Stbxw is trying to make me jealous by flirting with men. Any thoughts?

Onward_7913 · 2024-04-27T16:48:57+00:00

This is great news. Her attention will be on tingles while you're bringing your A game to the D proceedings. As others said, ignore her. You're getting divorced. You're both going to see other people. News at 11.

When my X started dating, while we were still cohab'ing, I sort of wanted to buy that guy a beer. He was doing me a huge favor...

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-26T18:20:10+00:00

Considering you posted here, I'd say it's working.

Stop caring what she does. You can't control her behavior. You can only control your response to her behavior.

yes2matt · 2024-04-26T16:57:42+00:00

Territory dispute. She wants the gym. Do you want the gym? Make sure to be there when she gets there and grey-rock her. She'll last only a couple weeks. Do you want to find something else to do or another time to be there? It's up to you.

Become_Pneuma · 2024-04-26T16:00:16+00:00

Forget about bro. She is gone. Who cares what she is doing. Go to the gym. Get laid. Focus on yourself

Awakeningof17 · 2024-04-26T14:44:33+00:00

She's testing you, and you are failing. Why are you even going to the gym at the same time? You appearing all butthurt over her behaviour helps her to justify the cheating. Ignore her and work out at different times. If other women are not flirting with you, then you have work to do, my friend.

Regular-Bat-4449 · 2024-04-26T13:25:27+00:00

Just ignore it. Stop going at the same time. Only wives deserve this.

You can, of course, just laugh 😃 at her. That will make her really annoyed.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-04-26T13:10:41+00:00

Go at a different time if it bothers you.

savage_cabbages · 2024-04-26T11:53:19+00:00

Shes moving on, and so should you. Hard truth but it's reality. If anything...it's good she's doing it early (ish?) Gets it out of your system...all part of the process man

upvotersfortruth · 2024-04-26T09:04:24+00:00

wish her luck

Gattsama · 2024-04-26T08:08:15+00:00

You are going to get a lot of different advice on how to proceed, but the best thing is, if it is possible to move to complete indifference. Indifference is not an innate triatas much as a learned skill. It takes time and practice.

Anger is not the opposite of love; indifference is. Anger and hate are very powerful, connecting emotions. Talking to the guy she is flirting with, warming them, making jokes, etc... they are all forms of connection, and demonstrate to her that what she is doing is working.

First, start with grey rocking. No matter what you might feel internally, your outward appearance and complete indifference. And you do not communicate (verbal or non-verbal) unless absolutely necessary, then with short statements and move along.

Study stoic philosophy. Accept that you can not control her, you can only control your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. More often, it is not the even itself that upsets up, but our reaction to that event. And we can control our reaction. Again, that takes practice.

The ultimate goal is that she is just someone that you use to know. Another faceless person moving in the back drop as you move through life. And that is going to take time and directed personal work to achieve.

It sounds like you filed for divorce, and she doesn't want to. She is trying to maintain a connection to you, demonstrate you have feelings for her, justify her affair, etc. By straving her of that attention, you can expect her actions to increase and get worse. She will try to do more to get that attention back. But once straved long enough, she will drop it. You can not predict, or control, how long that will take either, but it will happen given enough time.

Anyone who can 'make' you angry has control over you. You do not want this woman having any control over you. You do not want to make life choices based on her actions or feelings (hence the divorce).

In my case, I also filed for divorce. The eX did all the classic things: silent treatment, I hate you, I'll never talk to you again, we could have made it work / fixed us but you quit, we will never be friends, let's be friends, etc. I (tried my best and sometimes stumbled) to grey rock and ignored everything. Ultimately, she stopped trying. HOWEVER, she has three times randomly dropped off boxes of stuff at my new place. The first was a bunch of (inexpensive, she kept the good stuff) wedding and anniversary stuff. With a little note saying, 'I hope next time your lies mean more.' Still no contact for me. This happened twice more, and I eventually moved to a different rental (not because of her, had landlord issues). She doesn't have my new address, so now 100% zero contact (I just bank transfer my spousal support at the start of each month).

So bottomlime, indifference will come; but until then, grey rock and no external signs that you care. Let her act out and act up, expecting it to increase. Proceed with divorce and let the her and world see you just don't give a fuck. With practice and time, you won't! Already 75% 💪

Be safe out there...

DarkEnergy67 · 2024-04-26T07:06:12+00:00

Indifference is the way forward because you have let go of the past. Is she is doing this to get a reaction out if you, then she is the one with the problem because she hasn’t let go of you yet.

TreetopTarantula · 2024-04-26T05:00:03+00:00

next time she does it go up to the guy and, right in front of her, tell the guy “I’m her STBXH. Call me and I’ll let you know what you’re getting into.”

wisstinks4 · 2024-04-26T04:59:17+00:00

Manipulation requires a response. No response by you defeats the shady ploy. Or, go right up to the guy and give him your product overview of this woman and her defect flaws.

sylvianfisher · 2024-04-26T04:35:25+00:00

My response is to frustrate the attempt to mess with me. In your case, don't be at the gym when she is there. Or switch to another gym.

AttemptScary4550 · 2024-04-26T04:11:37+00:00

Ignore her. You are better than this petty behavior.

Enough_Youth_4564 · 2024-04-26T03:58:44+00:00

Ctrl+alt+dlt And move on.

MaitreGrandiose · 2024-04-26T03:36:31+00:00

She's pissed that her doormat & ATM decided to roll up & stop paying up - it's good that she's invested in provoking you; it means that you're successfully pursuing your own self-interest here. My ex was similarly vindictive when I started asserting myself

ajackofallthings · 2024-04-26T03:17:50+00:00

Why are you both going to the gym together still? Also.. who cares.. you're moving on.. tell her good luck. The sooner she gets remarried the better it is for you and someone else's problem

CommunicationNext936 · 2024-04-26T03:13:58+00:00

Move on she is not yours anymore 😂 good luck your free now

Diabolus-Optima · 2024-04-26T03:06:50+00:00

Now you see what type of person she truly is. That's a train to nowhere and you got off 1 stop ago.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-04-26T02:57:22+00:00

Over time that 75/25 will turn into 100/0. Soon, what she does will be a distant care and memory. Move on with your life and recovery. Over time the indifference goes to actually not giving a fuck!

Visual-Effect-3340 · 2024-04-26T02:30:12+00:00

That’s why she’s going to be your ex my friend

Medical_Strength_852 · 2024-04-26T02:20:56+00:00

Next time she does this, congratulate her on her new relationship. Tell her how happy you are for her to find her true love, then walk away. Stop going to same functions as she is: bars, weddings, gym, get together, unless you want to keep feeling bad about it.

Practical-Island-436 · 2024-04-26T02:20:34+00:00

Why are you going to the gym she still goes to

Melodic-Grapefruit-4 · 2024-04-26T02:16:07+00:00

You’re letting her get to you my guy. And she knows it too. Change gyms.

Title	Stbxw is trying to make me jealous by flirting with men. Any thoughts?
Author	Intelligent-Bee-5818
Upvotes	24
Comments	31
Date	April 26, 2024 2:11 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cd9q9f/stbxw_is_trying_to_make_me_jealous_by_flirting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/stbxw-is-trying-to-make-me-jealous-by-flirting.1516429 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516429

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