Why is only wanting sex viewed as such a bad thing?

recyclablebanthas · 2021-08-21T06:05:44+00:00

1

Why is only wanting sex viewed as a bad thing?

Firstly, questions about a specific girl belong in AskSeddit.

Secondly, while some people may not want casual sex, it's not something we can generalize to all people or even all women.

2

So like a week ago, this girl asked for my number, we hitted things off, but from the beginning I said “I don’t want anything serious” she goes “well I’m looking for a serious relationship” so I go “we can drop it if u want so I don’t waste your time”

So at this point, the girl literally said she didn't want the same thing you did.

This is when you should have screened her out. Trying to pursue casual sex with someone who literally told you that's not what they want, is an invitation for drama.

3

and she said she was ok, so we hang out, we gtk each other, we go on a few dates but then when we have sex she acts like that’s all I want, ain’t that wtf I said?

You literally both told each other that you wanted different things but you still pursued it anyway as if somehow things had changed.

It appears that both of you hoped that the other one would change. You hoped you could get casual sex anyway and she hoped you might change your mind and want something serious.

Both of you were wrong.

mighteymike · 2021-08-19T23:34:05+00:00

Ahh yes, the; i can change him syndrome.

paddywacknack · 2021-08-20T01:33:00+00:00

People are scared of getting hurt.

dasanman69 · 2021-08-20T00:00:53+00:00

How many dates did you go on 'like a week ago'?

milkfig · 2021-08-20T01:57:28+00:00

I think it's the flipside of slut-shaming

They're taught to think of sex for its own sake as something bad and to be ashamed of

Then they're angry when you don't conform to their outdated notions

Ecstatic-Flounder-48 · 2021-08-19T23:57:08+00:00

She’s got an ego and thinks nobody would resist her lol

A_HECKIN_DOGGO · 2021-08-20T01:27:21+00:00

Girls don’t want to be viewed as sluts. If you get in a relationship/ dating someone/ fwb etc. etc., from the guy’s perspective to tell people about it is cool. But for the average girl, talking about it or having people find out would bring a load of undeserved crap their way. So girls, even if they DO want just a physical relationship are sort of forced to always opt out when a guy says it, at least in their minds. It’s just one of those stupid unspoken societal double standards everyone ignores until it pops up.

Deliriousphantom · 2021-08-20T01:03:27+00:00

Ig she's trying to force you into it by going that. Don't do it, you gar your intentions clear from the beginning so don't change them now. If she forces you than drop her off to the streets than move on. Some waste energy on people like that

Cutelittleairstream · 2021-08-20T02:02:56+00:00

Most women tend to sleep with guys based on an emotional connection. I personally believe this comes from values placed on us growing up. Most of the time, we are taught we should only have sex with someone “special” to us or save ourselves until we are in love because sex is for people in love. This mentality and the fact it's taboo for women to talk about sex openly makes it harder to separate the emotional side of a hook-up. From what I gather, this primarily occurs when women have orgasms with their partner. It took me (30F) years to be able to separate the emotions from sex.

Steffieboo01 · 2021-08-20T01:02:09+00:00

As a female myself, we tend to have this mentality that “I can change him,” which is crap, but you did nothing wrong. You told her from the start that you wanted to have casual sex, and she took it upon herself to disregard what you told her. The whole thing about only wanting sex is very gender-based. (From what I see, don’t come for me). I know men who said I only want sex and not a serious relationship, and nobody bats an eye, but once a woman says it’s, everyone calls her a hoe.

Mc_Dickles · 2021-08-20T03:33:06+00:00

I know a few girls that opened up to me about their hoe behavior and because I was the most understanding, they decided to lock the goods behind a relationship lol. I feel like had I went the route of evading the “what are we?” Question like every guy in their lives did, I could’ve had sex, but it doesn’t sit with me well at all. I tried going the honest route and it’s cockblocked me.

You though, got in a worse position of having to deal with a liar who wasn’t actually okay with it in the first place. You didn’t do anything wrong. Some people have these notions and they don’t feel comfortable exploring outside them. Casual sex is one of them. It makes them feel disgusting so they’d rather have the lie of a “loving relationship”, any title really, to feel better about themselves.

But that’s also what’s fucked up. Immature men who’ve spoken their nasty opinions on sexually confident women because they all creepily crave virgins.

You were honest. She wasn’t. Life is all about making mistakes. That was hers.

l337joejoe · 2021-08-20T04:36:53+00:00

She could have liked you a lot and tried to lock you in, I had a girl that I told the same to. We did the deed and then she started coming over almost every day for penis. It was the first week. She then called into work the following Monday (she was a teacher in a neighboring city, poor kids no teacher that day) and I took her to pound town population: 2. We talked and I could see she was trying to lock me in, calling me babe and shit. A few days later I text her to say bye because she was clearly pushing for more, something I didn't want that she wouldn't respect. And she slaps me with the I love you and I'm preganante. She wasn't, and it didn't happen. Shits wild, yo.

somethingrandom95 · 2021-08-20T01:18:32+00:00

Perfect example of why the “not looking for hookups” in the bio is usually BS. They’ll hookup with the right dude. She probably thought after she gave it up you might want to cuff her and she could change your mind. A very female way of thinking

Ecstatic-Flounder-48 · 2021-08-20T01:10:41+00:00

Hey OP, i commented earlier but I came back to tell you that you’re probably one of the least simpy posters on this subreddit for sticking to your guns in this situation. Keep doing what you’re doing 💪🏻

intensely_human · 2021-08-20T03:15:56+00:00

Only wanting sex is viewed as a bad thing by people who consider lying to be a normal way of communicating.

Those are the people you want to avoid.

Sharp_Slide6806 · 2021-08-20T02:26:47+00:00

Because it’s the natural order of relationships. It’s just how things work bro.

ignitedwolf9200 · 2021-08-20T02:30:43+00:00

you were honest. your cards were on the table and she actively ignored them. not your fault.

YoungStarchild · 2021-08-20T08:32:44+00:00

You getting to know her was were you fucked up my boy. She’s trying to hook you in and if she doesn’t get what she wants after fucking you she’s just gonna start bugging. It’s just mind games. She fucked up by not sticking to her standards and letting you fuck right away so thats on her but yea woman can be confusing.

lonehitchhiker · 2021-08-20T12:23:57+00:00

If all you want is sex then don’t date them. Even if you say you’re not looking for anything serious, taking her out on several dates, getting to know each other, etc. is more dating behavior than friends with benefits or one night stand. I struggle with this myself. I’ve got the dating game down but not the ONS game. Good luck and sounds like you dodged a bullet!

jaelythe4781 · 2021-08-20T14:48:38+00:00

You both fucked that up. She knew what you wanted and you knew what she wanted, and you both proceeded anyway hoping the other would change their mind.

This is what immature people do.

BlueCollarSinner · 2021-08-20T03:28:10+00:00

Dude that's the way these women are, you can explain all your wants and needs, they won't listen but you do one thing wrong and they hold it over your head forever. You're correct don't get forced by anyone to do something you're not comfortable doing.

rudebwoy100 · 2021-08-20T02:31:40+00:00

There's nothing wrong with it, she's in the wrong for not sticking to what she wanted. She's more than likely the type of girl who can't be alone and is emotionally co-dependent on men, it's her fault, not yours.

Xia0mia0 · 2021-08-20T14:30:17+00:00

This is a two way street though. You knew what she wanted also.

It's not that it's viewed as a bad thing, it's that sometimes people lie about it or people change their minds or give mixed signals. You should have said "Our goals aren't aligning here so let's drop this." Immediately. It's always the better option, and saves everyone a lot of time and headache in the long run if you take matters into your own hands and be an adult about it instead of saying "This is your decision".

Because people who want something serious always think they can change someone's mind or make them fall in love if they're given enough time.

So, next time, just cut it off from the get go. It's not that it's viewed as a bad thing, you gotta look at it from her angle too. You both should have cut contact in the beginning.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-08-19T23:50:07+00:00

100% normal female behavior.

Get used to it.

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-08-20T04:35:06+00:00

A girl asked for your number??? That’s nuts.

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-08-20T15:02:53+00:00

Here's the difference, she was looking for a partner with whome she could probably build a future with, you were looking for a warm place to cum.

She is not wrong niether are you. You wanted to enjoy sex without any responsibility, it was mistake to assume that your mind would change after you spend time together.

Legitimate-Lies · 2021-08-20T00:56:49+00:00

From a girls POV it’s just being used as a meat pocket.

I’ve met a lot of girls like this. If a girl really didn’t want a non serious hook up she wouldn’t fuck you.

From my experience girls like this are more hassle than their worth. These types will bitch at you for not texting them every day, or not simping and buying them stuff to prove your love.

Schly · 2021-08-20T05:47:18+00:00

I used to do this when I was dating. Very up front, very honest about not wanting anything serious.

It was like the magic phrase to get women.

Even though I was just being honest, not only was it like they didn’t hear me, it was as if it dropped their inhibitions and they gave themselves easily.

And yes, they were ALWAYS upset when it ended, even though I was honest there, too, and never ghosted anyone and was always very kind in the process.

MalibuProducer77 · 2021-08-20T01:54:58+00:00

They opened the gates to this deregulated sexual marketplace and everyone being able to do what they want. Then get their butt hurt when you say hey i am just interested in fucking you.

TheRealAlkemyst · 2021-08-20T02:55:04+00:00

It's not really. What I say is whatever happens happens. As long as we are both having fun and respect each other. It's mostly never failed.

I have had women just approach me for straight up sex as well.

WarezMyDinrBitc · 2021-08-20T04:36:38+00:00

A lot of people will lie and say that they are OK with hooking up or FWB, but really they just want to spend time with you and hope you catch feelings.

geychan · 2021-08-20T05:29:42+00:00

lucky that she isn't on your ass hunting you down dude :))

drubbaaa · 2021-08-20T07:14:21+00:00

Unfortunately, this usually happens this way bc women take it really personal. They think they are rejected. especially if the woman likes the guy, she cannot accept the situation this way.

yashspartan · 2021-08-20T07:34:38+00:00

Imagine having preferences. I feel bad for whoever she dates next.

yahyazed · 2021-08-20T11:53:12+00:00

In the eyes of the majority it is more like seeing the women like a sexual object, wich is false or maybe not idk it depends.

ixma95 · 2021-08-20T12:14:18+00:00

More than being something socially programmed, it’s more about a subconscious thought every woman has because of evolutive and survival reasons, IMO. Traditionally, if they get pregnant that usually meant 9 months of being weak and helpless, so a truly emotionally involved partner was required to take care of her. On the other hand, men can have tons of babys without any further physical implications, which is something that somehow explains our tendency to feel less emotions related to sex. We are still wired as we were 10000 years ago, despite this modern society having changed a lot in no time.

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-08-20T14:41:31+00:00

Stop being such a reactive douche. It’s shittesting bro

AlkalineProdigy · 2021-08-20T15:05:33+00:00

I literally just dropped a chick who only wanted sex a couple days ago. It wasn’t good for me because I couldn’t stay hard. I just wasn’t in to it, emotionally or least alone sexually.

Joe_Doblow · 2021-08-20T16:10:48+00:00

I’ve had the opposite. Asked if I wanted a relationship or sex. I said relationship. She said sorry I was looking for no strings. And unmatched me ha

Inner_Ad4595 · 2021-08-20T16:22:51+00:00

I'm giving you an award because this is the new standard for men.

No_Sprinkles6578 · 2021-08-20T16:41:20+00:00

It’s really only a bad thing if the other person isn’t on the same page of casual sex😂😂

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-08-20T16:44:09+00:00

Wait ma guy.. She actually asked for your number? I need some tips my guy, are you just insanely good looking or how did that happen?

TheBurningStag13 · 2021-08-20T16:54:11+00:00

It is not. I get labeled a fuckrag by women I think are worth the big picture, and I’m not supposed to be hurt by this (or so I’ve been told Lol). So I’d say it’s fair for a guy to play this card as well.

2021-08-20T19:02:28+00:00

It’s obviously not a bad thing but some people view it that way cause some people want at most 3 dates before they fuck. Thinking sex ha a bad thing is a disappearing view. Some people still think it’s a bad thing cause they have a stupid and wrong view or they can’t get any and don’t try to if they can or it’s their Christian belief. I don’t believe sex is bad and I’m a Christian. A lot of girls either see it as a good thing and a dark thing or they are fine with it and want it but they want to wait at most 3 dates. Some girls only want 1 date before she comes over. I always invite a girl over on the 1st date and she comes over shortly after that.

almosteasy1222 · 2021-08-20T21:33:20+00:00

That’s low-value behavior when someone tries to use sex to get you to commit. It’s incredibly disrespectful to you and your Standards. You dodged a bullet!

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-08-20T02:01:01+00:00

Women are weird. Feel like their radar for good or compatible men is often broken. Not saying you are not good. You were at least honest.

2021-08-20T03:55:14+00:00

Biologically women will have a higher investment in sexual interaction considering the following things..

-She’s the one who gets pregnant.

-it’s easier for women to catch STDs.

-a woman is in a very vulnerable position in the bedroom.

-social stigma of promiscuity.

-lowered capacity for paidbonding with increased sex partner count.

-it’s a lot easier for a woman to get sex than it is for a man to get sex, so paired with the increased complexity sex can bring into a woman’s life (unwanted pregnancy, STDs, social shame, lowered capacity for pairbonding etc) sex has higher potential for bringing chaos into a woman and her family and greater social groups life.. EG.. say the institution of marriage was dismantled and women had kids without fathers everywhere. Your greater community would face the psychological and sociological impacts that fatherless homes inflict on the next generation- causing a social degeneration of the greater group.

Guys don’t have to deal with any of this. They deal with the consequences of a socially degenerative society, but they also possess the ability to correct that by being good men and providing/supporting their women and families. Yes there is divorce court, child support alimony etc.. but nothing directly tied to your inate biology. These reasons are probably why casual sex is frowned upon.

YaBoiChillDyl · 2021-08-20T02:38:23+00:00

Christian dogma propagandizing people (especially women) that sex outside of marriage (and relationships) is bad

Arthurmoto · 2021-08-20T05:02:22+00:00

Just my theory, but all women want a serious relationship...they are hardwired for it. Even the women who say they don't, date around, and don't settle down, actually want it. They've just given up because they don't believe there are men who can give them a satisfactory relationship, and that's just because they date nothing but fuckboys...why...because fuckboys give off an alpha type vibe...I say alpha type because really they aren't alpha, just boys who want to fuck around and aren't willing to commit to anything but themselves... very immature. Every woman I've dated who was like this was very relieved to find out that I was looking for a real relationship, and sighed with relief that I didn't want us to see other people. I've done the fucking around thing... it isn't fulfilling in the end, and leaves a trail of damaged women even if they say they are fine with it. Fuckboys just ruin women. Grow up and learn to commit.

2021-08-20T03:47:20+00:00

This is a worthless subreddit to follow. Enjoy 15 year olds.

KingOfNeptune · 2021-08-20T02:53:39+00:00

Because, despite what the mainstream narrative claims, we love in a hyper feminized society in which everything masculine is demonized

ez__mac · 2021-08-20T01:43:23+00:00

My advice would be just to be as sympathetic as you can in these situations. I understand why you do what you did for sure but still be nice to people right? :)

2021-08-20T02:29:17+00:00

Hell nah

reticular_formation · 2021-08-20T11:20:49+00:00

This is because men and women bond in different ways. Women’s bonding hormone gets released during sex, and it causes us to fee emotionally attached (despite what you said). Good job for being a clear communicator. Next time, though, you can avoid this by not banging girls who are looking/hoping for a relationship if you’re not.

prettydirtyboy · 2021-08-20T03:30:25+00:00

Thats why you just lie to women

Sendmeloveletters · 2021-08-20T02:38:12+00:00

When she said she wanted a relationship it was on you as the man to pass, not to pursue her anyway knowing where her line was drawn.

adityaism_ · 2021-08-20T13:39:23+00:00

why would you have sex with someone who said she s looking for something serious. Its not any different from what you are accusing her off If you still went ahead, she assumes you are ok with what she wants.? Why did you assume she just wanted sex ?

Fluffy_Risk9955 · 2021-08-20T08:59:23+00:00

Depending on context if a woman says, “I’m not looking for anything serious”, it can mean she wants something serious and the thought I’m doing that with you has crossed her mind. Same thing when she says: “we’re not going to have sex tonight.” Most of the times it means I want you to initiate sex tonight.

letsgetrandy · 2021-08-20T00:54:21+00:00

It is the nature of every woman to try to change a man, and it is the task of every man to never change. The one who gives in first loses all their power to the other.

Instead of toss her aside, you should have used her up. You were the one with the power. You sacrificed that power by listening to her complaints.

saint-jezebel · 2021-08-20T20:22:35+00:00

You need to leave women alone. Keep your damaged self away from women everywhere. You’re not entitled to a woman’s body. If a woman wants a relationship and you don’t, you need to leave. Not give a choice. Also, you’re not entitled to a woman’s body and leave women alone. Train wreck.

Forgiven29 · 2021-08-20T10:14:39+00:00

Because it's fornication, and many are going to hell because of unmarried casual sex. So that being said, many women/men still have faith, and want to do the right thing by being married first before having intimate relations/sex with another person. In return not going to hell for all the sin that's not being racked up due to leisure sex. Sex confined within married is fine, and pleasing before God's eyes. Sex outside of married will send you straight to the lake of fire.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2021-08-20T03:08:48+00:00

Is not seen as a bad thing. It depends on a lot of things: how do you express yourself, context, intimacy level/connection...

People (specially men) need to work a little more on the reading... read people feelings and “unsaid messages”, understand behaviors earlier. If one got hurt, you both lose.

RagingOakTree · 2021-08-20T03:48:08+00:00

I don’t see anything wrong with it because you told her upfront that you weren’t looking for a serious relationship. The problem is that she thought she could change your mind and get you into a relationship by making you feel bad by “just being with her for sex.” You two wanted different things but it seems she really didn’t care what you wanted.

burncushlikewood · 2021-08-20T04:15:31+00:00

Fear of abandonment, women reach a certain age and want to settle down and get married/have kids, it's not high school or university anymore, and a lot of women are very picky and don't get a lot of opportunities with high quality men, men hunt, women nest. Women crave romance and intimacy, and a one night stand doesn't really satisfy this urge

Santoritime1998 · 2021-08-20T08:55:23+00:00

it's only viewed as a bad thing if you're average and not chad.

anotherburner77 · 2021-08-20T09:07:21+00:00

how’d you escalate/get sex? you just casually mentioned it like it was supposed to happen

JadedGaze · 2021-08-20T09:09:59+00:00

This happened to my FWB with every girl he ever spoke to before me. I told him this;

People expect too much from you. It’s your right as a human being to choose what you want and from whom, and if that isn’t what the other person wants that’s ok. Not everyone wants the same thing. Honesty is the best policy and them expecting and wanting more after you’ve been so upfront is disrespectful to your stated wishes and desires when all you’ve been is completely respectful by being so honest. Your feelings are just as valid as theirs.

My FWB actually stopped bothering with women for just over a year before he met me, because every time he met one they’d completely disregard his wants and feelings for their own and still make him out to be the bad guy when he stuck to what he said in the beginning. Everyone is entitled to want as much or as little as they need at that point in their lives, and if someone says that’s ok and then gets upset that’s on them. As long as you’re honest you’re not in the wrong at all, and her own hurt is on her for ignoring your previously stated preferences and expecting to change you. Also, just wanting sex isn’t a bad thing, at all. Some people want more and that’s ok too, but not being ready to settle down is completely fine. Neither me nor my FWB want anything more than sex because we’ve both learnt hard lessons from the past and don’t want to risk such hurt again. It works great when you’re both on the same page.

Sultmaker_9000 · 2021-08-20T11:47:22+00:00

Mistake is you don't tell women your intentions, if it comes up the best line to use is "I just like to take my time with a woman' its left deliberately ambiguous to create an air of mystery. If you are only interested in casual you work on a 3 date rules, if legs aren't open by then you walk away, if they are, that's on her... the end.

Besides all this, you never take the rubbish that women claim they want with any seriousness.. ever.

sexobvthrowaway7886 · 2021-08-20T13:02:27+00:00

people often say the inverse of what they mean. Nothing happened, i'm happy.

Being unavailable might have made you irresistable.

She tried to prove you wrong. And failed. Now it's your fault you didn't play her game.

Its also the game women play for men, so it isn't particularly wrong of her to assume you to do similar.

In that case, make an accusation audit.

Tell her that you are that exact asshole who only wants sex and means it. And have satisfaction in her getting mad for thinking she was better than you.

Ok-Leather3055 · 2021-08-20T15:02:04+00:00

Because sex is a precursor to having a family.

2021-08-20T17:51:25+00:00

Because it shows a lack of interest in the person as a person. If sex is all the only building block in a relationship it can lead to a weird state that sucks

2021-08-20T18:04:18+00:00

She thought she could change you - I have the same issue right now with a chick who does stick around but I have to remind her when she talks introductory me to her friends and she loses her shit.

StereoFood · 2021-08-20T18:50:16+00:00

Yo my girl said she wasn’t looking for anything serious and now she’s hooked

aldine_jolson · 2021-08-20T21:17:24+00:00

Because its sinful

rollredroll · 2021-08-20T21:28:03+00:00

She knows deep down she is THE ONE to make you see the errors of your ways and groom you to be the perfect husband

Silly-Crow_ · 2021-08-20T22:53:13+00:00

If you just want sex, don’t go on dates. Even if you are only seeing someone for now, you are still connected; that means emotional availability and consistency. Pick one.

Crypto_Dusty · 2021-08-21T00:14:08+00:00

To answer the question, it’s only a bad thing to the discussion for your future wife. But If # of partners before marriage isn’t important to you or who you may seek, I don’t think it is viewed in a bad way and you certainly did nothing wrong this person simply ignored boundaries

ElegantLion93 · 2021-08-21T00:20:28+00:00

As simply an answer to the title, most people don’t come right out with that, and then the other person is thinking they’ll get a relationship, and is left totally clueless when the one that’s just interested in sex walks away.

As for your specific situation, that’s entirely on her.

EscapeVelocity83 · 2021-08-21T03:31:40+00:00

So women can get more for it

Dates take time, effort, and resources. If all you want is sex, why date or even bother relating outside of intercouse?

Title	Why is only wanting sex viewed as such a bad thing?
Author	iamberycteayivehihi
Upvotes	822
Comments	285
Date	August 19, 2021 11:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/p7qcj0/why_is_only_wanting_sex_viewed_as_such_a_bad_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-is-only-wanting-sex-viewed-as-such-a-bad-thing.1277942 https://theredarchive.com/post/1277942

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