When you hear "Not Ready For A Relationship” - PLEASE Learn from my mistakes

TheShearerComplex · 2018-09-24T15:37:47+00:00

Same thing happened to me but after 6 months. However, I don’t necessarily agree with your first point on boring questions. If you’ve been seeing a girl for quite a few months and regularly banging I don’t think constantly trying to “game” the girl is needed. Just act like a normal guy but make sure your spicing it up in person. Make sure you use balance and calibrate accordingly.

Basically I doubt she finished it because you asked how her day. In fact if you want to keep a plate spinning you should do this ever so often to increase comfort.

One thing I’ve realised is you can run the best game in the world for years straight but for whatever external or internal reasons with the girl she may slowly drift away, it just happens sometimes, especially with girls under 25 who have a lot of options and their lives are going through big changes I.e university, career etc. It’s why spinning plates is so important, because no matter what you do you can’t control each individual girl so don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Humping- · 2018-09-24T16:47:42+00:00

"Thanks for the sex"?

Seriously?

magicweasel7 · 2018-09-24T20:35:52+00:00

An experienced predator such as myself

Congratulations, this is one of the most cringeworthy statements I've ever read on the internet

_0neTwo_ · 2018-09-24T18:57:34+00:00

Don’t stop gaming her, even when you think the deal is done.

I got comfortable with knowing she was into me and I stopped being the funny, cocky, busy guy who got her in the first place. As I look through my texts with her the past month I am cringing at how I just stopped gaming, I was asking her boring questions like ‘wyd this evening’ and asking her what she had for dinner. Ffs Dull! Compare at the start it was all teasing, jokes, innuendos, electricity was flying. We were texting like an old married couple after just 6 weeks. This undoubtedly turned her off.

'Gaming' women will not translate to a relationship by it's very nature. If you are one person when first going out and then change into a different person after dating 8 weeks, be prepared to get dropped like 3rd period French. You know more about your behavior and actions and seem knowledgeable enough to understand all of this but food for thought :) Brush it off bud, keep learning, and keep moving forward

danglyfigger · 2018-09-24T14:52:25+00:00

This happened to me but after dating over a year.

OnlyOnceThreetimes · 2018-09-24T20:47:48+00:00

Sorry, but you parting statement reaks of sourness and self-preservation. Ironic you end up delivering a beta statement while trying to sound alpha. You merely solidified her decision in her mind.

bigchipshi · 2018-09-24T21:41:50+00:00

You started to fall for her and you wanted to be with her, there’s nothing wrong with that. It just didn’t work out this time. It sucks, sure, but that doesn’t equate to you should have kept “gaming” the whole relationship.

What happens when you do meet the right girl, the one you want to be with for the rest of your life, but you end up fucking it up because you kept gaming her?

SevilDrib · 2018-09-25T05:10:11+00:00

Why is it so fucking difficult for some guys to understand this... Just be yourself. Be. Your. Fucking. Self. Stop trying to “game” these woman and figure them out. If your conclusion is she broke up with you because you EXPOSED too much of what you are, then she’s NOT FOR YOU. The audacity to think you have lessons to teach here! What chutzpah! Sorry OP, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say literally none of the reasons you think she left you are really why. Maybe your personality isn’t ultimately appealing to her. Maybe she’s a young 20 something girl that just isn’t into you that way. This is what I hate about this shit. You’ll drive yourself crazy wondering what you could’ve done, should’ve done, but all in vain my bro.

Aristox · 2018-09-24T22:49:34+00:00

What the fuck are you calling yourself a predator for dude?

BuyerOfCoins · 2018-09-24T15:33:10+00:00

Holy shit this happened to me exactly this year.
I met a great fucking girl, 10/10 in EVERYTHING (Yes, looks and personality all that shit).
It was just 'meant to be' you know. Fast forward 4 weeks she doesn't know if she wants a relationship since she had bad ones, okay I'll give her time -> we have sex -> I become more 'needy' since I start to see her as a girlfriend instead of fwb -> she likes to be FWB instead of bf gf and tells me this -> I still want to be in a relationship with her -> she doesn't want to meet up anymore (makes dumb excuses) and finally tells me she wants to quit.

Conclusion, I was too needy for her. However, I also feel it is not entirely my fault. Meh who cares, I am still not over her but now she has a boyfriend (wow, what a coincidence) so I'll probably be over her soon.

So yeah we got some similar situation mate, I was like 'Is this me?' when reading your post.

spartan1337 · 2018-09-24T16:59:40+00:00

she met someone else lol

G-Dalf · 2018-09-24T17:13:29+00:00

Have been there before, feel for you man and this is one thing I've been grappling with lately... The balance between gaming other girls versus focusing/respecting just one.

I'll start by saying I'm similar to u in that I prefer to be hanging out/sleeping with multiple girls while on the dating scene. Keeps the confidence up and abundance mentality is huge. But let's say u get 4-5-6 dates in with a girl that you really like and could see yourself dating, but you hadn't any "talk" yet?

On one hand, you're free to do what you like and sleep with who u want until you're exclusive with someone. On the other hand, if you're getting vibes that this could become exclusive, and maybe one day it does become exclusive, would u want it coming out to your gf that u were banging another girl up until your 6/7/8/9th date?

More of a thetorical question but would love to hear people's thoughts.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-09-25T05:48:28+00:00

1

Long story short: Been dating a girl the past 2 months, going really well. Great sex, she’s proactive about meeting, we have loads of fun, she has met my friends who all liked her. I’m not really a ‘relationship guy’ but for her I wanted to be, and it was undoubtedly heading that way. If was just a question of when not if.

All of sudden 2 weeks ago she is becoming more and more distant, less keen about meeting, and we didn’t have sex anymore. An experienced predator such as myself knows that something very bad is wrong and this relationship is doomed. Today I get the text I was expecting:

“Hey urtcheese, I’ve been distant past couple of weeks…I’m fresh out of a relationship…not ready for the dating scene again…you deserve someone in a better headspace...bla bla bla”

The point when someone is making this sort of statement, is that THEY are looking for an out. It wasn't so much about you.

Now, assuming you left something big out here, you didn't necessarily do something egregiously wrong here. It seems like it ran its course here. That said, something you might keep in mind here: If you're going into dating situations with the mindset of being a "predator," or even "not really a relationship guy," then that mindset is going to mess with your whole vibe. It's not the best way to set up the best foundation.

2

Don’t stop gaming her, even when you think the deal is done.

I got comfortable with knowing she was into me and I stopped being the funny, cocky, busy guy who got her in the first place. As I look through my texts with her the past month I am cringing at how I just stopped gaming, I was asking her boring questions like ‘wyd this evening’ and asking her what she had for dinner. Ffs Dull! Compare at the start it was all teasing, jokes, innuendos, electricity was flying. We were texting like an old married couple after just 6 weeks. This undoubtedly turned her off.

Don't stop gaming her: this is a really problematic idea.

It should never really be about adopting some persona that is then dropped as you enter a relationship. Granted things change, but you shouldn't be going from someone with a life, to someone who makes their whole life revolve around the person they date.
Confidence is good, but being cocky is unnecessary, as is being "funny." Being entertaining is not encouraging a connection based on who you are as people.
Asking what she's doing this evening shouldn't be an issue. Asking what she had for dinner, though..... Honestly you should have better things to do with your time than go over nonsense details of life like this. Connecting with her is good and you can certainly do that with questions that are often considered "boring. It's not about the initial question, so much as the follow-up and whether it gets at the heart of her emotions and motivations.
It's not all on you to keep it afloat, and your assumptions here make it seem like she played no role, it was just you fucking it up. But no, this was a two way street and you're so focused on trying to make this all your responsibility, that you're overlooking the balls she was dropping here.

3

Don’t stop gaming other girls

I almost always like to have at least 2 girls I am dating and meeting for sex. It reduces your neediness, keeps you busy and it has such an effect on your confidence that it will shine through. I convinced myself in my head that a relationship was around the corner and there was no point going on tinder, or meeting up with new girls. This just added to my neediness, the girl would be able to sense that I was becoming more and more invested in her. If you are dating a girl then she would probably be grateful you are dating other girls, it makes you more present and engaging when you are with HER.

Not necessarily.

If you're actually in the market for something serious, you have to be scaling back on your casual engagements. It's not that you owe anyone anything before things are formally declared as exclusive, but if you're fighting to keep yourself in that casual mode, then you're not going to be in the right state of mind to grow anything different from that.
You don't "reduce your neediness" by scrambling to keep up at least 2 other girls at all times. What one is doing in this scenario is playing the Shell Game with the neediness issue, hiding and shuffling it between all the girls they are dating. More girls just multiplies the problem and allows you to pretend the problem is gone when it isn't.
Being invested isn't an issue. Making your whole life about that girl, is. It should never be that way.
If you're spreading yourself around, that spreading makes you less engaged with each other girl. You're sharing experiences with all of them and keeping it all straight can become an issue at times if you're not careful. This scatters you, it doesn't make you more present.
Having more girls is not real confidence. It's actually the very definition of neediness: you need something external to supply something you should have internally on your own.

4

If the end is nye, then call it. Trust your instincts

We’re all students of the game here and can sense when a girl is becoming distant, other things are on her mind. Sorry folks, when this happens you gotta take immediate action.

On one hand, if it's not working for you, then yeah, call it.

On the other hand, if you merely fear she isn't feeling it, but you still are, then calling it preemptively is just giving in to fear and insecurity.

It's a bad habit to get into, trying to beat the girl to the punch because you think she might be ready to end it. It might feel satisfying to think you're taking your power back by doing the whole, "You can't fire me, I quit!" thing. But the problem is, our own lens often becomes biased with fear and insecurity and we think things are bad when they really aren't. Or aren't as bad as we think.

5

....I gave an honest, reply saying.

“Ok [insert name here], I was feeling a similar way. Thanks for the good company and sex, no hard feelings. See you around”

This is sufficient closure for both of us, she knows I am interested in her for sex so if she wants to message me down the line then I might oblige. I haven’t burnt bridges but I’m also showing that I am not waiting on a response.

Having acceptance is good.

Not burning bridges is good, too. Even if they don't come back, the fact that things went down without a lot of drama at the end, means she'd be more likely to be a good reference for you with another girl.

But you don't need to necessarily make it out as if that door is open for her if she wants later. Not if you were feeling it as something serious. If it were only casual, it wouldn't hurt, but if it's something more serious, then you might consider having a friendly no-fly zone there. Boundaries are necessary in some cases like this when feelings get involved, even if you can handle friendship.

samcrow · 2018-09-24T17:55:36+00:00

maybe you don't remind her of her dad or you remind her too much of her dad

urtcheese · 2018-09-24T17:24:21+00:00

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NEPat10 · 2018-09-25T00:02:57+00:00

Oh man. I learned so much when something similar happened to me. I was seeing this girl and she told me from the start that she wasn't looking for a relationship but she still wanted relationship perks and I gave them to her and I fell in love. I got burned. If any guy is reading this, abundance mentality! You need to game other women.

Paltenburg · 2018-09-25T07:37:53+00:00

Don’t stop gaming her, even when you think the deal is done.

I got comfortable with knowing she was into me and I stopped being the funny, cocky, busy guy who got her in the first place. As I look through my texts with her the past month I am cringing at how I just stopped gaming, I was asking her boring questions like ‘wyd this evening’ and asking her what she had for dinner. Ffs Dull! Compare at the start it was all teasing, jokes, innuendos, electricity was flying.

This sounds like at the start you were putting an act, right?

I think the whole thing about learning and gaining experience with women is real actual transformation.

Don't you think you can really internalize and "own" the funny cockyness you acted the first weeks?

Personally if a relationship doesn't work, there's nothing to be done about it, because she's her, and more important: I'm me. Not that I can't change anything about myself, but at this point I'm happy the way I am, and I'm certainly not gonna put up an act in a relationship.

Wespie · 2018-09-25T08:26:25+00:00

I notice girls leave if you KEEP gaming them. The most advanced “game” is played in comfort and empathy, not jokes and bullshit. Give her real love but WITH validation. The balance is not easy and is different depending on the girl but I know a lot of girls get bored when the guy just jokes about shit too much and can’t be vulnerable. Obviously being needy and judgmental is bad, but I think there’s a higher meta awareness that keeps women.

urtcheese · 2018-09-24T18:26:22+00:00

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RandomBlokeFromMars · 2018-09-24T21:34:49+00:00

i also received "the text" once. i didn't even ask her for a relationship she just wrote out of nowhere that it wouldn't work for us.

i just didn't answer. a month later she called me to see what i was doing and we should go get a coffee. we fuked that day. after that i continued to ignore her forever. she left a couple of long text messages. i sent her back a smiley. good times.

i don't agree with everything, just one point:

have plates man. monogamy is so yesterday. just keep it private. people judge.

urtcheese · 2018-09-24T16:31:40+00:00

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floppyjabjab · 2018-09-25T06:57:29+00:00

point 2 is the plates spinning theory (The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi)
all you really need to know about this situations

LingeringGnome · 2018-09-25T20:42:20+00:00

I just stopped gaming, I was asking her boring questions like ‘wyd this evening’ and asking her what she had for dinner. Ffs Dull! Compare at the start it was all teasing, jokes, innuendos, electricity was flying. We were texting like an old married couple after just 6 weeks. This undoubtedly turned her off.

Yep. Two months in , the kind of text I send in the middle of the days is, "i can't wait to throw you against a wall and hike up your skirt tonight". Then she doesn't hear from me until we meet up.

We’re all students of the game here and can sense when a girl is becoming distant, other things are on her mind. Sorry folks, when this happens you gotta take immediate action. That action could be becoming distant yourself, freeze outs or whatever. For me, once this started happening I knew the end was near. Rather than just making my excuse and moving on, we ended up having a couple more sucky dates where the conversation wasn’t flowing the way it was before, wondering what the hell happened. Truly a waste of 2 weeks and I relinquished all the power to her rather than walking away with my head held high.'

I'd worry less about "conversation flowing" in the future. Too many guys worry about this. The goal is to be lovers, not debate partners. It's OKAY for there to be lulls. Focus on what you're doing physically. Kiss her with passion if you feel convo petering out. Tease her, etc.

Also, if you do sense some distance, which can be quite common with socially valuable women in early courtship (they have orbiters or ex's in the picture always until they find a dominant, fun guy who's great in bed), there's a bulletporoof methods to get them chasing you:

Always make them orgasm. If you are a great lover, a woman will not simply let you fade.
Soft next. ESPECIALLY effective after giving a woman multiple orgasms in one session. For early courtship I'll go four days of completely ignoring her calls and texts. For 6+ months two days. Don't respond to a single thing she sends, then when the soft next is over, say "hey, was busy with work. How's life?"

Incredibly effective combo for restoring the masculine/feminine polarity in ALL phases of relationships, early or late.

When I received ‘the text’ I wasn’t sure how to respond. Some forums say to either not respond at all

It's early courtship. So you always respond in a playful, teasing, slightly indifferent way.

Her: Hey urtcheese, I’ve been distant past couple of weeks…I’m fresh out of a relationship…not ready for the dating scene again…you deserve someone in a better headspace...bla bla bla”

You: "Damn. You have a great orgasm face though."

That's it. Then walk away. You leave her thinking about orgasms. You leave her playfully. You leave her indifferent.

This drives women nuts, makes them chase. She's texting you all this drama, so, so serious. You don't indulge her frame. You create your own. Playful, sexual, indifferent.

dontstopmenow1966 · 2018-09-24T16:40:31+00:00

This is just woman speak for behaving badly. Using it back on her is a ninja move.

Hoburame · 2018-09-24T17:04:57+00:00

answer is "I teach meditation, come and I will instruct you on how to get your head in the right space quickly."
Proceed to view her as unable to keep herself in positive mindset. Teach her how to but do not waste your time "dating" her anymore. If she is successfull in meditating she will be a happier which is a cool thing to do for people.
If meditation doesn't bring her happiness at least you are not an arse that wants to make everything a "serious relationship".

other alternatives to meditation is the gym or a sport you can do together.
This is how you show depth of character, by actually having remedies for the soul ready to hand out. Hot sweat is one of the best remedies ever invented. However accept that you are just friends from now on since YOU had to give her that remedy for HER emotions. If she comes up with it herself however, then it's good girlfriend material, she probably is mentaly and emotionaly stable with good, worked out body.

belated_lover · 2018-09-24T23:24:54+00:00

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anderfernandes · 2018-09-25T00:52:45+00:00

Getting a girl is like qualifying for the FIFA world cup. Actually winning a girls heart however is like actually winning it. To actually win her, you gotta keep her excited, every day. The game reaches a whole new level after you get her. Good post, bro.

Title	When you hear "Not Ready For A Relationship” - PLEASE Learn from my mistakes
Author	urtcheese
Upvotes	252
Comments	86
Date	September 24, 2018 12:49 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9ihmnb/when_you_hear_not_ready_for_a_relationship_please/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/when-you-hear-not-ready-for-a-relationship-please.1453927 https://theredarchive.com/post/1453927

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