Advice needed: Meeting ex’s boyfriend at my own kids birthday party.

Fiftee_One51 · 2024-12-07T23:38:51+00:00

I'm in this situation for tomorrow, except it is AP. I'm so broken between showing up for my boy no matter what and the stress, aggression, and emotions of dealing with guy. Add on its her boyfriend from before we got together at 16 and routinely popped up as an issue in our relationship.

RichardCleveland · 2024-09-06T19:27:14+00:00

I would walk over, shake his hand and say it's nice to meet you. You don't know what your ex has been telling him, so showing that your a nice normal guy is paramount.

AvacodoCartwheeler · 2024-09-03T17:23:53+00:00

The best thing to do is be cool. Warmly greet the new guy, say your son has said some really great things about him and you are happy to formally meet him. Then ask if you can get him anything (a drink or whatever), he'll say no, and then tell him to have a great time!

Be warm and sincere and move on. She'll hate it.

Boomhower113 · 2024-09-02T05:17:57+00:00

You’re never going to be bros, but be friendly to the guy. If anything, make him like you a bit. It’ll probably fuck her up a little.

“Bob, how are you? Heard a lot about you. It’s really nice to meet you. Can I get you anything?”

If you have anything in common; work, hobbies, whatever, bring it up briefly, have a quick laugh and move on.

It isn’t his fault. He’s just trying to get laid. She wants you to make a scene. Don’t even come close to it.

DivorceTA1988 · 2024-09-02T00:31:23+00:00

If you’re not in a crazy high conflict situation then just go and don’t make a big deal out of anything. My ex and I have been able to throw one party without issue.

Adventurous_Fact2083 · 2024-09-01T23:11:29+00:00

It baffles me the guys on this sub that want to be friends with their exs bfs/fiances/husband. Fuck them and the horse they rode in on. You’re no longer in prison. The ones who want to be “friends” y’all need to take a look at yourself in a mirror and question yourself if you’re really a man. My god grow some balls. Divorces are business transactions only. They are your enemy. There’s no such thing as cordial co-parents. To answer the OPs question don’t go to the party and have your own party for the kid.

MaxViewingAngle · 2024-09-01T22:55:06+00:00

Be cordial. Like a business gathering. That’s it. I was in the same situation, but the guy was the one sleeping over a week after I left. Anxiety inducing situation, for sure.

caelfu · 2024-09-01T22:51:58+00:00

I would just be cordial. This person is near your kids, so I would make sure you try and get to know them.

Just my 2 cents.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2024-09-01T22:13:47+00:00

Why are you going to her parties?!?

Prudent_Door9866 · 2024-09-01T21:26:07+00:00

Two birthday parties.

MotorBoatingCFL · 2024-09-01T19:48:14+00:00

I'm about to walk this path myself with ironically the same affair/divorce timeline and ages of kids as OP.

I really appreciate everyone's advice and feedback.

You all are champions. 👊

SnooDucks2052 · 2024-09-01T18:09:52+00:00

Look your best. Be friendly, don’t drink alcohol & sent as much time as possible with your kids. If you don’t have feelings for her this is light work.

krazykanuck · 2024-09-01T17:34:55+00:00

Food for thought; an ally living with your ex can't be a bad thing. You don't have to like him, but if he's cool, why not.

QuirkyFee3202 · 2024-09-01T17:32:44+00:00

I would agree with the honorable introduction. The reality is that the courts will come after men easily enough. So if this dude makes your ex happy so she leaves you alone and let’s you be a dad then that is someone helping you out. If he is a detriment to the kids or unsafe…well then that is a different story. Read up on CPS laws and make sure your home will easily past the inspections and do what you have to do within the system to protect your kids.

Reflog1791 · 2024-09-01T17:11:15+00:00

Less is more. A handshake and introduce yourself. Then go play with the kids and enjoy yourself.

captainchippsixx · 2024-09-01T17:08:29+00:00

First thing I thought my of was what kind of dumb ass dates a cheater…. I bet he has no fucking idea what she has done.

I hope this guy asks you what happened so you can laugh and say she is 304 man. Or if they marry does it help you out of alimony?

her_dog_is_odd · 2024-09-01T17:04:49+00:00

Just here to say that our situations are nearly identical. Cheating ex, new guy who wasn’t “the” guy. What I would add to u/oldschool818’s advice is to ask your kids in advance of the party how they get along with him. Not so that you can bring it up at the party (no need to make a scene) but so that you can be “keenly observant” of any behaviors brought up by the kids. Is he good with the kids? Does he mostly ignore them? Are their interactions negative? That kind of thing.

Let them enjoy the party. If you notice anything irregular or worrisome, wait until after, maybe even days later, to discuss with the kids. I’ve never directly spoken to my ex about her new husband’s behavior (which is thankfully good), but I certainly let my kids know to talk to me or her about anything out of the ordinary.

JustSomeDude7287 · 2024-09-01T16:43:32+00:00

Two options. 1. Start celebrating the kids birthday and any event when possible separately. 2. If you must attend be cordial since he’s not the AP. Have a relationship with him if he respects you then he’ll respect your kids more. Be open to having a relationship with him and get to know him but keep a distance.

If it was me though because she cheated and is a scum. I’d shake his hands and say good luck or buckle up.

oldschool818 · 2024-09-01T15:58:28+00:00

How would the King treat a visitor in his castle? Respectful, cordial, but keenly observant.

Get the guy a drink, treat him like an invited guest, don’t be overly friendly but don’t wall him off.

A buddy of mine set the gold standard for this and it worked well, as the guy had nothing to do with causing his divorce.

Referred to his ex-wife’s guy as his “Husband In Law” when introducing him to people.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-09-01T15:53:35+00:00

Eye contact, firm handshake, “nice to meet you”. You don’t have to be friends but this dude is in your kids lives now and a relationship that isn’t shitty benefits them, ultimately.

Title	Advice needed: Meeting ex’s boyfriend at my own kids birthday party.
Author	Old-Macaroon8148
Upvotes	26
Comments	43
Date	September 1, 2024 2:52 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f6gatw/advice_needed_meeting_exs_boyfriend_at_my_own/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/advice-needed-meeting-exs-boyfriend-at-my-own-kids.1529079 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529079

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