acted is reasonable. She is making you feel bad for it - and not a one time “that hurt my feelings” thing - but regularly dragging it up. Frankly that would be an “I’m outta here” flag for me.

Reflog1791 · 2023-11-29T17:02:41+00:00

Same exact thing happened to me. She ended up cheating so I divorced her. With the proper perspective it was clearly projection.

MedCityCPA · 2023-11-29T21:55:14+00:00

That's the neat part. They won't stop.

aquatic-dreams · 2023-11-30T07:04:47+00:00

I can't think of a great way to put this...The more you try and placate her and make her happy. The more you look weak, and unattractive. It really makes you look bad in her eyes. A good portion of the men in this forumn got left by our wives because we were trying to make them happy. When instead we should have been living for ourselves.

And after all the tears and frustration. To know that the worste part is that you quit living for yourself years ago and that's where so many problems came from. And if you had, the divorce would either not have happened or been a hell of a lot fucking easier, is just a punch in the cunt. So don't try and fix things. She doesn't want you to fix it. And honestly, there's no way for you to anyway. It's basically a test and the only way to pass is to not give a shit. So you can be stoic or you can crack a joke and then take her out to eat. Take care of yourself first. It sounds counter intuitive, but that's really the best way to improve your relationship.

captainchippsixx · 2023-11-29T17:21:55+00:00

Take the lead. Tell her to drop that bull shit.
If she doesn’t walk away and go do something by your self. Don’t put her on a pedestal. Be a man and check her shit immediately when she is out of line. The more you do this the more she will respect you.

Not saying the below is your case, but be vigilant. Sometimes women say shit like that because they are projecting their own bad behavior onto you. Same goes for cheating. It is probably time to keep your eyes and ears open to her actions for red flags. Right now they way you wrote this you wouldn’t even notice them because your on the defensive. Does she do girls nights, weekends, guard her phone, constantly on her phone at night, take phone in bathroom, have to stay late at work….

DatabaseSpace · 2023-11-29T17:10:22+00:00

God how can anyone ever forgive you? Should you go to counseling and trauma therapy? Maybe a better idea is to tell her to shut her face and stop being so annoying. That may be impossible though.

EndOfRopeDude · 2023-11-29T18:44:48+00:00

My wife did/does this. But she's a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. It goes away with meds.

rhett342 · 2023-11-29T16:04:04+00:00

Women love bringing up the past, they use it for leverage to beat you back into place. My ex threw something in my face from 2 years previous and I had no recall of it so I had no defence against it. If it fits their narrative against you in that moment she'll bring it up.

ThrowRa_Brotheren · 2023-11-29T16:28:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Shawn008 · 2023-11-30T19:36:01+00:00

Introduce your wife to me. She will think you are Jesus compared to me.

sinisterkid34 · 2023-11-29T15:14:03+00:00

She wants to bang someone. She’s mad at you for glancing at other women lol

BaldieGoose · 2023-11-29T23:52:00+00:00

Lol welcome to women

NimueArt · 2023-11-30T01:40:43+00:00

If you are walking and turn a corner and see a spectacular sunset it may cause you to stop and take a second look. Same with a beautiful painting, or a sculpture. We are wired to notice beauty. It is no different when we pause to take a look at an attractive person. It doesn’t mean we think they are better than our spouse, it doesn’t mean you want to have sex with them, it simply means that you liked their aesthetic the same way you did that sunset.

hairy_russian · 2023-11-30T14:00:15+00:00

Maybe she is into it… you should tell her what you liked about that girl and ask her if she agrees?

AltEgo25 · 2023-12-02T09:35:51+00:00

I just got out of a argument with my wife, she pulled out little behavior things from 6+ years ago I literally could only faintly remember. Also things from 2 years back, 4 years back etc... I have no idea how she reserves headspace for interactions that happened so long ago.

Also, this is a huge problem for us. She never let's any single thing go, ever.

Forgive and forget is Gold, the real key to a successful relationship.

Title	My (28M) wife (24F) won’t stop bringing up the past. Any help?
Author	ThrowRa_Brotheren
Upvotes	11
Comments	58
Date	November 29, 2023 2:19 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/186qgw7/my_28m_wife_24f_wont_stop_bringing_up_the_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/my-28m-wife-24f-wont-stop-bringing-up-the-past-any.1239615 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239615

Comments