What is "normal" amount of time dads have their kids

JAXTONSMOMMA · 2024-12-29T20:48:30+00:00

That girl needs to be sent packing. I couldn’t imagine making my man choose. I absolutely love my bonus son. Technically he’s not even my mans blood .. but to me he’s ours & I would love nothing more than to spend every day with him. Find you a woman who loves your kids like your own!!

Back story in case anyone is wondering: my man was married to a woman, and they couldn’t have kids. They had been to fertility doctors and everything. They had been trying for about a year, and ironically during the time the wife was wanting a baby her brother got a girl pregnant. The brother, and his gf were both addicts, and needed to go to treatment. So once the baby was born.. mom was off to treatment and my man, and his wife took the baby in and we’re only supposed to keep said baby until mom was back on her feet. His wife decided to start paying for an adoption lawyer behind his back with his check in the meantime. He found out, and they got into a huge fight. & even though her and the baby’s mother had an agreement that when she got out of treatment she would get the baby back she was plotting against her the entire time to get her for abandoning the baby. She told her husband she couldn’t adopt the baby without him. It went on for months where she begged for him to sign the adoption papers, and he said no.. that he wanted his own child, and that it wasn’t right what she had done. Finally, I guess he reached his breaking point after months of them fighting about it, so he did it. & She got what she always wanted.. a baby. They adopted the baby. & almost immediately (like a month after) he found out she had been cheating their entire relationship, and she had told people she was planning to leave him. She even sent texts saying she wanted him to adopt the baby so she would have a security net for when she left him because she knew they hadn’t been married long enough for her to get alimony. Also texts saying once she got child support she was quitting her job. & so we all know how this story goes lol. They got a divorce, and he had to pay $1000 a month in child support, all medical bills etc. She quit her job. He now gets every other weekend + 2 schools nights a week. It was a mess of a situation. But it all turned out ok in the end, because we couldn’t imagine life without this kid. He’s 10 years old now. I’ve been in his life since he was a little ol’ thing. But I just wanted to share because MEN.. there are women out there who will absolutely love your kids. Whether they are yours, or not. Do not settle for someone who doesn’t love your babies!!!

MangoExciting710 · 2024-04-13T02:20:03+00:00

Nothing less than 50%

xjeeperx · 2024-04-12T01:36:54+00:00

I have my kid every other weekend and 3 hours on 3 days a week. It’s not quite 50/50 but it’s a great schedule that I came up with that keeps a normal routine and allows more time than alternating weekends. I get a good bit of additional time based on my ex’s schedule.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-04-11T22:25:49+00:00

Send the gf packing!

darkblash69 · 2024-04-11T19:24:59+00:00

If a building was on fire and you could only save your 3 kids or this random she-devil, who are you choosing?

FaithlessnessNo281 · 2024-04-11T19:01:56+00:00

I won’t be giving up a single day with my son for a woman. Have him 50% of the time.

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2024-04-11T18:49:07+00:00

50% in my adult daughters case.

Ex husband and new wife has the kids 50% of the time. Current situation over nights this week is Monday, Tuesday, Friday Saturday Sunday, then Monday, Tuesday. Then it will flip to her Wednesday-Sunday. Holidays are every other, basically even year he has them for Xmas etc, odd years she has them, vacations are 2 weeks a year and have to be agreed upon.

We are working to switch it to every other week, since they are older now.

We also live 3 blocks from each other.

So the reason you don’t have your kids and actually raise them is?

sak144 · 2024-04-11T18:33:16+00:00

Why are you letting your girlfriend tell you to walk away from time with your own kids? I'm embarrassed for you - are you for real?

If you came here for sympathy or looking for support for a decision like that, you aren't getting it and are a complete [NOT SAYING IT] frankly. Man up and ditch the crappy girlfriend bro.

im2old_4this · 2024-04-11T18:00:36+00:00

My time with my kids trumps everything. Current girlfriends, activities, you name it. The only thing I would have to give my kids to their mother for is if there is a work situation. I get them 50% and it breaks my heart still after 3 years of divorce, every time they go to their mothers

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-11T17:41:20+00:00

50% parenting time was my hill to die on. 99% of the time you will ever spend with your kids is before they graduate from high school. After high school, you'll be lucky to spend one week a year with them for about 30 years. So there's no time "later" to create a relationship with them. The time to establish the adult-relationship you want with your children is while they are teenagers.

You have no backbone. You're letting your GF dictate your relationship, just like you let your ex dictate your relationship with your three children. Keep it up and you'll be divorced twice, because you didn't get rid of your validation seeking behavior.

Vintage-Card-Man · 2024-04-11T17:35:23+00:00

I don't think I've ever been so angry on Reddit as I am right now. This whole thread just infuriates me. The cliche of an absent father, giving up his children for a new life with his girlfriend and new baby.... This post is exactly the thing 99.999% of us are trying to fight.

I'm embarrassed for you.

Ambitious-Cheetah-36 · 2024-04-11T16:46:29+00:00

50/50....ditch the gf......I will never give up my kids for pussy.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2024-04-11T15:55:08+00:00

No one size fits all as everyone's situation is different but I'm lucky in my situation to have 50/50 and a flexible work schedule to accommodate. On my off days, I do my chores/errands/bro time and when I'm with the kids, I'm there 100% and not dropping them off with a sitter or whatever. It's worked out reasonably well and I wouldn't trade a second of their time for anything. I have dipped my toes in the dating world and I'm very clear with prospective ladies that I can see them on the free days, so far it hasn't been an issue.

Sorry about your situation man, I won't throw shade as you are already in the situation you are in. I would say, your new GF should be accepting of the kids coming over man. They are still your family and now she is your "new family" so there has to be some blending going on to make everything work right. Good luck man.

Capable-Profile4425 · 2024-04-11T15:39:51+00:00

“Normal” doesn’t exist, every parenting schedule is unique to the circumstances of that particular case. For the most part, we’re all striving for 50/50, knowing that that’s probably what’s best for the kids and both co-parents.

If you already had 3 kids, I think you put yourself in this position by having another kid with a different woman. You have court-ordered 50/50 time, so if your ex is not following that schedule, then you need to make her. You might need to go back to court to do so. Whatever you do, do right by your kids and make yourself available to them.

Your gf had to have known you had kids prior to you two having a baby, right? If she was expecting to have you all to herself, that’s her being selfish. If you promised her that she’d have you all to herself, that’s you failing your existing kids.

Whatever those “x, y, z” reasons are, this is the situation you got yourself into. If you can’t make it work, something has got to give. You owe it to your original 3 kids to be their dad, you owe it to your new baby to be its dad. You have to work to maintain a roof over your head and food on the table. So that leaves the gf and your social life/other “reasons” as the first things to get sacrificed.

Figure it out.

jimsmythee · 2024-04-11T15:28:44+00:00

There is no "normal."

I had to fight for 50/50 custody of the kids, as my ex wanted to remain a SAHM in order to maximize CS $'s. But in our divorce decree, she got $0 alimony and I got 50/50 custody, so that was a double win for me. Originally the judge put in a 5-3-3-5 schedule, but we never stuck to it because of work schedules, but at the end of the month, it was 50/50.

As the years have gone on, I have more "awake time" with the kids, because I have a flexible WFH schedule and she has to work in an office. Plus I get them every weekend. My daughters and I are closer than ever. It's great.

mcj270 · 2024-04-11T14:57:21+00:00

How has it been chipped away if the court has ordered 50/50? Is this your choice? I’d say your gf is being very selfish. I’d pick my kid over a woman any day of the week.

iSurvivedltd · 2024-04-11T14:47:43+00:00

Why change the schedule? She is your EX. You no longer have to do anything to appease her.

I suggest sticking to the Tuesdays. Current GF will HAVE to understand this. Especially if it's only for 2 or so hours. If she doesn't-re evaluate your relationship with her.

As far as I know every other weekend is "normal" but that doesnt mean its right.

Keep your head up bro

ExtremeEngineering46 · 2024-04-11T14:45:30+00:00

5050

Can't believe you didn't think with the big head before taking on more responsibility while you already had responsibility to the 3 previous kids

TheBoyBand · 2024-04-11T14:37:42+00:00

Damn, the coveted 50/50 by many of us, what a shame, life happens no judgement on new girlfriend but she’s a red flag and selfish all by herself, should have been striving for you to maintain the 50/50, i’ll chuck this as reason not to get involved with a girlfriend and just focus on my kids till 18.

Noobinpro · 2024-04-11T14:24:42+00:00

I went to hell and back dealing with a full blown narcissist witch and obtained 50/50 custody. I would never settle for anything less than that but will always take more time.

xosto · 2024-04-11T14:17:07+00:00

First of all, You need to do a lot of self-work here my friend because you're getting pulled by all kinds of directions and you need to figure out what your priorities are in life.

For most people it's going to be your children and no woman is going to tell you what is or is it normal but you have to figure that out for yourself.

The reality is that your children will grow up and well if you do things correctly it'll be a life-long relationship but you also only get a limited amount of time at certain phases of their life.

Your current woman is going to consume 100% of you if she had the choice and the only reason that hasn't happened yet is because you're trying to take care of your other kids.

But what about taking care of yourself? I would highly recommend you figure out yourself.

There are great books out there for men 1. No more Mr Nice Guy is a good one 2. Hold on to your n.u.t.s is also good

There are a number of other books out there but you have to figure out your truths.

I would personally maintain my time with my kids as much as I can and not allow other people to hurt or shame me.

It's "normal" for dads to have an overnight and alternating weekends and a month in summer and alternating breaks in the state of Texas but a lot of people make week on week off work or schedules that get close to 50 percent.

Ideally kids get both parents 100 percent and 50 is a big drop but it allows for the next best thing.

But you're telling us that you're stretched thin and you have to stop stretching. Take a positive and grow yourself. Maybe you might need to take a break from everyone. That's also important. A week or several can be restorative and well people will pretend like the world is falling apart If you can put a plan in place ahead of time it will be really helpful.

If you can't take such a large block of time then try getting a few hours and then a few days each week. If you have a time of the week that you spend with other men whether it's a poker night or a pickup basketball game you need to keep that in your routine.

If you used to work out 4 to 5 times a week you need to get back to doing that.

People will call you selfish but you need this so that you can show a better for other people.

Title	What is "normal" amount of time dads have their kids
Author	ExtremeEngineering46
Upvotes	5
Comments	91
Date	April 11, 2024 2:02 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c1fueq/what_is_normal_amount_of_time_dads_have_their_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-is-normal-amount-of-time-dads-have-their-kids.1514740 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514740

Comments