Would you let your spouse cheat on you if they treated you well and provided

Necessary_Ad90 · 2025-03-11T09:46:49+00:00

Yeah I tried this. It ends badly. He got too big for his britches and it burned him in the end.

My ex was a good provider, however he had a bad habit of not being able to remain sexually loyal.

When he cheated the first time, it wasn't anything we agreed upon he just did what he wanted because he felt entitled to because he was the provider, with no regards for my feelings or health.

I was devastated, this took a bad effect on my self esteem. We hadn't even made it a year together before he cheated the first time.

Instead of being honest when asked about it he gaslit me said what I saw wasn't real, and that I misinterpreted their messages. So i Left it alone even though I knew i wasn't crazy. However the emotional damage was already done, so it bothered me some days more than others. Some days it got brought up through passive aggression and anger, because the sadness was still lingering

When I finally got it out of him the next couple of times he cheated he said I didn't cook enough, so I fixed that. I cooked more often.

next time it happened his excuse was that I didn't clean enough, so i fixed that too and cleaned more often to try to please him. then again, to which his response was he's the provider he should be able to cheat and have sex with who he please because he does a Majority of the work that pays for the house and bought the house on his own (I was 17 when he bought the house he was 22 at the time and we both worked full time and had combined bank accounts)

The finally time I attempted to bring it up he then said if I don't like him having sex with other women I can leave. He knew I didn't have anywhere else to go. I stopped talking to my friends and family because he didn't like them at the time, when I did it would just cause arguments between us.

I eventually left after 5 years, I couldn't take it anymore. Thankfully I'm in a much healthier relationship.

Ever since that relationship I can't really justify cheating, after feeling the way it breaks you down emotionally and harms your mental health and self esteem. I don't care how much you provide. A house isn't good enough if you can't make it into a home. I can't live with someone I no longer love who has hurt me time and time again and breaks my trust and if it's nothing and treats my feelings as if I'm some stranger on the street. I never understood how you can do that to someone you claim you want as your wife.

It's funny because when I was leaving is when he finally goes "I will stay loyal to you and only have sex with you if it means you stay." While I begged for that the whole relationship. My current boyfriend has no issue with loyalty. Until this day I still can't understand why my previous boyfriend has such an issue remaining loyal. but what I can tell you is it will cost you to be unloyal.

Thankfully we didn't have children together so that made it easier to separate. I forgot to mention he had a good job and I was well taken care of but money means nothing when you're mentally unwell. If I need money I can provide for myself. Considering I worked all that relationship it wouldn't be any different than being on my own.

TheFeminineFrame · 2025-03-11T06:39:46+00:00

In marriage there is the joining of the romantic and the practical. Ideally there is love and attraction but also financial and emotional stability for raising children.

Some women are dialed in more towards the romantic. All you need is love.

Others are dialed more pragmatically and value the financial stability more.

The more “romantically dialed” woman would feel completely disrespected and betrayed whilst the more “pragmatically dialed” woman might not even care.

Neither one of these ways of being are incorrect. I would hope no one is staying because of insecurity or because they feel trapped and I would never judge a woman for whatever decision she makes.

I-love-rainbows · 2025-03-11T05:34:18+00:00

Does it go both ways? Am I also allowed to cheat while he’s off cheating? That might make it more bearable. I really don’t know how I would respond but I can’t say I would absolutely leave or absolutely stay. It would depend on a number of factors.

Dionne005 · 2025-03-11T04:46:22+00:00

I would leave, take the kids and half his income for the next 15 years. Once I can maybe see. Several times is a flat out sociopath who doesn’t give a damn about you or your kids. My father was a serial cheater. He is a scumbag. He drove away my mother who later died after she became depressed and an addict over it, took a new woman who abused us but my dad didn’t care because she basically let him cheat. That made it worth it to him. Sure I’m biased but this is the kind of scum that’s a serial cheater. Will you be ok with it when he gives you an STD or worse? When he bangs a crazy one who stalks your home? When women start showing up to bribe your kids to favor them? You get where I’m going here? All these things are possible and your husband doesn’t give a damn if they happen to you. Have some respect for yourself. Take the pos for everything.

Ok_Ice621 · 2025-03-11T12:46:53+00:00

Cheating is a form of abuse and also reflects lack of discipline. Men who lack integrity towards their spouses cheat and I wouldn’t be married to anyone who lacks integrity in general and certainly someone who lacks integrity towards me. Sorry there is no treating me good if you are a cheater.

BitExpensive7688 · 2025-03-12T02:20:02+00:00

I would stop having sex and make plans for leaving but take my sweet time. I would open my own account a funnel as much money into it during that time. I would practice detachment, have him pay for my gym membership and child care while I built up my life under the guise of “self care”. I would listen to Laura Doyle audiobooks and Shera to learn about manipulating men. He’s top 1% of men? You could easily get him to pay for the things you need to have the job of your dreams. I mean any job. You’re in the position to have him pay for something stupid expensive that could land you the life of your dreams. Just act excited and passionate about it. If you can have him buy you things in your name- car, home, do it. I would also quit my job if I were you. More money in the divorce for a stay at home mom. You can always get another one as you come closer to your exit Take your time, honey. You’ve got little kids- do you want to take care of them alone? He’s using you for resources- a wife at home is IMAGE, regular sex, I assume. Why shouldn’t you follow his lead and use him for his resources. Focus on yourself, Go on dates. Gain confidence. You’ve got this.

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-03-11T09:14:25+00:00

I've never really bought into the idea that it's better to have happy divorced parents, than miserable ones who are still together. Rarely, and certainly not in the case of my own parents, are the divorced ones any better off emotionally or mentally, not to mention financially. If they are, it's usually after their children have grown up and moved out. The kids just no longer have a buffer parent. At least the ones who stay together get to see their kids every day and vice versa. Under few circumstances would I agree to see my children only half the time. I can't say this is one of them, since none of us would be in any danger. I'd stay, spend his money, let him have sex with other women, but no longer with me. Apparently, he's being pretty discreet about it, so whatever. I'm not giving up half my children's childhood, because he can't keep it in his pants.

All that said, with even the laziest of vetting, you should be able to avoid the kind of sociopath who would just indiscriminately cheat. His income is irrelevant and doesn't make it more worth it. I'll stick with my hardworking, middle class, faithful husband.

Fun-Pizza44 · 2025-03-11T14:27:50+00:00

No, A house divided against itself will not stand. This is why it’s permissible to leave for cheating, physical and emotional abuse. Cheating is emotional abuse point blank period.

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2025-03-11T13:35:06+00:00

I would leave and take the kids with me. If my husband cheated on me I would lose respect for him. I can't be married to or be in a relationship with a man I don't respect.

Secondly my ex cheated on me. I tried to reconcile and it didn't work. I'm not going through that again with anyone. People who cheat frequently have Dark Triad traits and/or are entitled. I really don't want to be associated with anyone like that.

My husband knows exactly where I stand on this issue.

Consistent-Citron513 · 2025-03-11T05:04:04+00:00

I would leave and make sure that I get half of his income. Cheating on me at all, but especially more than once is not truly taking care of me. If he says that he won't sleep with someone & I still find evidence, then he's lying, which is another deal breaker for me. My father and pretty much all the men on his side of the family are/were serial cheaters. It's something that I told myself I'd never stand for, and all trust would be broken.

RepresentativeEye518 · 2025-03-11T15:53:43+00:00

In my view, infidelity fundamentally breaches the trust essential for a healthy relationship. While some might weigh factors like financial security or the well-being of children when deciding whether to stay, it’s crucial to consider the long-term emotional impact of remaining in a relationship where trust has been compromised. Each individual must assess their own values and boundaries to determine the best course of action for their well-being and that of their family.

voshtak · 2025-03-11T17:19:52+00:00

If it were just me then I’d probably end up leaving. I view cheating as a major form of betrayal that basically renders a marriage null and void by directly contradicting the vows made on your wedding day. It’s like breaking an ultimate promise.

On the other hand, because marriage is (in an ideal world) supposed to be forever, I might also consider staying if he met a rigorous routine/criteria as payback for what he’d done. This would include oversight over finances/bank, all texts/emails and general PC access, gps tracking or whatever (not limited to being installed on a device cuz you could easily ditch a device and just use a burner phone). Maybe he’d have to quit his job if it were a workplace affair and get a totally different career. Like, penitentiary levels of oversight is what I’m talking, since the trust atp would be burned down to level 0. If he’d be willing to endure something as insane as that, then maybe I’d stay? Therapy would also be a must. And if it happened a second time, I’d definitely go.

If there are kids in the picture as you stated, I’d try and do research on best practices for situations like these. Whether it’s leaving, staying, separating but with dad in the picture, etc., whatever’s best for the kids would be the most vital thing imo. If that means leaving the very next day, do that. I haven’t looked into it, but my assumption is that divorce and child support would be the best option, as well as pursuing therapy and emotional outlets for the kids.

End of the day, money means nothing if you don’t have trust, and if there’s no trust, there is no love.

LilithKafka · 2025-03-11T11:59:31+00:00

I would leave, it does not matter how high his income is, it does not matter. You are also taking serious health risks with this type of man who can pass on STDs to you, not to mention the psychological harm caused to your children.

This is a trait of sociopathy not love and far from Godly. It's better to date a less well of that will remain faithful.

brittttx · 2025-03-11T12:03:55+00:00

Absolutely not. Not tolerating betrayal, no matter how much money they have.

Hazelnut2799 · 2025-03-11T15:58:07+00:00

I'd be gone, more for lying to me than anything else.

If the cheating really isn't that big of a deal why would he lie about it? Lying is a slippery slope, if you're willing to lie about one thing chances are you're lying about something else.

To me, a good spouse is someone I can trust, and if he's lying to me about things I can't trust him with anything else.

Bidoofu_YT · 2025-03-11T19:02:08+00:00

I would be 100% gone if it was a long-term affair, emotional cheating on top of that, and/or lead to STDs or STIs, etc. But when you’re together for that long sometimes it’s hard to say

Alternative-Scar9103 · 2025-03-17T05:48:28+00:00

I consider myself a traditional modern wife. I won't say I'm fully traditional bc im also a full-time nurse anesthetist. With that being said, my husband works in IT so he makes considerable money but if he were to cheat, I would leave in a heartbeat. Out of all the things you could do to a person or your spouse, cheating is unforgivable in my eyes. It shows you have no respect for me, shows that you have no self-control or discipline, and that you don't see marriage as a serious commitment, and that you and I have different goals for life. It doesn't matter how much money he has or how well he treats me, if he cheats it's over because you didn't care about this relationship as I did and who am I to stop you from pursuing what makes u happy. Like I mentioned in the beginning, I'm a nurse anesthetist so I also make good money. So, my leaving will not affect my life that drastically. Also, we have one joint account for household expenditures, and then his account and my account. This way, if he decides to step out on me, he can't drain my account and take all my money. Anyway, I digress but yea it doesn't matter how good he treats me or how much money he has, cheating is unforgivable in my eyes.

notabtthepastuh · 2025-03-11T12:05:10+00:00

If I loved my husband I could not handle repeated infidelity and would need to leave.

If I went into a marriage with more of a “business relationship” mentality I think I would be just fine and would stay.

ArdentBandicoot · 2025-03-11T05:11:42+00:00

OP, can you please clarify if this is a hypothetical situation or it is actually happening to you?

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2025-03-11T13:35:34+00:00

I'd stay because I'm lazy. 😎 The legal and practical logistics of separating are just insane, how do people with kids do it.

Someone is saying she wouldn't want to see her kids half the time. I don't want to care for all three of them by myself half the time, or at any time. The homework, the sports, the activities, the emotional issues, etc. No, no. So much easier with a father in the house. Unless the kids or I were in danger due to his behavior, I'd stay the course. I'd probably check out from the marriage, though.

I wouldn't advise most women to knowingly get into this arrangement, unless they're really embedded in a culture where it's common and socially supported. In the US, it seems to be a gen Z womens fantasy, a longing for a retvrn to tradition.

Muckin_Afazing · 2025-03-11T14:07:23+00:00

Hypothetically, I'd stay because of the kids. I'd also insist on him meeting most if not all the bills. Divorce often leaves women bearing the heavier brunt of parenting especially with young kids and with leaner resources. I'd rather he remains in the house and bear his parenting load on my watch while I save and plan my next moves.

nnnmmmh · 2025-03-11T10:22:56+00:00

I would leave. An aspect of being a provider includes providing security. I wouldn’t feel secure if my husband was cheating.

y2030 · 2025-03-11T05:10:09+00:00

I’d stay. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m different in that I do allow my partner to sleep around with rules and boundaries and he has never once crossed them. He’s an amazing provider and he comes home every single night. He tells me everything and he practices safe sex and we get tested regularly.

But our situation is different in that it’s also my kink. In your situation, I am biased as well. For me, so long as it remained purely physical (bc I’ll be honest, sometimes I just don’t feel like it lol) and there’s no emotional attachment growing and he’s not providing for another woman, I wouldn’t care if he gets his rocks off every now and again (he does have to get a vasectomy as soon as we conceive).

Buttttt you two are in a monogamous relationship, that’s completely different and very disrespectful to the vows you made. Only you can decide if you want to stay. Does he truly take care of all your needs? Truly. Don’t think of the money. Think of your emotional needs and your own sexual needs.

Do you truly believe you can live a happy life with him? Will there be resentment now that you know he sleeps around? Will you want to put rules and boundaries in place now that you know? Are you going to pretend it doesn’t happen? This is your one and only life. Your kids will know that their mother is hurting, no matter how well you think you can hide it. This is not an answer anybody but you can answer.

Also the biggest thing, if you do decide to stay… you cannot call it cheating. If you truly want to accept this side of him you have to reframe your mindset around it. It will not be cheating if you’re consenting to it but you’d have to put rules into place to protect your health. I’d highly recommend a sex therapist and a nonreligious couples counseling. Then I’d also be worried if he’s the type that likes the thrill of it, the affairs. My experience (with my kink), some men would still “cheat.” I had rules and they were simple but they wanted that thrill of breaking the rules. It’s a lot to really think about.

Werevulvi · 2025-03-11T15:41:27+00:00

I can't know what I would do in such a situation, as I've never experienced anything even remotely similar. But, that said, I wouldn't just leave without at least talking with him about it first. I'd need to know why he started cheating. Because if it's something that could be changed/improved, like if he wasn't getting enough sex from me, or I had gotten lazy with upkeeping my appearance, or if he didn't feel seen/heard enough by me, for example, that might be a problem that has a solution.

I mean if he'd stop cheating due to our relationship improving and better meeting his needs, then I think I'd stay. But he's just lost attraction for me altogether, then I'd probably leave. But I wouldn't do anything without at least just talking to him about it first.

And my decision would depend on his reasons. Because I don't think people who cheat all do it for the same reason or reasons that can't be fixed. Of course some who do it are just bad people, but like this is often a very complex and nuanced issue. And no I wouldn't easily let a partner go just because they did a bad thing, but I also wouldn't easily forgive and forget, because that doesn't solve anything either.

Jewelry_lover · 2025-03-11T17:51:09+00:00

It depends on your priorities. If this man is your primary provider and ‘treats you like a queen,’ chances are you’d stay because your focus would be on the survival of yourself and your children.

However, if you both built a life together—whether through a business, career, or other means—there’s less incentive to tolerate the disrespect...

steelymaid · 2025-03-12T09:05:02+00:00

I would want to murder the other woman/women, I would forgive my husband as long as he would promise me that this behaviour would stop (and keep that promise). So I would not tolerate the behaviour continuing, but I wouldn't leave.

Odd_Bodybuilder_1534 · 2025-03-11T12:32:42+00:00

Wow, all of the low self-esteem women in these comments saying that it’s OK is mind-boggling

Dionne005 · 2025-03-11T13:36:59+00:00

If I stayed I would obviously find another man on the side. That would make sense to me. You have to balance it out. But ideally I’d leave after running o up that credit card a few times and securing myself. Also I think I wouldn’t dwell on all this either just caz everyone else is getting divorced lol. That’s exhausting. But I feel you.

serene_brutality · 2025-03-11T13:55:34+00:00

This is one of those situations that most people will say no to, that crosses most lines of self respect and dignity, their ideals oppose it. However, it is also a situation that people with those ideals sometimes find themselves in, and frequently end up staying. They either end up forcing themselves to get used to it or allow it to destroy them as they love said man, think or know they will never find better/giving up a lifestyle that they’ll never likely be able to reproduce.

As often as claimed monogamous women find themselves the side person, refusing to leave a taken or married man, or in this exact situation, turning a blind eye to either keep the family together, save face/image, or maintain lifestyle, it’s shockingly more common than people want to admit.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-03-11T20:26:26+00:00

So this only really works if everyone’s truthful upfront. Such as if it’s an open marriage, or an open marriage on one side. Very often guys who can pull that off or not gonna be down for the wife to be stepping out either. The wife may not want to step out. Men and women worry about different things in relationship relationships. Men worry about being cocked and raising a child that isn’t their genetic legacy, and women worry about lack of or withdrawal of resources. Some women are OK with hubby getting some strange provided they get the title and the security that goes with it. Or they are bisexual and like to play with hubby’s girlfriends.

Also, if there are small kids involved, it’s a choice between having a husband who provides, and being a single mom. Everyone will always talk a lot of smack about how they would “never tolerate“ whatever, but when the rubber meets the road, sometimes things work out differently.

Medium_Secret · 2025-03-11T04:44:05+00:00

Unlike what most other women would say (maybe because they’d be too ashamed to even admit it), I would stay if he’s a remarkable man, both when it comes to his success and to him being a good, attentive and reliable partner to me.

In the grand scheme of things, of all the things you could worry about, I don’t think him being intimate with other people should be a hill you should die on

unefilleperdue · 2025-03-11T05:00:40+00:00

my biggest issue would not be the fact that he was intimate with other women, but the fact that he lied about it. I am okay with my partner having sex with other women but I want him to communicate that with me. I'm much more likely to leave him if he's a liar.

No-Ad8127 · 2025-03-11T08:55:05+00:00

If he was really a remarkable man I wouldn’t mind at all, as long as I’m provided for. If he was a regular guy, no.

StinkyLilBinch · 2025-03-11T05:11:12+00:00

You don’t have to leave him if you don’t want to.

babydollanganger · 2025-03-11T12:12:51+00:00

I would leave and go live with my parents. I’m autistic and couldn’t provide for myself either way

LittleTomatillo1111 · 2025-03-11T13:19:45+00:00

I would leave, or if he insisted we stay together I could if he was okay with us having a platonic relationship and I can have another romantic relationship. There is no way I could be intimate or loving with someone who cheats on me and I want a romantic relationship in my life. But yeah could possibly figure out a way where he pays the bills and I take care of kids and we both openly date others but it would not be ideal at all. Probably a temporary solution at best. Also remember that he disrespected me and lied to me for so long so he can absolutely not be trusted.

AutoModerator · 2025-03-11T04:36:55+00:00

Title: Would you let your spouse cheat on you if they treated you well and provided

Author Findinghope99

Full text: Hello, I'm just curious as if you would leave your spouse if you found out they slept with people continuously behind your back. You've been together for 15 years children's are young age. You didn't know about it this whole time but stumbled upon it, Would you leave? Your husband is in the top 1% of men making 6 figures. Treats you well provides for you but you never knew this is what he did on the side every now and then. Would you leave if so why? If you stay then why? What if you know deep down that even though he says he won't sleep around you still find evidence.

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kitterkatty · 2025-03-12T06:14:44+00:00

It’s a character issue. I don’t care if he’s got others as long as it involves staying healthy and everyone involved knows the truth but I would care if it’s through lying or sneaking. So it should be up front and admitted. And it would mean nothing else physically from me. At that point it’s just coparenting. Marriage is basically a business arrangement anyway. But the physical side is a character issue.

Ok-Ad-6890 · 2025-03-12T18:37:41+00:00

No. speaking from my own experience.

jolybean123 · 2025-03-18T16:29:24+00:00

if hes really that great id stay, but i would be going to a lot of yoga classes at random times after.

bollerwig · 2025-03-22T22:25:15+00:00

It depends how deep the emotional connection is. I've seen couples who have a clear understanding that their relationship is transactional. The woman takes care of the house, has sex with her husband, cooks, and provides companionship. The man supports her financially, keeps her safe and provides guidance. If I were in a situation like this, maybe I could look the other way as I wouldn't be too attached.

But that's not the type of relationship I want. I want to love and be loved. If my love were to cheat on me it would completely destroy me. I've tried to look past cheating previously but it hurt too much. I became bitter and angry and my confidence was completely shot. My sanity is worth more than financial support from a man.

And then there's the risk of STDs which I do not want to risk at all.

kfdeep95 · 2025-03-11T05:36:52+00:00

I’d not mind terribly as long as my health was taken into consideration and he was otherwise a decent, good man who was giving me a fulfilling life.

Only caveat is if it were for other women I’d be trying to improve whatever he was unhappy with but even then I’d not say “no” or try and make him feel bad. If I’m married to him I respect him and let him lead and trust him and am getting a happy, fulfilling life for it; if this is what he wanted he could have it and very least would appreciate no fuss for it I’d think.

Dry_Dimension_4707 · 2025-03-11T06:39:07+00:00

I really wouldn’t care, honestly.

feral-pixi-starling · 2025-03-12T20:46:46+00:00

I feel like you must be a man. This is a burner, you talk like a man and you only comment in this forum.

Most women would leave if you were a woman you would know that.

Competitive-Ship-718 · 2025-03-11T11:18:22+00:00

I will definitely stay as long as he doesn't get emotionally involved with the girls he's sleeping with and at the end of the day comes to me

mundolingua · 2025-03-11T07:54:22+00:00

Of course 🥰☺️

Would you let your spouse cheat on you if they treated you well and provided

Comments

1 he took my virginity, I didn't want to start over with someone new and have to go through that again, as it's such a vulnerable and sensitive thing to do. Because if that there was a lot of difficult emotional attachment.

2 I don't believe in just leaving someone after their first mistake. Even after the second. I believe that once you pick your partner you stand by them through their ups and downs. However that ended up biting me in the butt.

3 I really loved his family. They didn't speak much English but I could always feel their love whenever I went over. I felt so much guilt when we split because his mom came over and begged me to stay. She was crying. I knew she loved me but I couldn't do it anymore.

Title	Would you let your spouse cheat on you if they treated you well and provided
Author	Findinghope99
Upvotes	53
Comments	112
Date	March 11, 2025 4:36 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1j8iub4/would_you_let_your_spouse_cheat_on_you_if_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/would-you-let-your-spouse-cheat-on-you-if-they.1546214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1546214