Q4M: if you have resigned to the idea that you will never get a woman to love you, then why not choose to be happy either way?

pg_throwaway · 2024-06-15T19:46:26+00:00

All you have wanted and desired and needed in life is the warm embrace of a woman who loves you and the comforting wetness and warmth of her vagina.

This is so "edgy teenager" lame, reading it makes me cringe.

Unless there is something I’m missing?

You're missing the fact that 99% of humans can't just turn of their basic psychological needs for close companionship, and for someone to love and who loves them back romantically. People aren't robots.

How about we lock you in dark room for 24 hours a day and say "well, you're not getting out, so just learn to be happy with it"? Will you suddenly be happy? Will you not feel depressed, anxious or go crazy?

ComfortableJeans · 2024-06-15T18:13:31+00:00

There are certain things the brain needs to be happy, due to the way male social structures are set up, they're not getting the level of connection they'd need outside of romantic relationships. Men just don't give that to one another. It won't change.

For the majority of men, they will only ever have a deep, vulnerable, sensitive, self-exposing connection with their romantic partner. Honestly, even that's lucky.

If you don't have a deep level of connection, you start to see a myriad of negative effects, from increased odds of high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, addiction, suicide, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer's disease, and so on.

So I get it, when they have literal needs that aren't able to be met and it's killing them, they can't just decide to be happy. The decision to be happy is one you make when you've gotten everything you need.

Isolation is terminal. And often, due to the way our society is structured, if we're being honest, by both men and women, even when surrounded by people, a lot of men can still be totally alone in any sense that's truly meaningful.

That being said, it's not as though women have an obligation to start dating lonely men that they're not into just to save them from this.

I'm just saying that these men aren't just fat little boys crossing their arms and pouting because no one has touched their penis and they're upsetti spaghetti. They're longing for a conection that they can't get anywhere else and is literally killing them.

But again, women can't really do much about that. They're not into those men. What are they going to do? Pity date someone? Fall in love out of pity? I doubt that's even possible.

There are men in horrible pain that can't seem to right it. And women can't really do anything to stop that pain without making things worse for themselves.

People will trivialize it, call it a need to show off the fact they've got a girlfriend, or refer to it as a childish whining for "comforting wetness and warmth of her vagina.", but the reality is that most men grew up the way I did. Working class, don't be a pussy, keep your mouth shut and be hard. And at least where I'm from, there are real social consequences for not meething that standard. There will be the odd shit head, but the majority of them are longing for a connection that everyone else takes for granted and often doesn't appreciate the importance of and don't have the words to say it.

They're hurting. They have a need that they can't fulfil while living in a world that doesn't afford them the opportunity to have it fulfilled for them, and it's causing them pain. Pain that if not corrected will eventually do something horrible to them. Both mentally and physically.

People underestimate the importance of deep social connections. It is a litteral NEED that humans evolved to have. Without it, we die awfully. Telling someone like this to "Just be happy" is akin to telling someone suffocating in a room with no oxygen to "Just breath." What they need in order to breath isn't available to them.

Just be happy isn't going to cut it.

Pegmaster6969696969 · 2024-06-15T21:25:23+00:00

If happiness was a choice depression wouldn't exist

Tobor_Xes240 · 2024-06-15T19:05:05+00:00

What’s stopping you from giving yourself permission to be happy

Imagine giving that pep talk to a woman who’s gone through multiple rounds of IVF and cannot conceive.

Nobody’s owed a partner towards whom they’re attracted, but the absence of one can’t be just erased from your waking life. I met an amazing woman last year who is putting herself out there despite her cerebral palsy. She doesn’t want anyone’s sympathy, but she was brave enough to admit that yeah, the situation that OP gleefully describes can’t be handwaved away by folks in the middle of it. There are innate needs.

Reveling in the sorrow of romantically unsuccessful men, as this OP has chosen to do, is the height of solipsism.

Weekly-Vacation-6929 · 2024-06-16T01:31:10+00:00

It's impossible to ever be satisfied without love, there are ways to cope about it, but i'll likely enver stop voicing my frustrations, jealousy or plights because again its unfeasible to be 'happy with your life' when lacking a crucial innate desire everyone around you seems to have.

2024-06-15T19:08:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

shadowrangerfs · 2024-06-16T08:51:28+00:00

Happiness isn't a choice. You can't just CHOOSE to be happy. Imagine applying this to anything else.

Just be happy in your abusive relationship if you can't get out of it.

If you're in a dirt poor country and can only eat once a week, just be happy only eating once per week.

If you're living in a cardboard box and you'll never be able to get off the street, just choose to be happy in your box.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-06-15T19:13:11+00:00

You don’t consciously choose to be happy or not, and if you’re missing out on a fundamental aspect of life that most people take for granted, it highly unlikely that you’ll simply shrug this off

Dense-Tell-6147 · 2024-06-15T23:28:40+00:00

I think that regardless of the presence of a partner, self sufficiency is a must have.

One has to feel good with themselves otherwise it will be hard to attract someone to a place of instability or boredom for lack of interests.

But while self-sufficiency is necessary, it might very well not be sufficient (no pun intended).

A guy I knew, was cultivated, had lots of friends, interests, a healthy bmi and habits and no underlying condition, just uglier than the sin.

He took his life because in spite of his numerous interests and lots of loving friends, he suffered the lack of intimacy.

He might have been an outlier, but he really got me thinking, in a meritocratic society there are things that can’t be changed in any way and not everyone is willing to accept a subpar life for the sake of it

nnuunn · 2024-06-15T20:09:05+00:00

I get that this is a bit, but in any case it's because meaning and purpose are far more important than happiness, and most other sources of meaning and aren't human beings, and even when they are you can't have sex with them. That's the honest answer.

Silver_Switch_3109 · 2024-06-16T23:08:36+00:00

You cannot control what emotions you feel so those men simply cannot choose to be happy.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-06-15T17:50:08+00:00

The thing you are missing is they want to be the winner! It’s not just about being happy, it about getting what they want, who they want, when they want it. AND proving they are the winner by living that life better than anyone else around them (especially the ones that might have teased or bullied them) they need to win!

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