Do most people get married just to get married?

dabbydab · 2024-03-08T19:47:04+00:00

a female acquaintance whose wedding I attended immediately started cheating on her husband once he left for a deployment (he’s in the army)

People in the military are highly incentivized to get married and tend to do it extremely early into dating. What you're describing is basically the "jody" meme.

blackrainbows723 · 2024-03-08T19:44:54+00:00

Plenty of people do. They also have kids just to do it.

An uncomfy truth is not everyone needs to or should get married, settled down and have kids. We need to stop devaluing different life paths that aren’t the norm.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-03-08T19:47:56+00:00

I think generaly many people are in a relationship just for the sake of not being alone. See here all the man claiming they have no standards and would take anyone just for the sake of not being alone. Sadly many people don't really experience true love and just settle for a random someone good enough for the sake of not being alone.

Safinated · 2024-03-08T19:58:23+00:00

No, most people marry to have kids

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-03-08T21:19:54+00:00

I can't really say what amount of people get married just to get married. I think a lot of people want to get married because it's one of those milestones you should reach as an adult, and at a certain age, they might end up marrying someone that they don't really like all that much but they thought they were running out of time/they were behind the curve/they won't have any other chance.

Also, young people make some of the dumbest decisions and will most likely not find the same types of people attractive when they turn 27. Don't get married when you're 20, neither party has finished developing into a more or less permanent version of themselves. I would have been super divorced if I had married the guy I was madly in love with at 21. Some people may be able to have a good, healthy, stable relationship in their early 20s but for most people, those early adulthood relationships will be a dumpster fire with a timer. Not to say older people don't also make shit decisions but early 20-somethings are almost guaranteed to make them. Such is life, people grow with adversity.

TheDerInDisorder · 2024-03-09T01:01:39+00:00

Marriage is an industry like everything else. They just want to sell you some tablecloths they already own. The institution survives because people are indoctrinated enough to think it makes sense in a modern context.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-03-08T20:13:19+00:00

No one gets along all the time. I’m fact, “getting along” and putting on a brave face is, while useful in public behavior, inhibiting when it comes to getting close to someone.

Fighting doesn’t mean you hate someone, it means that person makes you feel a lot of things really strongly. In relationships that last, there’s usually some fights on the beginning of the relationship as you get closer and chafe a little. It’s hard to square that the person you adore is capable of not being perfect. When this reality dawns, some relationships don’t last.

However, what people choose to talk about re: their relationship is rarely everything that actually goes on in that relationship.

Ie, my partner and I have known each other for 25+ years. The first few years we knew each other we fought a lot; we were both passionate artists and we’re always great at not speaking in the heat of the moment.

…but after all these years, what they fighting started to show was that we’re both also capable of apologizing and forgiving. We learned we both have a lot of patience and we learned to start giving each other the benefit of the doubt. We learned how to recognize when one of us had had a rough day and we’ve learned how to go easy on each other as well.

All that fighting actually built up some rock solid trust at this point. We’re together because we’re a power couple who can tackle large challenges really well now because we know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and help to compensate for each other rather than hold it against each other

kjk67895 · 2024-03-08T20:31:14+00:00

Yes, a lot of people feel like their relationship stagnates and think the only way forward is through marriage/children. Plus a lot of religions really make a huge deal about those two things and “purpose”

relish5k · 2024-03-08T20:31:16+00:00

Being married is great. It's nice to belong to someone.

That's why darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

toasterchild · 2024-03-08T20:32:03+00:00

People still do, but it's a way lower percentile than it used to be, which seems to correlate with divorce rates.

Wonderful-Team-1315 · 2024-03-09T00:20:49+00:00

Do most people get married just to get married?

I think so...because once you start dating someone, eventually there is no reason why you can't get married. That's exactly why I'm hesistant to just date anyone..I fear love by force habit, and finding myself married to someone i should not have married.

I was to preface by saying if I get married I never want to get divorced.

You can't say that. That's what we all want but marriages aren't exactly easy, being that close to anyone for a long time ,problems are bound to happen.

I know life happens but come on, to me these are red flags in the very BEGINNING of a relationship where you lose very little by cutting the cord.

I agree, but usually you give people the benefit of the doubt which may lead to you feel stuck in a relationship. That's how my first relationship felt, it was hard to get out from the relationship...

What is it about marriage that is so important people will ignore obvious red flags to jump into it as quickly as possible? Am I the idiot for not wanting to be in a loveless, shitty marriage or be cheated on?

No, you're not. People who don't feel like they have many qualifications tend to rush into marrying someone once they re dating because they feel they may not meet someone else.

. If you are second guessing whether you want to be with a person in a relationship, isn’t that a sign you should probably think twice before marriage?

Yeap...but one friend told me, "what if i don't meet someone else?" She wasn't very pretty, so she married her first bf. 🤷‍♀️

RevealingPanda · 2024-03-09T00:53:41+00:00

Yes. The current state of personal development all across the board is tragic. The fear of being alone trumps the desire to improve on oneself. Comfort over conflict. And this is exactly the reason why TRP is still a controversial subject.

That's the cycle. Men are afraid to be alone. They become compliant. They lose the interest of their women and get left behind. They become bitter. They seek comfort but realize they are chasing temporary relief. They find TRP. They learn to accept that their situation is due to their own mistakes. They learn to sacrifice comfort for growth. They tune into their self development. They become older and successful. They find a younger partner and are now able to lead that relationship more successfully.

Younger men are lonely, younger women . => TRP gains more traction

Older women are lonely, older men aren't => new wave feminism gains more traction.

And thus the chasm between the sexes grows.

mrs_seng · 2024-03-08T19:44:23+00:00

Been with my husband for 16 years. If anyone from the putside would have seen our fights, especially in the first 4 years, they would think we would end up strangling each other.

So none of your stories particularly scream to be that they got married just to get married. There's a time frame between you knowing they have relationship problems and you seeing them married. And many things could have happened in that time frame.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-03-08T20:38:04+00:00

Couples fight. People say shit they don’t mean. You’re not in their relationship so you don’t know why they got married or why they said what they said

I know a ton of married people, and none of them got married just to get married

kochIndustriesRussia · 2024-03-08T19:49:03+00:00

Yes. Most do in my experience as well. They're just ticking the ticky box because - based on feedback I've gotten when I've asked - they really don't know what else to do with their lives.

We have been conditioned to believe that an unmarried life, without children is, somehow, inferior.

Depite the fact that everyone can readily understand that marrying and having a family creates an impossible debt hole that most never get out of...it costs all your time....your sanity...your happiness in most cases (find married people who don't fight every day...not easy lol)....most people still do it.

I'm amazed personally.

Most people...would rather spend their lives in relative poverty, trapped in some shithole, with someone they don't really like...than travel the world and see all of its majesty.

Just....amazing......

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-03-08T20:15:29+00:00

Many women want a wedding, not a marriage.

I’d argue the bulk of conflict within marriage is women reconciling the fact they are with a man they can’t respect, even if they want to.

blackrainbows723 · 2024-03-08T20:09:23+00:00

As a guy, I would only get married if I wanted kids or I met a legit unicorn/best friend

Neither has happened

UEMcGill · 2024-03-08T20:19:13+00:00

I mean people are young and still growning?

I'm a little older than my wife. She was first to marry in her friend group. Now married 20+ years with 3 kids.

I saw or overheard a bunch of her friend group do all the stuff you've said.

They've all got kids and long term marriages. A few I can't believe are still married and a few divorced I never expected.

But looking back at it with the eyes of someone older and hopefully wiser? What do I know. People are messy and complicated. Long term love is often supplemented with convenience and familiarity.

Creation_Soul · 2024-03-08T20:30:29+00:00

it depends on how intertwined your lives become after marriage. I think most people still marry with the hope that they will be together forever, but at the end of the day, divorce exists and there is no longer much stigma around divorce.The less intertwined your lives are (finances, buying properties together) the easier it is to divorce.

I lived with my GF for about 3 years before getting married and the only thing that actually changes once we got married was that we decided to merged our finances. We were still living in the same apartment, sleeping in the same bed, eating the same food etc. Marriage was a next step in our relationship, but it was not something that radically changed our lives.

bifewova234 · 2024-03-08T20:35:46+00:00

It's so the man won't leave the woman after she makes the baby.

BrandenDailyisaprick · 2024-03-08T20:45:40+00:00

Most people? Maybe. Some people? Definitely.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-03-08T20:52:39+00:00

So you know some people who have had issues in their relationship before or after marriage. This is normal, every relationship has rough spots. That doesn't mean people marry "just to get married". They can recover a relationship and then get married or get married and then have the relationship go downhill. The first three friends could have fixed whatever issues and be perfectly content now.

blackrainbows723 · 2024-03-09T00:07:46+00:00

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2024-03-09T04:13:09+00:00

I think this applies mostly for women. Lol.

Men don’t fantasize about having a wedding the way women do.

wtknight · 2024-03-09T04:33:50+00:00

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Silver_Past2313 · 2024-03-09T09:07:03+00:00

Most women get married for security and social status. Most men get married for consistent sex and family.

RelativeYak7 · 2024-03-08T20:35:59+00:00

A lot of men will talk down about their girlfriend or wife one on one with a pretty woman to test her boundaries and leave an opening for sex. The first man in your post was just hitting on you.

Appropriate_Tea9048 · 2024-03-08T21:38:29+00:00

Some do I’m sure, but most do it because they’re in love.

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-03-09T02:12:16+00:00

Most people are just following their emotions and don't make well thought out long-term decisions around marriage. Once they get to a certain age they start to feel anxious and want to lock somebody down fast. Or they see all their friends getting married and don't want to be left behind.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-03-08T19:58:51+00:00

many people will say no

Of course they (women) will say no, saying yes would imply that they don't know know what they want and hell is freeze before this happening.

MattPayneWrestler · 2024-03-08T20:46:35+00:00

Marriage is basically government assistance to force you two to stay together using financial consequences as leverage. Its for people who need that, since their love isn’t enough😄

apresonly · 2024-03-08T22:06:59+00:00

IMO 100%

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-03-09T04:54:28+00:00

Yes. Marriage isn't something special. You find a nice girl, date her for a few years and if everything is fine then you get married because why not.

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Beanicus13 · 2024-03-08T20:47:56+00:00

You sound very naive. One because you haven’t learned that anecdotal evidence means next to nothing when it comes to reasoning.

And two. You think people who get married don’t also want to avoid divorce.

And three. You think you’re the only person who can see red flags? I mean…come on.

SmallSituation6432 · 2024-03-09T09:17:47+00:00

"other people make decisions different than I would, they must be stupid"

Title	Do most people get married just to get married?
Author	blackrainbows723
Upvotes	29
Comments	165
Date	March 8, 2024 7:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1b9wzon/do_most_people_get_married_just_to_get_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-most-people-get-married-just-to-get-married.1426407 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426407

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