Men of Reddit who have successfully gotten plenty of lays through cold approaching? What have you learned and what is your most effective methods for doing so?

barlowaplesand · 2025-06-02T14:59:17+00:00

Not sure how you define 'plenty', but i've had a good handful of lays from cold approach. Always in bars.

I don't think there's an especially 'effective' way to do it and I don't really think i've 'learned' much other than, it usually very easy IF you approach the right girl

i.e - I've never known of anyone in real life (outside of like pickup coaches telling you what they've 'apparently' done and seen) who has a magic way to bypass his way too attraction and essentially hookup with whoever he wants whenever he chooses. In my experience even guys who are super confident and charismatic etc (i guess you could say have 'game') still get rejected very often

When you approach the right girl It tends to all take care of itself. Convo flows because it's not just you talking. She's talking too. Once you feel you probably have a shot with her, I tend to amp up the flirting a bit. Accuse her of looking at me or something silly like that. I tend to try to move them around (e.g bar, beer garden, different bar, smoking area etc etc) as it builds a kind of feeling of knowing someone even better when you're in a few places. Time distortion! At some point the kiss will happen. Dance floor tends to be easiest place for that to happen, but if you are brave you can just do it anywhere. Very worst that can happen is that she turns her head to reject the kiss, and even that is saveable (assuming she IS actually attracted to you!). This actually happened to me on Saturday (kiss rejected) but i knew she liked me, so I played it off as if nothing happened, changed the subject, had fun. About 10 mins later she went to kiss me, and I turned my head!! (because i'm a child and wanted to get back at her!! lol)

And then usually you just suggest going to one of your places, again like it's not big deal

Prestigious_Water336 · 2025-06-02T12:29:19+00:00

The key thing I've found is to comment about the situation place or something happening. Never comment about her looks. Introduce yourself and then go from there. It makes the interaction feel much more organic and natural. And not forced or awkward.

This is especially important when approaching the 8's,9's, and 10's. If you don't comment about her looks you're going to be in the small percentage of guys that aren't saying something about their looks. Which is what they want becasue they're tired of hearing" You are so beautiful". Just treat her the same as you would anyone else. That's how they want to be treated.

But yeah the main system I use is

Make situational comment

introduce yourself

make some small talk

flirt

sexually escalate aka get closer to her and touch her a bit

kiss

then go for the pull. Say "What are you doing after this?" and hint at going back to your place.

Follow these steps and you'll be getting laid.

Velvettouch89 · 2025-06-02T12:43:17+00:00

"A detailed, but not too complicated way"

This is your first misconstrued belief. You believe that to talk to another human being it must be methodical. Wrong. There are no magic words you can say to a woman to get her to sleep with you. She chooses to sleep with you by her own choice. Unless you abuse her, con her, or sexually harass her, people choose to sleep with people by their own choices; get this in your head: women are people too. People are autonomous creatures with free will. They may decide to sleep with you now, but change their mind when they get to your place. Now that that's out of the way, you just talk to a woman like any person. Talk. Be interested in them. Share who you are. Get to know them. Ask them questions. Avoid negative topics like sex, how depressing your life is, how every girl leaves you blah blah blah. Avoid those topics like the plague. Ask them their viewpoints on life, their passions, their goals, their hobbies, what do they think about current events / pop culture, what did they do this weekend.... That's it.

Cold approaching is hard but once you get good at it you will calibrate and know how deep to go in the conversation with that person: for example you don't start out asking the cashier what they think about transgender rights in wealthy countries in comparison to female genitalia mutilation in African countries. Keep it light, fun and genuine. If you don't care about what her hobbies are then don't fucking ask. But in reality, if you want to seduce women you must love women for all they are, including their thoughts, beliefs, viewpoints on life, their hobbies. Any monkey can have sex, but genuine connection and intimacy must be cultivated slowly with precision, thought care and attention to details.

MrDankky · 2025-06-02T15:01:49+00:00

Before the club closes, pop to smoking area, ask to borrow a lighter and say you’ve lost your friends,”can I chill with you till they come out?” make friends, go home together.

I have a small apartment in Portugal so when I take the boys. First person to take a girl home gets the double bedroom. The others have fight over the blow up double on the roof terrace or the sofa bed in the lounge. I’ve never slept on those beds..

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-06-02T17:00:15+00:00

Are you referring to getting laid the very same night of the cold approach? Or just at any point after getting her number and meeting via cold approach? Most of my lays have happened after the second date.

But it you're referring to same night in particular, that almost always has to be done in an alcohol infused setting like a bar/club. In that case, it's definitely a numbers game. Gotta be shooting your shot throughout the night and not sulking after the first time you get rejected.

Most important thing is your selection. Don't go for chicks who are very modestly dressed or are very clearly out of your league. Other basics are don't approach women who are clearly with a guy or have a ring on. Always scan for left hand for the ring before approaching.

Target the ones who give you the "fuck me" eyes. If you catch her looking at you, don't look away. Keep direct eye contact and then approach slowly after you've confirmed she was actually checking you out. Then I usually just say something simple like you're gorgeous, what's your name. Gauge receptiveness, make convo and if she seems interested, maybe offer to buy her a drink when you want one. Never lead with "can I buy you a drink". I usually don't do that until we've already made out. Wait at least 10-15 min of convo before offering the drink.

If no one is explicitly giving you the eyes, still shoot your shot at realistic targets. Pick the ones who look slutty. Sounds silly/obvious but you're probably going to have a higher chance with a chick who looks like she's done this before. That can be gathered from how provocative they're dressed (showing cleavage or lots of leg) and sometimes just from their eyes. The genuine "good girls" have a distinct look in their eyes vs the ones who are ready to go. Hard to describe but you'll know it when you see it.

The other key is to try and isolate her away from friends or a big crowd so you can talk in a quieter, more private setting. Try taking her to the back patio or smoking area and then lay down the sauce thick once it's just you two.

SuperPoop · 2025-06-02T18:41:43+00:00

its not about what you say. it's your confidence and your outcome independency. I'd also argue be unique. approach and dont be boring. notice things others dont. flirt playfully.

pittburgh_zero · 2025-06-02T18:34:38+00:00

Be attractive, don’t be unattractive

HungDaddyNYC · 2025-06-03T03:38:25+00:00

Turns out if you actually like women it’s pretty easy.

UniqueUserName2017 · 2025-06-03T07:17:12+00:00

See, its a little more complicated than that, the medium matters and so is the language.

Back during covid, tinder was sooo easy to get a lay, i just try to pop out of the thousand dudes who have the same profile/offers, and easily get matches who want to know whats the medium, since cant go anywhere, i offer to meet a public spot like a store front parking or somewhere where we're both seen, so they feel safe enough to go home w you to drink/watch tv etc.

In public, its a long shot because everyone is out for a reason, and rarely any want a stranger interaction to last, so you have to read body language and how they're dressed/who they're with, so if they're "accessible" or not, so you gotta make a fun interaction that makes them curious about you. So interact and present yourself and ask for contact info.

In a club/bar, if you want to be minimalist, stand around with a small drink and gaze-peek and notice whos interested, if long eye contacts occur, then its your cue to walk up and interact.

It really depends on the medium and how you can approach it, sadly in the US these are the ways embedded in the culture, else most places in the world, people are super easy to approach and interact with and its a lot easier to get laid.

Just my 3 cents

BravoPUA · 2025-06-02T16:55:07+00:00

Be comfortable Be cool

Act like you’ve been to this dance before

Open, but then steer the convo to something you can have a cool convo about.

Find something you like about her, and give a SOI

Steer the convo to things she likes to plan a cool date.

Number close.

Use number to keep fire of attraction burning and logistics.

Charge36 · 2025-06-02T18:46:19+00:00

There is no "perfect method" or "simple process". A "high likelihood" of success might be like a 5% chance of getting laid on a given night.

All you can do is improve your social skills and increase the volume of new people you meet. The second part is relatively easy. Go out often and strike up conversations with strangers. Joint new social groups / clubs / classes.

There is no easy way to improve social skills. You just need to socialize with lots of people and debrief yourself after on what went well or poorly. In other words, PAY ATTENTION to how people are responding to you. Maybe you got a good laugh out of a story or joke. Maybe you talked too much about yourself, and people got bored. Maybe you said something rude. Maybe you got too flirty too quickly and didn't notice / care that it wasn't reciprocated. Unfortunately, it just takes a lot of time and self reflection to be able to calibrate yourself socially, especially if you didn't get this experience growing up.

SalesAficionado · 2025-06-02T15:44:05+00:00

It's a numbers game. That's it.

ZennedGame · 2025-06-02T15:02:08+00:00

Start with the Mystery Method

ranorando · 2025-06-02T17:36:49+00:00

Scan for pre selection. Increases your chances tenfold

therealwoujo · 2025-06-02T19:48:07+00:00

I have a video on Youtube about how to approach

GOVERNORSUIT · 2025-06-03T17:12:17+00:00

theres guys who get laid from cold aproach?

MineDesperate2920 · 2025-06-04T15:29:46+00:00

I have with bar game. It’s always been the nights I’m having fun and being social. Talking to everyone. Out of my head and carefree. Very rarely have i on nights I’m in my head

AccomplishedMess6609 · 2025-06-05T00:39:48+00:00

Not being ugly

GENERALSECRTRY · 2025-06-02T17:26:13+00:00

l never heard of any men who even got a call back from cold approach, let alone lay

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