"You Make Me Feel Safe"

Archwinger · 2014-03-18T21:41:05+00:00

Safe Emotionally - Women are more volatile emotionally...They need emotional security and safety...that you withstand anything and handle yourself in any situation...you're there to take care of shit. Above all, you can handle her.

This is a simple yet critically important point. Making a woman feel "Safe Emotionally" essentially means "you protect me from myself." You're the anchor to her emotional whirlwind.

That's the core of it all. That's the reason behind the endless shit tests, the thirst for drama, the lack of focus, the lack of empathy, the narcissism -- essentially all of the crazy. If you can't tame the crazy, you're not the man for her, and she's off to cheat or dump your ass.

A woman has to feel like you contain her. Like you handle her. When she's in your arms and her crazy girl mind just quiets down, and she doesn't feel the urge to shit test you or bitch about anything -- she just feels at peace because she trusts in your stability (at least this minute), you're making her feel safe.

neurosurg · 2014-03-18T21:53:06+00:00

This is one of my favorite phrases to hear from a girl. There's something primal about it that turns me on. Plus it's almost a guarantee she's going to fuck your brains out after. It means you're playing your alpha cards right. AWALT.

kentuckyfriedBRD · 2014-03-18T20:07:19+00:00

I'm a 6'1" man, fairly bear like, strong but not toned, a bit overweight so sizeable I think I'm around 200lbs atm. I've heard this from quite a lot of the women I've been with actually, usually in bed at night or when you're embraced together hugging or cuddling.

I think it's false to infer that you need to feel in danger before you can feel safe, simply because we know should something happen, being with someone bigger and stronger who has a deeply rooted desire to protect you, even at their own expense, is massively beneficial.

It's clearly a function of biology, I'd hazard a guess without any specific knowledge on the matter, that it's a deeply rooted in female instinct, that it acts an attraction towards new males and for acts as a reward feedback system for current partners to encourage them to stay together for protection.

Not so sure about emotionally, I think a better description of what a woman after emotionally is stability rather than protection, alpha males tend to be stoic which allows females to be more liberal with their emotions but as a group you can still function.

mrust · 2014-03-18T20:20:08+00:00

I was always mystified by this phrase from girls/women for a long time

That's because your instincts were correct; this phrase doesn't actually mean anything. The rest of your post is 100% true, but unconnected to what she is saying.

This is a good thing to hear because it means she considers you a protector, i.e. a man.

However, it's also a way to frame you into the provider role.

Remember that anything a woman says (especially an expression of emotion!) cannot be used analytically as a statement of fact. Girls will say all kinds of shit. Ignore what they say, watch what they do.

"I feel so lonely" "You're so big" "I love you long time"

enticingasthatmaybe · 2014-03-18T21:33:21+00:00

"You Make Me Feel Safe"

= 'My vagina is tingling'

______Last_Christmas · 2014-03-18T20:25:17+00:00

Above all, you can handle her. And if she trusts you to do that then she can really be at ease.

Exactly

Evolved_Red · 2014-03-18T19:54:43+00:00

||Probably doesn't help with bar hookups and flings.

I'm more inclined to say it actually does. There's a reason why jacked, muscly guys or tall men find it a little bit easier when running game at these venues: first impressions.

'Feeling safe' is an evolutionary trait that harkens back to cavemen days, and is a key cog in women's attraction process, whether it's an LTR or a one night stand.

heist_of_saint_graft · 2014-03-18T23:12:48+00:00

Woman here...trust me, when a woman says that to you she is head over heels for you. Men that make us feel safe are dominant, leading, and strong.

A man that can lift her and put her against the wall and hold her tightly in bed...that's the way to do it.

As much as chicks say they want a nice dude who will buy them shit and slobber all over their feet, there is NOTHING that beats a strong, aggressive, dominant man. That's why I love this sub, because it preaches EXACTLY that.

2014-03-18T22:40:22+00:00

I know guys, this probably doesn't help with bar hookups and flings.

Actually, it does. A woman isn't going to go home with a dude she barely met if she doesn't feel safe with him. It's just not going to happen. Part of masculinity, what men provide to women, is safety. This safety provision is attractive to women and being able to make women feel safe will result in more mating opportunities of all kinds. types.

PaulRivers10 · 2014-03-18T21:16:52+00:00

I like your post. I'd add another definition of emotional safety though - a woman feels safe when she's following (in a relationship with, in love with, etc) a worthwhile man.

Imagine you're at your job. When do you feel safer - when your boss is competent, or when your boss is a doormat idiot who can't lead? Honestly, I think jobs are the best guy-viewpoint example - I feel emotionally uncertain (unsafe) when my boss is to much of a doormat, or when he's to much of a talking-head idiot. I feel the most comfortable in my job having someone more experienced running the show, someone who (effectively) stands up for the needs of our group, but also knows what they are. I don't feel secure (safe) with a boss who's a total pushover by other groups, or a boss who has a stick up his ass butt doesn't actually understand how things work either.

In the lead/follow dynamic of dating, I think a woman feels "safe" when she's dating/"following" a guy her emotions think is worth following. Alpha, able to protect her, able to interact with her well, etc etc.

JRcanReid · 2014-03-18T21:31:59+00:00

I think financially "safe" could easily be #3 on this list.

FloranHunter · 2014-03-19T04:41:33+00:00

I bet women would be far more emotionally "safe" if they had the same emotional support as men aka null to slight.

FortunateBum · 2014-03-19T19:24:04+00:00

Honestly I'm close to giving up on interpreting women's words. They never have any meaning to me.

garlicextract · 2014-03-19T19:46:52+00:00

Leading the way is part of being safe emotionally. They want to be lead, not to lead - but they want you to lead them to things that they want. That may sound a little convoluted, but it's true. They want YOU to make decisions so when shit goes wrong the blame falls on YOU. Women NEVER want to take or accept responsibility for anything negative, ever. It's their nature.

By leading them, and making them feel "safe" what you are doing is absolving them of responsibility or consequences.

edit: as a short guy wanted to add this which is off topic from above:

The "Safe Physically" kind of sucks for us dudes well below 6'.

Still, you can't use that as an excuse, and it just means you have to try harder to be Safe Emotionally, and to get fucking strong.

You can cry about it and self-pity, but being 5'3" isn't the worst thing in the world. There are men out there with deformities and horrible diseases, if you are a healthy 5'5" person then you can still become strong and find a hot girl under 5'5". They are out there.

rhettdu · 2014-03-19T00:58:34+00:00

There is such a thing as "too safe" - basically, by that I mean a neutered shell of a man or little more than a child.

If you're a beta-orbiter, she's likely to feel safe around you. If anything, that's worse than not feeling safe around you.

This is a powerful emotion though, and I think its something that we men simply won't ever entirely appreciate. We don't live our lives in fear in the modern world.

I know it's not a perfect analogy but imagine if you had a suit made out of money, now imagine you're less then 5 feet tall and can barely lift more than a few bags of shopping. Imagine now that everyone in world that you encounter is not only much taller and stronger, but also aggressive than you are. Now imagine that your money suit is worth more than they earn in a year or even longer. Now you're beginning to understand how important safety is to a woman.

This is even without any biological, sociological, or psychological factors. Do any of these come into it? Quite possibly, but I don't even need them to make my point.

So you represent safety and security to women - that's your leverage. You also represent danger and excitement - that's your hook.

as an aside - I have a suspicion that one of the reasons why women don't treat men as viciously as they treat women is because they're afraid of men.

__ROOSTER__ · 2014-03-18T20:27:06+00:00

Yes, agreed. It's pure genetics. Women ARE physically scared most of their lives. Their little monkey brains understand that only the veneer of civilization keeps them from being kidnapped and raped. In fact the only thing that keeps it from happening is either A men protect them, or B men control their desire to take them.

Which B probably has a lot to do with the desire to feminize men.

You wouldn't believe how many women have never been picked up off their feet by a man. In my experience it's like 50%. Lift a girl off her feet when kissing her first time. Pick her up and carry her like a cave man. Pick them up during sex and carry them around. I'll go from missionary to carrying them to the thermostat or to get a glass of water, never coming out of them. Shit hits their lower brain HARD

I used to think "protect" meant physical. I've always had that. I'm strong, I train in combatives, I carry. Later in life I realized as important as that is, LTRs are built from protecting their emotions, their hearts. Make their hearts safe and they will give you everything.

MetacognitiveMan · 2014-03-18T19:28:44+00:00

Well put. I never thought of it that way.

If you don't provide this physical and emotional safety feeling when in an LTR or marriage, then you change so that you do, it can take a long time or never before she recognizes and accepts it.

2014-03-19T03:20:53+00:00

Women never feel safe around me emotionally. I'll say things that are usually insensitive but rarely rude. Most do feel hurt but a good portion do become attracted to me.

I never let them open up, period. Should they have a problem with others, I'm not taking care of it. It's worked well so far.

Rollo-Tomassi · 2014-03-20T15:47:00+00:00

Command Presence: http://therationalmale.com/2011/12/01/command-presence/

dropdeadhalxx · 2014-03-18T19:59:25+00:00

Eh, I think it's more mental. Saying they feel safe means more of if something were to happen they know you would protect them and that you could protect them at all times.

2014-03-19T10:15:54+00:00

I have a nice example of a situation where I made my LTR feel physically and emotionally safe.

A couple of nights ago we were at a crowded bar together, when I see her getting pale and not being as responsive as she normally is. She's a little more prone than average to pass out, so I knew what was up. I stayed calm, and said 'Let's go outside for a minute.' To which she responded: 'No why, I'm fine!' Now obviously, she just didn't want to look like a pussy, so I said 'I just want to go outside with you.' Once there, not even a minute later she almost passed out, but I stayed calm and collected, kept her upright and made her breathe deeply and slowly.

Afterwards she told me, 'I'm so glad you kept calm and protected me, if you didn't I would've passed out in the middle of the club.'

MahlerNinth · 2014-03-19T16:37:04+00:00

Just reinforces the values of stoicism. When you can keep your calm as others lose theirs and get upset, people look at you as a leader, someone who can be trusted and won't do ridiculous shit just because of anger or pressure. And in a relationship, this means you'll be treated with a lot more respect and a lot fewer shit tests.

Being muscular/in shape is essential, of course. But the angry muscular guy who flies into a rage at the slightest provocation is viewed very differently from the one who can keep his calm.

2014-03-20T06:54:36+00:00

This is one of the many "benevolent sexism" beliefs always correlates with higher attraction, contrary to the whole feminist narrative. (Benevolent sexism as opposed to hostile sexism in the 'ambivalent sexism' theory). These stereotypes like "women like to feel safe, they seek a male that can make them feel secure" are POSITIVE stereotypes - women like that feeling, and men like to give that feeling. It's good that women are like that - if you subcommunicate that you understand she is like this, she will appreciate it.

MachiavellianRed · 2014-03-19T19:08:53+00:00

Great post, enjoy the sticky, you earned it. Again, great stuff.

2014-03-22T01:33:26+00:00

If you can't lean on your loved ones when you are having a rough time, what is the point of a relationship? Just shack up with a platonic same-sex friend and be done with it. I think men in general should start doing this.

TaylorWolf · 2014-03-22T04:55:32+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rico_montoya · 2014-03-19T03:02:00+00:00

You make me feel safe = my gina sense is tingling

neveragoodtime · 2014-03-21T22:35:58+00:00

This demonstrates the dual nature of women, and why they carry so much conflict and drama. The bad boys they date aren't safe emotionally, and the femen they date aren't very good protection. Safe physically is a typical alpha trait, something they desire sexually. But these relationships have an emotional danger that many women find attractive as well. Will he call me? Will he break my heart? Safe emotionally is a typical beta trait. She's not afraid of her feelings being hurt because this guy is caring and doting, but it's not going to get her wet. What I hear the girl saying is that she sees the right combination of alpha and beta traits for her to commit to an LTR.

DreamsOfMyFathersPoo · 2014-03-23T00:30:55+00:00

So How Do I concretely convey feelings of safety?

Mrmaxmurder · 2014-03-22T21:58:09+00:00

"Do they walk around feeling in danger all the time? And safe from what exactly?"

I'd like to submit a report a friend was sharing with me. He's a masterful PUA and even with no $ he pulls as many 18 yr old gorgeous exotic models as he wants any day of the week. But he couldn't help but notice that the top 1% have the most self esteem issues, are the most emotionally insecure and go the most batshit crazy. You'd think their extreme beauty would make them confident, but it appeared to be the exact opposite.

He decided to run an experiment... Once he got them feeling relatively safe with him, he started asking the girls if they had ever been molested or sexually abused when they were young. A SHOCKING number of them (I'll have to ask him about the exact breakdown, but def most of them) broke down into tears and admitted yes. Some of them couldn't even remember, they were so young or had blocked the memories. Some of them had never even admitted it to anyone before. Most of the time it was some male friend of the family. Some man who couldn't control himself in the presence of a young innocent 10 and seized his only chance at ever being with a female of that status.

If a man is going to lose all control risk sexually abusing a little girl it's going to be for the top 1%. He's not going to risk it for a girl who's going to grow into a 6 or even an 8. I don't need to get into all the ways being sexually abused as a child affects your self esteem. But this interesting report might explain why the hottest are the most insecure.

And it also shows why men shouldn't resent them for their crazy emotional behavior no matter how devious it may seem and how many shit tests they throw out. These women are suffering and they need an extra strong, stable Alpha to give them security and make them feel safe to overcome their negative experiences with men.

It's men that they need to feel safe from and only a real man can give them that security.

Bodalands · 2014-03-24T01:14:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

foreverfalln · 2014-03-21T23:00:45+00:00

You realize that most women when they say "they feel safe" with their partner they are referring that they feel safe to be themselves, to behave naturally and know its "safe" to let that person into their lives.

2014-03-24T17:35:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	"You Make Me Feel Safe"
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	224
Comments	152
Date	March 18, 2014 6:50 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/20qmu0/you_make_me_feel_safe/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/you-make-me-feel-safe.12764 https://theredarchive.com/post/12764

Comments