Is dating a 'boss babes' really that bad as long you agree on common values?

Novadina · 2024-07-11T19:22:20+00:00

I have a successful career, and I don’t get the claim we’d have to be “disagreeable” at work??? What? That’s not how it works at all, me being easy to get along with is one of the things brought up as a positive when I get promotions. (Last review I was told how multiple people expressed a desire to work with me as I was pleasant to work with and they are able to learn a lot from me.)

When I do disagree it’s usually pushing back on insane requests from non technical people and my boss and team greatly appreciates me doing that. I’m respectfully disagreeing though, basically explaining why it’s a bad idea and how it will negatively affect our customers if we do their thing, and can convince them to change from my explanation.

Bikerbats · 2024-07-11T19:39:39+00:00

Unless she's a lawyer, why would she have to be disagreeable at work? This doesn't make any sense at all.

throwRA-lifeadvice · 2024-07-11T19:38:27+00:00

Being with a woman who is driven and ambitious is not a bad thing.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-07-11T19:57:23+00:00

My lady likes having job because she likes having her own money right spend on things she wants. Hasn’t affected our relationship out of odd scheduling conflicts here and there.

bluestjuice · 2024-07-11T20:49:07+00:00

To be honest, the only people I actually hear use the phrase “boss babe” are grumpy conservative men who are imagining a caricature 90’s era female executive in a pantsuit, and recent female college graduates on social media gassed about their first real professional job.

I expect that there are logistical downsides to being in a relationship with anyone whose career ambitions play an outsized role in their life (regardless of gender), but most people are ultimately seeking balance and want to succeed and progress in their career while also having a robust and satisfying personal life. And the women who really succeed in their careers while being hateful and argumentative all the time are few and far between.

NothingOrAllLife · 2024-07-11T21:44:57+00:00

I have a job that requires me, at times, to be combative and argumentative. I try my best not to take it into my personal relationships. My job also requires me to be the super observant, a-type.

The same is true for the men in my field. They are also not taking it home with them (mostly) and subjecting their partners to it.

The complaining around “boss-babe” women is so strange to me. It’s as if these men are fine if men behave this way. But no one wants a disagreeable, bossy,demanding partner.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-07-11T19:59:37+00:00

I disagree with the premise that powerful or successful means disagreeable. This is for anybody, man or woman. Many people gain power in their careers and become leaders and thrive in that role because they are empathetic in addition to being authoritative.

I've read some material that indicates women tend to (but don't always) have a slightly "softer" leadership style but receive equally good reviews from reports because they are perceived as caring about their team. So if anything powerful women tend to be a bit more agreeable than their male counterparts.

Also, professional life does not equal personal life. I've dated women at director level at Fortune 500 companies and C-suite at smaller companies. Some of them have been extremely soft and even (self-described as) submissive in their romantic relationships, despite being completely authoritative "boss babes" in their professional roles. Not every powerful woman is like this, but many want to be the boss professionally but turn that off and be more cared for in their personal lives.

So the point is that I think it's more about two people having compatible desired styles of relating and affection (dominant/submissive/neither) than having common values, at least when we're talking about this issue.

username_6916 · 2024-07-11T20:54:13+00:00

The entire reason I have a career at all is to support my wife and family. If it's just me, I can retire and live on some $30k a year in investment returns someplace fun. The only reason I don't so I can provide a better life for the possible future family I may or may not someday have. My career is the sacrifice I make, not an goal in and of itself.

To this end, I think someone being a 'boss babe' signals some pretty big differences in values. For me, money is a means of buying security, not status. I'm deeply allergic to status and power games in general. Someone with that level of career ambition likely has a different view of money and status, one that I rather dislike. I'd be terrified that I'd be roped into spending all that I earn on consumerist 'keeping up with the Jonses' crap and experiences that do nothing to improve our life but show off our ability to spend money. Someone who wouldn't appreciate my sacrifice because she sees the career as something that's enjoyable and fun for it's own sake.

To me it signals a deep incompatibility in values. I can appreciate someone who takes professional pride in a job well done, but to me that's very different than the kind of ambition to climb the corporate ladder into higher and higher rungs of management.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-07-11T19:24:02+00:00

The only people that complain about ‘boss babes’ are the guys that expect their wife’s/gfs to put her role as wife/gf before herself. It doesn’t matter what job she does, she should be running home to have dinner out in the table for him, never arguing and always agrees, and puts him and his needs first.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-07-11T21:02:02+00:00

Are ambitious career driven men also disagreeable in your opinion?

januaryphilosopher · 2024-07-11T22:44:56+00:00

What do you mean by disagree in the workplace? Unless she's a lawyer or something her goal will generally be to work with others but stand up for her views when they differ in a meaningful way and not just roll over and be complacent, which is surely what you want in a relationship too. Do you think men in similar jobs struggle with this?

Upset_Material_3372 · 2024-07-12T06:34:36+00:00

Most of the time they have such high standards, regardless of their true desirability, that no guy CAN even date them.

Cunning_Linguists_ · 2024-07-11T20:30:03+00:00

Boss babe is about the attitude. It's not just a woman who does good at her job, it's about a woman who brags and makes it her whole persona.

kongeriket · 2024-07-11T20:33:21+00:00

Yes, it is.

I dated a top lawyer. Would've gladly escalated from FWB to marriage but her logistics were straight up dogshit because, guess what, to actually climb up the ranks in that profession (criminal defense) you need to be available 24/7 most of your youth.

Just scheduling a week-end for us was an impossibility. Half of the time would get postponed because one of her clients would get arrested or had some other emergency and she had to go where the client was (100+ km away). And routinely those emergencies happened at 11PM. Or 4AM. On a Sunday.

We got along really well and agreed on most things, but there's no way I would've wasted my time with someone who prioritized her career that way. I wished her good luck, married a year later with someone else and I'm glad I did. I have reproduced and I'm happy (and, ironically, my small company eventually took off and still ended up making more money even without being a crazy careerist). Meanwhile she's single and childless at 39 and now regrets it.

Unless this is rare and in most cases

It really does depend on the field. And how high the aim is. And the country, of course.

If it's a highly competitive field in a country that puts a lot of pressure on that field, statistically, a relationship with such a woman doesn't work out, regardless of what the man does.

While this is controversial on Reddit, the fact remains: Men are not women. And subscribing to ideas that regard men and women as interchangeable has a lot of limits enforced by reality itself.

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Hoopy223 · 2024-07-11T22:40:21+00:00

It depends on whether or not they have a feminine warmth. Some do, some don’t, some are just pissed off Ice Queens.

wtknight · 2024-07-11T19:29:45+00:00

I personally think it’s worse because, as her accomplishments increase, the expectations that she has of her partner will increase. But if the goal is to earn a combined income that supports a lifestyle that the man wants, then it might be worth it.

DaddyStone13 · 2024-07-11T20:02:59+00:00

because the man has to be better than her in nearly every category for the relationship to work.

VWGUYWV · 2024-07-11T19:46:58+00:00

She’s going to nitpick the shit out of you eventually

SaBahRub · 2024-07-11T19:18:32+00:00

If the common value is “me first, you second”, no

Title	Is dating a 'boss babes' really that bad as long you agree on common values?
Author	harmonica2
Upvotes	0
Comments	110
Date	July 11, 2024 7:14 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1e0x1l8/is_dating_a_boss_babes_really_that_bad_as_long/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-dating-a-boss-babes-really-that-bad-as-long-you.1523974 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523974

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