The stat about men’s suicide rate is referenced all the time. But if it was actually such a big deal, why aren’t we seeing any change from men?

In this discussion, I want to address 2 different types of caring: actionable and emotional.

  1. Action-based caring

Men as a collective claim to be (very reasonably and understandably) worried about men’s mental health and suicide rates. Yet, very few things have actually been done to combat this. Where are the men’s movements? Men’s marches? Protests? Fundraising for men to seek mental health who can’t afford it? Yes, there are a few groups like this, but so very often, contain misogynistic view points and essentially contain a space to hate/blame women. Are there actual organizations out there that focus on men’s health for the purpose of helping men’s health? Maybe? But if the general male population cared enough about these topics, why are they not seeking out these organizations? Why are these charities not more popular among men?

As a parallel, look at black history in the US. The black community fought SO hard to be where they’re at today (even though there is still racism, it is a clear improvements from the 1800’s). They had marches, charities, community events, community organizations, speakers, etc. When a group of people truly care about something horrible happening to their community, they will take action. So far, the only action I’ve seen about men’s mental health is podcast bros talking about how trash therapy is, or how it’s actually women’s fault, or other toxic viewpoints. How can men say they care, when their actions are just misogyny camouflaged as promoting mental health?

  1. Emotion-based caring

When people think of “caring”, they usually associate it with the emotional aspect. This is also a big portion of why I don’t think men actually care about men’s mental health. When the stat about men’s suicide rates are referenced, it is usually as a way to discredit what women are struggling through, or, as a way to essentially ask for pity. They are sad because they feel no one cares about them. While this is a really heartbreaking place to be in, why are men not leaning on each other more? Men’s friendships are pretty surface level- just hop on a call, play some video games, shoot the shit, laugh and make jokes (sometimes even jokes about each other), and call it a night. No wonder men are so lonely!!! So why not create deeper friendships and deeper emotional bonds so you don’t feel so emotionally alone?

What is it that your friend needs right now? How are they truly doing today? What can you do to help them? What are they struggling with? What are their relationships like with the people in their lives? What emotions do they normally experience or maybe are struggling to identify? If you show your support towards friends, they’ll give you their support in return (and if they don’t, trash friends get new ones). Each party is just waiting for the other to make the first move in vulnerability and changing the dynamics of your current conversations. There are wayyyy too many conversations from men being: “hey what’s up how’s the girlfriend?” “Hey man, she’s crazy af but whatever, I’m glad to get away.” “Damn dude that sucks. What game you wanna play?” There are so many opportunities to show small ways you care about your bro’s mental health, that are just passed by and ignored all the time.

Conclusion ig

You cannot claim to care about men’s mental health while doing absolutely nothing to show you care. Actions speak louder than words always. If you do claim to care, what have you, yes YOU, specifically done TODAY to show this? What movements have you joined/started? What donations have you made? How have you been there emotionally for your friends today??

Too many men care about their OWN mental health and the empathy stops there. They just wait for someone to reach out to them and say they care. So many men are just waiting for someone else to make these first steps, and it instead has men’s mental health discussions at a standstill. “Caring” while doing nothing is just empty words disguised as some form of empathy.

tl;dr men don’t care about men’s mental health. oh, YOU do? prove it.