Awkward silences 30 minutes in

rich02468 · 2012-08-28T01:15:50+00:00

You need to work on patter/rambling. I'd recommend Day Bang, by Roosh V, as he goes really in-depth about this.

I'll give you an example. The other day I was laying on my couch when the doorbell rang. There was an elderly man who introduced himself.

"Hi I'm Rufus and I do yard care. See this bamboo bush right here? It's overgrown. It grows very fast with this weather, and all this rain. We'd cut that right back, get it about a one foot gap from the house, keep the roots from tearing the foundation apart. See all this junk? We'd tear that out. These little patches of grass on the front walk? We'd burn that out. We'd trim this ivy back and we'd shape these hedges."

He went on for about ten minutes with the most fluid patter I've ever heard, and practically toured me around my own yard telling me what he'd do to it. In that time, I wasn't being forced to come up with conversation, and I went from hearing the bell and wanting to kill a Jehova's Witness to finding a pen and taking down his number. He'd opened the fuck out of me and I enjoyed every minute of it.

My point is, that you should be expected to carry the conversation for the first ten to fifteen minutes. Drop hints like crazy. For example I never say I'm from Long Island, I'll say I'm from the north east.

When I'm asked what I do, I smirk and say "What if I told you I was an unlicensed street pharmacist?" If a girl's an English major, I won't ever tell her I did the same. I'll say that I might look like just another pretty face, but I've read a book or two in my day, and in fact I just finished one "by that Doctor guy." She'll say "Oh really?" I'll smirk and say "Yeah you've probably heard of it. The Cat in the Hat, by Dr. Seuss. I found it kind of challenging, but my mom helped me with some of the big words." (This is dynamite btw) Whatever you want to call it, patter/ elderly rambling/threading: read up on it and work at it. In real life it's called just being conversational and shooting the shit.

Do you see what I just did?

Shpox · 2012-08-28T01:35:29+00:00

Some women are not talkers. I've recently had this with a girl I've been seeing. I'm super talkative. Sometimes I struggle to even talk at an understandable pace because I'm so eager to talk.

This girl loves it but she hardly reciprocates. I stopped talking to her for a bit only to have her come out of her shell a bit saying 'I love talking to you, you're hilarious and I can't wait to see you'.

It's a bit unusual for me as the girls I click with usually share the same sort of eagerness to communicate. This girls responses are usually very 'f-Beta' aka. "No don't say that about yourself or I'm sure you're really great'. Overall very supportive.

My advice is test the waters. Some girls like to just keep to themselves. It doesn't mean they don't like you. I sometimes enjoy it because I find it a challenge to see who they really are deep down inside. Other times, it's just tiresome.

Carbone · 2012-08-28T00:31:08+00:00

sometimes silence work ... And i wish i could speak more fluently english to explain you why !

RedPosterboard · 2012-08-28T06:21:22+00:00

Instead of small-talking you should be trying to genuinely get to know her. That way you'll never run out of things to say.

My feeling is that you spent most of your time building attraction, but did little qualification and comfort-building. Focus on building an emotional connection.

Also, when you feel the interaction is losing momentum and energy, the best way to deal with it is to move them - shift to another venue, or just another position within the same venue.

nobody2000 · 2012-08-28T05:30:58+00:00

Read up on the way that the Chinese and Japanese use silence as a tool of power.

Westerners hate silence. We like to fill in every gap as we present, talk, whatever.

BUT - as a part of the Eastern Cultures, they kind of are programmed to harness silence really well.

Look at any great orator. Look at how they enchant a crowd by frequently using silence.

Since westerners hate silence, moments of awkward silence are great ways to recalibrate, solidify eye contact (stare at her in the eyes and picture either penetrating her soul or her vagina - either one will work), and to take the lead into a new direction.

Silence is only as awkward as you make it. If you can remain comfortable throughout an "awkward" silence (thus not making it awkward) the results will be better than if you had just kept talking the whole time.

Chridsdude · 2012-08-28T02:44:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

aint_nothin_wrong · 2012-08-28T03:54:28+00:00

It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Your body language is the huge majority of your conversation so why not talk with your body during the silence?! It works, I promise.

prodikl · 2012-08-28T07:50:49+00:00

I'd say bounce out or instant-date out to somewhere where you're not both just sitting in front of each other in that high-pressure "make great conversation or die" mode.
Show her that you have things going on in your life, if it's going on long and slowly running out of topics, you could take that chance to leave her with a nice impression of you.
If you don't show intent and physically escalate soon, you might be friend-zoned to her. And you can't really do much of that in a day-time coffee house. So I'd say lock yourself in for a future after-hours meet up, then get going.

AYWMS_NWiam · 2012-08-28T03:50:16+00:00

Silence isn't inherently awkward. I use it to collect my thoughts and bring up a subject I am genuinely interested in. It's always about the next thing you say not the last. The 'salesmen' attribute of being able to coherently ramble about what interests you is good to perfect but it gets old. I work on my ramble when I'm out with someone I'm on the fence about but If I'm genuinely interested then I will put it to them to impress me. You're the target of their affection too, so maybe you don't have enough in common. You made an effort and she didn't or couldn't respond. Not your bad. Ask her out again if you feel like giving her another chance.

dodspringer · 2012-08-28T12:18:52+00:00

Why do people feel it is necessary to talk about bullshit to be comfortable....

kazagistar · 2012-08-28T01:25:46+00:00

Awkward silence is just sexual tention in disguise. This is a good thing, and you should get comfortable just letting eyes and body language do the talking for a while.

dvallej · 2012-08-28T19:54:51+00:00

you could quote the "Awkward silence" scene from pulp fiction, that have save me from a couple of really Awkward silences. but im just talking out of my ass here, im no expert

jerkidiot · 2012-08-29T01:10:48+00:00

I've always kind of operated under the belief that " awkward" as we understand it is fairly subjective. Basically if you remain relaxed and give the impression of comfort and confidence, people will respond well to this.

thecajunone · 2012-08-28T07:35:16+00:00

Wow I haven't been here in a while, is this what seddit has become?

Anyways bro check it. As soon as you feel a silence is becoming awkward snap your fingers, smile at her, and say, "wow isn't it amazing how comfortable silence is? I love it when two people can just sit quietly together". She will eat it up and the silence from that point on will take a completely different meaning to both of you. Psychologically you can anchor her back to that moment any time you feel the need to by snapping your fingers and smiling.

iLoginToComment · 2012-08-28T05:43:31+00:00

Silence is golden. Only Awkward if you think it is.

funshinebear13 · 2012-08-28T08:11:00+00:00

It's all about pressure and dealing with it. Awkward silences build up tension and there are two things I do, I either wait for her to break it and use this as an SOI. or I acknowledge the silence, usually with a joke. "This Silence is killing me." or something lame lol. Usually let her break it and give her some creepy eye contact just to fuck with her :p (only do the eye contact thing if you know she is invested in you!!!)

Pandemiconium · 2012-08-28T01:19:23+00:00

I know where you're coming from. I know it was your first date, but I feel that in order to get to know her better try to engage in a deep conversation. If she hasn't come out of her shell at this point then maybe she's just shallow and shy, neither of which you want. That is unless youre looking for a body to masturbate with. If you're not feeling that, I'd start with why so quiet? If she's into you afterall she should put more effort if you say this.

FittersGuy · 2012-08-28T03:27:10+00:00

I like the line, "gee, you're not much of a talker eh?" with one of your flashy smiles to go along with it. The girl usually opens up a lot more and helps with the conversation.

iLoginToComment · 2012-08-28T05:44:15+00:00

Just reframe it as the other person being boring ;)

Title	Awkward silences 30 minutes in
Author	QuiSINoh
Upvotes	93
Comments	91
Date	August 27, 2012 11:59 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/yxklr/awkward_silences_30_minutes_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/awkward-silences-30-minutes-in.1338034 https://theredarchive.com/post/1338034

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