Really struggling with turning conversation flirty

rich_god · 2019-10-14T15:05:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

smoothmax · 2019-10-14T14:58:01+00:00

It's a long process of developing your own self image and self esteem, and then externally becoming "that guy" who is fun, sexy, flirtatious.

Most guys who aren't that way naturally need to read self help books and do stuff like affirmations and visualizations. Start practicing being fun, funny and having good body language with everybody, all the time. Like with family, friends, classmates, co-workers etc.

This is about discovering the naturally fun, attractive guy who is already within you, more than about changing your personality.

AnswersWithAQuestion · 2019-10-14T18:29:01+00:00

If you ask a regular question and she gives a regular response, that’s your chance to respond with a smirk coupled with an eye roll and say in an obviously friendly way “ohhh of course you would say that...”

She will sense you teasing her but not know exactly what it’s about — sort of like a secret you are keeping from her. She’ll ask in an embarrassed way, “whaaaaat?” and usually with a smile because she knows you’re teasing her.

Then you say “oh nothing...” while maintaining the smirk. And you can move on from there, and the change in tone will make it easier to find something more light-hearted to talk about, which will give you more fodder for teasing.

CaptainFlippy · 2019-10-14T21:07:20+00:00

I'm not an expert at all, but I had a really interesting experience with a girl who was into me the other day.

On the surface, things were platonic. If you just listened to what we were talking about, you'd think it was just "interview" questions - talking about her major, my major, her work, where she lives, etc. etc.

But you should always remember that 95% of communication is non-verbal. There were so many flirty looks and touches that anyone watching would have seen what was happening.

Honestly, I think guys who are good at this can turn any conversation flirty without saying a god damn thing.

Him: "So what's your major"? Her: explains Him: intense eye contact, sly grin, shoulder touches while she talks Her: ... Him: ... Her: giggle why are you looking at me like that?

Instant escalation, with no flirtatious words spoken. Non-verbal communication and silence are powerful

recyclablebanthas · 2019-10-15T01:22:13+00:00

1

..... because I know that once I get in conversation with them, I’ll run out of flirty things to say and I’ll resort to “interview” conversation, like talking about their major, or do they come here often, etc. And then it fizzles out and I walk away awkwardly.

Let's back the train up here:

Social interaction is two people interacting.
Two people interacting is like a tennis match with people hitting the ball back and forth.
Hitting the ball back and forth in this sense involves active listening and speaking.
The speaking part is theoretically easy, but what to say?
That's where the active listening comes in. You get your content for free from the other person you're talking to.
The reason you're having so much trouble as you're trying to come up with both sides of the tennis match on your own call which is way more effort then you actually need, and on top of that it's impossible to do by yourself.
David Wygant has a good, short video on using observation to come up with things to talk about in the flow of daily life, or anywhere, really. This is the sort of mindset behind the guys you see that are talking to girls for a few minutes and then getting "flirty." That flirtiness is NOT the goal, it's the result of not taking yourself or life too seriously, simply paying attention, and using that as material for conversation.

2

So, trying to rattle off a bunch of flirty things is failing because it's a guy trying to make conversation based on what he thinks he should say. The missing component here is that this doesn't involve the girl like using HER own words or something about her situation would.

Switching to interview mode is almost there, but also failing because while you're starting the tennis match by hitting that ball to her with the first "interview question," it turns into an interview because after she hits it back, you're on to the next unrelated question, like she didn't say anything.

It comes off like you're not listening.

The answer is to focus on actively listening and thinking about what they've said and responding directly to it.

3

I have this mental block keeping me from opening girls at bars/parties (I live in a college town so those are the main opportunities for talking to girls)

Also, bars and parties are far from the main opportunities. You're also talking about more heavily advanced situations here, when there are simpler and more relaxed opportunities.

Bars are places where girls are often accosted by drunk and or awkward guys on a regular basis. It's more likely that they're going to be in a defensive mode there.
Parties are well enough, but you have to be in the mindset where you're able to actually enjoy the party for what it is, completely aside from the girls, before you're going to get much out of attempting to get with girls there.
If you don't enjoy dancing and the overall vibe of parties, then it's going to be very clear in your whole vibe when you're talking to people there. Parties aren't for everyone, and that's fine.
On campus is going to be the biggest opportunity, really. Chatting with people during the normal flow of the day. This might seem daunting, but if you're paying attention and actively listening, instead of being in your head trying to figure out what to say, it's easier than you think.

There are tons of better places and ways to meet people, especially on a college campus! It kills me that you're choosing two of the arguably worst and tired ways.
- College clubs and events
  - Social partner dance classes and events, like salsa, argentine tango, west coast swing, lindy hop.
  - Other clubs based on a variety of interests
- Couchsurfing groups cater to travelers or people who like hanging with travelers. No couch required.
- Hash house harriers; trail hiking plus group hide and seek, plus optional beer and optional running.

muuhfi · 2019-10-14T14:44:37+00:00

Upvoting because I want to know how as well!

DAOcomment2 · 2019-10-14T23:14:11+00:00

When you talk to children, do you run out of things to say? Do they? No you just say silly shit, often disconnected logically from what was just said. Kids don't worry whether they're saying the right thing to you. They just express whatever they're feeling or thinking, and that provides fodder with which you play with them, and they with you. You don't interview kids, you have silly conversations with them.

In a social situation you're not interviewing each other as professional adults. You're reverting to being children. Let go, be silly, be illogical, nothing needs to make sense, they just need to add fun and pump emotions. Girls want to be seduced by a fun and sexy guy, not a logical interviewer. Be silly, be unserious, be horny, signal your interest, and actually try to lead her closer to sex--she wants you to because she is often too scared to be responsible for getting laid.

Flirting is nudging an interaction towards sex. Sex is not a logical interview. Sex is an emotional and silly thing, so make things sillier and emotional and you're putting her in a receptive space next to sex. Then pepper in sexual topics and signal your interest to push things into a sexual vibe. Then lead her to privacy and that sexual vibe becomes actual sex.

seannyt1 · 2019-10-14T17:07:23+00:00

It's NEVER about what you say; it's ALWAYS about your vibe, energy, and how you say what you say.

Two guys can say the exact same thing, "Hi, My name's Michael. What's yours?" And one puts out sexual, masculine energy while the other is either placating, feminine, or just straight up friendzone-y.

Anything specific your're struggling with when it comes to these things?

padpump · 2019-10-14T15:49:42+00:00

The easiest way to do it is to not do it. The right things start happening as soon as you stop trying. However be prepared to let go of things that you thought were good in order to make room for things that actually are good (for you). It’s essentially a summary of the Dao de Ching. Act without doing - etc.

Why do you need conversations to turn flirty? If the girl is boring you then find something more fun to do.

Pro tip: Do something fun first then meet people that like doing the same thing. Pro tip 2: talk about the things you are doing and enjoying right now and then when it feels right act without doing

hahah89gh · 2019-10-14T15:56:53+00:00

You’re trying too hard to be flirty you need to make her have fun with what you’re saying. You need to tease her and make her validate her worth to you. Looks play a huge role in it as well because women naturally play along if you’re really attractive and will laugh at everything you say even if it’s not funny so if you’re good looking you’re over half way there.

Iam-your-bro · 2019-10-14T17:01:39+00:00

just think of every girl like she’s six and treat her like that. Also, tease the hell out of her.It’ll push her buttons but in a weird way she’ll like you more and that will put you on a “higher status” position since you’re conveying dominance and bravery (you’re not being needy and kiss her ass). Use “KINO” and get physical but subtly. Don’t be rude, just a pinch of douche. It’s a push pull tactic and it’s great. Good luck :)

33Merlin11 · 2019-10-14T17:25:22+00:00

I've got the exact same problem. I think it just comes down to practice. Being flirty feels, to me, like something that should be spontaneous and capitalize on events happening in the present moment, trying to have scripts is just going to make things feel forced.

I have slowly been experimenting with being more direct with my sexual interest and making more risky jokes and it is almost always received positively. The more positive experiences I have, the more I want to have those experiences. It's a positive feedback loop that serves to slowly but reliably boost your income. Just be creative, try different things, take note of what does and does not work. Reiterate what does work to continue trying new things until you start to build a reliable method. Try not to take things too seriously and just have fun with it.

BonvivantNamedDom · 2019-10-14T20:59:57+00:00

Flirty? Just talk to them in a way they call you an asshole, hit your shoulder but still smile.

Magistry314 · 2019-10-14T19:46:50+00:00

What I found good to do is try teasing her into making her want to be more interesting.

For example, if she asks you: "do you think I'm interesting?", Say "it depends on if you are interesting". Pull up your eyebrows and maintain eye contact.

Another example, she's into Harry Potter, and in HP there are different houses (groups) which have different personalities. She's a "Hufflepuff" which is generally made fun of and considered boring. So I ask her: " So, are you as boring as everyone thinks Hufflepuffs are?"

WaitingForTheFire · 2019-10-15T02:22:52+00:00

I'm really bad at this too. But I have learned one thing. If you are about to run out of things to say, politely end the conversation on a positive note before it gets awkward - and walk away. Even if you don't get a phone number, it is still good practice for talking with women. Since the woman usually has the power to accept or reject when guys make these approaches, it feels good to turn the tables and be the one to end the conversation if it doesn't feel right. Walking away can really build confidence. When you get more confident, it is easier to talk to women.

Geometrical_Aurora · 2019-10-14T15:13:10+00:00

Well, I'm absolutely not good at this shit, but I know that first of all you have to be self confident, because not only to flirt, but also to talking to strangers you need self confidence. If you want to flirt to a stranger it becomes twice as hard. Then, I don't want to say this because there should be another solution, but most of the people I know always try to get a little drunk to flirt. Like, drink a little so you can still have self control of everything, but at the same time you'll be more open to talk about some topics that scare you.

Deep conversations also helps (tiny talks are always boring), and the important thing of this is that you want to know how that person thinks and what interest her. I saw in another post a comment about a guy who asked a girl why she didn't dance in a party and they became a couple since then for a lot of years (that simply question is a deep question, I mean, it isn't so hard and the example shows you that you don't have to try so hard). Buuuuut, if your imagination is a little bit poor that night, you can get deep conversations starting with tiny talks. Just, start talking about whatever it comes to your mind and try to keep that thread.

Lastly, a little bit of eye contact doesn't makes harm to anybody. Just try not to be creepy, lol

PS: I know that I've said that I'm not good at flirting and then I've said a lot of things. Well, in my mind everything works but in practice I'm a disaster applying this things hahaha. Wish you the best of the lucks ✨

sweetLovelygod · 2019-10-14T16:58:33+00:00

Heyyyy.....Heyyyyy.....How ya doin'????

DippySwitch · 2019-10-14T19:32:56+00:00

I’m thinking maybe an honest, “Hey I’m ___.... I don’t really have a good opener, but you look like the extroverted type so I’ll let you ask me anything”

Thoughts? Or maybe that’s not “taking charge” and will come off as weak?

It’s extra frustrating because I know I’m decently good looking, and I think my height is a bonus to a lot of girls (6’4), and I catch girls making eyes at me whenever I go out, but I always end up ignoring them even though my brain is screaming at me to talk to them. But I don’t because like I said I know I’ll end up screwing it up and making it awkward, then I’ll feel like even more of a failure than if I don’t talk to them at all.

inlinetriple17 · 2019-10-14T20:58:32+00:00

Watch theo von podcast and listen to how he talks to people. I use his technique and make the girls laugh and they always want to go home with me

JamesGarfi · 2019-10-14T22:37:31+00:00

The best way to be flirty, is not to be. Because then you open Your Mind to learning. And when you think about it, if what you are doing already isint working, then you might as well try different things. Even if they don't work, you're only back at square one.

piggiesinthehoosgow · 2019-10-15T00:27:51+00:00

Do what everyone else here is mentioning. One thing that helped me on top of that is watching PUA on YouTube infield videos. Definitely put on the work but watch these as an addition.

gbnz87 · 2019-10-15T02:52:41+00:00

Im not an expert and often fall flat on my face. It is essentially just trial and error. You are looking at guys having success but you arent seeing them get rejected by 5 girls earlier when they say the same thing. Every girl is different and there isnt one line that will suddenly make a girl melt. Its more important how you react after you say something than what you say imo. If you say it with the wrong facial expression and its not leading from previous conversation than it can be a bit awkward.

You just have to listen to what they say and if an emotion or anything sexual sparks in your head you just have to say it. Dont be afraid to compliment them on their features and you get bonus points if you compliment them on their personality or something thats unique to them.

Dont compare yourself to guys that start making out with strangers in minutes. The chances of that happening are pretty slim and you have to be pretty much in the right place at the right time. Even the most silver tongued person out there will have their ups and downs depending on the girl, some are more receptive than others.

Also to get past the interview mode it just takes practice. Dont expect to have 5-10 minute conversations with everyone, some girls just make it hard to talk to them as a way to get rid of you and some girls just flat out reject you. Its all just apart of the fun.

Ask_Djhinn · 2019-10-15T03:16:20+00:00

Pick on her situationally. Almost anything (within reason) that you did in the playground applies.

Woujo · 2019-10-15T03:50:09+00:00

Your problem isn't that you aren't being "flirty" but rather that you are not creating an enjoyable conversation for yourself. A woman will only be interested in you if you are having fun, so you have to find a way to make the conversation not only fun for her but for yourself as well.

Imagine you are forced to be at a boat party for 8 hours with a bunch of ugly women you have no attraction to and you do not otherwise give a fuck about. How would you socialize with them? Well, you would probably strike up the most fun conversation or game possible to alleviate your boredom and make an otherwise useless 8 hours worthwhile. You wouldn’t give a single fuck what anybody thought because you were just trying to make a good emotional experience for yourself.

Now think about it: why would you expect anything less from women that you WERE attracted to?

Not only does degrading your emotional experience make the interaction less fun for you, it makes the woman less attracted because she wants to enjoy your emotional experience, both through herself and vicariously through you.

smol_chan · 2019-10-15T04:09:30+00:00

This only works if the individuals in question have a good give and take going. Usually it's only awkward when one isn't interested or just has a shit personality.

XxPgMkIlLeR123xX · 2019-10-15T11:10:14+00:00

You compare yourself to the others, that’s not productive even though you can’t help it.
I’d advise you to keep trying to flirt. When you feel that interview thing happening force yourself to say a flirty thing. There’s no shortcut other than trying. This is how to best pick up artists came up with their "techniques" which are actually their personality + trial and fails until they find something that works for them and with who they are.

The mindset to have must be as natural as you can so you change your inner self to be more flirty rather than acting flirty.

Witteness82 · 2019-10-15T12:56:19+00:00

I treat flirting the same as when I’m having a conversation with friends. Those quick retorts that just come to mind are what I use almost exclusively with women. The only difference is my tone and demeanor when doing it and it’s more sexual nature.

Last night I was talking to a woman and a mutual friend came up. She said the other woman was pretty and that she was thick. I disagreed and said she was a little bigger than thick. She immediately asked well what’s your definition of thick then? My immediate reply was to look at her with a smile and say the person sitting in that chair(her). She blushed and had a huge smile on her face. She even told me I had her blushing.

It’s stuff like that that can be done constantly in the mix of a normal conversation.

ariachian · 2019-10-15T13:13:48+00:00

I'm a girl and idk how I learned to flirt but the way to go for women is like complimenting them first like "that outift really accentuates your curves" or whatever and then when she replies, she can either say something casual or flirty or something like "i like your something too" or whatever haha

ariachian · 2019-10-21T07:22:52+00:00

Well in my experience when I compliment men they take it that I'm flirting with them. And when they do the same in such a manner that qualifies as "flirty" and seductive it makes the whole thing flirty

yungcameltoe · 2019-10-14T16:59:07+00:00

talk to women you want to fuck like you talk to women you don’t want to fuck..pretend that the pretty blond is your fat friend in astronomy class..just have fun

BitsAndBobs304 · 2019-10-14T20:55:12+00:00

Step 1. Be attractice hot masculine
Step 2. Move closer to her while saying whatever
Step 3. She laughs when you are not even making jokes
Step 4. ???
Step 5. Condom!

2019-10-14T18:59:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Really struggling with turning conversation flirty
Author	DippySwitch
Upvotes	477
Comments	117
Date	October 14, 2019 2:20 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dhr7xc/really_struggling_with_turning_conversation_flirty/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/really-struggling-with-turning-conversation-flirty.1481177 https://theredarchive.com/post/1481177

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