Anyone else good looking but bad socially?

magicboy9 · 2016-12-20T20:52:13+00:00

You're bad socially because you haven't got a solid personality. You haven't got a solid personality because you haven't developed inner game.

The way to develop inner game is to start looking into self-improvement. Read more. Hit the gym. Improve clothing style. Join a club (sports, book, whatever interests you).

Inner game comes from a confidence of having something going for you, or having a solid life narrative that is unflappable to the whims of your friends and family.

NorrisChuck · 2016-12-20T19:17:32+00:00

Yes, 6'2", fit, former model here, can relate.

AnUnknown · 2016-12-20T20:32:24+00:00

It's all you, man. Cliche as it sounds, and is, it's true. You will never find a real connection going out of your way to find a "not you but better" to introduce to the world.

But I'm going to take a step back, first. What do you want? You say you've had lots of sex, but your friends have better hook ups. What does better mean in this context? Hotter girls? Better sex?

Same question, but about relationships. You say your friends have better relationships. What does that mean in this context?

Do the 'better hook ups' align with the 'better relationships' or are those two completely different definitions of success?

If you want hotter girls, more first night sex, etc. that's where the bulk of "Seduction" material is strongest. Mystery is all about this kind of stuff, so the first half of The Game covers it in relative depth. It mostly boils down to A) make an impression, doesn't have to be positive or negative, just needs to be an impression, B) be unashamed of your desires and intent, and C) it's all a numbers game, if you blow out, try again with someone new. I think Mark Manson's stuff is similar, though I'm less familiar with it.

You're young, so I'm going to assume you're not in "searching for a soul mate" mode. If you are more looking at building strong, lasting relationships with quality women, the suggestions change. You start looking at where you're meeting women, how you set yourself up with them in conversations, etc. I'll boil it down simply to, you have to know yourself better and be more "you" than when trolling for sex, as you're aiming for someone who likes you when you're "off" and "just you," as opposed to aiming for someone who likes you right now.

Al3s · 2016-12-20T19:48:44+00:00

I'm sort, ugly and obnoxious. I can relate.

V4refugee · 2016-12-20T20:15:47+00:00

Find a good girl even if she's not the hottest. Girls are more forward when they see you with another girl. If you're out of her league she will constantly give you an ego boost. You'll also learn how to treat a girl right. Practice and soon you'll be more confident being around hotter and hotter girls. You might even realize what you really want from a girl.

slippstroke · 2016-12-20T21:04:26+00:00

Yeah I'm similar. I'm 6ft got good hair, clothes and I've got some muscle, hitting the gym more though.

I can hold a conversation okay, I don't make an amazing first impression, I'm pretty quiet in groups unless I know most of the people. I'm working on my inner game with the gym, reading, improving my career. If I'm in a confident mood I get on with people well but I can easily be in an antisocial mood as well. I really need to work on sustaining a sociable mood a bit more and also need to connect with people better, at the moment I just always small talk.

Some people just naturally have charisma, one of my friends does. He is a complete lady-killer, he's good looking as well which obviously helps.

One of my other friends is charismatic because he's in a band so has heaps to talk about and is confident. He is interesting, he's not good looking but is always socialising, doing exciting things.

The lesson here is that you may not have the charisma yet but you can improve your own by making your life more interesting, being more sociable. Both of these increase your confidence as well and give you more to talk about.

PaitItNeon · 2016-12-20T21:22:27+00:00

Girls say i'm cute all the time but the thing is that i can't tell if they are serious or if they're just fucking with me.

CleanWholesomePhun · 2016-12-20T21:47:49+00:00

I had a similar situation... I just practiced at being better socially. To be less shy I tried to be as charming as possible in low risk situations. This meant chatting up all the lunch ladies in the cafeteria at work, being super nice to strangers and generally trying to make the day of any cashiers and waiters serving me. I never actually hit on them, I just try to think "what would turn this into an actual human interaction, instead of us mindlessly dealing with each other".

tracenator03 · 2016-12-20T22:27:50+00:00

You sound exactly like me besides the fact that you've actually had sex. I'm so awkward I've never even kissed a girl yet and I'm 19. It could be worse.

JFMX1996 · 2016-12-20T22:49:48+00:00

I'm 5'3, which for a long time I assumed was the reason I put off girls. I'm really in shape, have Grecian physique ideal proportions, am lean, and carry clean cut hair and pay attention to my style. I actually get a lot of approaches from girls but I put them off when I open my mouth because we just simply can't relate to each other.

I'm a pretty conservative guy, I'm trying to join the military and am going to college first. Since I was a kid I've sort of had this no bullshit mentality and I only let in people I found to be exceptional or simply showed potential as friends that would push me to better myself and them. Same with girlfriends. I never cared for shallow relationships, I had few friends but each one was extremely loyal.

I think due to this sort of isolation I became very quiet and almost unused to interacting with people unless through social media. I cut it out completely a year ago and have been working on myself a lot as a person and building up my mind, confidence, and so on.

I've managed to work on it but it still is a work in progress. I notice now I actually have way more in depth conversations with girls and have shaken off the old "nice guy" vibe I used to have of always trying to please them and make a good impression. Now I'm just myself and it's helped a lot.

I strongly believe it's all in developing your personality. "Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself." Forgot where I heard that quote, but I really found it to be true.

t1mman · 2016-12-20T21:08:07+00:00

At 18 you are not wasting anything, you are learning. Social skills are learned. Get someone to coach you a little bit, grow confidence, learn about social interaction and try shit out. Don’t be too hard on yourself and get going.

richie0777 · 2016-12-20T21:25:25+00:00

Can relate. Won't go into too much detail but essentially over a 2 year period I got really fit from working out but also started suffering from severe social anxiety.

My suggestion is keep with hanging out with cool, social guy friends who understand you're awkward and help you out during social situations. It'll help you be more comfortable as you learn to be more social and give some good examples to go by.

ForeignInUsA · 2016-12-21T00:27:11+00:00

Just go out and meet people. I found lots of wings at the RSD inner circle in my city. Yes also improve your life, but don't listen to western society saying you need money, a good job, etc., just keep working on yourself while improving your social skills. Reading and learning are great, but social skills are a thing of their own too. The only way you can learn is by putting yourself in more stressful situations every day. Literally try to talk to a new person, cold approach, etc. I am also good looking and tall, but before I became social the kids at middle school probably had more game with girls than me. I was literally the quietest person, only being hyper active around very close friends. When I realized I could do that everywhere now people love it. Just go out and have fun, bring love everywhere, even girls who have boyfriends will thank you for bringing value. Example: Recently I approached some cougars at a bar with a Heinz mustard. He was my wingman and they loved it, didn't go anywhere, but it was the funniest shit ever.

P.S. I believe that social anxiety is heavily based on being unhappy with your current life. I used to have anxiety when I just spent all my time working on school projects. I know a lot of people would argue this, but I truly believe that a big chunk of anxiety comes from the life we lead which is based on our decisions as opposed to just how we are.

KarloCali · 2016-12-20T23:04:25+00:00

Yeah. 17 year old 6'3" guy here. I work out and have a great body (not just my opinion, I've been told). I'm also pretty good looking and have a nice hairstyle. Anyway, even though I'm nailing it with my looks, I have social anxiety and have never actually been in a relationship or even kissed so that's pretty sad ngl. Started coming out of my shell bit by bit recently so I have high expectations for the upcoming year.

oldsoulcole · 2016-12-20T23:09:52+00:00

I can definitely relate. I remember when I first started getting attention from the ladies but I still wasn't quite where I wanted to be with them. My own mother told me "You're handsome son, it's just...your personality isn't." lol

DaygameCoach · 2016-12-20T20:16:31+00:00

I'm old, short, bald, and chubby, and worked on my game until I became very good at it. Read all the sidebar help and go out often to open sets and talk to tons of women. Read Superflirt and Superdate for body language reading and help.

XtremePeace · 2016-12-21T00:02:31+00:00

That's me for the most part. Improving little by little day by day, in the end it's much.

Jay_Three · 2016-12-21T00:05:46+00:00

Sometimes, I have good years and bad years, last few months have been good though so I'm entering a good period!

Jhinn11 · 2016-12-21T01:22:03+00:00

I'm a late bloomer so i was never interested in girl till I hit 18 and all of a sudden I got all this attention, forcing me to work on my personality. So I think we both can relate op

ocantu1987 · 2016-12-21T01:39:03+00:00

yeah man, a friend told me "why the hell im a no-pussy-getting-motherfucker, you dont take advantage of your good looks."

Unlike you, ive been laid only twice :(

takemeplaces · 2016-12-21T10:10:48+00:00

You must be OK if you've already had 'lots of sex' and you're only 18. Don't worry about it!

phuckz · 2016-12-21T12:51:02+00:00

Hit the gym hard enough so that girls approach you. Even if you're good looking you can improve your appearance a bit more.

werrt1234 · 2016-12-21T14:20:10+00:00

People told me they found me really hot except I messed it up by talking. Still haven't fixed it and idk how

BlackStarFamous · 2016-12-20T20:00:21+00:00

I had the same issue. Then some guys took me under their wing and taught me how to be a PUA. Look into that, read a book called The Game by Neil Strauss and immerse yourself into that world, youll figure out who you are after that

MindsEvolve · 2016-12-20T21:58:55+00:00

Alright, so you've read enough posts to know that it's possible to get better at being social. What you really want is higher quality dates. Technically, you don't even know if your social skills are what's stopping you from doing that. Generally speaking, to get from point A to B, you need an engine, and the engine is in your brain. The gas for the engine is belief. Belief that you can do it. Belief that you deserve it. I would also stress the importance of inner game, because that's how you pump up your belief levels. Google how to do affirmations. You can also use the cube as a practice game to improve social skills: http://www.getinhermind.com/sure-fire-routines/five-minute-personality-test-the-cube

PM me if you need help with any of that

lavahot · 2016-12-21T03:05:03+00:00

I'll just leave this here: https://youtu.be/-pr-xzajQo0

REDx4 · 2016-12-21T05:06:50+00:00

Yeam, i hear you bro.

Aeon199 · 2016-12-21T05:28:06+00:00

No guy below 6 foot is good looking anymore?

The way you guys write it here, it's as if a guy just 5'9" and average looking wouldn't have a shot in hell of ever having no-strings sex.

Tell me that just ain't true, alright? I need that confidence.

Sakura48 · 2016-12-21T07:08:29+00:00

Myself: 5'9 (very tall in my country), athletic body, above average face (has clog pores but I dont care), well read, know how to cook,..But dog shit social skills resulted from years living in mom's basement is still preventing me from getting result. Guess I have no choice but keep trying.

CalebEWrites · 2016-12-21T08:11:08+00:00

I think a lot of your problems are evident in this post.

By what standards are your friends having "better" hook-ups or relationship? You claim to be getting a lot of girls. What exactly constitutes success for you?

I've gone through a lot of this as well. Unfortunately, it's a battle that requires you to change your entire view about yourself and the world. I talk about how I got through it in-depth here, but I'll give you a quick summary:

Right now, your self-image is largely based on the way you look and the quality of the girls you get. But those things aren't "you." You have to break down all of those ideas about yourself and realize that nothing separates you from other people. Then, you need to learn how to honestly express yourself in interactions and be okay with whatever follows.

TheXXL · 2016-12-21T08:22:14+00:00

What should I do?

Well, develop your personality? You sound like you rely on superficialities and i would bet you only go for dumb bimbos, since they would make you feel more valuable. Instead try to develop your personality and look behind other peoples facades, be picky with women and let them prove themselves to you, and not only by having big boobs or a great ass.

breakingtree · 2016-12-21T09:31:32+00:00

The best advice I can give is a) learn to form an honest opinion, and b) learn to listen in the present.

An example of A): listen to albums of ever genre. What do you like about it? What don't you like about it? If you hate it, why do other people love it?

An example of B): we spend to much time thinking about ourselves. Drop your ego, and just listen to what the other person is saying. They are unique, appreciate and engage that.

Learning what makes people laugh, learning to lead a conversation, etc also helps, they are the icing on the cake.

_TurnuptheSun_ · 2016-12-21T11:38:49+00:00

It shouldn't take too much for you to get where you want to go if you're as attractive as you say you are - you're just socially inexperienced. Two things:

1.You need to hit up more girls and gain reference experiences because this will help you learn social cues. Doing daygame is the panacea for social anxiety because it forces you to do things that make you uncomfortable. Make a promise to yourself to start conversations with at least two strangers every day for the next 30 days. Don't judge yourself by how the interactions go, just fucking talk to them. Seduction, at its most basic level is numbers game, and you need to get used to putting yourself out there. If if you really want to smash through anxiety then I would say 5 is a better number, higher better still, but no less than that.

2.Once you've started a conversation with a girl, just talk to her like she's a normal human being; like you'd talk to one of your friends. If you come across as relaxed in those situations, women will respond more positively - fake it 'til you make it, and make it you will.

Starting out, it doesn't really matter how these interactions go, just so long as you're actually approaching and having conversations. You need to build up reference experiences if you're to have any chance at this. The trickier part is learning how to show sexual intent in a natural way. That will come with reference experience, but this video should be a good primer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90ZKnU2e23Q

NixonR7 · 2016-12-21T11:48:33+00:00

Yes absolutely. Force yourself to talk to more people. Focus on listening not talking

forseti_ · 2016-12-21T13:34:48+00:00

I'd recommend to go out of your comfort zone. Did you ever notice that good looking girls are always more reserved? It's because they don't want to fuck up. Everyone thinks they are beautiful of course they must be perfect. The Natural response is to act blasé. To approach a girl like that you have to fill her up fist with the confidence that you are okay that she is not perfect.

I'd say you are in a very similar situation. People give you compliments about your looks, they have a great impression about you. And you are scared to fuck it up.

So what you gonna do? Well, fuck it up on purpose. Behave out of your comfort space. Do silly bullshit. Then try to do better. You need to lose this tiptoe behaviour were you are to scared to make a move.

DeLyon · 2016-12-21T15:13:33+00:00

Start buying Models from Mark Manson. Been reading this and think it will definitely give you some valuable insights.

natephant · 2016-12-21T15:17:03+00:00

Is your problem not approaching or being approached by (enough) women? Or not knowing what to do with yourself after you are in a conversation with them?

amysticalspork · 2016-12-22T01:21:40+00:00

had lots of sex at 18 and your complaining.. lmao i consider myself good looking and am thankful for losing my virginity at 22. give yourself a break your not even 20 .. what a joke try actually having problems buddy

Blue_Falcon_Killer · 2016-12-20T20:03:37+00:00

Nope I am decent looking and have the confidence of a Gorilla and am funny on top of it. I hope you get more confidant about yourself and once you do you will be unstoppable.

Title	Anyone else good looking but bad socially?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	158
Comments	123
Date	December 20, 2016 6:50 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5jez6u/anyone_else_good_looking_but_bad_socially/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/anyone-else-good-looking-but-bad-socially.1417387 https://theredarchive.com/post/1417387

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