Q4W: You and your partner just had sex. They climaxed but you did not, who is responsible?

krayon_kylie · 2024-07-22T14:38:23+00:00

obama

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-07-22T14:22:15+00:00

Depends. Was there an effort on their part to contribute to my orgasm?

An orgasm isn’t a guarantee, but an effort is absolutely required imo.

bluepvtstorm · 2024-07-22T14:18:03+00:00

Both are to blame. There are ways to slow him down so that you can somehow catch up but if you haven’t established that type of relationship with your partner and he gets his before you do then the precedent has been set a long time ago.

I am not going to sit there and stew about it though. I am pulling out a toy and giving myself 2 or 3 loud ones.

uglysaladisugly · 2024-07-22T14:22:45+00:00

No one. Shit happens. But if it's a habit. Then there is a problem.

Responsibility would depend on how the sex went and if there was communication about this kind of things before.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-07-22T14:41:13+00:00

Nobody is to blame. They can help me finish in other ways, if they're too tired for that, I can finish myself off.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2024-07-22T14:43:53+00:00

No one. I can usually tell going into the act if I'm going to reach an O. My husband's performance is always steady, but my likelihood of an orgasm is tethered to my hormones. Really good, easy and intense ones are tied to ovulation and my period, however hard to reach, weak, and non existent orgasms are tied to the opposite ends of my cycle.

We've had plenty of practice, and there have been times when my husband has tried his damnedest but I'm either in the luteal or follicular phase so it just wasn't happening.

However the overriding ethos of our sex life is that I get mine first, and then he follows.

Downtown_Cat_1173 · 2024-07-22T15:15:18+00:00

Nobody is to blame as long as everyone is ready to be done. If only one person climaxed and the other person did not and wants to, you’re not done.

If you get yours and don’t want the other person to get theirs, you’re to blame.

toasterchild · 2024-07-22T14:49:22+00:00

It really depends on whether or not they care about my pleasure or if they are just a selfish person. It's ok to be sexually frustrated sometimes with someone who cares about you, its not if you are with someone who doesn't care about you.

attendquoi · 2024-07-22T16:12:44+00:00

Both. I've never dated a guy who didn't prioritize my orgasm, though.

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2024-07-22T17:09:16+00:00

Did he put in the effort? Then it's no one's fault. Sometimes it's just not happening, I'll tell him that, and we'll continue til he gets there. If I drank too much then I'll even say it's on me.

If he didn't even try/gave up early then it's his fault and I'll be grouchy about it. It doesn't take me long to have an orgasm or figure out that it's not happening, there's no excuse for laziness.

And by "trying" I mean oral sex, to be clear. I just don't have sex with guys who don't go down. There's no point.

Planthoe30 · 2024-07-22T21:40:03+00:00

You are responsible for communicating your needs however if you have communicated clearly then the blame shifts to your partner. Also if they tried and it didn’t happen then I would blame nobody.

EulenWatcher · 2024-07-22T15:01:17+00:00

In a rare case when I just can’t reach it, it’s usually my own body screwing me over. Either high anxiety or some physical discomfort. So that’s on my body and not on my or my husband’s efforts. But it happens once in a blue moon anyway.

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2024-07-22T15:16:33+00:00

This never really happens to me bc my man can make me cum multiple times in a day. In the odd case that it did happen, it wouldn’t be anyone’s fault. Orgasms take concentration and you have to be in the right headspace to reach it. I would just let him know if it didn’t happen and we’d move on with our day and try again another time.

rosesonthefloor · 2024-07-22T19:50:11+00:00

I don’t know if “responsibility” is the right way to frame this. If I’m regularly sexually frustrated at the kind of sex I’m having with my partner, I’d communicate like an adult.

But given the fact that we all know guys are pretty much done after their orgasm lol, if he wants me to orgasm, he has to prioritize making it happen during foreplay or sex. If I want to orgasm, I’m going to prioritize making it happen during foreplay or sex. We’re both willing participants who work together to craft the experience we want to have.

I guess the only “responsibility” is the fact that I expect that he cares about my pleasure, so he is going to put effort into making it a pleasurable experience for me, in much the same way that I put effort into making it a pleasurable experience for him.

But sometimes it just doesn’t happen, and that’s okay.

Large-Signal-157 · 2024-07-22T14:25:00+00:00

If it’s a frequent occurrence we won’t be having sex again. I’m not a charity whoreganization. I need to cum when I have sex.

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-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-07-22T16:33:38+00:00

I never dated a man who didn't make me cum first regularly, unless it's the rare quickie in which case I didn't expect to cum. I don't get thinking about it as "responsibility", it's no one's responsibility, but if you didn't have sex that way from the 1st time we did it I'm not dating you anyway

egalitarian-flan · 2024-07-23T04:10:38+00:00

At first everything is okay, and you are enjoying it. But eventually they get theirs and are too spent to continue.

In my own life, this wouldn't happen because I'm hornier and far easier to please sexually than he is. 99% of the time I orgasm within the first 5 minutes.

You have not reached orgasm and as a result, you are feeling a little sexually frustrated. How would you distribute the responsibility for this percentage-wise?

I suppose it would depend on why I didn't orgasm as usual. Was it a really weird thing, where he wasn't himself and didn't touch me sexually at all?

Mentathiel · 2024-07-25T12:37:12+00:00

Responsibility depends on who did what and why.

For example, if I never communicated that I want an orgasm, how to help me achieve it, when do I want it, do I want it every time we have sex, etc. then it's almost entirely my responsibility that it didn't happen. I say almost because I'd expect most men to ask, I'd ask if they weren't cumming, but still, it's primarily my responsibility.

If I communicate everything and we have agreed we'd try to get me there together and what-not, then it depends on why it failed. If I'm in my own head and self-conscious or something, that would probably be my responsibility entirely to the degree that it's changeable (some amount of that is just human I feel like, but a lot of it you can work on). If I don't get there because they are too lazy and complain and don't do the things we've agreed or something, then it's their fault (I can still get myself off, but that's not the point, we were pleasuring each other). If I'm just physiologically not hornyable at the moment and we're both putting in the effort, that's nobody's fault. If they initially agreed to get me off or to do it every time or whatever, but they don't really feel like it that particular time for whatever reason, that's also nobody's fault and is just human I think, as long as it's not a pattern that makes it seem like they don't even care, but want theirs.

apresonly · 2024-07-25T17:42:48+00:00

why would sex end without you giving your partner an orgasm?

sex doesn't stop just bc you cum.

SaBahRub · 2024-07-22T15:43:25+00:00

Them, because they claimed to want me to enjoy it and they know how to do it. And it’s not hard

januaryphilosopher · 2024-07-22T14:46:14+00:00

It's not, like a problem. I can just orgasm with or without his help, whatever I want. With the way we have sex he's not going to orgasm against my decisions anyway so it's certainly me.

MistyMaisel · 2024-07-22T14:58:14+00:00

I mean, in my experience, it's usually my fault for not communicating earlier that I need more of something and his fault for moving too fast and then getting too excited and blowing his load without checking in. I might add a little more to his side because it doesn't usually go over super well to communicate that the penis wasn't enough in this case so who is gonna tell you that if you don't take the info well.

To be clear, this is with you having removed being tired, stressed, etc. certain part of the cycle from the mix. Those are more often the culprit for both me and my dude. That's usually the cause of the spirit being willing, but the body frail.

YaKnowEstacado · 2024-07-22T15:18:49+00:00

If he tried and it just didn't happen it's no one's fault, sometimes it be like that. If he didn't try, it's his fault.

Title	Q4W: You and your partner just had sex. They climaxed but you did not, who is responsible?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	0
Comments	107
Date	July 22, 2024 2:12 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1e9fams/q4w_you_and_your_partner_just_had_sex_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-you-and-your-partner-just-had-sex-they.1524991 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524991

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