Tinder and OkCupid have helped me meet many great women. Outside of these apps, my real world confidence, feelings of self worth, and motivation for self improvement have all plummeted. Seeking help from the wise minds in this sub.

joshsway · 2014-07-30T21:46:20+00:00

First of all nothing is wrong with meeting and banging women online. You are already well ahead of the game given many guys here don't bang any women anywhere.

With that said, I understand what you are feeling. I am big into online dating and sometimes it's too easy to get sucked in and go on 5 dates a week given how easy it is to get laid and have a good time.

However, this shouldn't be hurting your game outside of online, it should actually be improving it.

I suggest just prioritizing going out in real life and getting back into the gym a little more. Start small... reserve weekends for going out with friends (no online dates) and schedule dates after you go to the gym.

End of the day though, meeting and banging girls online is helping your game.

Fuck_Dacts · 2014-07-30T22:35:48+00:00

I'm on the same quest mate. I have had the opposite experience with online. It has given me confidence around women and abundance mindset. I have done a few small approaches, just a hi and quick chat. I am in no hurry to jump in, every week I just try a little harder. With tinder I can have regular sex with a variety of girls and that has given me abundance mindset. Now I'm looking more for girls that I find attractive and have common interests. I could find them eventually through online or I could go to the places I like and talk to them there. Keep at it :)

themanbat · 2014-07-31T00:49:41+00:00

Tinder and OKCupid are just tools in your toolbox, and they are far from your best tools. You can contact more women then you normally would be able to, and women that you know are looking for some romance, but those contacts are of much lower quality and yield a much smaller return than in person approaches. Online I have to send out at least a dozen contacts before I get a reply. An in person approach will get me at a phone number at least a quarter of the time. It takes no balls to approach a girl on line. It takes real guts to approach a stranger, so when you do it, the girl will acknowledge that you're something out of the ordinary.

If you see a hot girl you'd like to date, walk up to her and make your play immediately. The longer you wait the more psyched out you'll get.

Also remember there's more to life than women.

modern_centurion · 2014-07-30T23:28:40+00:00

Take a week off. Don't masturbate. You'll start to feel motivated to approach women. Google "charisma on command" and read the article on fear.

One more thing, bro. If girls are willing to bang you on Tinder, hotter girls want to bang you off the street - IF you can work up the nerve to approach. Yeah, you'll probably get rejected a few times, but it only bothers you as much as you let it.

riffdex · 2014-07-31T01:46:52+00:00

You probably reached the point where you are too dependent on Tinder and just need to cut it out and focus on your real life game. Trust me, I went through the same thing. Used to stick to Tinder, nice bc you can get an easy lay but still requires skill and is a challenge. It's fun and exciting and it cuts out some of the bullshit. But I decided I would rather hone my real life game and just stopped checking the apps. It got less and less fun using apps. I would rather have the thrill and excitement of approaching and developing a mental and physical connection in more natural settings.

Dating apps have created many strong relationships and marriages, but most of the women you are going to meet in life are going to be real life interactions. You cannot neglect this segment. Consider the fact that most women you meet in life are just a few seconds of interaction. If you have just a few seconds to prove yourself to a woman, you will want to have as much practice in the area as possible.

WhatIWannaSay · 2014-07-30T23:09:00+00:00

As /u/joshsway said there really isn't anything wrong with meeting girls online. But its great that you're being self-aware and you understand yourself well enough to improve yourself.

I really hate giving out book recommendations because they usually get downvoted and they don't read the book. But there is a free eBook called "Flinch by Julien Smith". Laziness is synonymous with resistance toward a certain project or whatever you want do. He personifies resistance and gives you practical out of the box advice.

So this may sound weird and point less but I want you to go up out of your chair and go to your kitchen and pick up a mug. Once you pick the mug up I want you to throw it on the fucking ground so you can watch is smash into 1000 tiny, jagged pieces. I bet you hesitated before you threw the mug didn't you? The hesitation you feel is resistance. You feel resistance in multiple forms. You feel resistance when you wanna go talk to that special girl, you feel resistance when you want to finish writing that essay, you feel resistance when you want to call that dreaded family member. And in your case you say you feel resistance when you want to meditate, workout, or whatever self-improvement exercise you want to do.

So I want you to pick up the mug again and feel that resistance and see it for what it is... All it is is just a fucking emotion holding you back and throw the fucking mug on the kitchen floor as hard as you fucking can. Once you throw that mug you may feel a sense of disbelief... You may feel even serene I bet you'll have a feeling that you caused the mug to break and you went against you emotions! You didn't die. No one is going to call the police on you for dropping a fucking mug. God isn't going to smite you for dropping a mug. So what you got is a new experience!

This is what sprinters, marathon runners, hockey players, and other athletes do. They say fuck my silly pain and they just FUCKING GRIND. Olympians get up in the morning and I bet every time they get up at 4 a.m. they feel a steel ball in their stomach, they start dripping sweat, and dread that blaring alarm clock. BUT, regardless they get the fuck up and grind they're fucking ass off, no matter WHAT the fucking obstacle is. What did they change? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nada. They just made the clear cut decision to get out of their bed when that alarm clock rings and put on their clothes on and get their fucking work done.

That's it.

2014-07-31T02:13:01+00:00

Really? Ive had 0 luck with these apps. Im not photogentic enough to get anyone interested.

dbwhrsd · 2014-07-31T04:38:39+00:00

Fake it till you feel it. Do things that make you feel confident, start working out. Become more educated and cultured. Minimize your free time. The more time you spend active and engaged, the less time you have to beat yourself up over things.

throwawaymuffeater · 2014-07-31T02:29:16+00:00

Fuck ALL of the other advice. Dont masturbate for two weeks. No porn. No weed. Focus your energy on being productive and after 3 days youll notice your motivation sky rocketting.

pinepineappleapple · 2014-07-31T05:48:45+00:00

Gotta ask. How are all of you getting such great success with Tinder? I get a shitload of matches but they never respond. I've gotten laid like 3 times over 7 months, through it.

Groverfield · 2014-07-31T12:05:05+00:00

meh, least it's working for you... I gotta work out my game, cause I hardly get much response :(

figyg · 2014-07-31T00:14:34+00:00

One of my mentors helped me out with this one. She told me to tell 10 women "bitch, I'm going to fuck you in the ass so hard you're going to Fucking cry"

10 women later I found approaching to be quite effortless. I found myself talking to women was a good escape from the anxiety I got from telling them I was gonna fuck them in the ass so hard they'd Fucking cry

MacFatty · 2014-07-31T00:02:16+00:00

See cute girl irl, imagine 'swipe right awww yea' and assume she thinks you are at right worthy. Then approach and be like 'hey, I wanted to say I think you look great, and maybe you'd wanna grab a coffee some day?'.

Or something..

throwawaynodos · 2014-07-31T01:42:29+00:00

I'm guessing you're living in LA, right?

NYCkingpin · 2014-07-31T03:43:04+00:00

OKCupid sucks. Tinder or POF are better

chaldeanrefuge · 2014-07-31T05:23:25+00:00

You have to find the reason you want to improve yourself. Improving yourself for women is not the right motivation so what would it take to motivate you? Better health? A healthier more peaceful mind? More financial success?

pmid85 · 2014-07-31T07:50:12+00:00

get off the internet as fast as you feel is comfortably possible

2014-07-31T08:30:53+00:00

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NAILGUNSODOMY · 2014-07-31T09:38:42+00:00

I asked a question EXACTLY like this yesterday. Thanks for phrasing it better OP.

gigitygigitygoo · 2014-07-31T13:42:19+00:00

Assume rapport. Not attraction but rapport. This should help ease the pressure and with practice, speaking with a stranger whether its a grocery clerk or chic will become stress-free.

Assume every person you encounter is a friend therefore you can skip the dull pleasantries.

I've been in sales for years and this is what helped me and countless others as written in numerous books.

StupidWes · 2014-07-31T14:38:43+00:00

Inner game. Im going to say it again because of it's importance. Inner game. That is where you need to start studying next, it's the self improvement part of this sub, and is the most important.

mirrorsyndrome · 2014-07-31T00:10:26+00:00

I have gotten a few matches on tender but never any replies :( what am I doing wrong?

evergonitenitenigga · 2014-07-30T22:41:06+00:00

I've met tons of great looking girls through these apps. Banged a lot of them.

No you didnt. otherwise you wouldnt be asking the internet for advise. your "real world confidence" have plummeted? im assuming you're banging these great looking girls online too?

you can lie on the internet, but you cant lie to yourself.

40Watts · 2014-07-31T01:23:35+00:00

Focus more on personal interests and hobbies. Women should not be your first priority.

princenotsocharming · 2014-07-31T06:46:24+00:00

Dont have any advice for you just came here to say that we are all fighting the same demons. Don't give in you are almost there.

TdeG76 · 2014-07-30T21:33:22+00:00

In some ways it is no different than prostitution. You aren't seducing them, you happen to be good enough to fill their needs that they are looking for and you know it. Do you have any hobbies, do you do anything other than pickup?

1) Hit the gym (something I have to do) 2) Take up a hobby (Might I suggest improv or a martial art) 3) Take up another hobby to make sure it is social 4) Work on your inner game, one thing I am looking at doing again is the stylelife challenge. 30 days of challenges to help your ability to engage strangers. 5) Actively acknowledge your life victories in what you do every day, be it school, working our, hobby or work and use those to amp yourself up. 6) Stop thinking about banging girls. Seduction isn't about the fuck at least in my mind it shouldn't be about the fuck, if it is, leave it, make enough money to hire a hooker once in a while. Seduction is about engaging someone, breaking down barriers to understand them and convince them and their friends that you are qualified to satisfy them. This is a modern "how to win friends and influence people".

my dollars worth of info.

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