I don’t see how I could ever be loved by a woman, any woman

SpicyMarshmellow · 2025-09-02T14:11:35+00:00

I could be totally wrong, but I'm going to go out on a limb here...

It sounds like you struggle with self-respect, due to the gender equivalent of white guilt. I'm going to guess that you feel like you have to make up for belonging to The Bad Gender. Look at how other races talk about white people who engage in performative white guilt. It's not flattering or pleasant to be around. In a more general sense, self-flagellating people are awkward and unpleasant to be around. And if you're being like that specifically for the purpose of getting approval from women, then they feel a sense of being put on the spot by you with social pressure to reward you with validation for being the good guy.

I'm not going to try and change your mind on patriarchy theory or feminism. But you need to separate that stuff from your self-image. You're just an individual human being. You don't cause other men to do bad things. You don't have to make up for other men doing bad things. You should still strive to be a good person, but that shouldn't have anything to do with your gender. Your gender shouldn't influence what being a good person means, or your reasoning for wanting to be a good person.

Altruistic-Hat269 · 2025-09-02T12:05:23+00:00

It's natural to want to get validation and corregulation from others, but it can be a trap to let that validation become too much of your character. I'd ask yourself who YOU want to be, devoid of what other people would want of you. Then follow that vision. Once you do, the people who align with your character and values will approve, and those who don't you can let drift away.

Findol272 · 2025-09-02T12:57:16+00:00

This was quite sad to read.

I think it's would be helpful for you to "decenter" from those women in your life. You don't have to live your life for them or for a hypothetical woman who might be out there. Just live for yourself for a bit.

Feminists narratives and guilt around being a man can be extremely toxic, and it can be helpful to step back for a bit from those spaces to give your psyche a bit of a break from all these heavy discussions.

There are great people out there to meet. And although you might not find the perfect love story that culture has sold you since you were born, I'm sure you'll be able to find great people to build friendships with, women as well as men.

TheGuyWhoTalksShit · 2025-09-02T12:04:45+00:00

Dude, this isn't really a problem with you or women, it's a problem with your mindset. And no, I don't mean that as in "just be confident, bro", I mean you're looking at this entirely the wrong way. You need to accept 2 truths:

This is your insecurity talking. None of what you said is an accurate reflection of reality. How do you know women hate you? Do you have actual proof or is it just a "feeling"? And even if they do hate you, how do you know it's because of your gender or all the bad things associated with it? Did they outright tell you or are you assuming they're misandrists with 0 evidence? Maybe they don't actually hate you, but your insecurity is just making you unfun to be around? Making unfounded assumptions only makes shit harder for yourself. So stop it and come back down to earth.
All this insecurity stems from an incorrect belief most men have been force fed at some point: the belief that as a man, your worth depends on a woman's love, ie. if women don't reciprocate your attention, that must mean there's something wrong with you or you're a bad person. In other words, you've been putting women on a pedestal. I need you to accept that this is bullshit. This message is very prevalent in society, sometimes even perpetuated by so-called "progressives", so I don't blame you for buying into it. But the truth is that your worth depends on yourself, and yourself only. Set your own metrics for what makes you happy and fuck everything else. So what if some women don't like you? You'll live, and no one can be liked by everyone all the time anyway so don't take it personally. And don't be a good person in order to attract women, just be a good person because you want to be. The former is hollow, the latter is what makes you a genuine human being.

I believe this is the true secret to confidence that a lot of men are missing, because sadly, hardly anyone cares enough to get to the root of the problem. I hope this at least helps you to see your problem in a different light and hopefully tackle it easier. Good luck brother.

Most_Attitude_9153 · 2025-09-02T16:21:33+00:00

The patriarchy benefits the owners of society. I don’t feel that it benefits me at all and rather reinforces the idea that being a wage slave is the only acceptable way to participate in society.

Fuck all that.

aqlr · 2025-09-02T12:39:38+00:00

The fact that you are introspecting like this means there is a lot of good in you. Everyone has a lot of room for improvement, but you are worth a lot more than you think. If people are rejecting you and making you miserable, even when you are doing your best, then you can still find people that appreciate you some day. I don't really know why you think there aren't women here though, lol. Have you not been here much? There are a surprising amount that post regularly or drop by randomly.

DevilishRogue · 2025-09-02T18:45:59+00:00

I’m clear-sighted enough to see that objectively we live in a patriarchy.

If you think that then you aren't clear sighted at all. There is nothing remotely resembling a patriarchy when men are at the bottom of every single quality of life measure and are dismissed and shamed for pointing this out.

every woman in my life finds a reason to hate me more than loving me

Chris Rock said it best when he said men are only valued for what they can provide. If you want someone to see you as more you need to demonstrate why you are worth more than being dismissed.

I’m not worthy of respect or affection or care.

No man is - those things that are given out freely to women have to be earned by men; one of the very clear examples of why there is no patriarchy.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I just wanna be good.

Being good is fine, but it doesn't get you what you are seeking. It is oft derided, but The Red Pill explains the element you are missing, you just need to get past the bro language and bravado.

I don’t think I’m doing very well.

Some people spend their entire lives without realizing that there is something wrong. By reading this you've just taken your first steps into understanding things better. Just bear in mind, that while understanding may help you fix your problems, it won't necessarily make you happy as based on what you've written in your OP you are about to experience some very unpleasant cognitive dissonance when you realize the extent to which the world is not at all how you'd like it to be.

sunyata150 · 2025-09-02T18:06:38+00:00

You are very honest and well spoken in this post. I like that!

Patriarchy is a rather nebulous term that I see being used. If by Patriarchy you mean a structure where an elite group of men occupy the highest ranks of society to the detriment of everyone else then I can go along with that for the sake of discussion.

There are 2 impressions I got from reading your post. One is self esteem (I struggled tremendously with this in the past) and the other being a sense of lacking control and direction.

Whats worked really well for me is treating self confidence as a form of personal care and self maintenance based on what I can control. What I can control is taking small steps towards introspection, regular exercise, eating healthy, decent nights sleep, taking up hobbies, a decent social life and mindfulness. Basically healthy practices and routines that puts me in a good position to understand myself, develop good mental tools and practices for facing life's challenges. Things that are outside of my control would include how people think and feel about me at the end of the day despite my best efforts. Doesn't mean I can't improve there is always room for that and its always an ongoing thing. But if that isn't enough for others I am not compatible with them and I would focus on putting myself in a position where I can find others who I am compatible with.

If this doesn't work for you or you want to tweak it to something different that's totally fair. I am just giving you what has worked for me. If you have any questions feel free to ask!

As others have mentioned seeking out a good therapist might be an invaluable resource too because I don't think most of us are mental health professionals including me. Just friendly strangers offering feedback and advice that might be helpful.

ferrix97 · 2025-09-02T19:26:42+00:00

I think I know what you feel, I have similar issues with family members. It's pretty awful and hurtful, especially cause really they make you feel like there's no path to redemption. If you need to talk it out and vent, feel free to dm

Such-Orchid-5496 · 2025-09-02T11:28:00+00:00

Why do you want to be a good man? Like geniune question, because I don't want to be nor I want to be a bad man, I just want to be me man, a normal fucking human being.

Maybe just be a morally avg man, do some pious things, do some impious thing, just like a regular old human.

People are obsessed with being “good” because society sells it as safety: approval, stability, and moral insurance. Being a “good man” is less about virtue and more about avoiding judgment, conflict, or shame.

there’s no universal metric for “good.” Goodness is context-dependent, culturally defined, and often designed to maintain existing power structures. Obsessing over being good can make you predictable, weak, and constrained, you start acting according to others’ expectations rather than your own judgment or strength.

If you strip away social pressure, the obsession disappears. What’s left? People pursuing what they actually value, not what society tells them to value. The “good man” is often just a man at war with himself to meet someone else’s standard.

Fuck Good man, Fuck bad man, fuck not enough, fuck everything, and then focus on what you want. Be a avg man.

flaumo · 2025-09-02T11:20:57+00:00

Do not try to get too much validation from other people, it makes you dependent. And validation from men is equally important.

Also some of what you wrote, like everybody is happy when you are gone, seems depressed and cognitively distorted.

I would really recommend getting diagnosed and doing some therapy.

coolfunkDJ · 2025-09-02T12:50:34+00:00

Warning: This is how people become “pick mes.” It doesn’t make you more attractive to women, it only makes you more miserable.

I know how you feel, but in reality you gotta figure out who you are and who you want to be, and as long as you put your nets out and keep failing over and over again, you’ll find someone else who is also putting themselves out there and failing a bunch.

It’s hard, really hard. You gotta decide if it’s worth the price of admission when it comes to dating, but one thing you gotta focus on is yourself. You only get one life, and it’s not worth spending it hating yourself

DaranSG · 2025-09-02T17:50:05+00:00

Hello Robot_Was_BMO, welcome to LWMA.

" I can’t imagine there’s a woman in here"

Why not? This subreddit is not a cess-pool of misogyny and there are many women who share its values. Why should they not hang out here? In fact, I've seen several people commenting who either use feminine names or explicitly have indicated that they are female, and I'm not particularly active here. They're not hard to find.

"I’m clear-sighted enough to see that objectively we live in a patriarchy."

What exactly do you mean by "Patriarchy"?

"I realize that as a man I benefit in a way that women don’t."

How exactly do you benefit? Can you see any ways in which women benefit but you (or men) don't?

"I try to be a good person, I try to be a good human being,"

In what way are you not?

"but it feels like every woman in my life finds a reason to hate me more than loving me. Sometimes it feels like stuff to do with me, sometimes it feels like stuff to do with men. My sisters, female friends, it always feels like they’re happier when I’m gone. In the way that they smile at me, and then they smile bigger when someone else comes through the door."

That you **feel** this way, I don't doubt. It's impossible to tell without seeing your interactions whether they really don't like you, or this is social dysphoria on your part, though I would suspect the latter.

"It feels the same in every circle I go. In my real life, in comic Reddit, it always feels like women I relate to or want approval of don’t want me around. Like I’m not worthy of respect or affection or care. It feels like they’re trying to tell me there are more reasons to hate me than love me, and I’m not coming up with many reasons against that. I don’t know how to cope, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I just wanna be good. I don’t think I’ll ever get there. I don’t think I’m doing very well."

Can you point us to an online interaction where this has happened?

Karmaze · 2025-09-02T17:50:42+00:00

Try to remember next to nobody actually believes in Patriarchy theory. It's a weaponized concept that comes from protecting other forms of power, privilege and bias.

Rare-Discipline3774 · 2025-09-03T00:15:58+00:00

We don't live in a patriarchy. The idea is only backed by anecdotes and revisions of history.

It cannot be called a patriarchy when women have all natural rights and more, solely because they are women (as it should be for all), while men don't even have the natural right to life.

This is your problem. You seek approval from women, you don't see yourself as an equal, but lesser.

splittingxheadache · 2025-09-03T03:09:39+00:00

We don’t live in a patriarchy, that’s the pathway to being abused by rhetoric.

bigdipboy · 2025-09-02T16:41:10+00:00

Making the genders hate each other is just another way for the fascist oligarchs to prevent us from all teaming up against them.

Some-Article1877 · 2025-09-02T21:48:23+00:00

I know this goes against this sub's morality, but conservative religious women have far more love and respect for men than liberal ones. Exceptions exist, but by in large that is true.

ExternalGreen6826 · 2025-09-02T11:18:24+00:00

Also maybe surround yourself with better women who appreciate hold your head up king 💙

shihong1000 · 2025-09-02T13:34:37+00:00

If the women push you away, why not seek out the men?

ForGiggles2222 · 2025-09-02T11:51:29+00:00

Is that all there is to your life? Getting loved by a woman? So what? What happens if you have no partner?

TaleThis7036 · 2025-09-05T13:55:29+00:00

Just live to enjoy and get pleasure from life, joy and pleasure has a way to fulfill you without needing something that is dependant on someone else.

Besides you will see the change when you enjoy your life and minding your own business. People, especially women will notice you more.

JimmyB264 · 2025-09-02T15:33:07+00:00

I’m going to state what is obvious to me. You seem depressed. Find someone to talk to, maybe a good friend or a therapist. There are support groups that can give you a safe space.

There are a lot of things going on with the relationships between men and women these days. While it may appear that it’s dire that is just Reddit talking. There are lots of good women and men in the world.

You are not unloveable. I hear you when you say you feel that. You just happen to believe it right now.

WierzbowyBor · 2025-09-03T01:18:49+00:00

Hello, woman here! (I randomly stumbled upon this Reddit few minutes ago lmao) But like,, my man you seem to have some deeper problems here. And a ton of anxiety. Did women in your life actually told you that you are bad or they are happier without you? If you need validation, if you are insecure but you love those people have a honest talk with them.

And if they actually told you some mean shit then find better people!

Also you might benefit from teraphy

2025-09-03T05:19:37+00:00

"I’m clear-sighted enough to see that objectively we live in a patriarchy."

I'm gonna stop you riiiiiiiight there...

Women can sense your self loathing before you even walk into the building. Calm down, figure out what things you can and can't take responsibility for (as far as evils in the world go). Pick a thing, and focus on it. I think your issue is probably charisma. Talk to a coach / therapist that specializes in interpersonal communication skills, because I guarantee that's what's getting you hung up.

Odd-Home-2034 · 2025-09-03T08:01:32+00:00

We objectively do not live in a patriarchy and your value is not tied to how much women like you. You shouldn’t worry about what women think.

BandageBandolier · 2025-09-03T15:12:35+00:00

I'm no woman, but I have occasionally seen people here at least claim to be so (it's the internet, y'know, skepticism is mandatory), so you needn't discount the possibility entirely. Regardless I can't provide the validation you maybe want, but hopefully I have something more sustainable than that.

I think I agree with the majority of comments here in that the way you talk about yourself makes me believe your self-worth has been crushed to an unhealthy level and that is making everything else so much harder for you than it should be.

it always feels like women I relate to or want approval of don’t want me around. Like I’m not worthy of respect or affection or care.

This in particular really stood out to me, if you value yourself as a real human being equal to others you shouldn't keep relating to or wanting approval from people who treat you as inferior. That kind of behavior should make you rapidly lose respect for each and every one of those people. It's like watching someone deliberately treat service staff like shit, it's something that should make you re-evaluate any positive preconceptions you had about them, except you are the service staff and the disgust at that kind of behavior should be ten times as strong.

But it looks like you've been conditioned to accept or even believe you inherently deserve less, and if you say even your sisters treat you that way then it's very probable that conditioning started at home, and most probably began when you were too young to have any chance of protecting your psyche.

And because self-loathing often tends to be self-sustaining, I shall be clear, the fact that this conditioning has apparently worked to stunt your self-worth is in no way a failing of yourself. Living in a constant state of self-loathing is both a wretched existence and not one that occurs naturally, engineering that for a child is a horrific failure of their guardians, and them alone.

No-one is without value, and even if some of us might have more flaws than we would like, we all deserve treating with a baseline of polite respect and human dignity. (At least until IMO you forfeit that by trying to take even that from anyone else.) The first step of getting out the pit you've been put in is to apply that standard not just to everyone else, but yourself too, including the part about people who try to take that from you.

If it seems hard to find anything of value about yourself right now, I don't know much about you but I at least know this: when everyone around you told you you were a problem and a burden, your first instinct was to try and fix that for them.

Regardless of how false and cruel those statements were, you chose the most selfless path even to the point of even allowing yourself to be deeply hurt for what you believed to be the sake of others. That is a noble instinct and something you can be proud of. With just a little tempering and more confidence in your own rationality, to make sure less noble people can't abuse that as a tool to harm yourself or others, that is something you could be very proud of.

You were never the problem, the people telling you you were, were. And they're not just your problem, they're a problem for many powerless guys on the recieving end of their prejudice, so it's not just selfish to push back against their denigration, it's doing right by many other guys in your same situation who haven't the capability to defend themselves either. Don't give the people who would dehumanize anyone like you the power of your approval seeking and relation, give that to people who would still treat you right even if someone else has wronged them.

theringsofthedragon · 2025-09-03T18:51:15+00:00

A lot of women feel this way so it's not about gender but it is a mental health issue. You're not supposed to like care how people smile at you, you're supposed to just be happy with yourself. Personally I know for a fact that if I told my family "I feel like you don't like having me around", even if it's true, they would scream at me "shut it, we don't want to hear any reprimand". So I would advise never voicing these things and just getting over it. I'm a woman so I'm not saying you have to keep things inside because you're a man, I'm just saying that's what anyone must do.

gwainbileyerheed · 2025-09-04T08:43:24+00:00

Why are these “female friends” yiur friends if they don’t make you feel good about yourself?

If they are shitty people who make it obvious that you’re less welcome than others then get new friends. You can’t change people, believe me, I’ve tried.

When a group of women devalue you, it’s next to impossible to change the dynamic unless you do some crazy grandiose gesture type crap and I’ve no time for that so I just move on.

Social systems are weird, I don’t fit in with a lot of them which I put down to my different type of brain and my want for intellectual discussion. Not everybody enjoys that but moreso, many find it upsetting as if it reflects poorly on them.

AlienSamuraiXXV · 2025-09-06T01:23:17+00:00

Get therapy.

SluttyBoyButt · 2025-09-06T01:44:16+00:00

OP- were you perhaps bullied a lot growing up, or abused or isolated or ostracized or rejected or made fun of or mocked or made to carry the emotional burdens of others? (I’m sure I forgot some)

If so- that explains more of your experience than you may realize.

People who grew up socially ostracized in someway develop a strong bias to interpreting neutral faces as rejection and to scouting for confirmation of their rejection. They also carry the core belief that they’re unlovable, unworthy of acknowledgment or care from others.

I suggest reading about it, practicing mindfulness and cognitive behavioral techniques, as well as talking to a therapist if you can. It won’t go away with nor without validation from others because for one you have to be able to accept such validation because you can validate yourself first and for two years of training your brain to believe yourself to be worthless cannot be suddenly undone in a miracle moment- it takes sustained effort and deliberate practice confronting those beliefs.

I say all of this as someone who has suffered similarly and still does on occasion, but it’s not as bad for me as it used to be and it doesn’t have to be so bad for you either.

Good luck op!

Superb_Savings_1945 · 2025-09-06T17:12:51+00:00

Don't foster qn ideology that gives women misandrist ideals and works again your own interest

Femi_gnatzee_hunter · 2025-09-07T18:59:09+00:00

The patriarchy is a complete lie, men are the oppressed gender. Pandering to women won't get you their respect, stop it

ExternalGreen6826 · 2025-09-02T11:14:14+00:00

Get off the internet man there are plenty of wonderful women out there 👍🏿🙂

Sometimes online can be tribal and silly for no reason

Local-Willingness784 · 2025-09-02T18:52:58+00:00

i was going to get straight to the validation if this was going to be an *ncel post but it sounds to me like if you could get all the validation and love you want so desperately if you could just grovel and pray the patriarchy away with the feminists, its almost as if you wished making yourself a self-hating potential oppressor could give you happiness and women and its not working that way for you, i guess?

maybe it would work if you were some self-aggrandising rich and handsome actor regurgutating feminist talking points but short of that, i genuily think that you are a product of what some ideologies want for men to be and feel but with all due respect and at risk of massive downvoting, you are on your own my man.

nuncanavo2212 · 2025-09-02T18:48:52+00:00

Sack up and become an independent man 💪. You’ll find the best women when you’re not dependent on their affection. Remember… what women say they want usually isn’t what they positively respond to. You provide the emotional stability in the relationship and they’ll respect you for it.

LucasTheLlizard · 2025-09-02T11:25:49+00:00

Did you ask youself why you feel like they are finding more reason to hate you rather than to love you? Why you feel like they are enjoying their time more when you are not around?

The way you feel people treat you doesn't depend only on what are their actions, but also on how you perceive their actions. And I can speak from experience that negative life experience (such as being bulied) will highten your perception of the negatives why dulling down your perception of positives.

frogjokeholder · 2025-09-02T14:48:39+00:00

You sound depressed, and low self-esteem. I don’t know what advice to give- stuff has helped me, but that doesn't mean it would help you. The thing that comes to mind is- your thoughts aren't real. You imagine a very negative world, where people hate you and don't want you around. This is just thoughts, it's not reality. Maybe Katie Byron's The Work would help you challenge these ideas. Or maybe not, it's just what came to mind. Wishing you well.

XYZ_Ryder · 2025-09-03T17:37:41+00:00

No, your right, actually it needs addressing, women sorry to say brother women are real and not the words on the screen you're expecting them to be

jimmytronn · 2025-09-02T11:47:13+00:00

Lock in fn

Title	I don’t see how I could ever be loved by a woman, any woman
Author	Robot_Was_BMO
Upvotes	104
Comments	66
Date	September 2, 2025 4:58 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1n6aopi/i_dont_see_how_i_could_ever_be_loved_by_a_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/i-dont-see-how-i-could-ever-be-loved-by-a-woman.1561084 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561084

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