Hi ladies. I'm in a bit of a dilemma here, and honestly feeling pretty distraught.

I (F28) have been dating my boyfriend (M40) a little over half a year. He's financially stable and saving aggressively for early-retirement. I'm starting a career in an artistic field with basically nothing. I've worked hard and achieved a lot, but still have no income. I have less than $1000 in my savings, live with my parents, and plan to get by on government aid until the project I'm working on pays off (big "if"). I'm extremely frugal and not bad with money, but I spent the first half of my 20s fighting an illness that kept me housebound. I'm OK now, just set back financially.

My BF has structured retirement/financial goals that are very important to him. He spends a LOT of time ruminating over finances, and as a result it's a big topic of conversation between us. My own struggles are never really considered. I don't mind, but it's becoming more and more difficult to empathize with his constant money stress— he has more than I could dream of, whereas I have nothing.

When we met, he seemed pretty keen to provide in basic ways, mainly food and housing. He was looking to buy a house and wanted me to move in with him. He's since changed his mind about the house (too expensive). He now can't decide where he's going to live or what he wants to do. One day he's planning to rent a house; the next he wants to move to the city for grad school; the next he wants to quit his job and live in an RV to save money.

He lives over an hour away and, because I live with my parents, I do 100% of the traveling. I'm probably spending 60-70% of my time with him. Living between two places is incredibly stressful. I feel like I'm constantly packing, unpacking, and trying to recalibrate. When I'm over, I clean up after myself, cook for him and wash dishes, make the bed, etc. He pays for groceries and the occasional date.

I recently came to a boiling point over the constant traveling/stress. He told me he would be able to rent a house through his job this summer and this would "solve a lot of these issues." To clarify, I asked if he would be okay with me living with him. He said he would be willing, but that ideally we would get married before living together. He also implied that next year would be too soon to get married, so I left the conversation feeling confused and not knowing where I stood.

He often hints at wanting me to help out around the house more. I've bristled at the idea because, well, I don't live with him. He's complained in a semi-joking way about me never taking out the trash, for example, and said that I should because I "generate more trash" than him. Not taking into account that I only "generate trash" because I clean the kitchen and cook for him twice a day.

Things came to a head yesterday. I spent an hour cutting his hair, and then he asked me to clean the bathroom while he did other chores. I've cleaned his bathroom before, but it was meant to be a nice, occasional act of service rather than an expectation. I told him I really didn't want to, because I have my own bathroom to clean and I usually spend a day doing it every time I go home. This put him in a bad mood until after dinner.

He said he didn't understand why I, as his partner, wouldn't take on half of the domestic load on a chore day. He thinks I should have, because I knew I would be staying a week (we got snowed in), and that he wouldn't have time to do the chores alone because I spend all of his off-days with him. I expressed my frustration again about feeling caught between two places, and honestly feeling that I was being taken advantage of. He claimed he wasn't trying to take advantage at all; he was just asking me to help out because he was overwhelmed.

What we talked about next sort of rattled me. I told him I felt like I had no sense of stability or security (or any timeline around when we might get married or move in together), and he basically said that he has no intention of ever going out of his way to provide. He also said he'd never rent us a bigger apartment just so that we could live together, because it would set him back financially. He "absolutely refused" to prioritize me over his financial goals, and would probably live in an RV next year to save money so he wouldn't have to work.

The most hurtful thing is that he said he "doesn't want to be my sugar daddy." As far as I'm aware, the older, financially stable partner who provides basic housing and grocery staples isn't a sugar daddy. That's just a spouse. Implying that I'm a gold digger for floating the idea of him letting me live in a house that he was going to rent anyway, rather than spending 70% of my time living out of a backpack + trying to take up as little space as possible, feels so unfair. I have never asked him to pay any of my expenses. The essential groceries he buys for "me" he consumes the majority of, anyway. I'm really not costing him money in any way or asking him to provide me a high quality of life.

I understand where he's coming from, but I feel sore about the whole thing. He says we'll figure it out when we get there, but I'm starting to worry that I'll never have any kind of security in this relationship. He's very pro-marriage, but it seems like he won't propose until it feels financially viable, which, knowing how neurotic he is about finances, might be years from now.

I won't be broke forever, but I'll never have as much money as he does. I could work in the service industry for 10+ years and still not save that much. The idea of getting another job so we can split finances 50/50 feels deeply unfair. He often says he loves taking care of me, and that I can always ask him for something I need/can't afford, so I feel like I'm getting mixed signals. He also says that buying groceries and the majority of our expenses is something he likes doing, but it "won't extend indefinitely." I want to mention that I don't stay with him for a free ride. I structure my life around when he wants to see me, and I pay my own gas, bring gifts and snacks, buy him booze, and pay for my own necessities. I.E., I spent $70 visiting this week.

I'm not really sure how to proceed or resolve this. Am I being unreasonable? How do I continue to talk to him about this? Thank all in advance for any advice.