Any sedditors over 40?

Rafinesque · 2014-04-20T15:07:59+00:00

41 here. I used to think I was an introvert but I figured out a lot of my personality had been controlled by undiagnosed ADHD. Since getting that under control, I have become a huge extrovert. That revelation happened coincidentally the same month my ex-wife kicked me out (That was 95% because of psychological issues she has, and she later spent 18 months trying to get me to come back, but her kicking me out was the best thing that ever happened).

So becoming more of an extrovert didn't immediately translate into meeting women. I actually took about 2 years off from relationships intentionally to get myself figured out. I did start meeting people in general, going to various groups I found on Meetup.com, making friends, going to parties, and various other things (I've never gone to clubs even when I was younger). Some of the friends that I met started running and I joined them. Before I really knew what I was doing and before I was really ready to start dating again, I met a 25 year old woman who I really hit it off with. She had met a friend of mine on Reddit of all places, and started coming to some of the parties that my group of friends has and started running with us. She and I ended up dating pretty seriously for a few months. I'm sure I made a lot of mistakes, it being my first relationship after getting divorced, but we had a lot of fun and are still friends.

I learned a lot from that experience, both what to do and what not to do, although not until it was over and I had some perspective. I found some of these groups on Reddit about halfway through that relationship, but none of it really sank in until she and I broke up. The most important things I've learned so far are:

Get in shape. I ran 12 miles this morning and went to a Crossfit class last Friday. The girl I dated thought I was 33 when we first met and another woman thought I was 30 yesterday. If you're overweight or out of shape, it's going to negate almost anything else you're doing. Getting in shape may also make you more outgoing and less of an introvert, plus help with #2...
You have to have confidence, or be able to act like you do. If you approach women without being 100% confident, they will subconsciously pick up on it and whatever you do will seem creepy or annoying instead of attractive. This is more important than you can imagine. Being super confident can distract from any other shortcomings you have.
Don't be afraid to fail. I've learned a lot from just getting out there and trying different things. I've starting meeting women on Tinder, and even just chatting with some of them has taught me a lot about what works and what doesn't. I have met some of them and had them be interested in me, but I wasn't interested in them. Talk about a confidence boost when you're the one saying "no" to them...

Look for opportunities to join groups where women will be. Check out Meetup.com if you haven't. There are several running groups around town where I live; most of them are more than 50% women, and they are all in shape and mostly younger than me.

I still have some things to work on, but I feel that I've made some huge progress, especially from having been pretty clueless in the past.

Edit: Check this out http://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/23gvy0/its_hard_being_average_my_tinder_experiment/ This just reinforces my point about being in shape and working on your appearance.

One thing I forgot to mention is pay attention to how you dress. Learn how to dress properly if you don't already, and throw out all your out of style clothes and buy new ones. Check out /r/malefashionadvice

Afdavis11 · 2014-04-20T18:02:09+00:00

I'm new to this forum. I'm 51. I've been with someone great since my 40s. When I was 40 I had to start all over again after divorce. Work on yourself, a lot. Get in good shape. Follow all the advice on here. You don't need a wingman. And this "day game" crap is bullshit. You need game 24 hours a day. You don't get to choose when great girls come along. Build a night game, day game, and afternoon game, early morning game too. Your 40+, that's a huge advantage. You should have some confidence by now. You didn't make it to 40 on your good looks. Ask women out! Be kind to women, flirt, talk, laugh, have some fucking fun for a change. Ask women out! If you build some game, just a little, you'll blow these unconfident little boys out of the water. You've also got to build your life so you don't come across as needy. That wouldn't work in your 40s.

You can date 50 year old, 40 year olds, 30 year olds, and 20 year olds. For me, once I built game, 26 was the magic age. Maybe women are ready to settle down, but crap I could only find hot 26 year olds to date. And, they screw like bunnies. But, I really needed to find older women ( for life long happiness). Try getting your gym-game, grocery shopping-game, and party-game together.

Find some younger friends to be wingmen if you want, and go after their dates Moms! Whatever you want. Once you build a little confidence and start asking women out, it becomes your decision. You date whoever the hell you want to date.

Think of what kind of girl you want to date, then think about little things you should do to make yourself more interesting to her.

Strive to be turned down 3000 times per month . . . Bet you can't do it. It's hard to get to know this many women with friendly small talk, it's hard to ask them out. It's also hard to get a firm "no" from a woman. Try this if you prefer. Ask women out on dates till you get rejected 10 times in a month. It has to be a flat out rejection. Not, "oh, but I'm married" or "I'm busy that night", a flat out "no", 10 times. You quit for the month when you hit 10. Bet you can't hit that mark as easily as you thought, as long as you give it a good try. First, get to know them, make small talk, get them to smile, and then, after you see them a few times, ask them out on a date. You might never get to 10. Girls will do anything rather than say no. But, remember, a yes is permission from them to pursue them. That's all. They realize that you're fun enough to play the game with.

Chat, laugh, talk, and ask out every woman. Chat with around 3000 women a month, make flirty chat with 300 of those girls you like, then ask out 30 of those babes you really like out, every month. Do this whether you want to or not. Don't be some kind of unsocial prick. Be nice. You've got to develop some skills in meeting the same woman over, and over, again. Try cashiers, store clerks, waitresses, etc. at first. If you meet a dream girl and are certain you'll never see her again, take the long shot. Never let the long shot go! Take every shot at the right moment. Learn when it is the right moment, not how to pick up women. Have a plan to pick up ALL the women.

You can have sex with a small percentage a month. Maybe you'll only have success with three girls a month, but that'll be 300 percent more success than most guys.

Once you build up some game, remember this. Girls don't show for the first date. They wait to see your reaction to this. If your cool about it, they'll possibly show up for the second try, if you pursue her, which you will. Pursue all the women you want. I was able to set up a first date, have the girls not show up, and get new phone numbers from girls at the place I was supposed to have a date at. Unbelievable what this does for your confidence. You must pursue women. You must be the aggressor.

Make the first date, coffee/drink. You decide if you want a second date. Leave her after only 10 minutes. She'll go crazy trying to figure out why you left early. Ask her out again, if you really like her ( there are some pretty messed up/ needy women out there. Pursue the women you want.

Have some fun and don't get too serious about any of them.

Now, go out into the world and talk to some women. Now! Ask out women that are married if you are really messed up confidence wise. They have to say "no" so don't sweat it. Chat them up like you're here to enjoy life. Make them laugh, make them wonder if you know that they are married. Become good friends with them. Then say" oh shoot, I didn't see your ring" Once you've made them laugh and chatted them up, they'll consider setting you up with their friends, if you're really on your game. But you've got to invest in them as people first. You've got to meet them repeatedly and prove your cool and funny, not needy . . . and confident. You've got to have your life together to interest them. When you see a married woman, or one with a steady boyfriend give you THAT look, you've graduated. She'll give you a quick longing smile. It's the smile of a woman who wishes she could say "yes". That look will put you on cloud nine all day.

Then, if you can confirm that you've built some skills up, move over to some hot single babes. Ask out the "not so hot girls" too. You'll meet women with great personalities. Those babes are gold! Don't over look women with imperfections and don't over look the really hot babes either. No one is asking either of them out, and that should be you.

After a few weeks of practice I was batting about 50%. No shit. Do you realize how powerful a 50% success rate can be? I nearly had to take out loans just to pay for all the dating I was doing. Women rarely say " no" to a date. When I say 50%, I mean 50% agreed to a date. That's just when the real work begins. You've got to pursue women. They play little games, because they don't want to get serious about dating, and dating is dangerous for women. So, be cool. If she gives you a wrong number, or doesn't show up, or even treats you bad initially. Don't sweat it. Be cool and friendly. There are literally are thousands and thousands of great single women out there just waiting for a decent guy to come along.

I once saw a babe in the car next to me driving down the highway and got her to pull over to get her phone number. She avoided the first date, and the second. It never worked out with her, but she contributed to my confidence. Just as important as if we had dated. In fact I had a date with her, the night I met my future wife, a hot 26 year old. I'm really glad she didn't show up. When I met my wife I asked her out for a date the following Thursday, because that was the first night I had free. When my future wife figured that out, she freaked out. :-)

Go out and start chatting with women, do it in a flirty, happy kind of way. Be the great guy they are looking for. They have no idea what your past was like. You can be as confident as you want! You're brand new to them. Go, go now! Build your life back up and start being friendly. If a woman is friendly back, ask her out!

Ask them ALL out. Pursue the babes you want. As long as you're nice and are clear that you want to date them. You're golden!

Good luck, and PM me after you start dating. I'll have more advice then. You've got plenty of work to do. And I guarantee it'll work. This will work at any age, so, get to it.

Go ask women out!

HappyJerk · 2014-04-20T14:50:23+00:00

The only advice I can give you is to own the fact that you're old. Dress nice, take care of yourself, etc... A lot of chicks are into older men, but there is nothing creepier than an old guy trying to act like he is young.

newlife9 · 2014-04-20T21:51:18+00:00

39 here and 40 is only months away. I can relate to your post, and I have been working like a mad man to better myself for the last year. I started with long walks while listening to motivating podcasts like joe rogan, the new man, and hardcore history (for hobby/interest), this led to doing weekly goals based on health, fitness, relationships (example 10 push-ups, which few to now 50 in am and 50 in pm). Books that have been helpful: models (forgot full name, pick up book), Way of the Seal (mark devine), mindfulness in plain English, and how to communicate without talking. No more porn as I want to get in touch with natural drive and been meditating. As of now, lost a ton of weight, put past issues to bed and developed a better sense of what I want out of life. These reddits have given me a ton of resources as well. Good luck!

Mouthpiece · 2014-04-20T16:26:48+00:00

First of all, game works at any age. You probably do have to make some adjustments, but the basic principles will still apply.

Focusing on day game is probably not a bad idea. At least, avoiding the club scene is probably a better idea.

However, don't overlook possibilities of social circle game, because at your age, you probably have at least the ability to develop a extensive social networks filled with women who are potentially datable.

Remember that the older you get, the further down you can go in terms of age. A 20-year-old can't date a 10-year-old, but a 43-year-old can surely date a 33-year-old.

You can develop social circles based on activities and hobbies, and even around your profession. I wouldn't date from the same workplace, but it ought to be possible to date someone in your field from another company.

As far as standard day game, the usual principles will apply. Grocery stores, bookstores, and the like may will work well.

You may want to give online dating a try. Don't make it your only strategy, but you can surely keep a net in the water and see what develops.

By the way, don't totally write off your married male friends as wingmen. Many of them will want to live vicariously through you, and will be happy to help you hook up, especially if they know potentially available women who might be a good match for you.

Good luck!

Edit: spelling/grammar.

EatsAllNearbyPies · 2014-04-20T21:15:09+00:00

You have got to get this in your head a nd keep it there. As a man in your 40s, you are in your fucking prime. You are what everyone else wants to be. You are dominant.

dixiedownunder · 2014-04-20T17:00:31+00:00

I'm 37. I lived abroad from 27 to 34, then lived in America from 34 to 36. I'm fit, good job, money in the bank, well-travelled, but the quality of women I met was very low. I left again and have moved overseas. This was the biggest factor. I think the odds are against us there.

aceshighsays · 2014-04-20T14:56:32+00:00

Issues like: low energy; shitty health (I actually have fucking arthritis)

Eat healthy and start exercising.

cbtrn · 2014-04-20T16:39:37+00:00

40 here. Women regularly think I'm in my late twenties. Last night I went to a house party after many months in the hospital and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to handle it but I am happy to say I k closed two hot girls in their late twenties (one is a yoga teacher and the other girl a lawyer who graduated from Harvard law) and would have f closed one of them if the owner of the house didn't walk in on us. Ha ha.

jason_stanfield · 2014-04-20T18:34:01+00:00

I'm coming back to this thread later. This sounds just like me.

Dragontitz · 2014-04-20T19:32:00+00:00

i hope when i'm 40+ i can have enough money to be a sugar daddy

oldbhoy · 2014-04-21T04:28:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2014-04-21T13:17:37+00:00

'Grey Game' is different from gaming in your 20s, no question.

While many of 'game' tenets remain, men and women are at very different life places than 'kids'. So both strategy and tactics must adapt. No one gets to their 40s, 50s and 60s without 'baggage'. It's all in how you handle it.

I am 63, divorced, have children, a business and a very complicated life. Yet, I still go out and run an adapted game and do quite well with women.

leodoestheopposite · 2014-04-22T06:09:05+00:00

I'm 52 and I am having the time of my life!

I am very fit thanks to r/fitness, I have the best body of my life, with nice biceps, V-shaped torso, and the abs slowing making their way slowly. I also eat very healthy partly thanks to /r/fitness too. and I have energy to spare.

Like you many of my friends are married, and I do hang out with them a lot, I also live in a house in suburbia where everyone is married and with kids. I hang out with my married friends a lot, BBQ parties and all; and there's always some single woman, either divorced or... there are the married people's daughters in their 20's.

I am also social in my industry, and I volunteer at a couple of non-profits.

So about once or twice a week I am at some industry event, and once every weekend I am at a non-work social event. I meet people and people meet me; I also practice what the kids in here call DayGame, when I am out and about I talk with everyone and anyone, male or female, young or old, ugly or good looking; the point is to meet people.

And I am an introvert as well, and my dating life is pretty busy. Like you I've come across PUA/Seduction about a decade ago, it has helped a lot, but in the past couple of years, part due to the fact that I've been doing this for so long that I've got really good at it, part I attribute it to my new very fit body, I am on a roll; without even trying, I get new prospects every week.

1nf4m0uz · 2014-04-20T14:50:42+00:00

The only thing I could suggest to you is online dating. Day game at 43 is gonna be unfavorable for you albeit possible. But if you really wanted to, attend social gatherings or any public places where people come and go. I don't know if you want someone of similar age or younger. Depends on the age of girls you want really.

Ciderglove · 2014-04-21T00:48:05+00:00

43 is not old, for the love of god.

2014-04-20T16:21:58+00:00

I'm 39 and left a long dead end relationship. It took a long time to even want to start dating again. Being older is not even a factor most of the time. I was on plenty of fish for a couple of months and dating girls from their 20 on up. I think they look up to us as more mature and financially stable. I had to learn how not to be a bitter old grouch.. how to get out of my own head, out of my fears and self doubt. It's a process, but so damn worth it. Women are so much fun!

bilabrin · 2014-04-20T17:49:36+00:00

"; coming off as a creepy/cranky old man; etc. I'm pretty sure I'm just making excuses for myself to avoid taking action, but I've got to admit that it seems harder to get motivated at this age. I just feel old, and hitting on women feels kind of ridiculous."

Body language is unfakable...mostly. If you feel that way it comes through. So....get that out of your head. Talk to more people. Smile, and after enough positive interactions in a given day just go out to have fun. You'll be carrying the success you had with others in a non-romantic frame into your new conversations. That will show through and when you see the girl you are talking to reacting in a positive manner....well you should know what to do from that point.

I'm not forty yet but getting close. Older guys are smoother, more successful and don't forget daddy issues.

knewlife · 2014-04-20T17:55:20+00:00

I'm 44 and wondering if I'll ever get serious with someone again. I think about being with someone all the time. I was married for 13 years and never saw myself as a single guy.. but that's who I am. I've put on 30 lbs since the separation (in '10) and feel every bit of 44. I need to lose that weight and get to my usual 170 because the fat changes my appearance so much. I hide behind a beard but it makes me look more like old Jim Morrison than the younger version (I've been told that more than once). As you know, young Morrison was an attractive guy and I am not a hopeless case. Some guys are hopeless in that department. At least I have my looks as an advantage. I've also been called arrogant by some women and I don't identify with that at all. I am not arrogant. I hope to eliminate this misconception so women will get to know me better. That's all I have to write. I just hope to find the right woman and get on with life

peg_leg · 2014-04-20T20:45:30+00:00

43, looking for ways to have my wife more interested in romance.

Starfish_Symphony · 2014-04-20T23:40:27+00:00

Put pr0n on hold. The day/night/pjs game stuff is bunk. Treat every woman as if she were your aunt, cousin or sister -until there is a clear signal to move in. Look in her eyes when you speak, she will make it pretty clear. Smile with genuine interest in the world around you. Not every female is going to be interested, just by the way we are wired -no big deal. Ask open-ended questions, shut up and listen. Keep body comments to a minimum but inquire about her style, tastes, and dreams. Be on your way to someplace you want to be -hopefully with her. Have a purpose or dream you are working on -and be sincere about it. Your personal style needs to reflect how your preferred taste in women like their guys to dress. No more scraggly-ass facial hair. Get yourself and wear a nice suit once in a while. Defer to being polite, but stand on your own two feet. Good shoes, grooming and simple eating habits. Learn how to talk to older women in a non-sexual, flirty manner. These women are a gold mine of experience and advice and while not always good... they have daughters. Practice your tact in conversation and parlor games. At this advanced age, NEVER be the first to arrive or the last to leave. About three thousand, seven-hundred, and eighty-four other things as well. Good Luck.

AJRexworth · 2014-04-21T01:44:55+00:00

I'll be 41 in a couple months.

I feel like most of the issues you've listed can be solved by simply going to a gym 3-4 times a week. or Yoga, or cross fit. You'll feel/look better, have more energy, have more motivation, and have more confidence. I can't comment on the arthritis but Im sure you can find a trainer who can help you with that. Eating well also does wonders and might be more important that the gym.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2014-04-21T03:36:21+00:00

Kudos on your life.

No seddit-related info to add, but I will give you this tidbit:

A buddy of mine is a 42 year old introvert and he gets more women than anyone I know. Since I've been hanging out with him over the past 6 or 7 years, he's been with women half his age and women older than he is. He's not successful by any means (he typically works in kitchens for next to nothing), and he doesn't do anything special to take care of himself or wear clothes that would even slightly resemble anything fashionable. If you saw him on the street, you might even think he's homeless because he wears the exact same camo pants and dirty t-shirt every day. But he's always with damn attractive and (usually) intelligent women!

His secret? Not really sure. I know he's an honest, trustworthy guy who speaks only when he has something worthwhile to say and manages to balance self-respect/fairness with kindness on a regular basis. He follows his passions, live simply, and does things that women find interesting. He's also not afraid of making a move or making his kinkiness known. He is calm, collected, and confident...but not at all in an projected alpha sort of way. If he breaks up with a girl, he just moves on without a real worry other than hoping they live well without him. He clearly differentiates immature, fun jokes from actual maturity. He's always the last to impose his problems on anyone. He's an interesting guy who doesn't need seddit to get by. He's a natural I guess.

My point though is that age doesn't matter a lick.

Good luck on your journey.

locotx · 2014-04-21T04:15:00+00:00

It's a "no bullshit" time. Just show interest and your intention. Many woman will be flattered, some will be offended, but you'll be surprised how many women are just dying for attention and some "fun". Remember the women at your age, are looking for what you are looking for too. Keypoint is that many women are in the same boat as you so flirting and mature intentions right off the bat are not off limits, but you have to present them in a playful mature way. One more thing, you are grown ass man, no need to prove anything or impress anyone, remember that to hold your confidence. Good luck with your game.

jblzk · 2014-04-21T08:01:46+00:00

Saved

__Cyber_Dildonics__ · 2014-04-20T15:00:34+00:00

First just by the fact that you keep emphasizing your age makes me think that you don't feel the skills here apply throughout your whole life, or that age is a limiting factor for men.

It's as if you aren't aware that women age too. Are you wanting 20 year old girls?

xzakit · 2014-04-20T20:36:57+00:00

Youre getting to the Clooney years!

test_tickles · 2014-04-20T17:03:02+00:00

i joined this subreddit so that i could learn how to interact with and control a room better. i have to give presentations and win people over to my ideas, i needed to know how to work that better. i don't really care for the act of sex.. i like a romantic relationship with a girl, just not the sexual part.. so i just live alone to prevent any more confusion in my life. i'm currently really good friends with a lesbian, it fullfills my need for the romantic part..

Mo_Lester69 · 2014-04-20T14:29:06+00:00

Title	Any sedditors over 40?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	162
Comments	101
Date	April 20, 2014 2:19 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/23ien3/any_sedditors_over_40/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/any-sedditors-over-40.1369518 https://theredarchive.com/post/1369518

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