How do you rank the importance of these traits / factors in a potential partner?

Feisty-Ingenuity4990 · 2024-01-10T06:25:59+00:00

Intelligence
Sense of humour and wit
Compassion, kindness and empathy
Integrity and consistency
Openness and clear communication
Physical attractiveness
Sexual Compatibility
Humility and ego awareness
Aligning beliefs and views (political, religious, social)
Love language compatibility (flirting and showing affection the way you appreciate)
Independence and fortitude
Social alignment (can you talk forever? Does it feel effortless to hang out with them? introversion vs extroversion? Do they enjoy being in the lime light or the background?)
Healthy relationships ( what their friends are like, their relationship with friends and family members)
Compatible Attachment styles (do they need time alone or constant reassurance? Are they a bit avoidant or anxious etc?)
World awareness and conscience for social causes etc
Ambitions ( not just career )
Courageousness ( isn’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in )
Dating and sexual history ( never dated, had many casual partner, been married etc)
Skills
Financial stability or prosperity
Their apparent level of interest in you
~~Aligning hobbies, interests, and tastes~~
~~Career passion / Career prospects~~
~~Impulsivity and craziness~~
~~Lifestyle and contextual alignment~~
~~Chivalry and courtesy~~

Edit: to get bold and strikethrough to work correctly.

EulenWatcher · 2024-01-10T04:25:01+00:00

Necessary and a lack of them would mean we aren’t compatible: - Compassion, kindness, empathy - Intelligence - Integrity and consistency - Independence (at this point of life) - Aligning beliefs and views - At least some alignment in terms of interests and hobbies. We don’t need to have all the same hobbies but we should have at least some in common - Social alignment - Sexual history to a degree. It’s more about values to me. For example, I wouldn’t date a person who has used prostitutes’ services or who is waiting till marriage. - Sexual compatibility - Compatible attachment style - Sense of humor and wit - Apparent interest in me. I don’t do well with hints and I don’t enjoy cold and hot games.

What is important but can be compromised on to a degree: - Love language compatibility. It’s perfect to have compatible love languages but I believe you can learn to express your love in a way your partner wants it. - Ambitions and career path. We should have long-term plans we’re working together, but I’m okay with mildly ambitious person. - Physical attractiveness. I’m demi so I’m not sure where my “bar” is here. - Financial stability. As long as we have compatible lifestyles and they have good financial habits, we’re fine. - Courage should go with sensibility. - Humility and ego awareness - Lifestyle. Some adjustments are expected, although major things like kids, work/SAHP can’t be compromised on. - Openness and clear communication. We can learn these things as long as both are willing. - Skills can be learnt too. - Healthy relationships. They should have at least some good relationships with other people but I can’t expect a person with no problems whatsoever. Almost all of us have a crazy family member or a friend.

Impulsivity is more of a negative trait for me. Chivalry in an old-fashioned sense of it is neutral, I don’t really put value on it. Good communication skills and being caring and supporting are more important than chivalry.

Not sure what world awareness means. How well they navigate in social changes and news? It’s good to have but it isn’t necessarily if they’re okay with just sharing my opinion and learning things from me.

RorschachRosettes · 2024-01-10T14:57:23+00:00

I don't have one singular filter. I have multiple filters put in place, so think of it as a funnel. I'm also not going to sit here and copy paste 26 different traits into people, get a grip.

Top funnel (What will get them through the door)

Intelligence
Money/Career/Ambition
Physical attractiveness (to me, this is important to note. has to align with an alt style or interest of some sort)
Their expressed interest level in me

Middle funnel (What I discover about them during the dating phase_

Sexual Chemistry & penis size
Personality and interests
Kindness, compassion
Integrity

Conversion (What determines if they're relationship material or not)

Generosity
Aligning in belief and values
Their cleanliness and hygiene habits
Social Alignment
Future planning - if their intentions for the future look similar to mine

PixelizedPlayer · 2024-01-10T07:18:02+00:00

It's interesting to see in the replies so far how...just how low down sexual compatibility is for women in importance. I imagine for men thats right near the top.

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mrs_seng · 2024-01-10T09:11:54+00:00

Aligning beliefs and views (political, religious, social)
Compatible Attachment styles (do they need time alone or constant reassurance? Are they a bit avoidant or anxious etc?)
Dating and sexual history ( never dated, had many casual partner, been married etc)
Sense of humour and wit
Social alignment (can you talk forever? Does it feel effortless to hang out with them? introversion vs extroversion? Do they enjoy being in the lime light or the background?)
Love language compatibility (flirting and showing affection the way you appreciate)
Intelligence (especially being quick to understand things)
Humility and ego awareness
Openness and clear communication
Their apparent level of interest in you ( is it mild? are they a bit obsessed with you? does it fluctuate?)
Impulsivity and craziness ( never boring but possibly destabilising and exhausting )
Integrity (sticks to their word and convictions) and consistency
Financial stability or prosperity
Skills (cooking, handyman work etc)
Physical attractiveness
Career passion / Career prospects
Independence and fortitude
Aligning hobbies, interests, and tastes e.g both into working out, similar taste in music, both dress like goths etc
Ambitions ( not just career )
Courageousness ( isn’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in )
Compassion, kindness and empathy
Lifestyle and contextual alignment (living nearby? Has a dog? Have children? Would they mesh with your family? Do they have a similar timeline for when they might want to buy a house or have a kid?)
1. World awareness and conscience for social causes etc
Chivalry and courtesy ( especially the old fashioned form)
1. Healthy relationships ( what their friends are like, their relationship with friends and family members)
Sexual compatibility (sex drive, preferences, fetishes )

Innanaspeaks · 2024-01-10T09:13:15+00:00

Kt using that system. It's too much.

I'm a Goth - the first thing I look for is visual indications of compatibility- Goth or Metalhead. ( no Punks, Emos or Alt rockers/Indie).
Physical Attractiveness - I like a characterful face. I like masculinity and the body needs to be within average ranges for height and weight.
Sense of style- I love great outfits.

Only then will I check for the other things- the personality, the morals, the capability (can function as an adult).

The guy needs to pass each stage for me to get with him these days.

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2024-01-10T13:52:33+00:00

Good list. I haven’t had caffeine yet and I’m not getting out of bed to answer this question.

I’ll tell you what has happened in my life and you decide. Male, thirsty. And I’m highly intelligent. Not bragging. It’s a difficulty actually so this is going to be different from most people’s though

Does it happen? Do you notice each other? Maybe attractiveness maybe something happens and it occurs to you they hey have something you’ve been looking for. Maybe they catch you blind and you didn’t see it coming. (Boy oh boy) I think writers call this “meet cute.”

Does it end quickly? Something happens or a realization, this what ended my last relationship? Or “oh god, I had no idea they were gonna be this way.” Or “oh shit she is scaring me!”

If it makes it past those two later do you have the “dilemma” - you’re attracted to them. It’s mutual. It hasn’t ended abruptly. But…… fill in your favorite one here I’m sure some remember painful realizations. She’s married and you realize that although you fell like you can’t stop you know that you should. In love but want/don’t want marriage or kids. Really important things that should have stopped you but you gave into the moment and now you’re stuck. No hope and it’s gonna hurt both of you. High body counters with options might just move one for the next dopamine thrill at this point.

Well your relationship hasn’t ended and your great full it hasn’t. We’re not fully in control of these things but hey, you can’t argue with success. You might or might not move in together. Consider getting married or just be seen publicly together. Whatever. It’s happening and it doesn’t need to end. Thank god. Back in a stable relationship. Why ever leave?

But….

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-01-10T15:34:24+00:00

I'm not going to go through the whole list, but I will look for a compatible sense of values in general first, which effects about half of these things (namely, their ability to learn from failure, their interest in being self-sustaining regardless of their actual ability to do so, and their sense of compassion). Those will effect a good chunk of that list, in that even if they aren't, say, intelligent, they would at least be smart enough to understand that they lack intelligence and would be willing to learn when able, and show humility when not able to learn.

I would look for attractiveness and sexual compatibility, but wouldn't generally reject someone unattractive if they've gotten this far.

Next, I would look for actual capabilities and lifestyle (for example, my career path can sustain me, but can't provide for a family, so they will need to be able to hold a stable income and cannot be planning to be a stay-at-home parent. Not rich, just stable).

Finally, I would look at sexual compatibility and attractiveness. One of my values is that I don't generally think getting jealous over a partner is productive for anyone, so granted my partner is being safe, I don't mind him/her getting his/her sexual and other friend needs from someone else. Part of the values thing I listed before is also having the value that "A relationship is formed by an honest trust between two people, and the two investing in building this point of their lives together". Sexual mutuality is not important to me for that (although I would not have sex with others if my partner asks me not to). I don't like the idea that I should get ALL of my needs met from one person- that's just anti-human and anti-social, and I wouldn't date someone who believes that erroneous concept.

Not important to me much at all would be shared hobbies (we should have at least one, but we don't have to have many), specific career choice as long as it is stable, interest in having kids (I don't really care one way or another), current amount of friends or current joblessness/living with family (As long as he/she has a general goal of improvement), dating history, impulsivity (as long as he/she is comfortable leaving me behind when I am tired), courage.

AngeCruelle · 2024-01-10T04:08:02+00:00

Pretty much all of these are important to me except for the ones pertaining to finances and ambition. I've never particularly cared about how much a man makes or fights for promotions or whatever. Does his field of work make the world a better place? Is he passionate about it?

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-01-10T04:03:12+00:00

8 (but not what incels think it means) 20 25 15 13 2 17 12 good thing I date/marry men, you put almost no feminine virtues on the list

horn1k · 2024-01-10T12:51:07+00:00

Most of women have that long list of requirements a man should met, but at the end they go for drug dealer.

fiftythreezero · 2024-01-10T03:58:57+00:00

Dealbreakers/would not bend:

Has to be a decent person, 2. Doesn’t have to be hilarious, just similar sense of humor, 6. Similar intelligence level is underrated, 8., 16. Not being on the same page with kids is a doomed relationship, 25.

Very very important but could let go:

20., 22., 11.

Everything else is a lower tier.

Trikger · 2024-01-10T04:18:01+00:00

Top traits with the most important one first:

Aligning hobbies. Having a few hobbies in common makes it easier to connect.
Social alignment. Being able to talk effortlessly.
Openness and clear communication. Wanting to find solutions instead of win fights.
Their apparent level of interest in me. I want them to be into me.
Integrity. It's what builds trust; the foundation of a relationship.
Ambitions.

avpd_girl · 2024-01-10T04:39:48+00:00

Important 8, 16, 20, 22, 1, 2, 11

Don’t care about 4, 19, 10, 24, 5

And for 18, I’m pretty shy myself but I like guys who are talkative

Quiet_Firefighter_65 · 2024-01-10T05:42:43+00:00

Attractiveness
Love language
Dating history
Intelligence

Jaded_Interaction162 · 2024-01-10T08:45:12+00:00

3, 4, 8, 9, 6.

Gitsumrestmf · 2024-01-10T10:51:57+00:00

Most important traits: 1) 25. Obviously she needs to be interested 2) 14. Humility and ego awareness 3) 9. Integrity (sticks to their word and convictions) and consistency 4) 1. Compassion, kindness and empathy 5) 8. Physical attractiveness 7) 22. Openness and clear communication

Turn offs: 1) 21. Impulsivity and craziness 2) 19. Lots of past relationships

akaean · 2024-01-10T15:34:43+00:00

NOTE: the "important" factors are generally what I am attracted to and drawn to. The "dealbreaker" factors are generally what I am repulsed by.

Dealbreakers

Compassion, kindness and empathy
World awareness and conscience for social causes etc
Aligning beliefs and views (political, religious, social)
Integrity (sticks to their word and convictions) and consistency

All three of these sort of go hand in hand, and a large part of it is about specifically weeding out conservatives. Whether we like it or not, politics is more decisive and important than ever and has a deep impact on people's personal lives. This is not something that just can be overlooked. Some of these things personally impact me, others don't, but they are all still important.

I could never date a white supremacist or makes excuses for them, I could never date someone who supports taking away women's bodily autonomy, I could never date someone who supports the erasure of LGBTQ+. I could never date someone who values the lives of the super rich more than the lives of the poor, or believes that people deserve to die from preventable diseases because providing lifesaving healthcare is communism.

These are important issues, and they impact real people and aren't anything that can be looked past anymore. Conservatives fundamentally hold positions that in my opinion are the antithesis of empathy and compassion, and one of the most important parts of a relationship is being a team with your partner. So we need to be on the same page, at least with respect to social issues. If you don't agree with me, fine... but I'm not dating or fucking ya.

You will notice I didn't include "Chivalry". That is because I don't think being a good person requires following a "code". What it requires is showing and acting with empathy. Besides what even is Chivalry anyway, isn't it like mostly focused on dueling?

Important

Sense of humour and wit
Love language compatibility (flirting and showing affection the way you appreciate)
Humility and ego awareness
Physical attractiveness*
Sexual compatibility (sex drive, preferences, fetishes )
Lifestyle and contextual alignment (living nearby? Has a dog? Have children? Would they mesh with your family? Do they have a similar timeline for when they might want to buy a house or have a kid?)

This list is things that are still important to me, but less of a dealbreaker. This is sort of a focus on general compatibility, sexual compatibility, enjoying spending time together, you know, vibing. With these factors, it is very much a Berlin method thing we've got going here. All of these factors don't need to be present, but the more of these factors we have going on here, the more likely I will want a relationship.

*a note here, I have noticed that I am less shallow now than I used to be. I now find a wider variety of people attractive than I did when I was younger.

-snickerss- · 2024-01-10T16:22:50+00:00

Too lazy to write them all so I'll just list the most important ones:
Love language compatibility, physical attractiveness, sexual compatibility, level of interest, lifestyle and contextual alignment, compassion kindness and empathy,dating and sexual history, impulsivity and craziness, aligning beliefs and views

Regular-Start3544 · 2024-01-10T17:20:05+00:00

Watch how far empathy and compassion will get you in the dating market 😂. Nothing in that list matters except for physical attractivness and social status.

Ashamed_Hospital5103 · 2024-01-10T18:46:21+00:00

1. Intelligence (intellectual compatibility)

2. Sexual compatibility (paraphilias)

3. Interest in me

4. Hobbies/interests align

5. Social alignment

6. Openness and clear communication

7. Physical attraction

8. Aligning beliefs and values

9. Healthy relationships

10. Lifestyle/contextual alignment

Compatible attachment styles
Career passion/prospects
Skills
Ambitions
Integrity
Financial stability/prosperity
Dating and sexual history (would prefer someone with the same amount of experience as me)
Love language compatibility
Sense of humour/wit
Courageousness
Independence/fortitude

~~22. Compassion, kindness, (affective) empathy~~

~~23. Impulsivity/craziness~~

~~24. Humility and ego awareness~~

~~25. World awareness, social conscience~~

~~26. Chivalry and courtesy~~

The bold ones are very important to me, the ones with the line through are either not important or are active turn-offs.

ND afab with no dating or sexual history, so my hierarchy might be a bit unusual or impractical. Ranking this I was thinking a friend that I fuck... I honestly can't fathom actually living with someone or starting a family with them, but in that case my hierarchy might shift.

jamacianmecrazy67890 · 2024-01-11T09:34:33+00:00

integrity
compassion, kindness and empathy
humility and ego awareness
dating and sexual history
openness and clear communication
healthy relationships

WilliamWyattD · 2024-01-11T11:12:36+00:00

The thing is that many women who really do not prioritize looks and sex-related things often do not prioritize lustful sex, either. It is a double edged sword for a man who is not great in these departments, but wants a partner who is very attracted to him.

These guys are looking for the rarer woman who prioritizes arousing sex, but doesn't have high standards for looks and other conventionally sexual attractive traits BECAUSE she legitimately can find average guys truly arousing.

Title	How do you rank the importance of these traits / factors in a potential partner?
Author	StaticNocturne
Upvotes	11
Comments	60
Date	January 10, 2024 3:36 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/192yk3q/how_do_you_rank_the_importance_of_these_traits/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-you-rank-the-importance-of-these-traits.1242639 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242639

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